Category: relationships

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

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Navarro Vineyard
Navarro Vineyard

Each night at 10:00 there is an announcement on major television stations which goes something like this:

“It’s 10:00, do you know where your children are?”

It makes you stop to think about it. Do I? On a weekend, if your kids are out, you may text your kids, “Hey where are you?” Today I can hopefully cause you to have one of those moments but on a profoundly higher level than the daily 10 pm alarm.

Sheep are notorious for being slow-going creatures. You can’t drive them like cattle or you’ll kill them, they must be lead with great patience. Not one for having much patience myself, I often admire shepherds because they must learn the art of going easy in their lead and still retaining control, knowing when to push and when to step back is an art.

So when it’s time to move the herd after lambing, the time when the ewes give birth to the lambs, imagine the chaos! Baby lambs playing, easily distracted while mothers are letting their kids be kids. The scene could easily look like a scene from Wal-Mart where mom is shopping and the kid  is running around grabbing everything off the shelves it can and knocking it down. If that drives you crazy now multiply that times 50 and you start to get the picture.

Shepherds have a secret though. They understand that if you need to get mom to follow you, you pick up a couple of lambs and now you have mom’s full attention. She will go where the shepherd goes.

So who’s carrying your kids?

This question is so important because whomever that is, that’s where you’re being led. Are you getting the picture of where I’m going with this? If your kids are being carried by the bumping and grinding world of MTV then you can best believe that your attention is there. If your kids are being carried by Snooki and her bunch, you can bet you’re being led there. If your kids are being led by gangs and the local drug dealers then you’re being led to hospitals and jail.

Now, we as humans are likened to sheep, but hopefully we have a better handle than they do. Hopefully, when the shepherd signals for his flock to follow we are not letting the kids dictate where we are being led. Instead my hope is, that we are following the shepherd and bringing our kids along.

Sometimes I see sold out Jesus freak parents who think their kids will find their own path. Not even a ewe does this. Let’s be smart. Let’s be intentional. Whether you’re a Christian or not, pay attention to who is carrying your kids. That influence has the power to lead you and your family around.

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

The Bloodsucker

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Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m missing the chip that other women have. Yes, I’m going to completely admit up front that it’s totally me. I don’t get into the vampire movies. I could care less about vampire love and vampire friendships. In fact, I had my share of bloodsuckers in my life and I don’t care to watch it on TV. Confused? Me too!

No, I’m not talking about fantasy vampires, I’m talking about the ones you have in real life. Yes, sometimes we encounter and befriend real vampires. Their purpose is to suck the life out of you with their emotional turmoil. In my younger days, when I had more blood to give, I thought they needed me. It fed my ego to think I could offer solutions to their problems, but it never seemed to fail, the more problems we discussed, the more problems there were. Pretty soon, I was anemic as I watched my blood drip from their lips.

I took a step back and realized I had not been helpful at all. In fact, the same problems were the same problems, I had not served them well, nor had I fed them anything nutritious, I was merely junk food. The extreme demands on my time on their part, and the lack of boundaries on my part, were doing us both no good.

In the vampire movies the damsel looks into the eyes of the vampire and sees need. She misinterprets that need and winds up a slave. In real life we need to take better care of the vampires and ourselves by really discerning between true need and emotional neediness because there is a huge difference.

When I read the bible many people came to ask Jesus for help. He helped them, a word of advice, a healing touch, a teaching, a reminder of scripture, but then he was off to help others. His time was limited, his resources were unlimited yes, but they needed to be spread out. I am reminded of the story of the loaves and fish when every single crumb was picked up after the meal (Matthew 14:14-21). We can do the same thing.

There will always be people who need your help. Help them. Then, recognize your ability, your time, your resources and don’t get sucked in. If you’re already there, as I was, you’ll need to disengage. It doesn’t have to be ugly, it just has to be honest. After all you’re friends right? Well, this may end up being the test but whether that friendship endures or fades, you’ll have rid yourself of your vampire obsession!

In Someone’s Shoes….

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Monday morning not long after my shower and rush to get on the road to get home from a business trip, I received a text that frustrated me. Someone was trying to take advantage of a kindness I had extended and I began to complain to my husband. Calm man that he is, he said, “Don’t let it ruin it your day. People are people.” “What?!!”, I replied, “It already has ruined my day, how does someone do this? Really? Come on!” I stomped around texting replies and working remotely.

We checked out of our room and headed for valet to wait for our vehicle. A man was looking at us as we handed the valet our ticket and waited for our vehicle. The man turned to face us several times. I was texting as the day was getting started at the office and there were many details to handle between the store and the office. Monday’s are hectic to say the least. Finally, the man stuck up a conversation. He said, “Good Morning! Where are you from?” My husband said casually, “By Fresno.” The man said, “Oh me too!” My husband then said, “Are you here on vacation?” And what unfolded was a God thing.

The man said his wife had terminal cancer. Her doctors had done all that they could do. She had three to six months left to live and they had used up a month of that. They were in town to see a doctor who was going to administer an experimental drug on her. It would not save her life but it may be save the lives of others.

I felt such compassion. I asked the man if the drugs would prolong her life? He replied no, in fact they may kill her, but he repeated, they may save someone else. Wow! What do you say about that kind of compassion? What do you say about that kind of love? All that was left to say was what I said, “We’re Christians, can we pray with you?” He extended his hand out and said, “Please do”. I grabbed his hand fiercely and prayed for mercy and for strength for he and his wife. What else to say? In that moment his car pulled up. I asked him his name as he walked toward his vehicle so I could continue to pray for him.

His wife came through the doors of the hotel shortly after. She was frail and oh so sickly looking and walking so slowly. I smiled at her from where I stood. What a hero she is. Instead of going home to quietly die and make the most of her days left on earth, she was going to donate her body to science while still alive, to see if maybe someone could be spared her pain.

I don’t know why God chose to bless me with this lesson. All I can tell you is that my day wasn’t ruined. My day, despite its trial, was blessed beyond measure. I was not watching my spouse die. I was not dying. I was merely dealing with an annoyance. Funny how minutes ago it was so important. I guess until you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes your bad looks worse than it is.

So whatever you’re going through, think about this couple, then say a prayer for them. I don’t want to post their names in this blog out of respect for them but I know that God knows who you’re praying for. Then, with what’s left, say a prayer of gratitude and be content. It could be a great deal worse.

Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up Part 3

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Read Part 2 Here

What is it going to take for parents to take a stand and raise our children? Are we afraid of our children, or do we not care? Pastor Doug says parents are too busy to stop and deal with the issues. Is that true, and if it is, what else do parents have going on that is more important than your own child?

In today’s American culture, we are so self-focused that when a woman finds herself pregnant, she plans the date of the birth of her child. We can go to our doctor and request a date to be induced so that the birth falls in line with the plan. We have six weeks of family leave and so therefore, it has be really calculated to all work out. I’m 47 and I remember women being 3 weeks late to give birth or three weeks early. Not so much anymore. If we go a few days past our due date, we asked to be induced. The clock is ticking. We need to speed the process of growing up because in our fast-paced lifestyle it has to fit in.

Then the guilt sets in for all sorts of reason. Maybe you had a terrible childhood where you had to get a job at 16, so you vow never to do that your child. Maybe you grew up without all the latest gadgets so you have to make that up to your child. Maybe your parents told you no about some activities that you wanted to do so you have to live vicariously through your child. So we make little idols of our children. How often have we heard these words, maybe from our own mouth when things aren’t going well?

My child is so smart that he fails all of his classes out of sheer boredom because the teachers don’t motivate him.

My child is so misunderstood and they pick on him because of_________ (you fill in the blank).

My child is strong willed and I don’t want to change that because he’ll need it in life. So rather than fight with him, we come to agreements.

Most people are jealous of my child because they are so (beautiful, talented, smart) that they mistreat them.

My child has been through so much in his life that he is entitled to act out.

Please realize that these are all excuses that we use to excuse not the child but us as parents from doing our job. We blame the school, we blame the church, we blame the friends, but the responsibility is ours and solely ours. In our effort to insulate our children from any bad things that may happen in life, we don’t prepare them for life. Basic life skills are not taught. Being truthful, honest, honorable, or moral may hurt our child’s feelings, so therefore we abdicate our responsibility and go on the attack of anyone who calls them on any of their behavior. So why do you think we are neglecting those obligations or why are we trying so hard to pass the buck? I’ll talk about my thoughts on this next time.

Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up

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I have noticed a phenomenon that is happening in our society that I’d like to explore with you over the next few posts. I notice that we excuse our children’s behavior all the time for whatever reason. Some of our youth are on Facebook and we’re friends, so I read the news feed some of the posts were way out of line. Now, keep in mind, I am not a prude in any way, shape, or form, but some stuff was just not what I would want to have my kids writing on a public forum. I spoke to the youth and their parents. Their parents quickly went on the defense. Here are some of the responses:

Aren’t these pages a form of their private expression? Uh, NO! The Internet is so wide open that privacy and Internet are not words that even go together.

Aren’t these pages just for kids? Well, if they are, then why do I have access? Have you read the papers or turned on a TV in the last century? There are predators out there.

He didn’t do it; it was a friend of his who wrote it. So when it was discovered why wasn’t it removed?

There is a lot of pressure out there and she just wants to fit in. So in her circles of influence fitting in means what exactly?

Pastor Susan you are funny of course not but you know! No, I really don’t.

Not one, not one single parent, reacted in shock or surprise and went to change things for their child. This child’s reputation is harmed and the results in a small town are devastating.  I read recently that Facebook is checked in consideration of college admission. So a post can be damaging on so many levels.

I am not just picking on anyone either. These parents are just a reflection of the rest of our society. Parents just either don’t know what to do or don’t want to be bothered. I think the greatest failure in America is that we decided we were our children’s friends. The problem with that thought process is that we aren’t. Or what I should say is, that we weren’t designed to be. We were called to be parents.

1 Corinthians 4:15 There are a lot of people around who can’t wait to tell you what you’ve done wrong, but there aren’t many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God’s Message to you that I became your father.

You know what? They won’t find their own way through life. You’ve got to lead them in the way you’d like for them to go if you want them to be successful. Children have lots of friends but only one set of parents.

Forbidden

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“My husband is not allowed to bring his work boots into the house.”

“My husband is allowed to see his children, but he’s not allowed to do super fun things without me being there.”

“My husband is not allowed to go out with his single friends.”

“My husband is not allowed to eat in the living room.”

“I don’t tell him how to run his business, he can’t tell me to run MY house.”

My house. That phrase resonated in my spirit. My house. These are all things I heard this month from women in my life. Can I just ask where we get off making rules like these for grown men? If feminism has taught us anything it has taught us that people get resentful when they are told they are not allowed to do something. What makes us, as wives, think we can dictate to another adult, who is supposedly our equal, what they can do in THEIR OWN HOME? Oh wait, maybe the key is, it isn’t their home, it’s ours. They just contribute a little cash.

What happens when we hear men say things like, “I don’t allow my wife to go out with her friends?” We become ENRAGED! How dare a man tell us what to do? He is marginalizing his wife. I’m afraid, dear friends, that the pendulum has swung the other way and it makes it no better just because a woman is calling the shots. A dictator is still a dictator and their subjects grow resentful under the weight of their demands.

I guess the questions I’m asking today are: when we complain that our husbands are acting like children, do we not see the source?

When we agreed to become partners did we not understand a ruler can not be partners with a slave, someone for whom they have no respect for?

What would be our response to a man who says, “My wife must have all of her chores done before I get to my house.”

YIKES I think we need to reevaluate our thinking.

The Woman Who Is To Be My Daughter-In-Law

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She may not know this, but I have been praying for her for years now.

She would have be patient as my son has a dominant Phlegmatic temperament. She’d have to be consistent and not one to change her mind often, and she’d have to be confident as Phlegmatics tend to be passive aggressive at times and this would be something to overcome.

I prayed that she would love the Lord as much as my son did. He has been called to ministry and he loves Jesus with his whole being. He loves seeing people come to Christ and he is active and involved in his church. I prayed for a good help meet.

I prayed she would be faithful. This legacy of divorce that hounds our family needs to end. I drew a line in the sand once I got saved and asked the Lord to change the path for our family to the thousandth generation.

I prayed she would be kind. Of course a mother prays for that quality in her children’s mates, as they will lead her grandchildren, and I want them led well.

I prayed she would be educated. My son loves politics, and books, and news, and sports. She’ll have to be well-rounded and able to hold her own convictions during conversations that often turn into deep discussions.

I prayed that love would overshadow the trials that come naturally when two dwell together. I prayed love would be enough, even when it wasn’t. I pray even now, that they both remember the love they have for one another always.

I prayed she loved video games a little less than he does.

I prayed she would want children and want to raise them, not hand them over to daycare.

I prayed she’d be a good fit for our family and be family oriented. Not one who wants to set the family apart but one that wants to be a part of ours.

I prayed she was sensible and not be prone to unreasonable arguments and drama. I prayed she wouldn’t come on the scene too soon, so that he would recognize her and his need for her.

I prayed she’d be practical and they would be able to work as a team towards common goals.

I prayed she’d have her own interests and friends, I didn’t want them to have conflicts in this area and I didn’t want either of them stuck at home while the other was out and about.

I prayed she was respectful and had a great sense of humor. I prayed she would laugh at the contradictions of who my son is. His quirky habits and sense of humor.

I prayed she’d overlook his faults and his mother. Maybe that should have been at the top of my list.

In less than two months, my son will marry his bride. My heart is filled with the goodness of God. He has given me my heart’s desire and more. Frances is beautiful, brilliant, and loved by us. She hasn’t had a bit of bridezilla attitude and she seems genuinely happy to be with my son. That’s really all I could ask for. Now that the wedding is at hand, I will begin praying for their marriage all the while praising the Lord for his mercy and grace on my life! We are a blessed family.

Love Is In The Air

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February brings Valentine’s Day. For many people it’s a day created by commercialism. A day for the purchase of roses, cards, dinners, candy, and stuffed animals. For others it’s a depressing day of one too many rejections, subpar relationships and and unrealistic expectations. Still for others, it’s a way of life, not a day lived out once a year but a love banner to be played out over their lives.

The bible reminds us that we need to practice Agape love. Love without expectation or condition. Love that merely loves for the sake of love. For humans it seems so unattainable. In a world that does for others according to what they themselves are getting, it seems counter-intuitive to do any more than what is being done for us. Yet, if we would put forth the effort of extravagant love, God love, we’d obtain exactly what we thought we’d been missing. Agape love is above feelings. Agape love even loves the unlovable. As followers of Christ it is our duty to love one another even when it looks seemingly impossible.

Can you find it in your heart to love without reason? To simply love another human being because that is the expectation and the law that God has placed before those of us who follow Christ? Can we love because God loves us and put aside the warmies we expect to get when love happens? Can we find a place where we have no expectation of getting anything other than the satisfaction of knowing we loved when we didn’t have to?

Who Is This?

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Whenever my mom calls and she gets my voicemail, her message usually goes something like this; “Susie, this is your mother. I’m just calling to check on you. Call me when you get a chance.” This always makes me laugh because her voice is the first voice I ever recognized in my life, how could I think it was someone else? I know her voice. I never ask another person who calls, “Mom? Is that you?” Never. I know her voice.

So how do we know when we hear the voice of God? The answer is simply found in:

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow Me.

Just as I know my mother’s voice those who are part of the flock of the Lord know His voice and another they will not follow. It requires intimacy. It requires relationship. It requires lots of conversations over time. You can be so entwined with the Lord that you begin to see His cue without His ever having to utter a sound. Relationship is what we were created for.

So give Him a call today, just to see how things are going. You’ll find that the more time you spend with him, the more you’ll recognize his voice and you won’t have to wonder, “God is that you?”