Left Behind

USA - Portraiture - Kate Spade

Yesterday driving between appointments I heard on the news that Kate Spade had taken her own life. Beautiful, fun, adventurous, Kate Spade. The woman who seemed to be on top of her game. A beautiful family, a career of her own making, launching a new line, and yet we will never know what was going on inside of her. Life is like that. We see the outward success and aren’t privy to the inward struggle.

If you are suffering from depression I urge you to seek help. Suicide is often an act done in hopelessness. Think about it, it’s not having anything at all to live for. There is nothing that depression doesn’t take away, depression lies to you and mental illness is a very real thing. Depression torments and tells you that there is nothing worthy about you.

How do I know this? I witnessed it first hand. Those of you who have read this blog for years know that my husband committed suicide. The questions, the guilt, the anger, the despair are overwhelming for those of us left behind, those of us who loved, and some of these issues are never resolved. Oh sure, you learn to live with the feelings of not being or doing enough, but you never get over it.

Was there something you could have said?

Was there something you could have done?

Were we not important?

The simple and complete answer is No. However knowing the answer doesn’t change the mindset. Knowing that there was nothing you could do to stop it doesn’t make it better.

So with a heavy heart I write to you to tell you to always take threats seriously. Always, always, always, get help if someone you know is contemplating suicide. Don’t think they are attention seekers or just talking, or not really going to do it because you honestly don’t know anything of their internal struggle. Take every single threat seriously. Then in the same breath that I say this, please understand that there is NOT ONE SINGLE THING you can do to stop them if they choose to do it. Sometimes, those who commit suicide never even say anything at all. They leave their feelings in a note after the fact. Or they leave nothing behind that would give you any sort of clue as to why.

I have firsthand knowledge of how suicide can destroy the lives of loved ones left behind. I know firsthand how therapy can help but nothing ever truly heals completely. Today I am praying for every person who has lost hope. I am praying for Kate Spade’s family who is devastated, and for their lives whose course has changed forever.  I am praying for you too, the survivors who have lived through it, and for you, who are watching a loved one suffer and are scared it may just happen.

 

Reflexology

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My friend Roxanne kept telling me to go get reflexology for some issues I was having. She swears by it. Then another friend Linda said the same. They both told me it would be painful so I made an appointment for my husband to try it on a day I could go with him. I mean, he’s tougher than I am and I wanted to see in action before I committed to getting it done. Admittedly I was quite skeptical. I am not one who jumps on the latest fad band wagon and yes I know reflexology has been around for much longer than a fad, but enough justification, off we went to see what it was about.

And this is how I know God has a sense of humor because just as we arrived there was a cancellation and guess what? My husband pipes up and says, “My wife would like to take that appointment please.” He’s such a thoughtful gentleman.

So the next thing I know I am putting my feet in hot water and getting ready to enter a room. The room was just like an examination room. I lie on the table the reflexologist begins to talk to me as I explain it is my first time and I have no idea what to expect. Then he grabs my toe and says, “Have you had your pituitary gland checked? Something is weird with it.”(Insert Twilight Zone music) Those of you who have walked, no pun intended, with me on this blog know that I was diagnosed with a tumor on my pituitary gland in 2014. Was this a lucky shot or was there something to this reflexology thing?

My first session was very painful. At one point I was holding my breath and my heart was pounding and I wanted yell STOP and fly off of the table. He wasn’t by any means Jesus but he told me about myself, my health and the pain I’d been having. So, I’m going to give this thing a try. I have to go every six weeks. It’s supposed to get less painful as we go and I’m supposed to get some relief from pain as we move forward. Stay tuned for the updates.

What do you know about reflexology?

 

What If We Didn’t?

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There used to be a day when we had Polaroid Cameras. We snapped a picture, and out popped a black image framed by white paper that within a few minutes time turned into a picture before our eyes. They were candid shots. There was no delete and do-over, film cost money and you only got a limited amount of film. They were real.

Now we practice selfies. We can take a hundred pictures until we get it right and we practice angles, and we practice lighting, and we watch make-up tutorials, and then we pretend this was a candid shot and that we look this way all of the time. It’s completely fake.

When I was four, my father lifted me into his arms and we went into the den. My mom, my baby brother, and our nanny were sitting in the den and my dad said, “Remember this, you’re watching history.” I sat on the floor as we watched the first man walk on the moon. I don’t know if this is where it started but throughout my entire life I have memorized moments. Pictures can fade but memories are what life is made of.

What if we played with our children and didn’t post about it?

What if we drank coffee and didn’t advertise the fact that we did?

What if our ordinary daily lives were lived not in an underlying need to be seen and thought of as good but just to be who we are?

What if we got real and didn’t protest the opinion of others and instead embraced their right to feel differently?

Would the need for comparison end?

What if we just didn’t participate?

What if we checked out facts before posting our agenda?

Would polite conversations be had face to face?

What if we told the truth?

What if we stopped living to one-up our neighbor?

What if we stopped having wars on social media?

Would we stop having wars in the street?

 

 

 

Keep Fighting

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In the midst of a carjacking in 2001 I cried out to Jesus. I heard Him powerfully speak, “Keep fighting, he is just as scared as you are.”

This morning as I awoke from a dream, I saw myself standing with a sword lifted in front of me. I knew deep down that I would never have to use it in the natural realm but that I had been properly trained to. The sword felt comfortable in my hand and the grip was made to fit me. This sword had been given to me as a gift and I had studied its use and practiced to be able to use it with skill. In that moment as I stood my ground it was enough to know that I knew how to use it and that I could, and would, push through fear to victory.

If, in fact, everything happens for a reason, then the carjacking taught me a lesson. I may fight like a girl, but with God I am mighty and equipped to defeat anything that is coming my way that is not of God. So are you.

What have you been through in your life that has taught you to know who you are?

Now ask yourself, are you properly trained? Do you know how wield a sword? A weapon in unskilled hands will be turned against you.

Saying What I Want to Hear

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My girlfriend is dating one of those undateable guys. The no job, no car, going to be a millionaire one day, you need to check out my abs kind of guy. He keeps talking about what he is going to do one day. Except if you looked at his life five years ago, it looks just like right now. When we talk she admits she has reservations but he keeps saying what she wants to hear.  All the while she has to pick him up and pay for the dates. THAT’S another topic for another day.

We talked again last week and I asked her if I could blog about her. She laughed and agreed.

Potential is one of those things that can trip us up. You can see it but it doesn’t mean the person who has it will ever play it out.

The key here is to know who you are and know what you want because if you aren’t clear you’ll make unhealthy decisions that will wreck your life and you’ll ask yourself one day, “How did I get here?”

When I think about it, this advice goes for any decision in your life.

Do you have goals?

Do you have vision?

Are the things you are doing today leading towards or away from those goals?

 

 

Boundaries

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I admit it. I was a little crispy fried a couple of weeks ago. I hadn’t had a full day off in a few weeks. A few hours here and there but there were a couple of short term projects that needed to be completed and this wasn’t the normal schedule.

Finally, Wednesday came, our day off and and I took full advantage of it. I woke up early, and stretched out and decided I had nowhere to go, so I read, watched some TV and stayed in my pajamas. Until about 10:30 then Doug and I got ready to go out to eat.

He surprised me by heading out of town to go have some fun. Both of our phones kept ringing. Work, counseling, work, advice, work. At one frustrated point, I said,

“Wait! Everyone knows it’s our day off. Why do they call us anyway with non-emergencies?”

The answer was simple, we didn’t have boundaries.

The calls weren’t emergencies. They were simple things. I wasn’t mad at the people, I was annoyed with myself knowing that I hadn’t set boundaries to protect time off.

Sometimes, things are your own fault. So when you are feeling frustrated, ask yourself, “What am I doing to cause this?”

No, you didn’t set up the phone calls but you did respond even if it was just to open and read the text message or the email or listen to the voicemail.

What boundaries do you have to put into place so that you can get quiet and have some down time?

Remember, Sabbath is not a suggestion. It’s a commandment.

 

 

 

Leading

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God can use a car to teach a lesson.

Last year, I bought a new car. I hadn’t bought a new car since 1999 so I want to keep it looking nice. Now, mind you, I had no business buying a new car. Dave Ramsey says if you don’t have a million dollars in the bank you can’t afford a new car and folks, I don’t have a million dollars. 2017 sent me off course in many ways and I am now reaping the consequences of getting back on track. So I’ll share my lessons over the next few weeks with you. Hopefully, they can help you.

I now find the farthest parking space in any parking lot because I don’t want the car to get dinged up. No matter where I park though, someone is typically parked next to me when I come back out to get into my vehicle. There can be many parking spots but someone has to park right next to me.

They can’t even skip a space.

It is so frustrating. Coming back to my vehicle the other day I see one other car in the entire row I parked in and of course, right next to me. I opened the trunk and put my bags in and got into the driver’s seat. The Holy Spirit prompted me,

“Why are you angry?”

“Because no matter where I park, someone comes and parks next to me.”

“People follow leaders.”

Not exactly the answer I wanted to hear. I am not leading at the mall. I am shopping. It’s down time.

However,

I need to think more deeply on this because there is a bigger picture that the Lord is trying to get me to see here. Oh yeah guys, he is into teachable moments and this was one.

It means I am being watched. No, not in a stalking way, but:

  • Where am I going?
  • What am I reading?
  • What am I saying?
  • What am I watching?
  • Who am I listening to?
  • Am I leading to Christ?
  • If not, then who I am leading to?

These are great questions to ask yourself. Sometimes we pick up bad habits along the way or we have an area in our life that we’ve neglected to work on. Thank God that He isn’t looking for sinless perfection but neither is he ignoring unrepentant sin or as we like to call them, bad habits because it sounds nicer and more excusable.

Where are you? This question gets asked in many forms but do you take the time to examine yourself and make sure you are still in alignment with where God has called and placed you?