“My husband is not allowed to bring his work boots into the house.”
“My husband is allowed to see his children, but he’s not allowed to do super fun things without me being there.”
“My husband is not allowed to go out with his single friends.”
“My husband is not allowed to eat in the living room.”
“I don’t tell him how to run his business, he can’t tell me to run MY house.”
My house. That phrase resonated in my spirit. My house. These are all things I heard this month from women in my life. Can I just ask where we get off making rules like these for grown men? If feminism has taught us anything it has taught us that people get resentful when they are told they are not allowed to do something. What makes us, as wives, think we can dictate to another adult, who is supposedly our equal, what they can do in THEIR OWN HOME? Oh wait, maybe the key is, it isn’t their home, it’s ours. They just contribute a little cash.
What happens when we hear men say things like, “I don’t allow my wife to go out with her friends?” We become ENRAGED! How dare a man tell us what to do? He is marginalizing his wife. I’m afraid, dear friends, that the pendulum has swung the other way and it makes it no better just because a woman is calling the shots. A dictator is still a dictator and their subjects grow resentful under the weight of their demands.
I guess the questions I’m asking today are: when we complain that our husbands are acting like children, do we not see the source?
When we agreed to become partners did we not understand a ruler can not be partners with
a slave, someone for whom they have no respect for?
What would be our response to a man who says, “My wife must have all of her chores done before I get to my house.”
YIKES I think we need to reevaluate our thinking.
3 thoughts on “Forbidden”
Thank you, Pastor Susan. I’ve been wondering for a long time about this very thing. Every time I hear those types of comments, my heart grieves yet because I have a sensitive spirit, I wondered if it really is okay and the hurt I felt was just me, overreacting. You have confirmed that I need to continue on this path of endeavoring to treat everyone with respect, no matter who they are, no matter their gender, no matter…well…anything. Because God makes no mistakes, I will continue to believe everyone is here because of His design and on purpose, therefore each one should be honored and cared for.
Well, I must say not allowing him into the house with his work boots on makes sense though 😉
I’ve often brought this type of conversation up with my women friends. To date, I’ve rarely had a positive response. It’s like if a man loses his job the wife gets resentful—even if it wasn’t the guy’s fault but simply layoffs due the economy. And if he can’t get any kind of job except something that pays way less than he’s educated for, she disrespects him. Hey! The dude’s working and doing the best he can with what is available. But the divorce rate tells a different story. People require unrealistic things of one another so it becomes a matter of not who we are in character but what we offer in material security.
Yet I also must say, men are reaping what they sowed. The arbitrary way they treated women for eons deserves some payback and it’s now robbed them of their masculinity in many ways.
On the other hand, women (and just about every other minority out there) should realize that the very fact they have any rights or freedoms at all is because good men bled and died for them. Good men fought evil laws which stopped blacks and other minorities from being considered at the very least human. Sure men were the ones who originated the bad laws, but it was righteous men who fought these as well. No freedom a woman experiences today would’ve been possible without male politicians recognizing the truth of what the women’s movement said and fighting it through legislature to be changed.
Women, the next time you call your man a “child” think about how many times you did that as an adolescent girl thinking you knew what it took to be a man. If you are still saying adolescent stuff like “you’re so immature” or the equivalent, you haven’t changed either and need to grow up.
Anyway, what does it mean to be an adult? Did some brilliant woman make all the rules about maturity which says a man or woman can’t be childlike in some ways? And who is completely perfect?!?! A man who doesn’t have some craziness in him is no fun; a woman who cannot tap her inner child probably has psychological problems. If you can’t get down on the floor and play dolls with your little girl or trucks with your little boy, you don’t know what maturity means.
So let’s stop judging one another on superficial things and look at the way we take responsibility for our actions and lives. If your man is willing to bear the burden of his own life and actions, he’s an adult and worthy of your respect and praise. If he makes mistakes, then he’s human. Accept him as Christ accepted you…with grace.
okay I feel convicted last night at our Leadership meeting I said “my husband can’t have chips” of course my justification is because we are eating healthy (smile) well at least I am!!! Good reading and so true!!