What do you do when you hear a rumor about someone? If you’re like most people, you accept the rumor as fact, pass it on and feed on it. After all, rumors often make us feel good about ourselves. Sometimes someone’s life is so messed up we become grateful that our lives are not in that much of a mess. The juicier the rumor the better because it makes us feel better!
Only, what happens when you become the brunt of the rumor? Don’t you want people to come and ask you what has happened? Don’t you want to be able to tell your story? Haven’t you learned by now that the truth has three sides, yours, mine and the truth?
I was thinking about this after the Beth Moore conference. She said something that made such an impact that I wrote down not only what she said on paper I wrote it on my heart. She said,
“Will we turn to Him (God) or turn on one another?”
If we don’t like things done to us, then wouldn’t we give the benefit of the doubt and go find out what is true before we burn someone at the stake?
In real life I am pretty blunt. I will go to the person and say, “Hey, I heard this about you and want to hear what you have to say.” I want to know the truth and so I go and see where the story intersects. I also don’t believe everything I hear either so maybe that helps.
As believers in Christ we know things are going to happen. Rumors are going to go around, people are going to say mean things but what we must do is not turn on one another. Let’s keep our hearts right before the One who can help us.
Greeting my uncle who is in his 80’s, we began talking and somewhere in our conversation I referred to myself as a girl. He scolded me saying, “I hate when women refer to themselves as girls. You go through so much to become a woman and then you refer to yourself as girl.” I laughed […]
Greeting my uncle who is in his 80’s, we began talking and somewhere in our conversation I referred to myself as a girl. He scolded me saying, “I hate when women refer to themselves as girls. You go through so much to become a woman and then you refer to yourself as girl.” I laughed and brushed it off in the moment but later I realized that he had a valid point. I’d been mulling it over off and on when I gathered with a group of women for tea yesterday.
I looked around the room. This tea brought 30 women together. We began to speak about the topic at hand that day which was the privilege of being adopted into the family of Christ and what responsibility that carried with it. The women began their stories slowly and softly as is always the case. They began to tell of where the Lord had brought them from and where they thought they were going. These were women who had earned the privilege of being called a WOMAN. Two hours later and a few cups of tea, there were women who were laughing, crying, comforting, counseling and you began to feel the camaraderie of women who had made their way through some STUFF! I realized I was in the company of some strong women, some women who had, as my uncle said, “gone through so much”.
The things that were discussed in that room, stay in that room. Suffice it say that there was breakthrough and prayer and that when women get together and pray SOMETHING HAPPENS. The next day at church, I saw a sparkle in the eyes of those who attended. I saw a look of acceptance and love and knowing, we had opened up our hearts to each other and the payoff was love. One thing I know about women is we can be each other’s biggest enemy but also each other’s biggest ally.
Although we may not have walked in the footsteps of the other, we had walked through things which had hurt us deeply and we had come through. We understood the pain, the trial of overcoming and the triumph. We also understand the gift our God has given us of redemption and restoration and future and a hope.
My uncle is right. We aren’t girls, we’ve come through a lot to be women. Now we need to own it.
I received this in an email, thanks Cynthia, and thought it was worth repeating:
DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done.
I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now.
I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now.
I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now.
I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now.
I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now.
I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I made it through the day’s difficulties. I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better. I’m thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven’t given up on me.
Titus 2:3 Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. 4 By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, 5 be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.
Tonight TLC starts a new class for the young mom’s in the church. Those of us who have older children and have been there done that and have the t-shirt have decided to feed them with a potluck dinner and then begin to mentor them.
What kind of chores can you give a toddler?
How can you get a shower when you can’t even get a single moment alone?
How can you keep the house clean when each time you leave a room, a child or children come and throw their toys again?
What do you do about a husband who wants to have some sex and you just want to sleep?
What happened to the pretty perfume smell you used to have because now you smell like baby spit-up?
Is there anymore ME time?
What do you do with a child who refuses to do anything you say?
What do you do when your child asks why for everything?
How do you get your child to eat something other than chicken nuggets?
What do you do when a child throws a major tantrum in the grocery store?
Yes, lots of questions that the older moms and grandmothers can answer. It’s going to be a great night! Looking forward to being a help and support!
We all know her. It’s not us of course but we all know her. You know the one. Your friend, the one who is over all the time for coffee or to hang out as long as there is not a man in the picture. This isn’t so bad, you think to yourself, because we all do it to a certain extent. In those first few weeks of a relationship when lust permeates our thought process and we see are the wonderful attributes this man has. Yes, we all know her.
We all see her. She’s in church on Sunday and at TLC (or your form of it) on Monday evenings while she’s alone but once her man comes around she drops out. She’s beautiful on the outside but so insecure on the inside. Her convictions are solid until they are tested. You see, actions speak louder than words.
Then her new boyfriend asks her to sleep with him. She knows her God and His point of view on fornication but she shoves all the knowledge aside because someone actually loves her. Well, you see, he hasn’t actually said those exact words but we all know they are coming at some point, right? We all know she said she’d never date ‘the mission field’ but her new man has promised he’ll come to church and well, we all know how that will turn out.
She tells us he drinks a little too much. It’s okay, she continues, because she know it’s just the stress of his baby mama drama. You see, he wants to change. He just needs a little sex, a little fix-it and a lot less nagging.
So you ask her about his ex-wife. Only he doesn’t have one. You see, he got hooked up with a slutty girl and she got pregnant on purpose. She was a party girl and your friend, well, she just goes clubbing with her man now because it’s where his friends hang out. They don’t do anything there, they just go to dance and drink and relieve their stress. By the way, you tell her, she hasn’t brought him to church yet. No, she says, because he’s afraid of being judged and last week he wasn’t feeling well.
She tells you that he’s asked her to move in with him. He wants to have a big wedding and give her a big ring, only he can’t afford to right now. She knows it’s not what God would want but she knows if she just hangs out a little while longer he’ll give her the things she wants. She also mentions that he’s been too stressed out to see his child but he just needs her to pull him out of his slump.
She tells you that he quit his job and now she is the sole support of her family. You remind her of the scripture that says if a man doesn’t work he shouldn’t eat but she informs you he is trying to find himself. He’s not spending too much time with his child yet. She wonders if she should pay his portion of the child support payments so he doesn’t fall behind?
So now your friend has abandoned her belief system for her man. The Holy Spirit leaves and she doesn’t even know it. She has traded God for a man. Her heart has chosen its treasure. You mourn for your friend but her romantic notion of what love is supposed to look like has become idolatry. God says He will never be second. She missed that part I guess.
Six months later she comes to you and now she is pregnant. Now your friend is the slutty party girl and her boyfriend has moved on to the next best thing. You won’t say you told her so. You just hold her and try to be there for this next difficult phase of her life. She now has more hard choices to make. Move home to her parents house to raise a child or put the child up for adoption. Her life has been irrevocably changed.
Don’t be like your friends. Smart women stick to their beliefs. It’s the core of who they are. It’s what defines them. Remember that. No man can ever take the place of God in your life and no one can ever tell you who you are. That has to be determined between you and God. You have to be worth more than that.
I have a friend in need of prayer. I know that when you see this video it will remind you of one of your friends who needs to hear from God right now. I am in prayer for this person, not without my own frustration and not without my own opinion but deciding to set it aside for a touch from God which is the only thing can change the course of action. Let’s agree in prayer today for those people in our lives who are lost and need a touch from God in this moment!
Today I want to talk about dropping by for a visit.
Don’t drop by for a visit without calling first.
Yes, I know that you’re my cousin, but I might be in my pajamas and I’m too old to answer the door like that. I might be reading a book and want some quiet time. I might be studying as I have a limited amount of time to do that. I might be outside in the backyard with the dogs. I’m not doing anything bad, but I may just want some notice before you stop by.
If you’re in the neighborhood, just call. I can throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in a heartbeat. If I’m cooking dinner, I can probably whip something up for you as well without much effort. If I’m taking a nap, I may ask if we can postpone. I promise to always do the same for you and I promise that I will never be offended if you have other plans. The key is respect.
Whatever you do, don’t ring and ring and ring and ring and ring the doorbell thinking you will force the person to answer. It’s just plain rude. If you find that you have to drop by, and let’s say the family is sitting at the dinner table, please excuse yourself and come back later. Don’t hover asking them what they are eating or suggest you will wait in the living room until they are finished. In most families with kids, the dinner hour is when the conversations occur. It’s important to a family to have this time, not all the time but often. If you don’t excuse yourself this will cause them to rush, to hush their family conversations and it’s just impolite. One quick phone call makes it all work for everyone!
There are some people who are just exhausting to be with. They go from one drama to the other. Life is never peaceful in their world. The more drama they have the better life gets. How do we deal with those people and what can we do to keep from being dragged into the pit with them?
First off recognize the behavior and refuse to be played. People who are emotional manipulators will never have enough of your time. They will always need more from you, no matter how much of your time you give them, whether it be 10 minutes or 10 hours, it will be less than what they need. They will drain you with their needs. Be mindful of yourself and your capabilities. Don’t allow them to guilt you into more time.
Don’t get caught up in their drama. You are being played when the person will not only carry their own drama to you, but they’ll also give you the drama of every single person they know. They aren’t interested in fixing the problem which caused the drama, they just like the wallowing factor of being there. They love being the one in the know of the drama, but they won’t contribute to a solution because it’s just too much fun to be wrapped in it. Have you ever seen a dog after they’ve had a bath? They run out to roll in the stink of dirt. They aren’t interested in being clean, the smell of yuck is the better draw. How’s that for a visual?
This person will be emotional about everything! Big highs, big lows, and no matter what you do to try to make it better, it will never be enough. They will be the first to volunteer to help you, but they will also sigh, complain, never finish the job and remind you constantly that they helped you. What they will do in the end is not follow your instructions, and refuse to be accountable for their inability to handle the project. Your best bet is to hold them accountable and not get caught up in their drama. If you let them know that they forgot something, they will give you a list of their latest dramas to try to make you feel guilty for asking anything of them.
Unfortunately, this person won’t make a good friend overall. They may seem like they really want to be your friend but their only agenda is to take away from you. Ultimately, they are very selfish people who want the world to revolve around them. They don’t see past their need to be the center of attention. So while they may look as if they are there for you in a crisis, it’s only to get their latest fix. They will move on as soon as the next victim has a trauma. You may be lured into trying to help them, but recognize that this personality needs professional help and directing them to that process is your best bet.
Pastor Susan 