Month: November 2009

The Democracy Of A Family

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When I look at the biblical model of a family I see a type of monarchy. The word monarchy means that there is a king who sovereignly rules over a territory. The word sovereign means final authority or the right to rule. So those of us who follow Christ have a different view of what a family ought to look like because our model is not that of a democracy. A democracy is a territory ruled by the people where the ruler is voted in or out.

The problem with a democratic family is that there is no set leader because that leader is only a leader while the people are happy. The moment that the people aren’t happy the leader is voted out and a different direction is taken. This becomes confusing at best and the direction and vision for this type of family is never clearly defined as the boundaries change with the will of the people. God never designed a family to be a democracy. It’s a dangerous and often destructive concept.

I blog about this today because I see very weary parents who don’t want to be parents and I see many children with no direction other than to head opposite of where their parents are going or directing. Mostly parents are just lost on what to do and the world is telling them that they don’t have to do anything. Parents throw their hands up in desperation because they don’t know what to do and everyone in the family loses out on what can and should be a beautiful life. This all happens when we don’t follow a biblical model of what it means to parent.

It’s a pretty easy system, the biblical example of parenting, and it’s practical and wise. God is pretty clear on how we are supposed to raise our children and he even gives us good parenting examples and bad parenting examples to learn from. It is pretty clear though that God isn’t about democratic parenting. See in a monarchy there is a king. The children of the king will never be kings or queens in their father’s house until one of two things happen. Either the king dies or he retires. The children of the king are prince and princesses in their father’s home. I can see a model of this in the royal family of England where Queen Elizabeth is the head of the family and her son Charles is first in line to the throne. He is not king but rather prince. Prince William is also in line to the throne and as such we’ve watched him as he is groomed in every protocol to do with inheriting the throne some day. The only way for Prince Charles to become king is to conquer a territory and put him in place. Prince Charles however is never going to be king in his mother’s home. A monarchy is not designed that way. He can never vote her out and she has the final say so. He can have an opinion but it’s ultimately her decision on what is done.

This is how we need to train our children. We need to train them up to one day inherit their own kingdom. A prince who is not taught the principles of being a king will never be effective or self sufficient (sovereign). If a king is given a throne but can’t sustain it he will be overthrown. He will have two options at that point. He will have to return to his father’s kingdom and stay a prince or his father will have to overthrow a kingdom and support his son’s false sense of sovereignty.

No One Can Influence His Opinion Of Me

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God knows me. The bible says God knows my innermost being. Think about that for a moment and let it sink in. There is nothing that is hidden from him. I am a clear picture to him.

Since that is a fact, when prayers go up to him about me from others, he knows how to discern the truth from the lie. Remember this; a lie can never stand against the truth. Because he knows me, his opinion of me doesn’t sway by words, they sway by action.

When looking for that man who is going to share your life make sure he knows who you are. This means that you can’t pretend you are someone you aren’t. This means you have to be authentic and not a woman who flips from opinion to opinion for the only way your man truly knows you is if you are balanced and authentic. Not synthetic in your attitude and appearance. This takes time. The two of you must get to know each other well! You can’t have a solid opinion about what you think you know. You gotta know you know. This means his friends can’t tell him who you are, it means his mom can’t tell him who you are, it means he has to find out for himself who you are. He has to know you so well that he knows your motivation for why you do what you do.

Take your time and build a relationship. Don’t rush, just take is slow and steady. I can pretend to be anyone for a season. But eventually the real me pops out. It’s in that moment of seeing the real you that the opinion is formed. No one can influence God’s opinion of me because he knows why I do what I do. The man in your life should also know, without doubt, who you are.

Synthetic

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Synthetic: not natural or genuine; artificial or contrived:

We’ve all seen the American Idol try-outs and all of the other reality shows like America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance etc… We’ve seen some great talent and we’ve some people that leave you wondering, “What were they thinking?”

The ones that crack me up are the ones where their parents yell at the judges for being idiots because they didn’t acknowledge their child’s talent. I know we all think our kids are wonderful. We all think our kids are the best looking and best at everything but it simply isn’t reality is it? There are talents your child has that mine never will. That has to be okay with me. My children can’t be great at everything. Giving them a false sense of who they are doesn’t help them either. We set them up to fail. We over-inflate their egos and then when real life hits they can’t cope.

A couple of years ago I watched a season of American Idol like someone who watches a train wreck. My heart went out to one contestant, Sanjaya, because he seemed like a nice kid but he didn’t sing anywhere on the same level as the others. He became a joke to the world that was very cruel to him berating his singing. Then there was the Internet site that was dedicated to voting for the worst singer and he kept winning. But it was synthetic because it could not be sustained. When he finally lost, it broke his heart. You could see it and your heart really went out to him. His 15 minutes of fame were over but it came with a cost to him personally.

It’s the same thing that we are seeing with young Hollywood today. Most of them have been pumped up synthetically that they can’t handle life. So they are drinking and driving and going to rehab and flipping out and it’s all because they see themselves in a pseudo reality. They think they can walk on water without help. It’s not just Hollywood it seems to be pervasive throughout society. Around the Sanjaya time frame there were the Barbie Bandits who robbed a bank and went on a shopping trip is a great example of a synthetic self image. One of their mothers said that they didn’t deserve to go to jail because they were good girls. Do good girls rob banks to have shopping money? What if the teller had been ill with a weak heart? What if there had been a shoot-out? There are so many scenarios that they didn’t care about or didn’t weigh, in either case it’s still deserves jail time.

Synthetic is not real. It has no substance that you can build on. So instead we pump up the plastic. But what happens to plastic when you turn up the heat? It melts and as it does it molds into different shapes getting smaller and smaller. It ends up nothing but a small piece of nothing it resembled in the first place.

In life you win some and you lose some and you get up either way and keep moving forward. There is nothing sadder than a person who lives out the rest of his life in his past glory trying to recapture that win again. Instead, God says we move from glory to glory. Sadder still is the person who is stuck in his loss and refuses to try again.

There is a real life with real pitfalls and real successes. We need to remember that even our kids have to follow rules because that is authentic. He understands that true winners are hard workers who have learned strategy and who play within the guidelines set before them. Synthetic winners are only winners when the environment is manipulated falsely and you are able to keep the temperature ambient. Eventually things in your arena heat up and the meltdown begins. Learn to be authentic. That is something that stands no matter the circumstance.

Thanks Living

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I want to wish every a Happy Thanksgiving! Today I am grateful for the these people:

Jesus- The God man made flesh who walked the earth setting the example. Go back and read about his compassion and his tireless work, it will really touch your heart. Jesus was a teacher who loved the synagogue and loved people. What an example for me to follow. He never saw appearance he only saw condition. I aspire to be that for my generation.

My Mom- If anyone ever believed in her children she does. My mom tends to be negative about most things and pretty opinionated, but one thing is for sure, she believes we are the greatest gift to this generation. Even when she’s disappointed in us, she will find something worth hanging onto. She thinks this blog is the smartest thing on the Internet, she thinks I am her best gift ever and she is my biggest cheerleader. Even when we are on total opposite sides of a issue she puts up with me. She is someone I can count on and I more often than not, take her SO for granted.

Anthony- My kids are my blessing from God. Anthony is pure love. He is such a good man. I see him now with his girlfriend and he speaks so well of her and how he looks after his sister and how he checks in with me, his mom! What a gift God gave me when he allowed me to be Ant’s mom.

Cassandra Allyse- Sassy, smart and outgoing she is so independent. I love who she is becoming. She is her mother’s daughter in a lot of ways. She works too much, she loves deep, she has her own opinions. We are at a place where there are things I can say and things that she doesn’t want to hear from me but nevertheless, we love each other, we frustrate each other, we misunderstand each other and then we need each other. She is a great daughter and she has been fun to raise.

Doug – When he smiles at me it’s all over. Doug is kind beyond anyone I’ve ever known. Doug sees everything that is right with people, an ability I will never have, ever no matter how long I live. Doug has the ability to forgive and forget and leave the past behind him on most things. He’s not perfect by any means but he’s pretty darn close.

Lauren- Technically Lauren  is my stepdaughter but I don’t see her that way. She’s my kid. We didn’t always see eye to eye and sometimes we still don’t but I have great hope for her. With a year and a half of high school to go, she is having to step things up. I know she will do great things with her life. Behind the tough sarcastic exterior that she pretends to show, she’s pretty caring. Just don’t tell anyone.

Charles Anthony- the cactus of the bunch, he is my stepson. He is the one whom the Lord uses to refine me. ‘Nuff said.

Lulu- the wonder dog. Lu has a story that touches my heart. She came to me at a time when I really needed someone to take care of and love. She sleeps right next to me as I type this. She is with me when I speak to God, so she knows all of my cares and secrets and she doesn’t judge me for it. She just sighs, puts her chin on my knee and looks into my eyes. She is my lovey honey precious girl.

Oasis- my church. Not the building the people in it. We are a family and I’m so glad!

My friends- Some are old, some are new and all are loved. I especially love the ones with whom I can trust to tell me the truth. Everyone needs those people in their life and I am grateful for them.

My Country-I’m really glad to be American. If you’ve ever traveled, even a bit, you will find that you were born hitting a home run to be born and raised in this country.

Most days I feel like God’s favorite kid. I love how he loves me and blesses me daily. I am grateful for health, for love, for family. Life is good and I am thankful. Let’s live Thanks Living lives! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sirius Thoughts

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Just a random happening –

Driving home from Fresno lsat night and there was nothing on the 200+ radio channels I have. I began channel surfing and hit a station called Highway which is country music. The title of the song intrigued me so I listened to the words. A song by Lee Ann Womack called There is A God. The next song was a song called Everyone Wants To Go To Heaven But Nobody Wants to Go Now by Kenny Chesney. The third song was called People Are Crazy about a guy in a bar who makes a toast, God is Great, beer is good and people are crazy. I hate the taste of beer but I had to agree God is great and people are crazy.

Sometimes it’s cool to switch the channel from the normal news and alternative rock and pop stations that are on my pre-sets and find something new. I don’t know why I found this fascinating last night. Country is not really my thing but at least they are mentioning God.

When Our Morals Conflict With God’s

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Every single thing in our life is a morality decision. Whether you believe in God or not it’s all about morals. Recently in our part of the world eleven people came down with e-coli at two separate parties. Instantly the powers that be swooped in to investigate the matter. It was determined that in both cases the meat came from one source. So they shut down the meat market while they investigated and inspected.

How is this a moral matter? Well, employees were denied a wage for the time the market was shut down, the owner of the market was denied revenue, the local and federal government were denied taxes, not to mention the ranchers whose meat was not going to market. See, we decided that at least eleven and maybe more people’s health were at stake and that outweighed the needs of the market. Everything is a moral matter.

Everyday you decide if you are going to flip the guy off in traffic that just cut you off. You decide if you are going to tell that little white lie. You decide if your daughter is going to do something just because all the other kids are doing it. Everything is a moral decision. So what happens when your morality conflicts with God’s?

To live below that morality is to live inhumanely. I would guess that everyone reading this blog today would say that the CDC and the FDA did the right thing with the market. People are more important than money. Human life has to be the most important thing right? But is it?

Does human life outweigh other factors? Not always. The cigarette industry admitted to adding an additive to cigaretts to make them more addictive. Food companies add stuff to their product to get you eat more. Drug companies are continually being sued for their experimentation on people. On a more personal note we ignore people who make us uncomfortable. One of our women from TLC coordinates a group to go to our local nursing home. Today she told us about a woman whose daughter is a Christian but rarely goes to visit her mother. Her mother has two sets of clothes. If she soils them before laundry day, she is stuck. The nursing home has informed the daughter but she hasn’t been by with more clothes. The daughter’s morality obviously conflicts with God’s fifth commandment.

God’s rules weren’t put into place to restrict you and take away freedom. On the contrary, the rules were put into place to protect you and give you more freedom. When we fail to respect people, on any level, it hurts others. When basic manners are set aside it changes the whole face of a society. If history is an indication of anything then we see that once respect for others is gone so is the society as we know it.

When your morality conflicts with God’s there is always chaos. There is always disorder and yes there is always pain inflicted on people. Everything is a moral decision we were designed that way. Let’s not forget it in our day to day life.

Speeding Ticket

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A few nights ago, driving home from having dinner with a friend, I hit an old familiar patch of highway. It’s a hill and I was traveling about 80. It was late and not a car in sight and I was just listening to the radio when I see lights start flashing at the bottom of the hill.

AW MAN! That’s a highway patrol and I know I just got a speeding ticket. I slowed down when I saw the lights and began to travel the 15 mph slower that the limit required. When I got to the bottom of the hill the patrol car pulled in behind me and I knew I was done.

Only he didn’t give me a ticket. He simply followed me to the next town. I knew he’d given me a big break. Whew!!

I was driving like I live my life, fast paced. There is so much to do with this small amount of earthly time that I feel an urgent rush to accomplish it all and live without regrets. That night as I reached the top of the hill I noticed the sky briefly before I began to pick up speed. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and stars spanned for miles, yet I failed to take advantage of the view. It struck me that it’s the same thing I fail to take advantage in my life. I don’t stop to admire those precious moments. I notice them out of the corner of my eye but I fail to admire them.

I think I was spared a speeding ticket, but I was taught a very valuable lesson. What are you missing out on in your life? Are you enjoying the scene or are you so busy moving to the next thing that you failed to just stand and enjoy what you have in this moment?