Fixation

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Lulu The Wonder Dog - August 2010

I was going through some old blog posts and thought this bears repeating……And just in case you’re wondering about Lulu, she will be 3 years old in December and a very behaved, but quite spoiled, dog!

Lulu, my puppy, grabbed a garment out of the laundry basket that I was preparing to take downstairs to wash and began to run with it to her crate. She takes things there to hide them from me. I ran after her and took it and told her “NO!”. She watched me put it in the laundry basket and she grabbed it again. Again I chased her down and took it. “NO”! This time I set the basket on top of the hamper and out of her reach as I continued sorting laundry. She was fixated on the garment and after a few attempts to jump to get up far enough to grab it once again (impossible), she got smart and jumped on the hamper knocking the basket over and grabbing the same garment.

As I went chasing her again I thought of God. How many times has he taken things away that weren’t good for us? How many times have we desired what we could not have and gone for it anyway? Disregarding the voice that tells us “NO!”? How many times has leaving the old way of things become too difficult so we go back to the familiar?

Let’s look at the word fixation from a psychological standpoint. The word means:

A strong attachment to a person or thing, especially such an attachment formed in childhood or infancy and manifested in immature or neurotic behavior that persists throughout life.

Lulu is 11 weeks old. She is certainly forming attachments at this age and it’s important that I set boundaries or I will have a misbehaving dog which I don’t want. How did I relate this to us as followers of Christ though? I have to ask the question what does it say when God is clearly saying no and we are fighting him to get what we want? What does it say when we are knocking things down to reach for that thing that he wants us to put away and not touch again?

The bible speaks of this.
Galatians 3:3 Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh? 4 Have you suffered so many things in vain–if indeed it was in vain?

In this passage we see a group of new believers who are finding living by grace hard because the old way of the law is easier to understand and makes you feel good. When it speaks of being made perfect it means becoming mature for no one is perfect.

Fixation certainly speaks to an immaturity. How many times have we started out on the right track and because it was not what we wanted in the flesh we move toward watering down our obedience to better fit our desire? We then debate the law. Did God really mean that or did I misunderstand? Is that my personal conviction or should you also tow the same line as me? We justify useless behavior thinking it makes us holy instead of doing simply what grace demands.

We become fixated on the wrong thing, just as Lulu did, and it causes us to be neurotic. Neurotic means we become anxious and emotional over the thing we are fixated on. Whether it’s that boyfriend God said no to but you’re still talking to him, or that offense you say you’ve let go of but you can’t stop talking about, it’s a fixation.

Lulu ended up being crated for a few minutes while I finished sorting my laundry. She wasn’t happy about it but she came out of the crate with a different attitude. Does God have to do that to us? Even when he does, do we get it or do we continue to pursue the wrong thing ultimately missing the blessing of the right thing?

Today examine yourself and your fixations. Are they healthy or are there things God’s been asking you to quit? Are they profitable, meaning are they a benefit to you, or do they cost you more than you bargained for?

An Introvert’s Perspective on Church

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carvelistudios.com

I read a very interesting and well written article in The Washington Post, by Adam S. McHugh, that I thought I’d share. I am a social person in small circles and yet, very introverted in many aspects of my life. I need alone time to recharge and I have never felt the need to be with someone all the time. In fact, when Doug and I go away for a break, often we’ll take off by ourselves and meet back up for dinner. It’s something that I love about my husband, we have the ability to entertain ourselves, but I digress from where this article is going. I have to agree that maybe church can be an overwhelming place to some. I wonder where the line is?

I have to agree with this:

Too often “ideal” Christians are social and gregarious, with an overt passion and enthusiasm. They find it easy to share the gospel with strangers, eagerly invite people into their homes, participate in a wide variety of activities, and quickly assume leadership responsibilities.

Click Here to read the article.

This Is The Reason

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http://www.littlekidstuff.com/

Being a stepmom is not an easy task. There are rewards but also deep sadness that comes with the job. I read this a couple of days ago. I don’t know who wrote it, I wish I did so I could give credit where it is due because it is a profound writing. I know about this feeling. This is the reason why I am resolved to talk about the journey of blending a family. This is the reason why teaching and support is so vitally important in the church and why I can’t stay quiet.

I am a StepMom. I am on the front burner, yet I stand in shadow. I am the pseudo mom, the substitute for the one who, for a time, would not be. I am visible, yet invisible. I am looked to for guidance, yet I pass on little to nothing as a result. My values are esteemed, yet in most part, not emulated. I am connected by… feelings of love and by their insistence I be Mom, yet I am disconnected by the harsh reality of biology and loyalty conflicts. I am the foil for all of her failures and I stand forever on shifting sands, always advancing then retreating into the relative safety of ambivalence. I am asked to be what she is not, yet I am never completely acceptable. I am the Shadow mom and this is my reality.

Postponing Joy

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flckr.com

I was listening to a sermon by Pastor Jim Reeve and he said he had always postponed joy. He was happy but always waiting for the next best thing. It so ministered to me because I am the same way.

I’m happy in the moment but can’t always say that I am content. I am content in aspects of my life and in others, I’m waiting for the next best thing. It’s been that way in this building project. I was happy when the sheetrock went in but I couldn’t wait until the platform went in, I was happy when the platform went in but I couldn’t wait for the paint, I was happy with the paint but couldn’t wait for the bathrooms, and so the list goes on. Someone even told me to enjoy the process but I couldn’t, or rather, I wouldn’t.

In my mind I was always moving forward to the next big joyous moment, but in the process I may have missed some of the joyous moments I was in. I want to do things differently in the next half of my life. I want to enjoy the process and I don’t want to be in so much of a hurry that I dismiss the joy of the moment and keep thinking it’s just on the horizon of my life.

The Hour Of Power

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image-acquire.com

Jack Canfield is a success coach. I read his facebook postings and they are inspiring to me. Last month he offered a challenge to take an hour of power. I’ve decided to do this for myself and I’d like to encourage you to do so as well. So here’s the challenge:

Spend one hour on yourself. Nurture your body, mind and spirit.
20 minutes reading
20 minutes in prayer/meditation
20 minutes exercising

I’d like to see how the stress level changes in my life. How the time spent with God changes my life, and how fit I become. What about you?

A TV

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As Americans we are pretty spoiled. Things we see as simple pleasures are great luxuries to many in the world. But what really constitutes a necessity and what is just a thing that for now, we can do without and how do we tell the difference?

Every now and then we have misunderstandings in our benevolence ministry on what is a necessity and what is simply a luxury. One woman asked that we pay her cable bill. When we explain that a cable bill is not a necessity, she begins to get angry. Frustrated she asks us what her kids are supposed to do all day without cable? I’m not faulting her, it’s her perspective for where she is at right now. I wonder what she would tell a Haitian mother whose country has only been able to remove 2% of the rubble from a earthquake long since past?

Still another woman who is getting back on her feet and explains to us that she has nothing but a few items of clothing and list her number one need as a television.

We wade through the requests and almost everyone who fills out a form is helped but it is sometimes sad when I see that these people need much more than a TV. I am praying about how to best help our community. The single mom who needs school clothes for her kids is easy to help. The man who needs a suit to go to a job interview is a simple fix. Only what do we do with those who can’t pinpoint their need or who are misdirected in their need?

I had to laugh when a homeless man came in to get some clothes and water and then asked for a microwave. His reasoning? “Well, one day I’ll get on my feet and I’ll need it.”

Today I am sitting here wondering if the reason we are struggling with our economy is that we didn’t understand necessities? I wonder if we will get back to basics and will that be a good thing for America?

Rescue The Perishing

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Proverbs 24:1 Don’t envy bad people; don’t even want to be around them. 2 All they think about is causing a disturbance; all they talk about is making trouble. 3 It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; 4 It takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies. 5 It’s better to be wise than strong; intelligence outranks muscle any day. 6 Strategic planning is the key to warfare; to win, you need a lot of good counsel. 7 Wise conversation is way over the head of fools; in a serious discussion they haven’t a clue. 8 The person who’s always cooking up some evil soon gets a reputation as prince of rogues. 9 Fools incubate sin; cynics desecrate beauty. Rescue the Perishing 10 If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn’t much to you in the first place. 11 Rescue the perishing; don’t hesitate to step in and help. 12 If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,” will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know – Someone not impressed with weak excuses. 13 Eat honey, dear child – it’s good for you – and delicacies that melt in your mouth. 14 Likewise knowledge, and wisdom for your soul – Get that and your future’s secured, your hope is on solid rock. 15 Don’t interfere with good people’s lives; don’t try to get the best of them. 16 No matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don’t stay down long; Soon they’re up on their feet, while the wicked end up flat on their faces. 17 Don’t laugh when your enemy falls; don’t crow over his collapse. 18 God might see, and become very provoked, and then take pity on his plight. 19 Don’t bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked. 20 Those people have no future at all; they’re headed down a dead-end street. 21 Fear God, dear child – respect your leaders; don’t be defiant or mutinous. 22 Without warning your life can turn upside-down, and who knows how or when it might happen? 23 It’s wrong, very wrong, to go along with injustice. 24 Whoever whitewashes the wicked gets a black mark in the history books, 25 But whoever exposes the wicked will be thanked and rewarded. 26 An honest answer is like a warm hug. 27 First plant your fields; then build your barn. 28 Don’t talk about your neighbors behind their backs – no slander or gossip, please. 29 Don’t say to anyone, “I’ll get back at you for what you did to me. I’ll make you pay for what you did!” 30 One day I walked by the field of an old lazybones, and then passed the vineyard of a lout; 31 They were overgrown with weeds, thick with thistles, all the fences broken down. 32 I took a long look and pondered what I saw; the fields preached me a sermon and I listened: 33 “A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy – do you know what comes next? 34 Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, with poverty as your permanent houseguest!”

Questions

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cmoe.com

A little different post today instead of reading my opinion, I am asking for yours.

Suppose a friend comes to you and tells you a story that completely contradicts their walk with Christ. They never ask for your advice, they are merely talking.

Since we are called not to judge, is it wrong for you to give your unsolicited opinion?

Does your answer change if you are merely a friend or consider yourself a brother/sister in Christ?

Prayers Needed for Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani

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While it seems an ancient practice, these things still do happen today. I am asking us all to read the article in the Huffington Post and to respond in prayer to God. I am becoming more aware of the atrocities directed at women globally and while God has not changed my focus from the local body of women I serve, he is broadening my horizons and realizations to what is happening globally. May we learn how to be effective, even if it’s one woman at a time. Click Here to read the article.

TEHRAN, Iran — The lawyer for an Iranian woman sentenced to be stoned on an adultery conviction said Monday that he and her children are worried the delayed execution could be carried out soon with the end of a moratorium on death sentences for the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.

In an unusual turn in the case, the lawyer also confirmed that Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani was lashed 99 times last week in a separate punishment meted out because a British newspaper ran a picture of an unveiled woman mistakenly identified as her. Under Iran’s clerical rule, women must cover their hair in public. The newspaper later apologized for the error….

Reality Sets In

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disneylandcards.com

This is a part of a series on stepfamiles. To read the previous post click here.

From Cinderella’s perspective, she has three problems in life. A stepmother, named Lady Tremaine and two step-sisters, Anastasia and Drizella. Never mind that Cinderella’s biological parents are not on the scene, we assume they died because real parents don’t abandon their children, at least that is our concept, only where was the extended family that would have swept in to care for their granddaughter, niece or cousin? Our questions remain unanswered. The only thing we know for sure is that somehow the universe has been very cruel to Cinderella.

That is probably the only truth for which we can be sure of. Cinderella has been given a raw deal. For whatever reason her mom was gone first. If you haven’t been a product of a divorced family then your perspective is limited but you can be sure that losing a mother or father in death or divorce is traumatic for a child. Compound that with a remarriage and the child gets the idea that people can be replaced. That isn’t such an easy concept to swallow when you’re a child because while the adults are thinking in terms of adults and romantic love, of failure and loss, a child is thinking that they themselves can be replaced, that maybe love isn’t forever, foundations are not really set and maybe down the road they will be put away for another.

You see, as adults we have a bit more understanding about love, but children are limited in their understanding. All they know is they have a mom and dad and they don’t want or need another. Only they’re children and they don’t get a choice. The choice is made for them and they are told they have to like it and get along. Well, let’s be real, that’s not so easy.

So the kids come with baggage of resentment and loss, of misunderstandings and misgivings and it’s all perfectly normal, only it certainly puts a wedge in adult plans doesn’t it? Walls quickly go up, feelings get hurt and trampled on all the way around, and well, we won’t even discuss the guilt the biological parent feels as they get caught in a trap of being in the middle of a war they call home. Reality sets in and it’s not pretty.

All camps begin to pull in opposite directions and territorial lines begin to be drawn. Any upset in a plan or ideal becomes a major deal and the fight is on. Parents pull for their own child and loyalties rise. Fights ensue among the newlyweds as both feel torn between their love for their child and the love for their new spouse. The children complain as they are shuffled from house to house and suddenly houses are fighting because they hear, as we did, only Cinderella’s side of the tale and it looks dark and dismal. No one considers that every party to this war has a point.

For a stepmom her challenge is difficult, and I dare say, even more than a stepdad’s challenge because a mother is called to calm and influence her home. She is the peace in a normal house and suddenly all fingers are pointed in her direction, not only from the camps within her home but society at large who faults her because people are not happy under her care. What she does next will be critical for the survival of her marriage and her family.