This Is The Reason

Being a stepmom is not an easy task. There are rewards but also deep sadness that comes with the job. I read this a couple of days ago. I don’t know who wrote it, I wish I did so I could give credit where it is due because it is a profound writing. I know about this feeling. This is the reason why I am resolved to talk about the journey of blending a family. This is the reason why teaching and support is so vitally important in the church and why I can’t stay quiet.

I am a StepMom. I am on the front burner, yet I stand in shadow. I am the pseudo mom, the substitute for the one who, for a time, would not be. I am visible, yet invisible. I am looked to for guidance, yet I pass on little to nothing as a result. My values are esteemed, yet in most part, not emulated. I am connected by… feelings of love and by their insistence I be Mom, yet I am disconnected by the harsh reality of biology and loyalty conflicts. I am the foil for all of her failures and I stand forever on shifting sands, always advancing then retreating into the relative safety of ambivalence. I am asked to be what she is not, yet I am never completely acceptable. I am the Shadow mom and this is my reality.

Published in: on September 18, 2010 at 4:39 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. What profound writing, I so can relate on so many levels. She describes exactly how it feels at times to be a step-mom…wow is all I can say as I read with blurry eyes, sometimes you think no one knows how we feel then you read someone describing it.

  2. I have never heard it put this way, and I am overwhelmed at the truth of it. We do our best, but it’ll never compare to the “honor” of being a “bio”parent, even though they’ve stepped out of the picture. I am a stepmom, with no bio children.


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