Cry Out Help

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This is part 3 of 3. To read part 2 Click Here

And we don’t understand a lot of things. But we learn that people are very disappointing, and that they break our hearts, and that very sweet people will be bullied, and that we will be called to survive unsurvivable losses, and that we will realize with enormous pain how much of our lives we’ve already wasted with obsessive work or pleasing people or dieting. We will see and read about deprivation and barbarity beyond our ability to understand, much less process. Side by side with all that, we will witness transformation, people finding out who they were born to be, before their parents pretzelized them into high achievers and addicts and charming, wired robots. 

Lamott, Anne (2012-11-13). Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 24). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.

We proceeded on the road to file civil charges to add to the felony charges and the thief returned the money to get us to drop the filing of the civil charges. We agreed to this because after all the felony charges are what’s important. Some felt we should have gone to the legal system to ask them to drop the charges but a wise friend asked me an extremely important and very poignant question:

“So you’re thinking of dropping the charges so that what? He can go to his next job and steal from them? What will be your accountability to the next employer because you will be accountable, just as everyone who doesn’t hold him accountable to, at minimum, an apology will be held accountable when he does it again.”

To say this was powerful was NO JOKE. Do I want to be accountable for his next robbery? Without godly sorrow we continue on the path to destruction. Evil was allowed to live in the camp because we have a distorted view of what it means to be a Christian. Did I want to contribute or did I want to get off the ride? Yes I want off the ride, because it was nauseatingly painful to watch the ripping apart of friendships.

I went into a time of reclusivity and prayer and just as my faith demanded I cried for help.  Just as God promised, he was quick to issue the balm to soothe the wounds, the strategy to combat evil, and the lesson so that it doesn’t happen again. Life Happens.

Wolves Come In

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This is part 2 of a 3 part series. To read part 1 Click Here.

The second thing that happened was a employee at work stole $1,000 from another employee. He used one of the devices where you can swipe a credit card on a mobile device. The employee whose card was stolen was notified by her bank that a debit sale had been made and deposited to this employees account.  We fired the employee who stole the money and we filed a police report. The bank was refusing to refund the money because the parties knew each other, however was very cooperative with the police in the investigation.

The man who stole the money was a new convert to the church and a friend to the other employees. The employee who had her money stolen was hurt beyond belief. She had loaned the man money for gas and food in the past (he has a family), she had befriended his family, and she was being repaid with evil.

The other employees were also caught in the fire. They are friends with everyone and so they wanted to remain friends with both the thief and the one stolen from.  Only the problem was that godly sorrow verse kept crying out to be heard. How do you move on when the person isn’t sorry? How do you sit at church with a wolf in sheep’s clothing or when the person’s family is railing at you and acting as if you are the bad guy for not dropping it? There was no remorse shown for the kindness and the trust shown.

I watched her pain, I felt it, I understood, and yet we have to let the legal system do its thing. We have to watch the blame shift to the the other employees for their possible compliance. Most importantly, I have to look at the leadership and ask was it that I had created an environment of unaccountability, by not running a tight ship, that had created the perfect environment for  this to happen?

The wolf was allowed to come in and scatter the sheep. The small group that they all belonged to is frayed because we don’t understand the Word. Instead there stood two camps. One camp who saw no godly sorrow and one who saw that things happen and oh well we move on.

Life Happens

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

I am back from my self-imposed reclusiveness. I was pondering some things in my life, getting my heart right about matters and thinking things through. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who guides us in all truth and recognizes the heart conditions we find ourselves in. If, when, we submit to the thoughts and processes of this it is beyond amazing what can be cleared up in one’s life.

After a series of events late last year, I was crispy fried. I learned a lot through the process though and I think I love God more than ever because he allowed some refining to take place. The image of the chiseling of skin was a fresh reality and yet, just like my facials, the chemical peel burns but the skin underneath is untouched and soft to the touch.

So what happened? Well, some really good people did some really bonehead things, myself included, and some wolves in sheep’s clothing came and separated out the herd.

I was having employee/employer issues. In any other business environment what was happening would not have been tolerated even for a minute, but we’re a ministry, so you extend grace right? No, because subpar is still subpar, whether it’s for God or man. I was guilty of failing to lead.

Finally one day I snapped. Suddenly, I was no longer nice Pastor Susan, I was evil Pastor Susan. I seemingly had done things without warning and I was now viewed as stepping way out of bounds. Like with anything else consistency is the key and I was an inconsistent leader.  It had now seemed to become personal. I learned a great huge lesson. Take care of every small, even minor detail before it becomes a big insurmountable obstacle and changes dynamics.That’s good leadership. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time. I once had an employee give me a card on a Monday for being the best boss ever and on Friday when I had to let her go, I had become a “terrorist”. So obviously, God had to pull my chain and teach me some things. Again.

Reflections

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In the last few minutes of 2012 I am reflecting on how this year went. We started out 2012 as we start each year with a 21 day fast to seek the face of God for His will for us in the new year. Apostle Reegis Richard came at the end of the fast and prophesied over us that 2012 would be the restoration of all things. It was that and more.

I slowed it down in 2012, although my husband would raise his eyebrows and snort at that statement! I took a day off each week even when I couldn’t. I took a study day each week until October, when a series of mishaps happened at the RMA store which launched me into working there steadily on top of my regular job. Life brings learning curves! Good thing I am a quick study!

There was, as there always is when you follow God, adventure. We discovered what it was like to be empty nest people. Dreams do come true. My dream was to have peace and quiet and a clean house and VIOLA! it’s magically delicious! Only, well, now I’m remodeling so things aren’t where they will eventually be when it’s over. I got rid of the red couch and the gold walls and bright living room,

The Young's Tree
The Young’s Tree
and Doug painted the living room a color called Wild Honey, that looks like really pale yellow, and River’s Edge, a color that is light blue with an accent color called Caribbean which reminds me of the waters of the Atlantic, turquoise in color. Then I sat with the colors and a bare room until this last Saturday when I bought a turquoise couch that won’t be here until April because it has to be made in America which according to the sales person takes longer than Chinese couches. Whatever! I’ll be patient. I guess.

The highlight of my year was when my child got married. Well, he’s not a child anymore but to admit that means I have to admit aging and I don’t want to! He married a gorgeous girl on the inside and outside named Frances. When your son gets married there is a dethroning of a queen (me) and the crowning of a new queen (Frances). I decided to do this boldly and with grace and meaning so I donned a mom apron and at the rehearsal dinner instead of a drawn out speech I presented a before video and then cut the apron springs and presented them to my daughter-in-love and gave them an after video. Cause you have to.

And life just isn’t life unless there are challenges. There were betrayals, misunderstandings, lessons that had to be learned, but you can focus on that or you can decide it will not rent space in your head and move forward and that’s what I am going to do. Thank God for forgiveness.

So goodbye 2012. You were beyond good to me. Tomorrow I will put away the Christmas decorations and enjoy my first day of 2013. I await greater things and since this year was pretty spectacular, I can barely wait!

Lulu Turns 5

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This is a blog from 5 years ago. It tells Lulu’s story of how she came to be our puppy. Lulu is turning 5 in just a few days, I love her more today than I did when she first came home! So please indulge me in my reminiscing!

January 7, 2008 -About 3 p.m. today (yesterday for you reading this) animal control called me. Some idiot left a litter of five puppies abandoned at the shelter. These little guys are about 1 maybe 1.5 weeks old, not old enough to be without their mom. The shelter couldn’t keep them as they needed to be kept warm and bottle-fed, and they aren’t set up for that, so they called me to see if I would be their foster mom. I asked PD because he’s not really cool on these ideas of mine. He said ask the kids and I knew then it was on!

So Lauren and I went to go and pick them up. PD should never send the two of us to the pound. We want to adopt all of them. We almost got one but she was a female and we knew that was a bad mix with Greta in the house, we were already pushing it with the puppies.

Sometimes I am ashamed of my species. I mean honestly, we are in the middle of a storm here in California, and some jerk abandons helpless animals. They were shaking and extremely dehydrated when I got them. We quickly got formula, warm blankets and a heating disc and we fed them, burped them, stimulated them and put them down for a nap. We’ll have to feed them this way every couple of hours. Yes, it’s going to be a pain but the alternative is not giving a living thing a chance at a life. I am just praying they make it.

Why don’t people spay and neuter their animals? They do it for free for God’s sake! Why would you choose today of all days to dump them? Why not just cowboy up and take them when the shelter is open? It really makes me mad. I mean be honest the reason why your dog got pregnant is because you are irresponsible.

On the other hand, the kids and I were sitting there with baby bottles feeding hungry little puppies, kissing them, and smiling at new life. Right now the kids are fighting to be the “one” who gets to feed them but we’ll see if in a few days the newness of it all doesn’t get really old.

For now, I am going to take a nap and get ready for my turn at feeding. Now we all have to pray then get adopted into good homes and live long happy healthy lives. Oh, by the way, Greta is NOT happy. She is the MAIN dog around here and she wants them gone!

Here is a couple of pictures to melt your heart. They aren’t great quality, as they were taken with my cell phone.

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It’s The Eve of His Birthday

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It’s the eve of his birthday and he’s fast asleep, but this Pastor’s wife needs the Pastor to wake up and help her get the church decorated today.

“Baby, I need your help today.”

“Oh, but I was sleeping so good. I know, I know, I’m up.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and Child # 3 has her car in the shop.

“Dad can you give me a ride to work. I have to leave in 20 minutes.”

“20 minutes, okay.”

It’s the eve of his birthday, but since he’s going that way…

“Baby can you pick up donuts for the crew and stop at Starbucks for me?”

“Sure, the usual?”

“Yes please.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re decorating the church. I guess everyone had plans. It’s us, then one family comes by to help, then Vikki comes by, and it looks like that’s it, so he’s stuck doing a little more than he counted on this morning. Late morning 5 more show up.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he slips away to get his head together for the morning, since Sunday service is tomorrow.

It’s the eve of his birthday and comes out of his office at almost 1 pm.

“I don’t feel good, my body aches and I feel a little nauseous. I feel like I need to eat something other than coffee and donuts.”

I had planned a dinner for his birthday tonight, and eating at this time will ruin it so let’s just go with it. He needs to eat.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he says, “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“I have to start laundry and change the sheets. What about you?”

“I’d love nothing more than a nap, but I have to get back to the office.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home at 6:45 p.m. child # 3 in tow.

“Dad I need to take a load of stuff to my new place.”

“Oh! Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I really need to rest.”

“It’s the first night in my new place. I can call someone else to help me.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll help.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home closer to 8 pm.

“I need a shower and a bed.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and a saint from the church calls.

“Pastor, my car broke down. Can you help me? I’m an hour away and can’t get home.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll be right there.”

“Let me drive, you ride and rest”, I say.

He calls child # 3. “The temp is supposed to drop. Come home and pick up more blankets, just in case.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and his cell phone rings on the way to pick the stranded saint. It’s another saint. His dad is heading for heaven and he needs his pastor.

“I’m on my way to pick up a saint broken down out of town. I will get him, turn right around and be to you.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re at the hospital cafeteria, waiting with the family.

“Happy Birthday Pastor”, everyone says to him just after midnight.

It’s his birthday and we roll out of the hospital at 1:15. He sees the car of another saint in the parking lot. “What are they doing here? Should I go back in and make sure everything is okay?”

It’s his birthday and we’re driving home.

“It’s amazing all we’ve been through together with this family. You know, I remember when the twins were born. They were so tiny, preemies. The doctor didn’t give them much hope. We prayed. Now they’re grown and graduating high school. You know, Toby glowed tonight. When I asked him if he was ready to go he said yes. Then we prayed together. I asked him if he had peace and he did. Susan, he looked peaceful. He’s ready.”

It’s his birthday and it’s 2 a.m. I’m baking cookies for the Kingdom Kidz snack tomorrow and he’s getting ready for bed. He’s not perfect, he’s had his fair share of life happenings but he loves what he does and he was called to do it.

So today, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday My Love. Looks like you’re finally getting that nap you’d wanted since yesterday. In just a few hours you’ll be behind the pulpit preaching your heart out with the message God has placed on your heart. You keep telling me that you have to be called to do this job, and you are. You really are.

Creatures of Habits

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My Lulu the wonder dog!

Every night Lulu, the wonder dog, snuggles up for a little while on her blanket at the foot of our bed and then we send her to her kennel. Doug just snaps his fingers and says “kennel” and she jumps off the bed and goes to bed. I do it differently (quit laughing!), I wake her up and say, “C’mon Lu, let’s go nightnight.” She opens one eye, stretches and moves slowly, stops short of her kennel for her kiss on her forehead and the last scratch between her ears and I tell her I love her. Then she goes in her kennel. Last night she and I both fell asleep, and I guess so did Doug, because in the middle of the night she wakes me up. I think she has to go out so I get up and get my robe on. Guess what? She didn’t want to go out at all she wanted to go to bed in her kennel.

We’re all like that. Creatures of habit that enjoy the little things that make us feel comforted like sleeping in our own bed. Rituals that soothe our souls and let us know that no matter how the day went, there will be some semblance of order at some point. Take a little time today to thank God for those things that bring us peace and comfort. It’s the little things in life that sometimes are the most comforting things.

Mistaken Seasons

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Gary Crabbe www.enlightphoto.com
Gary Crabbe http://www.enlightphoto.com

It’s the celebration of harvest season in the valley. We’re having parades and festivals to mark the bounty that the Lord has bestowed on us. The cotton fields are completely white with cotton that will be have to be harvested shortly, the packing sheds are winding down the packaging and processing of tomatoes, and everyone’s personal garden is exploding with growth. It’s a happy time in the valley of California, a prosperous time, a time when the children go back to school and the world just seems to ease into the new season where the weather cools down. Everyone in this season complains about the abundance of trucks on our two lane roads that slow the traffic down as food is moved out of this corridor and distributed to feed the world. It is like this every single year, you can count on it. With the water shortage, it does cut down on the crops and the activity but the overall picture of farming remains the same. In the natural realm there is no mistaking this season. It’s harvest time.

And then a thought came to me, what happens in the supernatural realm? Do we recognize the seasons there as well?

2 Samuel 11:1 It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

David was a king who wasn’t in season and the story goes on to show us that when we ignore or mistake seasons in our life all hell breaks loose. Perhaps David got complacent, as we sometimes do, and decided not to worry about going off to war with his men. Perhaps having known victory he may not have thought it important. Maybe he was crispy fried with the demands of work and decided to sit this one out on purpose. Whatever the case, we catch a glimpse of what can happen when we mistake a season in our life.

How can we learn from this powerful story of the seduction of self gratification at a time when the season dictates self sacrifice? What if here in the valley the farmers decided not to seed the fields? We would then be missing our harvest season and the result of that would be a food shortage.

Seasons are important in our life. Just ask the mom who has come to the end of her six week maternity leave and realizes she doesn’t want to leave her baby with a sitter. Just ask the bride who is anxiously preparing and awaiting her wedding day. Just ask the parents of first year college students about the emptiness of their nest in the first few weeks.

While these are obvious seasons that are readily recognized as transitional times in our lives, what about those that we may not see clearly or lacked clear understanding of? The missed opportunities to sow into a barren field because we ate the seed. The unexpected opportunity to travel but our credit card has limited out and our savings account is dry. The mother who lives in perpetual guilt because she sowed into her career and now her children are floundering. The father who was never around but now desires a sustained relationship with his family. What about just being apathetic to the things you are called to do in this season? It is time to look up from the tyranny of the urgent and make sure you are not missing the important. It’s time to step outside your bubble and gauge the season. For each of us it will be different, but nevertheless critically important that we are where we are supposed to be in this season. If you aren’t sure what season you are in, do a word search on season in the bible. You’ll see that God has a lot to say about it!

The Blessed Life

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In our kick-off study at TLC4Women we opened up our hearts and minds to the teaching of Pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas and his book The Blessed Life. What a time of generosity unfolded. I watched the class grasp the concept of opening up our heart to the things of God and the beautiful word, tithe. Each Monday night brought fresh revelation of what transpires when we were aware of the principle of giving in our lives. Each Monday night I heard testimony as the women began to give to God with new understanding of what their gifts entailed. I believe many churches in our city will be blessed by our lesson and many, many lives will be changed because of it.

While I’m sworn to secrecy on the conversations that go on in this class, I can tell you that it blessed me. Each Monday night I came home with a smile on my face and a grateful heart, but let me just tell you what blessed me the absolute most! When we talked about extravagant gifts! I was expecting the women to tell me about gifts, actual presents, material things, financial blessings, only they didn’t. They spoke to me about time spent with loved ones, about words spoken in love, about books that changed their lives, about family time, about restored marriages, about the extension of love to our community. So while the book dealt with your finances, the rewards and the promises fulfilled by God were enriched lives in every aspect. Sacrifices were given but the return was more than we could have ever imagined.

The overall consensus was that this book is a must read. I have to say, I thought I’d meet this study with resistance, since we come from different houses across the city, but you have to love the TLC women. They are hungry for knowledge and change and they are women who trust and love God with their whole entire beings! I love them all so much you can’t even begin to know.

The Mischievous Dog

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A Dog used to run up quietly to the heels of everyone he met, and to bite them without notice. His master suspended a bell about his neck so that the Dog might give notice of his presence wherever he went. Thinking it a mark of distinction, the Dog grew proud of his bell and went tinkling it all over the marketplace. One day an old hound said to him: “Why do you make such an exhibition of yourself? That bell that you carry is not, believe me, any order of merit, but on the contrary a mark of disgrace, a public notice to all men to avoid you as an ill-mannered dog.”

Notoriety is often mistaken to fame.