Category: relationships

He Wrote His Loving Words Down For Me So That I’ll Never Forget How He Feels About Me

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By now, you’ve figured out that when a daughter of the King, that’s you beloved, is asked, “Who’s Your Daddy?” there is no man on earth who fits those shoes. Only God is the one who is perfect. By now, you’ve figured out that the only one who can meet your needs completely is not a human. The only one who has your back is The King himself. Throughout these last several months of discussion of what you need to be looking for in a man, you have a much clearer understanding of what is acceptable and what is not.

God did write his loving, living and breathing words down for you. You are his daughter and he wanted you to know how much he loves you and cares for you and just in case you doubt that love ever, you need only go back to the bible and check it out.

Love notes are great. We all enjoy them but some people are not writers. Some men will get up at 2 a.m. out of dead sleep to get their pregnant wife a milk shake but will never write poetry. Which shows more love? They both do, they are just different in their approach. Don’t measure your man by what he doesn’t do, measure him by what he does do. Measure him not by what your girlfriend’s boyfriend does but by what your man does. My husband writes music but he’s never written a song for me. He does other thoughtful things like show up at the office and take me to lunch or call me during the day to see how my day is going or better still, sit through a chick flick without complaint and hold my hand.

God wrote his loving words down for you so that you could always go back to read them and know that feeling of security and love and trust in him with all that you have. The man you choose will not have that ability because your ultimate source of love and security can never be of this earth. What does your man do to make you feel secure and loved? If your answer is nothing then you may be in the wrong place. I say “may” be because you might be overlooking the very thing you think you don’t have. It’s time to get honest with yourself and assess what it is you want in a man, what kind of woman you plan to be and what your plan of action is to get there. My prayer is that through these discussions you’ve figured out what is acceptable and what is not.

Potential Is Risky Business

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Just the mention of this word sends the women of TLC into laughing mode. It’s because when they come to me about a man and they use the phrase, “He has potential…” I always answer the same way, “Potential is just potential until it’s put into play.”

Please don’t make life changing decisions based on potential unless you are willing to take a risk. Potential is just possibility. It doesn’t make it a reality. It makes it a maybe.

Dictionary.com defines Potential as:

1. possible, as opposed to actual
2. capable of being or becoming
3. Grammar. expressing possibility

Has everyone told you that you have potential? If so, it’s possible you could move ahead in that area but you may not. It remains to be seen. I won’t bet on it unless I am willing to take a risk. There are some things worth betting on. There are other things that are just to precious to risk a bet.

Make wise choices!

Respect Your Elders

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Remember when you were a child and you were told to respect your elders? Do they still teach that today? I wonder!

Two weeks before Christmas I was standing in a long line at the Post Office getting some packages mailed out. When I was two people away from the window, yes one window open because we’re a small town, a woman walked in leaning heavily her cane, walking slowly with her little black purse. She stood in the back of the line about 5 people behind me.

I didn’t hesitate. I said to the people behind me loudly, “You guys don’t mind if I let this woman go in front of me do you?” Now, they might have, but thankfully everyone pretended to see her for the very first time and they all said no. She turned bright red and said, “Thank you all, I don’t get around as well as I used to.” She shuffled forward to get in front of me. By then I was one away from the window. Do you THINK the guy in front of me had any chivalry at all? No! He looked back at her and turned away. She then asked us if we could help her open her purse as she couldn’t unzip it very well.

This is when I wish I were even bolder than I am because I SO wanted to ask the guy why he wouldn’t give up his place in line for an elderly person? This is when she smiled at us and said, “I’ll be 90 on Christmas Day.” We all smiled at her and wished her happy birthday.

Just a reminder everyone! One day we’ll all be in this place, shuffling through a line where a younger generation or two will be busy being world changers. Will they prefer us and help us or will we be on our own? The only way it continues is for us to teach, and to be the example to the elders of our generation.

He Covers Me And Doesn’t Expose Me

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God is such a gentleman he takes care of me so beautifully. In him I feel totally safe. It means I can go to him and tell him everything knowing that in him I will find the security, advice, love and above all, he will work with me to find a solution. His love for me makes his care for me his priority. He loves me as an individual and doesn’t exploit me.

When you meet the man who is a keeper there are things that he does that prove to you that he is a gentleman who is going to cover you. Some are easy to see and others, take time to see. First off, he knows his manners as a man and he walks on the outside, in front of you down the stairs, behind you up the stairs, he opens the door for you, pulls out the chair for you while dining. You get the picture; he knows what a man is supposed to do. In him you will find security and love because his main priority is God and his family.

He’s not into what I call over-the-top PDA (public displays of affection). There are men who grab their woman’s butt in public. You know what that says? It’s actually a type of marking you publicly as his property. He is showing other men that yes you are his. Some women think that he loves them so much he can’t keep his hands off of them and they are flattered but let’s get real, it’s inappropriate. This type of behavior is really about his pride and insecurity and marking his territory and not about his woman at all. Holding hands and a kiss is not to be confused with a make out session, the former being normal. Your naked pictures are not on the Internet because it’s sexy but because you are a commodity. Don’t get these things confused with each other as it’s not an indication of love.

The man whom you choose, covers you in prayer, guards his heart and takes his role seriously so that you stay safe and secure in your place.

The woman who grabs the attention of a man of this stature is a woman who is respectful of herself. She isn’t obnoxious or rude with him. She doesn’t discuss him excessively picking him apart with her friends. She isn’t exploiting him or wasting his time. She is mature and sees the man for who he is and not what his potential could make him one day. She certainly would not waste his time with games and presuppositions. The woman who grabs the attention of this man, is self-assured and ready for a lasting relationship.

2010 Resolution #3

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My third resolution for the year is to put my husband before my job, my children and my parents. We are doing The Love Dare in our couple’s bible study. I’m so ready to open that book and begin our study. I often neglect my husband. Not on purpose. We both know the importance of time together but many times, we kiss goodbye in the morning and our day begins and we don’t touch bases again until 9-9:30 at night. AND WE WORK TOGETHER!

So there are times when I actually schedule time and call my husband and say, “Let’s go eat and stare at each other for an hour.” Or I will call him on a Friday afternoon about 2 ish and tell him to meet for a secret date at the movies. I’ll say, “I want to sit with you in the dark and hold your hand and share popcorn.” Can I just tell you that it’s not often I do that? Can I be honest and say our weekly date nights have become routine and it’s mostly my fault? I am the planner and so I have a bigger responsibility. God has called me as a wife to make my husband a priority and sometimes I don’t. Not on purpose, I’m not mad at him or anything. I simply put work before him. So I am going to make each day count. I want to spend the rest of my life being his girlfriend so I need to put in more effort.

Oasis if your marriage is struggling right now and you are thinking about divorce, let me just say, you’d be better off working on this marriage. Your next one will be better, make no mistake about it, not because the spouse is better but because you will have learned some lessons to make it better. Why not just take the lessons you’ve learned and fix this one?

2010 Resolution # 2

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My Second Resolution is my family before my obligations. Christmas Day, I watched my mother who is 68 go into mom mode. She is a good Mexican mother so she quickly put the tamales on the stove, the chili verde to warm along with the beans and rice. We arrived and all the food was ready. Her face fell when we said we weren’t hungry. She then went into mega mom mode as she asked us every 15 minutes if we were hungry now. We finally all sat down to eat with her.

Her face shone with satisfaction at having her family home. I watched her gleam as she watched her grandchildren. Anthony is her favorite, something about a Mexican grandma and her first born grandson. Anthony hung the moon in my mother’s eyes. She hovers over him and Anthony has such a love for his Nana that the scene just oozes love. After my kids left, Doug and the kids and my stepdad went into the family room to watch television. I cleaned up my mom’s kitchen all the while she kept saying, “LEAVE IT”. She wanted my time not my service.

When I finished cleaning her kitchen I sat with her at the kitchen table. She brought her homemade candy and cookies so we could talk. I looked at mom and how happy she was. Once again she told me how worried she was about how much I worked.

I realized that each year one of my goals is to spend more time with my mom. It never happens. There is a church to run, counseling to do, a store to manage, a family of my own, my girlfriends say they miss me and my dog needs a walk. Too much stress in my life and suddenly months have gone by and I haven’t visited my mom. Instead I call her every other day. She deserves and needs more than that.

How many times have I been told by my friends who don’t have their moms here anymore how much they wish they could have spent time with her? How many times have I heard from my friends who live in the same town as their mom how much their mom drives them crazy? I’ve never made room in my life for my mom to drive me crazy. This year, I’m going to put my action where my mouth is. I won’t have my mom forever, I need to make time for her now. What about you? Are you neglecting family putting others first? Are family members asking for your time?

What Do I Need?

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During this season a question keeps getting asked of me. “What do you want for Christmas? What do you need?” Normally, I have a list of things people can buy. One Christmas I gave Casey the job of getting white Spa Towels, big and fluffy. I gave Anthony the job of getting a lip gloss from Bare Essentials, you get the picture. This year wasn’t an exception, I gave everyone their list but the question struck me this year in a different way.

Do any of us really know what we want? Do we understand what we need? I mean those of us who are followers of Christ say we need God, yet we come to him as our last resort. We try every other angle first and then come to God when nothing else is left to try. We raise our hands in service as an act of submission then go back to the chaos that leads our lives. Why is that? Do we believe in the chaos more than we believe in the Father?

This year I want and need for my home to serve the Lord. What I see is that many of us leave a legacy where God is unwelcome. What do we want? What do we need?

We enter relationships where we say we want one thing but then find that thing boring and move on to the more dangerous partner. The one who is unsettled, the one who is unprepared to receive us. Or is it that we are unprepared and unwilling to make a commitment to wait even if it means being alone?

Maybe the problem is we really have no idea what we want and we certainly have not conferred with anyone as to what we need. So we are tossed here and there by what sounds good to our ears at the moment. We go off chasing things we think we need so desperately only to find that it is unfulfilling. Only it didn’t meet the need we thought and we leave disappointed and ready to chase the next best thing.

Israel had a legacy of chasing whims until one day God said he’d had enough and stopped speaking. 400 years later we heard his voice in the sound a baby’s cry. We believe the story, we believe the salvation but we don’t know if we are ready to make that commitment. What if we aren’t happy with the results? What is happiness? What is the thing we are chasing? Do we even know anymore? Is a good enough life, good enough?

This year, I have to be honest. I need no material thing. I want no material thing. The Lord has spent this year talking to me about rest. I have changed a few things in my life to enjoy my life a little more but I have a long way to go. I know what I need and I know what I want and it’s nothing you can buy in a store. I want more Jesus this year. I want more time to spend time in relationships. You and I both know what will happen now. Things will come up left and right to make me take my eyes of the focus of what I need. We call those things the tyranny of the urgent. It will be up to me to stay focused. Just like an athlete I will have to train.

Enough about me, what is it that you need this year?

He Prepares A Table For Me

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When we think of preparing a table we think of a feast. That is exactly what this post speaks to. A feast with a variety of food, the best china and silverware and all the finest food that’s been elegantly prepared. Now stretch your mind a little and instead of seeing a feast of food, look at a feast of possibilities because all things are possible with God. God prepares a feast for you and your only mandate is to come and choose from among the endless possibilities. He prepares opportunities for your success and great surprises as well.

The man whom you choose should never be limiting. He should see the endless possibilities in himself and in you and should prepare an environment where those possibilities are able to thrive and come alive. He should not be the one who fills you wth doubt and he should not be the one who places limits on your potential. Instead he should be your greatest ally. He should be your best encourager.

That is not to say that he doesn’t steer you in the right direction as he has your best interest at heart. That is not to say that he won’t say no to certain things that are not beneficial to you. How will he know that? He is a man of God, a man who truly took the time to get to know you. He is a man who wasn’t only after sex but after a whole woman because he is a whole man. He is a man who knows what it means to be a husband, a man who has died out to his selfish desires as he looks after you.

And what is your role in all of this? You have prepared yourself. You’ve become the woman who is attractive to a man who isn’t carrying around baggage. You aren’t selfish, lazy or determined to sabotage a good relationship because you failed to recognize a whole man.

He Won’t Disown Me Because I Am A Part Of Him

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God chose me before the foundation of the world. There is no going back on that. When I recognized him for who he was, I gave myself fully to him and I haven’t looked back. Divorcing God is not an option for me. I’m in it for life.

This how your relationship should be. It shouldn’t be one where you are just there until something better comes along. It should be solidly cemented where neither of you has a desire to go anywhere else. This is what it truly means to be a part of one another.

Find someone who at 2 a.m., when he’s opening a bag of chips and waking you up with the crunching and you give him the death look, you love him anyway, knowing you’ll have bags under your eyes. Find someone who loves you when you do your own manic things as well. Don’t hook up with a man who doesn’t understand that there are times in a marriage when you both don’t want to deal with anymore of your stuff but you do anyway. Don’t hook up with a man who thinks it’s okay to throw the relationship out the window when times are tough. Find someone who recognizes that you are a part of him and he is a part of you and without the other there would be a part missing. Find someone who is in it for life. Most importantly do the work right now to be that person with whom a man wants to claim you and be a part of your life forever.