Category: relationships

Cry Out Help

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This is part 3 of 3. To read part 2 Click Here

And we don’t understand a lot of things. But we learn that people are very disappointing, and that they break our hearts, and that very sweet people will be bullied, and that we will be called to survive unsurvivable losses, and that we will realize with enormous pain how much of our lives we’ve already wasted with obsessive work or pleasing people or dieting. We will see and read about deprivation and barbarity beyond our ability to understand, much less process. Side by side with all that, we will witness transformation, people finding out who they were born to be, before their parents pretzelized them into high achievers and addicts and charming, wired robots. 

Lamott, Anne (2012-11-13). Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 24). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.

We proceeded on the road to file civil charges to add to the felony charges and the thief returned the money to get us to drop the filing of the civil charges. We agreed to this because after all the felony charges are what’s important. Some felt we should have gone to the legal system to ask them to drop the charges but a wise friend asked me an extremely important and very poignant question:

“So you’re thinking of dropping the charges so that what? He can go to his next job and steal from them? What will be your accountability to the next employer because you will be accountable, just as everyone who doesn’t hold him accountable to, at minimum, an apology will be held accountable when he does it again.”

To say this was powerful was NO JOKE. Do I want to be accountable for his next robbery? Without godly sorrow we continue on the path to destruction. Evil was allowed to live in the camp because we have a distorted view of what it means to be a Christian. Did I want to contribute or did I want to get off the ride? Yes I want off the ride, because it was nauseatingly painful to watch the ripping apart of friendships.

I went into a time of reclusivity and prayer and just as my faith demanded I cried for help.  Just as God promised, he was quick to issue the balm to soothe the wounds, the strategy to combat evil, and the lesson so that it doesn’t happen again. Life Happens.

Wolves Come In

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This is part 2 of a 3 part series. To read part 1 Click Here.

The second thing that happened was a employee at work stole $1,000 from another employee. He used one of the devices where you can swipe a credit card on a mobile device. The employee whose card was stolen was notified by her bank that a debit sale had been made and deposited to this employees account.  We fired the employee who stole the money and we filed a police report. The bank was refusing to refund the money because the parties knew each other, however was very cooperative with the police in the investigation.

The man who stole the money was a new convert to the church and a friend to the other employees. The employee who had her money stolen was hurt beyond belief. She had loaned the man money for gas and food in the past (he has a family), she had befriended his family, and she was being repaid with evil.

The other employees were also caught in the fire. They are friends with everyone and so they wanted to remain friends with both the thief and the one stolen from.  Only the problem was that godly sorrow verse kept crying out to be heard. How do you move on when the person isn’t sorry? How do you sit at church with a wolf in sheep’s clothing or when the person’s family is railing at you and acting as if you are the bad guy for not dropping it? There was no remorse shown for the kindness and the trust shown.

I watched her pain, I felt it, I understood, and yet we have to let the legal system do its thing. We have to watch the blame shift to the the other employees for their possible compliance. Most importantly, I have to look at the leadership and ask was it that I had created an environment of unaccountability, by not running a tight ship, that had created the perfect environment for  this to happen?

The wolf was allowed to come in and scatter the sheep. The small group that they all belonged to is frayed because we don’t understand the Word. Instead there stood two camps. One camp who saw no godly sorrow and one who saw that things happen and oh well we move on.

Life Happens

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

I am back from my self-imposed reclusiveness. I was pondering some things in my life, getting my heart right about matters and thinking things through. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who guides us in all truth and recognizes the heart conditions we find ourselves in. If, when, we submit to the thoughts and processes of this it is beyond amazing what can be cleared up in one’s life.

After a series of events late last year, I was crispy fried. I learned a lot through the process though and I think I love God more than ever because he allowed some refining to take place. The image of the chiseling of skin was a fresh reality and yet, just like my facials, the chemical peel burns but the skin underneath is untouched and soft to the touch.

So what happened? Well, some really good people did some really bonehead things, myself included, and some wolves in sheep’s clothing came and separated out the herd.

I was having employee/employer issues. In any other business environment what was happening would not have been tolerated even for a minute, but we’re a ministry, so you extend grace right? No, because subpar is still subpar, whether it’s for God or man. I was guilty of failing to lead.

Finally one day I snapped. Suddenly, I was no longer nice Pastor Susan, I was evil Pastor Susan. I seemingly had done things without warning and I was now viewed as stepping way out of bounds. Like with anything else consistency is the key and I was an inconsistent leader.  It had now seemed to become personal. I learned a great huge lesson. Take care of every small, even minor detail before it becomes a big insurmountable obstacle and changes dynamics.That’s good leadership. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time. I once had an employee give me a card on a Monday for being the best boss ever and on Friday when I had to let her go, I had become a “terrorist”. So obviously, God had to pull my chain and teach me some things. Again.

Lulu Turns 5

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This is a blog from 5 years ago. It tells Lulu’s story of how she came to be our puppy. Lulu is turning 5 in just a few days, I love her more today than I did when she first came home! So please indulge me in my reminiscing!

January 7, 2008 -About 3 p.m. today (yesterday for you reading this) animal control called me. Some idiot left a litter of five puppies abandoned at the shelter. These little guys are about 1 maybe 1.5 weeks old, not old enough to be without their mom. The shelter couldn’t keep them as they needed to be kept warm and bottle-fed, and they aren’t set up for that, so they called me to see if I would be their foster mom. I asked PD because he’s not really cool on these ideas of mine. He said ask the kids and I knew then it was on!

So Lauren and I went to go and pick them up. PD should never send the two of us to the pound. We want to adopt all of them. We almost got one but she was a female and we knew that was a bad mix with Greta in the house, we were already pushing it with the puppies.

Sometimes I am ashamed of my species. I mean honestly, we are in the middle of a storm here in California, and some jerk abandons helpless animals. They were shaking and extremely dehydrated when I got them. We quickly got formula, warm blankets and a heating disc and we fed them, burped them, stimulated them and put them down for a nap. We’ll have to feed them this way every couple of hours. Yes, it’s going to be a pain but the alternative is not giving a living thing a chance at a life. I am just praying they make it.

Why don’t people spay and neuter their animals? They do it for free for God’s sake! Why would you choose today of all days to dump them? Why not just cowboy up and take them when the shelter is open? It really makes me mad. I mean be honest the reason why your dog got pregnant is because you are irresponsible.

On the other hand, the kids and I were sitting there with baby bottles feeding hungry little puppies, kissing them, and smiling at new life. Right now the kids are fighting to be the “one” who gets to feed them but we’ll see if in a few days the newness of it all doesn’t get really old.

For now, I am going to take a nap and get ready for my turn at feeding. Now we all have to pray then get adopted into good homes and live long happy healthy lives. Oh, by the way, Greta is NOT happy. She is the MAIN dog around here and she wants them gone!

Here is a couple of pictures to melt your heart. They aren’t great quality, as they were taken with my cell phone.

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Despite the Lie Part 2

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Read Part 1 Here.

 

I know many young women who shack up and have babies outside of the confines of marriage, and since I was once them, I ask why and they say things like:

I’d like to be married but he doesn’t want to.

We’re happy and good just like this.

My parents got married and had kids and they still ended up divorced.

My parents got divorced when I was 11 and so nothing is for sure.

He doesn’t want to get married and I am cool with that.

That’s all great if they would not have kids being dragged through all of this, but it’s generally not the case.

Remember the bible verse from Part 1: The violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’.

So we shack up, we break up, we take those kids made in the first relationship to meet the new love, make some more kids, and everyone is supposed to be alright through all of this despite the lie.  Then I saw it first hand, not from the perspective of the single mom, that I was, but rather the kids.  I saw teenagers who looked normal, who were smiling, laughing, talking, shouting, running, skipping, jumping, and loving each other just moments before, teens who seemed to be carefree, raise their hands as they said the violent dismemberment of their family made them feel as if their lives were over.

It is then no wonder that living together looks so appealing. If all they know is that marriages are meant to be broken and all they cause is heartache then why would you want that? Only facts play out differently. The fact is that with some help, books and counseling, an attitude change, most marriages can be fixed. Of course we’d never advocate staying in an abusive situation, as that’s just crazy, but go back to the scripture that we read in the last post.

Malachi 2:13 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. 14 Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. 15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. ~The Message

It’s talking about adultery here. It’s not saying you broke those marriage vows because you refused to take the trash out, or you and I had a different vision for the future, in fact God is saying, and it’s consistent in the New Testament, that the only thing that breaks the marriage vows is adultery. Even then, when I saw the teens break down at the youth conference I wondered if we adults could look at those broken kids and maybe even fix that? Maybe despite the lie that it’s only sex and it means nothing because ‘baby, you wear my ring’, we couldn’t work harder at keeping it together and keeping our kids whole. Because all I see is a generation that’s about to be violently dismembered before they even had a chance.

Actually if there is anything good about the economy tanking it’s that some people are postponing divorce. Maybe one of those couples will read this and change their mind. One can only pray.

Insulting

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I was thinking about an incident that happened in my life many, many years ago that tested my integrity and character. I had a friend whom I considered one of my closest friends. She began to entertain the idea of an affair with the husband of another friend of ours. They were clearly flirting and he was definitely hanging around way too much. I was honest and told her what I thought about the whole thing and my disapproval was made clear, fun killer that I am! She thanked me for my opinion but I didn’t change her mind. You can’t really be surprised at all that my friends tend to be strong willed right?

Early one morning she called me and said that she had told her husband she was with me the night before, when she hadn’t been, and if he were to ask me I was to confirm her story. She then proceeded to tell me what we had done the night before and why so our stories would match. I told her that I would not lie for her. She became angry with me and said she thought she could count on me as her friend. She tried the guilt card, “I thought we were friends?” “I’ve loved you like a sister, and if you were doing this, I would lie for you.” Oops, I realized she didn’t know me.

Actually, the truth of the matter was that she insulted me by thinking I was that kind of woman. You know the kind that would lie to a husband, who was also my friend? Yes, not happening. She thought she could make me complicit with her sin. Neither of which was true, thank God.

A friend doesn’t ask you to comply with her sin. If she’s woman enough to take on her sin, let her be woman enough to face the consequence. I’ve heard people tell me that they lied for their friend because they didn’t want to get involved or didn’t want their friend to be mad at them. This argument doesn’t hold water because the moment we lie, we become involved in the very thing we said we didn’t want to get caught up in.

Any time you are asked to lie for someone, don’t be flattered by what is perceived as bringing you into the inner circle. No! Be aware that they think you don’t have character, or at the very least that you and they are of the same character. They have insulted you on the highest level.

Her husband never asked me a thing and our friendship ended shortly after this incident. She ended up divorced and the man she cheated on reconciled with his wife. And that my friends, sadly enough, is also a typical story for another day.

I’m no different than you are. This was a test. I thank God that I passed the test but I know I’ve failed others along the way, that you thought were no brainers. Some things are merely traps for our soul. Be aware, be wise, be loyal to the right things in life and ask yourself how you’d like to be treated.

Checking Relationships

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The value of friendship

How are your relationships? Not every relationship is God ordered. As much as we like to think it is. A daily dose of the wrong thing and pretty soon you’re just as unhealthy. I used ask our youth group this question:

If I am in a white dress and I kneel in the dirt, do I make the dirt white or the dress dirty?

Love everyone, be positive, be kind, but more importantly know your limits. Jesus met many people, healed many people, loved everyone but you see him make a distinction between those he drew near to follow him and those that were acquaintances.

In Luke 6:12 it says Jesus prayed all night about choosing the twelve disciples. Now, he chose 12 to come in close. Remember he still taught the rest of the people but with the guidance of his Father he chose 12 to pull in close. When was the last time you prayed all night about who your CLOSEST friends should be? My grandfather used to tell me,

“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”

Your surroundings influence you. And that is the cost. You can chose those who will help you to be a better person or those who will be a drag. The cost of unhealthy relationships are wrong influences, wrong directions, unhealthy connections, misdirected purpose, unfulfilled dreams, changed destiny, poor mindset. Check your relationships. Are they healthy? Are they on purpose? Are they moving you forward?

Whosoever WILL

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Let’s get one thing straight. I’m a firm believer of when you know better, you do better. Some lessons are harder than others to learn and the one I learned recently was a false perception that I thought that I was capable of mentoring anyone. After banging my head against the wall a few times however, I realized that there is an important clause in this faith I follow and that’s the whosoever will clause.

Not everyone cares or wants to change. While change be inevitable it’s no less hard and some are not willing nor ready. So this year, I determined to stop beating my head against the wall. Oh sure I would pray, I wouldn’t hold offense, but I wouldn’t stop my forward motion or the progress of others to beat a dead horse. It has worked miracles in my life.

There is no scriptural  reference to nagging and pleading. The whosoever will clause takes care of that. I’ve learned that when I speak to you about the things I have gone through, or even better, the things I have learned along the way, or even better still what the bible has to say about a situation, there is zero return for me. I walk in the door of my house and there is still carpet to vacuum, floors to sweep and mop, dinners to be made. There are still personal devotion times to be had, books to be read, health issues to contend to, and my own growth and learning process. I get nothing out of mentoring another other than sheer joy that the person has moved on past the problem, learned a solution, and has stepped up their level.

When my own mentor, sets me straight, or tries to teach me a principle, or comes and sits and prays with me, she gives up her time for me. She doesn’t get anything from it. I submit and retain the advice or I don’t, it will be entirely up to me. Her workload doesn’t change, in fact, it increases because I become one in her scope of leadership. I add work to her life. It’s one she takes on freely without regret or rancor because she loves to see the progress and she is saddened when I get stuck, but, and here’s the key to mentoring, she refuses to come and sit in the stuck with me. She’ll come and extend her hand but if I am continually trying to drag her down, she walks away. She doesn’t have endless hours for me either. Minutes each week and sometimes not even that. When I used to tell her I have no one to talk to and I needed advice, she would say, “You are never alone, sometimes you need to just get on your face and tell your heavenly Father. Sometimes he’s the only one with the answers.” Great advice that has saved me on so many occasions I can’t even begin to count.

So who is mentoring you? Are they frustrated or thrilled with your progress? Are you listening? Or did you listen with one ear already having chosen what you would do? Who are you mentoring? Are there places where you get stuck? It’s really wisdom to assess your effectiveness in both areas of your life. Take a little time to do that today.

If The Shoe Fits

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Am I the only woman on the planet that looks at Cinderella and thinks, “WHAT A CROCK!”?

I don’t know the idea of spending a whole night dancing with a guy, staring into each other’s eyes, and then running home so fast to beat curfew that I leave a beautiful shoe behind is bad enough. Compound that with a guy who supposedly is madly in love with me but sends some of his workers out, who have never seen me by the way, to bring me back to his place is insulting. Add to that the fact that there are millions of size 7 1/2 women out there and what are the chances he marries the wrong girl and we both forever live with one beautiful shoe and a heel? C’mon! That’s a nightmare not a fairy tale!

We’re going to talk about that and more at the new season of TLC4Women next Monday night, August 13, at 7 pm. I’ll see you there!

TLC4Women is Progressing

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TLC4Women has made a lot of strides over the years. We’ve worked on our issues, we studied the bible, and through it all we’ve learned, and we’ve learned, and we’ve learned, and we’ve grown some too!

This year we are extending our reach to the youth. Girls from 7th Grade to 12th Grade are going to get their own class. I’m excited about that. The leaders of this class are prepping as I write this! I’m expecting big breakthrough! So keep an eye out for details, they’re coming soon!

By the way, if you look at the top of the home page, you’ll see we’ve listed our 2012-2013 Curriculum for both Spanish and English. Our big kick-off will be August 13, 2012 with If The Shoe Fits! We’re looking forward to a great year!