Titus 2:3 Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. 4 By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, 5 be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.
Tonight TLC starts a new class for the young mom’s in the church. Those of us who have older children and have been there done that and have the t-shirt have decided to feed them with a potluck dinner and then begin to mentor them.
What kind of chores can you give a toddler?
How can you get a shower when you can’t even get a single moment alone?
How can you keep the house clean when each time you leave a room, a child or children come and throw their toys again?
What do you do about a husband who wants to have some sex and you just want to sleep?
What happened to the pretty perfume smell you used to have because now you smell like baby spit-up?
Is there anymore ME time?
What do you do with a child who refuses to do anything you say?
What do you do when your child asks why for everything?
How do you get your child to eat something other than chicken nuggets?
What do you do when a child throws a major tantrum in the grocery store?
Yes, lots of questions that the older moms and grandmothers can answer. It’s going to be a great night! Looking forward to being a help and support!
Today I celebrate one of the best days of my life. Today is the birthday of my son. How could I have known love so profound as the day I met Anthony?
I was a young, stupid, crazy teenager when he was conceived but he changed my life more than any other event so far. He was precious from the day I laid eyes on him. How could I have known that one day he would be this grown man who is taller than I am and so much wiser?
“Hola Momma” is how he starts out his conversations to me each week. That’s about the extent of his Taco Bell Spanish but when I hear his voice on the phone, I smile no matter what is going on in the moment. How could I have known how much I miss hugging that puppy-smelling little boy?
He’s in love now and she’s a great girl. I watch how he watches her, how he treats her, and I see that my son is good to her. How could I have known as I stood outside his car when he was 16 and insisted that he get out and come and open the door for me, that I was teaching him to be a man and not just a male?
So many memories flood my mind on this day but one thing is for sure in my life. I am blessed to know Anthony. If that were all I’d be happy. How could I have known that God would love me enough to allow me the privilege of being his mother?
Dina Lohan is in the news for defending her daughter, actress Lindsay Lohan, whom she feels is being judged unfairly for having to serve jail time for drinking and driving. Americans have vilified Dina Lohan as a mother out of control and enabling her daughter. Only ask yourself what’s so different about her and us?
How many parents who know the school has banned the use of cell phones, allow their child to take a cell phone anyway? How many parents have done their kid’s homework? How many parents have let their kids lie without consequence? How many parents have marched their child over to an adult they have disrespected and made them apologize to the person in front of them? How many parents have lied to get what they wanted for their children, as in free lunch or subsidized daycare or welfare, or discounted movie, amusement park tickets? How many parents have paid restitution for their child’s shoplifting or grafitti, rather than let their child pay for it? How many parents have pushed beyond competitiveness for a child who is deemed a winner? How many parents have big time debt buying whatever their children desire? How many parents are still paying their adult children’s bills?
Not the same thing you say? It’s exactly the same thing. The kid wanted it and the mom went to whatever lengths she had to go to get it. Do we think we are above it and would never do it? Think again, we do it all the time. Does the scale matter? No, the slope is the same and we’re all tumbling down it. It’s easy to judge her because she is in the public eye. I wonder if we judge ourselves as harshly?
I’ve been watching with curiosity a trend that seems to happening in the males of our species. I’m not exactly sure when it started or why but I find by the whole thing strange.
The first thing I saw was that our boys were really emotional. They cry for everything. Yes, we want our boys to be able to cry and not hold things in but they cry over things that don’t seem to be important. They cry when the vending machine is out of their favorite soda and they have to pick another. Is that really an issue to cry over? What is going to happen when life doesn’t hand you what you want and you’re a father of three kids?
In counseling I am talking to married men on a regular basis who say things like, “I hate my job and I am seriously thinking about quitting because I deserve to be happy.” Yes, it would be great to be happy but you have a wife and kids and you are the sole support of your family. YOU CAN’T JUST QUIT! I don’t think my grandfather ever once came home and threatened to quit his job. He understood his role in his family as the support of the home. He probably hated his jobs. He worked out in the fields and drove truck and was a card dealer at night I would bet that it was a pretty miserable to work two jobs and sleep in the cab of your truck as they loaded up your trailers yet not once did I hear him complain. His words to us were simply, “I am working hard to provide opportunities for you so that you don’t have to work this hard.” Since when do emotions enter into sustenance decisions that affect our families?
In speaking to Pastor Doug he felt that there was a shift when men were told they weren’t sensitive enough. So we created a generation of emotional males. I agree he is probably right but there is a problem with that. When a man thinks emotionally he thinks irrationally. Men tend to problem focus while women tend to emotionally focus. When a man thinks emotionally he doesn’t think clearly and it frustrates him and therefore runs the risk of making rash decisions that ultimately hurt the family.
I think there has to be a happy medium. Yes, I believe men have emotions and they need to express them appropriately. It’s normal to cry when your dog dies, when your mom dies, when something is truly sad. It’s not okay to cry when Chili’s is out of baby back ribs. It’s not okay to cry when your baby needs diapers and you have to spend your poker money on them. No one has ever promised you that life would be fair. Life is just but it’s not fair. So your best friend got a Wii for Christmas and you didn’t. It’s okay, your day will come and you’ll get it too. This is nothing to cry about.
I am not in any way including tender-hearted men in this blog. Some men are just touched by sensitive things. The difference is they cry over a baby’s birth or a sad movie not whether they can go golfing or not. I am talking about the crying over life’s issues that just happen. I am talking to the women raising men. If your son didn’t clean his room and wants to go to the movies and your deal was he had to clean his room, no amount of crying should move you to change the deal. These aren’t things to cry about and we need to teach this. These are simply consequences.
I don’t know if I am the only one who thinks this, but this is a very serious issue to me. I see men not stepping up to the plate as men because they don’t “feel” like it. As a woman I am wondering what happens to our children when men seek their own happiness over their the well-being of their family. It used to be that a man would abandon his family very rarely. It was an oddity. Now not having a dad is pretty normal, most births in America are to single moms. The number one thing I hear when a father doesn’t want to be a dad is because he isn’t getting his way. A few years ago I heard a man say, “Well, she bought clothes for the baby and so I spent the same amount on a couple of tickets to the WWE, it’s only fair.” Want to see my head explode? This is a good way to see it happen. We have work to do or rather undo.
This blog was written three years ago in honor of my godparents. Sadly, my godfather passed away last Monday, on their 63rd wedding anniversary, and we will bury him in the morning. I have deep sense of sadness but also amazing gratitude at having known them and at having the privilege to be their goddaughter.
Last week I got a chance to visit with my godparents. I love them so much. They are both incredible role models to me and have treated me well all of my life. They took their roles in my life seriously and they accepted their responsibility for my spiritual upbringing to the fullest. To this day they send me prayers by mail and I get solid hugs, love and words, both correcting and edifying.
In a few weeks they are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary! Yes that’s 60 like 6-0, like 56,57,58, 59, 60! They were married on June 14, 1947. She was 19 and he was 21 or 22 and just back from World War II. I am so very proud of them.
I remember for their 50th I asked what the secret was. My Nina Lola, as I call her (Delores as the world calls her), said, “We stuck it out. You don’t always feel the ‘in love’ feeling, there are ups and downs but the ups always come back and the downs are there too, but you begin to understand that it’s life. That’s the problem with you kids, you give up too easy and you miss out. The first down and you are out.”
This year, we asked her again what the secret was. She said, “Love, communication, you have to be able to have things to talk about, respect is very important and morals.” She still calls, my Nino George, “Hun”. My Nina Lola will be 80 next month and Nino George will be 82 I think or 83 in July. He listened to what she had to say about how they sustained 60 years and he chuckled and said with a sparkle in his eye, “Who’s been married 60 years? Not me!” He’s always had a great sense of humor and can keep you laughing with these kinds of typical retorts. She said, “Not 60 years, 50 years. Oh yeah, it is 60 years isn’t it?” Then we all laughed. How cool it was that to them it didn’t seem as though it was a life sentence!
I don’t know if when they first met and felt that first spark of love touch them both that they ever imagined 60 years but I’d like to think so. They are parents, grandparents and great-grandparents and they live in the very first house they bought. That spark has created security for all of us and for that I am so grateful. I can’t express the love that I feel for them. They are funny and rich in character and I am so much better for having them in my life. They have taught me that the things that are important in life are simple. Love your family, work at something you are good at and don’t expect perfection, set down roots and go to church. Monetarily they could have moved to a bigger house at any point, taken lavish vacations or done whatever they wanted. Instead they taught us to save our money and be content.
60 years. What a blessing. I can’t even imagine them apart. 60 years. What a legacy. When you realize that some people don’t live that long so to be married that long is a blessing. To find a couple who are at peace with each other and who have learned to get along is a gift. That is truly a gift worth thanking God for!
I watched with interest this week, boys at play, as we sat on the shore of Monterey Bay. Those of you who know me, know that I love to see the fearlessness of boys at play. The water on the Northern California coast is COLD. So even though I go to the beach often, I don’t go dip my feet in the water too much, much less get in it.
The first boy I saw was with his three older sisters and his parents. His father stood stoically, watching his family, the girls squealed and ran from the waves each time they came near. The boy however, who was no more than 4 or 5 years old, kept running towards the waves. His mother, out of her fear, kept yelling at him, to stay to her right. He would straighten up and get on her right side, meaning the water would float over his ankles but this was quickly boring and pretty soon, he’d lose control and run towards the wave. He finally exhausted his mother and got a good swat on his bottom and she told him that he couldn’t swim, the tide could carry him out and if he didn’t listen he’d have to go stand by his dad. He pouted, got red-faced and got in his place, but not for long. You see, the warrior in him needed to go conquer the waves. He needed to go feel the water not just on his ankles but on his body as well. The struggle arrived because he was fearless and his mom was fearful. Welcome to the world of women, I said to my husband.
Then two boys arrived, older boys, maybe 10 or 11. “Dare me to dunk myself in the next wave.” “Okay, I dare you, is it cold?” “Of course it’s cold, it’s freezing but you just have to do it!” I had to laugh because this is the battle cry of little warriors, they must overcome the obstacles and look bold and strong in front of their friends. While the girls on the beach that were about the same age as the boys, laid on the sand and talked on their cell phones, and giggled and listened to their ipod, the warriors had work to do. They had contests to see who could build the best fort out of sand, they had to go run through the girls blanket and get it wet and full of sand, they had to make mud balls to fling at each other and at the girls. They had to dare each other to jump from the pier, which they did with gusto, never even considering how deep or shallow the water was. They had water guns, and when that didn’t work they threw pebbles at each other and wrestled and hit. They got mad at each other and then made up quickly. They tried their best to outdo each other in each endeavor they took on.
It’s so important that we recognize this innate nature in the life of a boy. We must celebrate it and not try to subdue it. It is their design. They do consider themselves warriors and they do have a battle to fight, even if right now, it’s imaginary, it is nevertheless preparation for the life they will live as men. Later, as they grow older, they will discover the battles on the sports fields, the battles on the golf course, the battles in the workplace, the battles for the girl worth fighting for, the battles as the armchair quarterback, the battles of a husband and the battles of a father. Celebrate those little warriors. Although most of us women will never truly understand their need to conquer their fears and confront the world in which they live, we must recognize their need to be victorious and to be the hero in their life. We will thank God one day for the man that fights for his family and will do whatever it takes to lead them and keep them safe at any cost.
As my son Anthony moved out of town 4 hours away, I’ve really been looking back. Now that my daughter Casey has graduated from college and is working and living her adult life about 20 minutes from Anthony, I’ve really been looking back. Time flies so quickly with your children. It seems like yesterday they were babies and now they are grown and off on their own. We talk on the phone, by text and Facebook, but the days of baseball and cheerleading competitions are long gone.
I knew they were only mine for a season. I knew they weren’t really mine forever. I tied them to my apron strings and held them close to my heart and taught them to be good citizens who love God and who are kind productive members of society. Some days were beyond easy and some days were crazy hard but all in all it was good. I loved being a mom. It was truly my greatest job ever. My role is different now but I will be forever blessed to have these two in my life.
If you are a parent, cherish this time with your children. It will be gone before you have time to catch your breath. Whenever I hear this song on the radio I think of what it means to raise a child and how it really is true. Our roots as parents, if they are planted in good soil and tended carefully, will help them find their wings.
Everyone’s been asking what Anthony’s been up to because he’s never around these days. Well, he got a fabulous job and moved to Los Angeles. He met a beautiful girl named Frances, from our home town, at the May Day Fair. She is smart and funny and the rest is history.
So on a rainy day they went out to look for some fun! Here are some pictures.
Frances meets up with George ClooneyAnthony found out Tiger's been hiding at random putt-putt golf centers! Frances decided to have breakfast at Tiffany's
Anthony is an closet AI fan Who knew Frances loved Shrek? No day is complete without Anthony's idol Spiderman!
So there you go. He has trade shows coming up in February, but maybe we’ll see him around in March!
Pastor Susan 