Category: God

If Only Relationships

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Don’t land me in one of those relationships where we’re always pecking at each other, disguising insults as jokes, rolling our eyes and “playfully” scrapping in front of our friends, hoping to lure them to our side of an argument they could not care less about. Those awful if only relationships: This marriage would be great if only  …   and you sense the if only list is a lot longer than either of them realizes. 

Flynn, Gillian (2012-06-05). Gone Girl: A Novel (p. 29). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Have we all not been the uncomfortable witness to this scene before? While on vacation I came across this couple where they professed undying love and showed constant annoyance while just kidding.  They sighed and bickered at each other each time they engaged in conversation, they sparred skillfully since it was nothing new to them, stabbing each other verbally, extracting the sword as if it was par for the course and laugh it off.  I sat and wondered if people realize how hard that is to watch? Do they know how uncomfortable it is for us who don’t want to play this game with them? If this is their public image, how absolutely awful must their private life be? 

One day the person wishing their If Only Relationship was something more will find their If Only Relationship is gone. Then the cry will be If Only they were here.

I am a firm believer that God will teach us daily lessons if we’ll pay attention and today my lesson was learned. Be grateful and kind to your spouse. Learn to forgive and let things go because if you don’t, you’ll end up like those two, trying to say what your heart is bitter about through public insults. 

I have to go and kiss my husband’s forehead and tell him that he is my ONLY and there is no IF about it. I accept him as he is!

Cry Out Help

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This is part 3 of 3. To read part 2 Click Here

And we don’t understand a lot of things. But we learn that people are very disappointing, and that they break our hearts, and that very sweet people will be bullied, and that we will be called to survive unsurvivable losses, and that we will realize with enormous pain how much of our lives we’ve already wasted with obsessive work or pleasing people or dieting. We will see and read about deprivation and barbarity beyond our ability to understand, much less process. Side by side with all that, we will witness transformation, people finding out who they were born to be, before their parents pretzelized them into high achievers and addicts and charming, wired robots. 

Lamott, Anne (2012-11-13). Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 24). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.

We proceeded on the road to file civil charges to add to the felony charges and the thief returned the money to get us to drop the filing of the civil charges. We agreed to this because after all the felony charges are what’s important. Some felt we should have gone to the legal system to ask them to drop the charges but a wise friend asked me an extremely important and very poignant question:

“So you’re thinking of dropping the charges so that what? He can go to his next job and steal from them? What will be your accountability to the next employer because you will be accountable, just as everyone who doesn’t hold him accountable to, at minimum, an apology will be held accountable when he does it again.”

To say this was powerful was NO JOKE. Do I want to be accountable for his next robbery? Without godly sorrow we continue on the path to destruction. Evil was allowed to live in the camp because we have a distorted view of what it means to be a Christian. Did I want to contribute or did I want to get off the ride? Yes I want off the ride, because it was nauseatingly painful to watch the ripping apart of friendships.

I went into a time of reclusivity and prayer and just as my faith demanded I cried for help.  Just as God promised, he was quick to issue the balm to soothe the wounds, the strategy to combat evil, and the lesson so that it doesn’t happen again. Life Happens.

Wolves Come In

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This is part 2 of a 3 part series. To read part 1 Click Here.

The second thing that happened was a employee at work stole $1,000 from another employee. He used one of the devices where you can swipe a credit card on a mobile device. The employee whose card was stolen was notified by her bank that a debit sale had been made and deposited to this employees account.  We fired the employee who stole the money and we filed a police report. The bank was refusing to refund the money because the parties knew each other, however was very cooperative with the police in the investigation.

The man who stole the money was a new convert to the church and a friend to the other employees. The employee who had her money stolen was hurt beyond belief. She had loaned the man money for gas and food in the past (he has a family), she had befriended his family, and she was being repaid with evil.

The other employees were also caught in the fire. They are friends with everyone and so they wanted to remain friends with both the thief and the one stolen from.  Only the problem was that godly sorrow verse kept crying out to be heard. How do you move on when the person isn’t sorry? How do you sit at church with a wolf in sheep’s clothing or when the person’s family is railing at you and acting as if you are the bad guy for not dropping it? There was no remorse shown for the kindness and the trust shown.

I watched her pain, I felt it, I understood, and yet we have to let the legal system do its thing. We have to watch the blame shift to the the other employees for their possible compliance. Most importantly, I have to look at the leadership and ask was it that I had created an environment of unaccountability, by not running a tight ship, that had created the perfect environment for  this to happen?

The wolf was allowed to come in and scatter the sheep. The small group that they all belonged to is frayed because we don’t understand the Word. Instead there stood two camps. One camp who saw no godly sorrow and one who saw that things happen and oh well we move on.

Life Happens

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1Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation,and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

I am back from my self-imposed reclusiveness. I was pondering some things in my life, getting my heart right about matters and thinking things through. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who guides us in all truth and recognizes the heart conditions we find ourselves in. If, when, we submit to the thoughts and processes of this it is beyond amazing what can be cleared up in one’s life.

After a series of events late last year, I was crispy fried. I learned a lot through the process though and I think I love God more than ever because he allowed some refining to take place. The image of the chiseling of skin was a fresh reality and yet, just like my facials, the chemical peel burns but the skin underneath is untouched and soft to the touch.

So what happened? Well, some really good people did some really bonehead things, myself included, and some wolves in sheep’s clothing came and separated out the herd.

I was having employee/employer issues. In any other business environment what was happening would not have been tolerated even for a minute, but we’re a ministry, so you extend grace right? No, because subpar is still subpar, whether it’s for God or man. I was guilty of failing to lead.

Finally one day I snapped. Suddenly, I was no longer nice Pastor Susan, I was evil Pastor Susan. I seemingly had done things without warning and I was now viewed as stepping way out of bounds. Like with anything else consistency is the key and I was an inconsistent leader.  It had now seemed to become personal. I learned a great huge lesson. Take care of every small, even minor detail before it becomes a big insurmountable obstacle and changes dynamics.That’s good leadership. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time. I once had an employee give me a card on a Monday for being the best boss ever and on Friday when I had to let her go, I had become a “terrorist”. So obviously, God had to pull my chain and teach me some things. Again.

It’s The Eve of His Birthday

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It’s the eve of his birthday and he’s fast asleep, but this Pastor’s wife needs the Pastor to wake up and help her get the church decorated today.

“Baby, I need your help today.”

“Oh, but I was sleeping so good. I know, I know, I’m up.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and Child # 3 has her car in the shop.

“Dad can you give me a ride to work. I have to leave in 20 minutes.”

“20 minutes, okay.”

It’s the eve of his birthday, but since he’s going that way…

“Baby can you pick up donuts for the crew and stop at Starbucks for me?”

“Sure, the usual?”

“Yes please.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re decorating the church. I guess everyone had plans. It’s us, then one family comes by to help, then Vikki comes by, and it looks like that’s it, so he’s stuck doing a little more than he counted on this morning. Late morning 5 more show up.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he slips away to get his head together for the morning, since Sunday service is tomorrow.

It’s the eve of his birthday and comes out of his office at almost 1 pm.

“I don’t feel good, my body aches and I feel a little nauseous. I feel like I need to eat something other than coffee and donuts.”

I had planned a dinner for his birthday tonight, and eating at this time will ruin it so let’s just go with it. He needs to eat.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he says, “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“I have to start laundry and change the sheets. What about you?”

“I’d love nothing more than a nap, but I have to get back to the office.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home at 6:45 p.m. child # 3 in tow.

“Dad I need to take a load of stuff to my new place.”

“Oh! Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I really need to rest.”

“It’s the first night in my new place. I can call someone else to help me.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll help.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home closer to 8 pm.

“I need a shower and a bed.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and a saint from the church calls.

“Pastor, my car broke down. Can you help me? I’m an hour away and can’t get home.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll be right there.”

“Let me drive, you ride and rest”, I say.

He calls child # 3. “The temp is supposed to drop. Come home and pick up more blankets, just in case.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and his cell phone rings on the way to pick the stranded saint. It’s another saint. His dad is heading for heaven and he needs his pastor.

“I’m on my way to pick up a saint broken down out of town. I will get him, turn right around and be to you.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re at the hospital cafeteria, waiting with the family.

“Happy Birthday Pastor”, everyone says to him just after midnight.

It’s his birthday and we roll out of the hospital at 1:15. He sees the car of another saint in the parking lot. “What are they doing here? Should I go back in and make sure everything is okay?”

It’s his birthday and we’re driving home.

“It’s amazing all we’ve been through together with this family. You know, I remember when the twins were born. They were so tiny, preemies. The doctor didn’t give them much hope. We prayed. Now they’re grown and graduating high school. You know, Toby glowed tonight. When I asked him if he was ready to go he said yes. Then we prayed together. I asked him if he had peace and he did. Susan, he looked peaceful. He’s ready.”

It’s his birthday and it’s 2 a.m. I’m baking cookies for the Kingdom Kidz snack tomorrow and he’s getting ready for bed. He’s not perfect, he’s had his fair share of life happenings but he loves what he does and he was called to do it.

So today, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday My Love. Looks like you’re finally getting that nap you’d wanted since yesterday. In just a few hours you’ll be behind the pulpit preaching your heart out with the message God has placed on your heart. You keep telling me that you have to be called to do this job, and you are. You really are.

The Blessed Life

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In our kick-off study at TLC4Women we opened up our hearts and minds to the teaching of Pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas and his book The Blessed Life. What a time of generosity unfolded. I watched the class grasp the concept of opening up our heart to the things of God and the beautiful word, tithe. Each Monday night brought fresh revelation of what transpires when we were aware of the principle of giving in our lives. Each Monday night I heard testimony as the women began to give to God with new understanding of what their gifts entailed. I believe many churches in our city will be blessed by our lesson and many, many lives will be changed because of it.

While I’m sworn to secrecy on the conversations that go on in this class, I can tell you that it blessed me. Each Monday night I came home with a smile on my face and a grateful heart, but let me just tell you what blessed me the absolute most! When we talked about extravagant gifts! I was expecting the women to tell me about gifts, actual presents, material things, financial blessings, only they didn’t. They spoke to me about time spent with loved ones, about words spoken in love, about books that changed their lives, about family time, about restored marriages, about the extension of love to our community. So while the book dealt with your finances, the rewards and the promises fulfilled by God were enriched lives in every aspect. Sacrifices were given but the return was more than we could have ever imagined.

The overall consensus was that this book is a must read. I have to say, I thought I’d meet this study with resistance, since we come from different houses across the city, but you have to love the TLC women. They are hungry for knowledge and change and they are women who trust and love God with their whole entire beings! I love them all so much you can’t even begin to know.

Despite the Lie Part 2

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Read Part 1 Here.

 

I know many young women who shack up and have babies outside of the confines of marriage, and since I was once them, I ask why and they say things like:

I’d like to be married but he doesn’t want to.

We’re happy and good just like this.

My parents got married and had kids and they still ended up divorced.

My parents got divorced when I was 11 and so nothing is for sure.

He doesn’t want to get married and I am cool with that.

That’s all great if they would not have kids being dragged through all of this, but it’s generally not the case.

Remember the bible verse from Part 1: The violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’.

So we shack up, we break up, we take those kids made in the first relationship to meet the new love, make some more kids, and everyone is supposed to be alright through all of this despite the lie.  Then I saw it first hand, not from the perspective of the single mom, that I was, but rather the kids.  I saw teenagers who looked normal, who were smiling, laughing, talking, shouting, running, skipping, jumping, and loving each other just moments before, teens who seemed to be carefree, raise their hands as they said the violent dismemberment of their family made them feel as if their lives were over.

It is then no wonder that living together looks so appealing. If all they know is that marriages are meant to be broken and all they cause is heartache then why would you want that? Only facts play out differently. The fact is that with some help, books and counseling, an attitude change, most marriages can be fixed. Of course we’d never advocate staying in an abusive situation, as that’s just crazy, but go back to the scripture that we read in the last post.

Malachi 2:13 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. 14 Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. 15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. ~The Message

It’s talking about adultery here. It’s not saying you broke those marriage vows because you refused to take the trash out, or you and I had a different vision for the future, in fact God is saying, and it’s consistent in the New Testament, that the only thing that breaks the marriage vows is adultery. Even then, when I saw the teens break down at the youth conference I wondered if we adults could look at those broken kids and maybe even fix that? Maybe despite the lie that it’s only sex and it means nothing because ‘baby, you wear my ring’, we couldn’t work harder at keeping it together and keeping our kids whole. Because all I see is a generation that’s about to be violently dismembered before they even had a chance.

Actually if there is anything good about the economy tanking it’s that some people are postponing divorce. Maybe one of those couples will read this and change their mind. One can only pray.

Despite the Lie

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The frivolous attitude of shacking up is contradictory to the integrity of commitment therefore, the rate of divorce is higher than non-shack ups. ~ Dr. Laura

I love Dr. Laura Schlessinger because despite the cultural lies of  what is normal, she stands up for the voice of right. While many criticize her and her stance on marriage and family I salute her. Perhaps because I am one of those bad girls who turned it around,  I have more grace than others for  women whom I admire for telling the truth. I see nothing wrong in Dr. Laura’s stance and I credit her  with helping shape my morals and values for the last 22 years of my life that I’ve been listening to her radio program daily. It’s on even now in the background as I write this blog.

Why has marriage taken such a beating? I think it has to do with the fact that we throw it away so easily and embrace an inferior alternative. I found a piece of scripture that has been hounding me for weeks now.

Malachi 2:13 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. 14 Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. 15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. ~The Message

The violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage. It really is like that isn’t it? When we see it writing does it cause us a moment of pause? And when God says what he wants from marriage, “Children of God, that’s what”. What does that invoke in your thought process? I see people who are born into a moral character to do what is right despite the lie that everyone is going to be okay being raised outside of marriage. Living together outside of the marriage covenant takes all the boundaries away, leaving children vulnerable and believing that marriage doesn’t matter.

While at a youth convention this past week, the speaker was talking about defining moments in life. They asked the youth to raise their hand if when their parents divorced, they felt their lives were over. In other words, was this the defining moment of their future? In an instant hundreds of kids raised their hands. Bible: “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.”

Even as I am writing this a horrible pain stirs up within me and I tear up to have been a witness to this moment.  What we adults took so insignificantly, profoundly defined these teen’s future. Remember the speaker asked for those kids who thought their lives were over when their parents announced their divorce. Can you imagine such a deep pain? The violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage. It wasn’t just about two people, it affected a family, a community and a nation. When you picture violent dismembering of flesh what comes to your mind? Does the National Geographic Channel and the lions biting into a zebra come to mind? Does Jeffrey Dahmer’s pieces of flesh in his fridge come to mind? Yes, it’s like this.

Stay with this thought until next time. I have so much more to say on this matter so check back.

You Are Woman

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daily glow

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Feel your pulse

You are alive, beautifully and wonderfully made.

You were made with a purpose. While the Lord was still forming you before the dawn of creation, He was singing songs of love over your heart. He was instilling your destiny into your innermost being. Can you hear His song in your heart?

I love you.

You are a success.

Meant for greatness.

You are a mighty warrior.

A gentle hand.

A gifted touch.

A compassionate voice.

A desperate intercessor.

A world changer.

A humanitarian.

A beautiful princess.

You are My beloved daughter.

Those words are nestled way down deep in your soul. Those words have only to be redeemed to become life giving once again.

Life giving.

You and God have something in common. He gives life, you bring it forth. Whether by natural birth or by your loving hand you share this characteristic with the One that made you.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

There is one who wishes desperately to steal these affirmations from you. One who is jealous of your life giving ability. You see, he only has one purpose and that is take life. He doesn’t understand your essence and makes a charge against you to God. He cries out in anger the question that God refuses to answer.

“WHY HER?”

He can’t fully understand the love of the Father for you because he knows nothing about love. He can’t comprehend why God would make a human a little lower than angels and then love, so unconditionally, that wonder that is you. God doesn’t feel the need to explain himself. It just is.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Satan would like to destroy you with words about your lack. Your weight, you’re too much, you’re not enough, your hair isn’t the right color, your eyes are just a little too close together, you have freckles, you have wrinkles, you’re barren in body, mind, and spirit.

Only you’re not any of that.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Put your armor on, mighty woman of the Most High King. Your identity doesn’t lie in the culture of the day. Your identity doesn’t lie in the reflection of the mirror, no, my sister, my friend, you are much more than that could ever convey. For you see, your identity lies in the Creator. He is not a man and therefore can not lie. He is the Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End and He says, you are His. And. that. answers. that. question.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

No longer will you be chained to the methods and standards of this world. You are His.
No longer will you be tied to the comments of the ones that can not save you. You are His.
No longer will you be a slave to the mirror or the scale. You are His.
You are wonderfully crafted, perfected by study, and washed clean by the blood that was shed for your salvation.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Rejoice today my sister, my friend!

The enemy of your soul has no hold over you. You are a woman. Beautifully crafted and created to nurture the universe, to be a lioness over your dominion, and to subdue the planet. Rejoice today, for in this revelation is strength beyond understanding, encouragement, fire that doesn’t consume you, and life without limits. You are everything.

Insulting

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I was thinking about an incident that happened in my life many, many years ago that tested my integrity and character. I had a friend whom I considered one of my closest friends. She began to entertain the idea of an affair with the husband of another friend of ours. They were clearly flirting and he was definitely hanging around way too much. I was honest and told her what I thought about the whole thing and my disapproval was made clear, fun killer that I am! She thanked me for my opinion but I didn’t change her mind. You can’t really be surprised at all that my friends tend to be strong willed right?

Early one morning she called me and said that she had told her husband she was with me the night before, when she hadn’t been, and if he were to ask me I was to confirm her story. She then proceeded to tell me what we had done the night before and why so our stories would match. I told her that I would not lie for her. She became angry with me and said she thought she could count on me as her friend. She tried the guilt card, “I thought we were friends?” “I’ve loved you like a sister, and if you were doing this, I would lie for you.” Oops, I realized she didn’t know me.

Actually, the truth of the matter was that she insulted me by thinking I was that kind of woman. You know the kind that would lie to a husband, who was also my friend? Yes, not happening. She thought she could make me complicit with her sin. Neither of which was true, thank God.

A friend doesn’t ask you to comply with her sin. If she’s woman enough to take on her sin, let her be woman enough to face the consequence. I’ve heard people tell me that they lied for their friend because they didn’t want to get involved or didn’t want their friend to be mad at them. This argument doesn’t hold water because the moment we lie, we become involved in the very thing we said we didn’t want to get caught up in.

Any time you are asked to lie for someone, don’t be flattered by what is perceived as bringing you into the inner circle. No! Be aware that they think you don’t have character, or at the very least that you and they are of the same character. They have insulted you on the highest level.

Her husband never asked me a thing and our friendship ended shortly after this incident. She ended up divorced and the man she cheated on reconciled with his wife. And that my friends, sadly enough, is also a typical story for another day.

I’m no different than you are. This was a test. I thank God that I passed the test but I know I’ve failed others along the way, that you thought were no brainers. Some things are merely traps for our soul. Be aware, be wise, be loyal to the right things in life and ask yourself how you’d like to be treated.