Category: Women
Say Yes To The Dress
Have you seen this show on television? I had not ever watched it before until a friend suggested it to me. At first glance this is a crazy mess of mothers who want to relive their wedding fantasies. I sat there stunned as mothers said to their daughters that the dress of their daughter’s dreams were not as important as the dress of the mother’s dream. In other words, I thought, you’ll get to pick the dress you want when your daughter gets married.
Then you see the daughters who have not fallen far from the mother’s tree. The mothers have clearly spelled out the budget. The daughters could clearly care less. “I know what she said”, one daughter exclaimed, “but I know that I’m the only daughter and I usually get my way.”
Thus begins the war. It’s such a complicated relationship with a mother and daughter. You must know when to speak up and when to be quiet. I admit I am not good at this as it was recently pointed out, I’m trying to do better now! Watching just a few episodes of this show made me wonder if I should just begin praying for wisdom when it comes to my daughters getting married. Maybe I should even begin praying for a muzzle?
One thing was for sure, it’s important for a daughter to receive her mother’s approval ultimately. At at the end of each show, whether the right dress was found or not, there was a bond between these two women that goes beyond love. Every time I saw a daughter come out of that dressing room beaming in the, no I mean “the” dress, the mother teared up and their eyes would meet. Suddenly all the squabbling subsided and hugs abounded. I realized even though it’s difficult I prefer my daughter’s happiness over my opinion. Yes, it’s hard to say, but it’s the truth of my heart and I believe it’s the truth of any mother’s heart.
Little Girl Found
Doing A Great Work
I read this today and it made me smile. I wish I knew who wrote it but once you read it, it will seem par for the course that I don’t. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. You are doing a great work!
The Invisible Mother
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’
Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? ‘Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature – but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building while no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit a cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Thank you to all the Moms who are looking down and smiling at the cathedrals they helped to build. May God bless and keep you.
What A Man Needs
When is a man ready for a relationship that leads to marriage? I teach this to our girls in youth group. Five things God gave Adam before he gave him a wife. Today I was reminded of the teaching so I thought I’d share it with you. It’s not my original thought. In fact, I got it from Dr. Myles Munroe back in 1992-93-ish but it’s still powerful knowledge today.
Genesis 2:7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
So we begin to see an order in God’s design of man. The first was relationship with God above all. A man whose need for a savior is foremost in his life is on the right path.
Genesis 2:8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.
Although the Lord was Adam’s father, Adam had his own place to live.
Genesis 2:15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
Adam had a job. Need I say more?
Genesis 2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”
Adam lived within order and within the parameters of the laws set before him.
Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
Adam reached a point in his life where he recognized the need for help-meet. He recognized that he had God, but that there was something missing.
God in his infinite wisdom led Adam down a path of order to a point where he realized he wanted to share his life with another living being. So often, we circumvent the process in an attempt to make things happen by our own hand. Perhaps this is why the divorce rate is so high. Perhaps this is why there are so many unwed mothers and absent dads. We didn’t recognize the need for each other. When we don’t know the purpose of something we tend to abuse or misuse what we’ve been given. If we are given things we didn’t yet earn, we don’t value it.
I love that I have women in their 20’s who see me around town and remember the teaching they received in high school. I’ll hear, “Pastora, he has three, as they hold up three fingers, but you know me, I’m waiting for the five!” In their age group one of the things they are missing is the need. Let’s be wise! Let’s wait until he’s ready. We’ve been playing house since we can remember but men have been busy playing war. He needs to conquer some things first, let’s be at peace with that.
Equality For Women Doesn’t Measure Up
Growing up I was raised by a feminist woman. I was told I could be whatever I wanted to be. Limits were not placed on my achievement in education or career just because I was born female. Once in the corporate world, I was given classes on how to speak, voice inflection and command, in order to be taken seriously in a boardroom. I was taught to dress professionally, not denying the fact that I was a woman but not flaunting my sexuality because I wanted to be taken seriously. This was the legacy of the women who fought hard for their equality in the workplace.
I look around at the toddler and and tiara set of females we are raising today and am left wondering what happened? On the one hand we scream for equality and on the other hand we dress our daughters like pole dancers. Padded bras for 8 year-olds, sexually suggestive clothing and wording, and makeup way too soon, is this the legacy for the next generation? What happened?
I read this article in the Patriot Post and I am not the only one shaking her head. Suzanne Fields makes a great point and this is a great read!
We Are Women
Greeting my uncle who is in his 80’s, we began talking and somewhere in our conversation I referred to myself as a girl. He scolded me saying, “I hate when women refer to themselves as girls. You go through so much to become a woman and then you refer to yourself as girl.” I laughed […]
Greeting my uncle who is in his 80’s, we began talking and somewhere in our conversation I referred to myself as a girl. He scolded me saying, “I hate when women refer to themselves as girls. You go through so much to become a woman and then you refer to yourself as girl.” I laughed and brushed it off in the moment but later I realized that he had a valid point. I’d been mulling it over off and on when I gathered with a group of women for tea yesterday.
I looked around the room. This tea brought 30 women together. We began to speak about the topic at hand that day which was the privilege of being adopted into the family of Christ and what responsibility that carried with it. The women began their stories slowly and softly as is always the case. They began to tell of where the Lord had brought them from and where they thought they were going. These were women who had earned the privilege of being called a WOMAN. Two hours later and a few cups of tea, there were women who were laughing, crying, comforting, counseling and you began to feel the camaraderie of women who had made their way through some STUFF! I realized I was in the company of some strong women, some women who had, as my uncle said, “gone through so much”.
The things that were discussed in that room, stay in that room. Suffice it say that there was breakthrough and prayer and that when women get together and pray SOMETHING HAPPENS. The next day at church, I saw a sparkle in the eyes of those who attended. I saw a look of acceptance and love and knowing, we had opened up our hearts to each other and the payoff was love. One thing I know about women is we can be each other’s biggest enemy but also each other’s biggest ally.
Although we may not have walked in the footsteps of the other, we had walked through things which had hurt us deeply and we had come through. We understood the pain, the trial of overcoming and the triumph. We also understand the gift our God has given us of redemption and restoration and future and a hope.
My uncle is right. We aren’t girls, we’ve come through a lot to be women. Now we need to own it.
Moms Against Hunger
This year I am determined to point those who read this blog to things they can do to make our world a better place. Here is a ministry called Moms Against Hunger that was started by my friend Dr. Gayla Holley. She is feeding, sending medical supplies, and helping mothers worldwide. Imagine you are a mother in a country such as Haiti, an earthquake happens and suddenly your home is gone, there is no running water, there are no diapers, there is no food to speak of. As a mother myself, my first impulse would be to care for my children by whatever means I had. Now a year later, that same mother has made no headway. She hears of rumors of millions of dollars coming into the country. She speaks to many who promise help but a year later she is still in the same position. What does she do?
She has to count on people like Dr. Gayla Holley who got her friends together and the local media of Houston, Texas and asked for help. She asked for a million baby wipes and got two million, she asked for bottled water, baby food, diapers, food bars, water filters all things a mother desperately needs.
Now imagine you’re an American who has lost their job and is in need of help. Government agencies don’t always move at the same rate our hunger pains do. What do you do when the local food bank is out of food? When you need some groceries to get you through a couple of weeks? What do you do when you need to get some warm clothes for your kids and you don’t have enough money to do so? You go see people like Dr. Gayla Holley, and her team and vouchers are provided so that you can go to the local thrift store and get some help with those things.
Don’t just take my word for it. Go see her blog and watch some of her videos. You’ll want to get involved and help her. I do!
A Man’s Perspective
Never having been a fan of sweats with words on the rear I wasn’t surprised that men didn’t like them either. I mean the main focus is to get people to look at your butt in sweats. Yes unattractive and not subtle at all. Then there’s the whole leggins and Ugg debate!
I read this article by Matt Christensen and thought it was great. Enjoy!
TLC’s Conference
We were honored to have such powerful conference this weekend. Almost 150 women gathered to discuss why God asks us not to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. Women from the ages of 10-100 came and learned what God’s plan was and why he said wait. I was so impressed by our teens who were honestly saying that they had never really considered why God said wait.
Some of the comments that touched my heart were:
“Now I understand why my dad acts like he hates boys to talk to me you know? He is trying to protect me. I mean, he’s still not doing it right but I see his heart now you know?”
“I would never do the things I do in front of my dad but I had never considered that my father in heaven is always watching. It makes you think.”
“I can’t talk to my mom because she always runs and tells her sisters and her friends.”
“I can’t talk to my mom because she always starts yelling and judging.”
“I feel helpless when my daughter comes to me because I see my baby asking 13 year-old questions and it scares me.”
“I sometimes don’t know what to say to my daughter so I revert to rules.”
“I still wear scars by the things boys said to me in high school”
“I didn’t live what I am teaching and I want more for my daughter but I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m scared of what I see happening to the young girls today.”
“My mom just lectures and I have no one to talk to but my friends.”
Thank you Jesus for a ministry that allows us to come forth with the questions of our heart. Thank you that you see every question and that it is meaningful to you!
Pastor Susan 