Yes, you read that right. I believe in evolution. I don’t believe that I am a descendant of an ape but I do believe that I have choice to either evolve in my life or atrophy. The second option just doesn’t seem like an option to me. No, I can unequivocally say to atrophy or get stuck isn’t even in the thought process of my life.
So, I read, I listen, I watch, I search out wisdom. I want to be learning something on the day I take my last breath. I don’t think that I will ever achieve nirvana and complete enlightenment, but I want to go out a whole lot smarter than I came in. I’m not content to just believe something because someone told me it was so, I want to know it for myself. I plan to be a student forever.
I also work on myself, not just intellectually but emotionally as well. I want to find a balance in life. Where there are too many deadlines and stress in a life, there is a shortening of life where eventually you meet your own deadline in the form of a flatline because of a heart attack or high blood pressure or a stroke. I have the ability in my hands to shorten my days and I don’t plan to do that. For this to happen, I must plan my life and I must take control of my health. This means that I must balance my life between the world of my work and my personal time. I can’t let either consume me. This was a hard lesson to learn but I believe I’ve come to a peace within myself.
1 Corinthians 13:11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
While many Christians are consumed with the earthly debates of rapture and end-time prophesy and their opinion on pre/post/mid, I don’t even care. God isn’t here yet and I have work to do. I know that whatever God decides whether it be pre/post or mid I will be secure in Him. In the meantime, there is an urgency to find out what my destiny and purpose is and then to fulfill that purpose. There are people who need someone to talk to about their problems, I am a good listener. There are people who need a meal. I am a good cook and I have in my hands a network of resources to buy some groceries or get some help. There are people who need a coat for winter. I’m not above asking someone to help with an extra coat. There are babies who need strong arms to hold them and love them, and I am capable of that. There are animals who need our help and humanity and I have a heart for that as well. There are just too many things that need my mind to be focused on them. For me to be worried about at which point my Lord decides to take me out is just a waste of time. One day God will reveal to me all I need to know. For now, I have work and love to give and I have my part of this whole picture called life on earth, to live out.
So yes, I believe in evolution. So what about you, are you evolving?
Romans 12:2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
What an awesome 3 year-old. She prayed solidly for seven minutes. Beautiful!! She ministered to me today. I pray that she touches your heart as well. She certainly was given the proper name wasn’t she? Hannah, who poured her heart out before the Lord as Eli walked by thinking she was drunk only to find out that she was praying in her heart’s desire. Oh, Hallelujah Jesus! We praise you for parents who teach their children to pray! May you bless them Lord! And Lord while I’m here with you in this moment, you know my grandchildren that have yet to be born to time, may they be mighty prayer warriors and worship you with all their hearts, souls and minds! In the mighty name of the one and only Jesus! Amen.
For all the fatherless children today this video is powerful! I hope you are listening men. Men, be a keeper. I pray you are listening women who are looking for a man to marry. Women, find a keeper.
In part three we wrap up some thoughts on just being human and letting our attributes and God-given differences be just fine! To read part two click here.
As we talked about yesterday, I grew up in a home where I felt my parents worked together. I never felt as if I couldn’t talk to my dad about anything. My dad took me to buy my first bra. No big deal. Why? Because my parents worked together when it came to us and I only saw a parent, someone who was there to take care of me. Yes, they did things differently. My mom was the parent who saw danger in horseback riding in the washes of Arizona, where we spent our summers, and my dad saw fun. My dad was the one in which if I didn’t want to comb my hair that day, it was summer who cared? My mom saw a tangled unruly mess which must be tamed. They were different, no question about it, but they were both necessary to my well-being. My mom worried, my dad thought we’d be fine.
Men and women are different in character and needs and desires and yet God say we are equal. He doesn’t love one more than the other. God says we are necessary, both of us, male and female, we were created with our unique abilities. He doesn’t say one is better than the other. A man is not more than a woman and a woman is not more than a man. We are different and equal. Each of us was designed with a different purpose. I, for one, am happy and grateful for that. It means I don’t have to go out of my comfort zone to try to be something that I am not. I can just be who I am supposed to be.
Does that mean that I advocate a woman to stay home and cook and clean and a man to go off to work? No. I believe we can do whatever we want but I do like to see a child being taken care of by a parent who loves them and not by daycare. I also understand that for some it is a necessity that they work. I am also honest enough to say that those who have necessity are few and far between. Lifestyle choices, not food on the table, dictate that necessity to me. I don’t believe a woman can work, have children and do a good job at it all. I have yet to see it and I lived it, one always gives way to the other. A sick child sidelines your work and a deadline sidelines your child. Something has to give and most of us don’t have great support systems at either place. Yes, there are exceptions but let’s face it they are very few.
Can I ask a question? Why do we demand organically grown vegetables but we don’t want organically grown children? Why do we scream about vaccinations while attempting to raise artificially designed androgynous children? If we are about all natural then let’s be about all natural. I don’t see many boys today who are allowed to be boys. We don’t seem to want or need men and we are a lacking society for it. What is wrong with a boy who wants to conquer and a girl who wants romance?
The silence of Adam kept us from achieving the goal the first time around in the garden. The silence of Adam still keeps us from acheiving the goal set before us today. Adam where is your voice? Eve, please let him speak. He has something to say and what he says could change the course of where we are going. Will we listen? I hope so because the reality is you’ve been sick and tired for far too long. Adam, if there ever was a time to speak now is it! Adam, where are you?
When Anthony was a three-year-old he collected all the He-Man figures and watched the cartoon, subsequently, I learned the history of He-Man. He-Man was an action figure who lived in Castle Greyskull. He was dressed like a gladiator and had a huge tiger named BattleCat that he rode off to battle. His enemy was named Skeletor and he was always causing havoc from his home on Snake Mountain.
Anthony had a sword that when you flipped the switch lit up just as He-Man’s sword did. He took this sword everywhere he went, including to bed and carried it hooked to the back of his shirt where he could easily grab it in case of danger. He was always looking for an enemy to fight and I remember one day when we walking out to the car and we encountered a big bullfrog sitting on the sidewalk. Anthony quickly pulled out his sword and said in his toughest three year old voice, “Stand back mommy, I’ll take care of this.” As he took his sword out and lit it up for battle he took the warrior stance against the bullfrog. I played along and carefully walked around the scene while he stood guard. When we got into the car, I thanked him for his protection and he smiled proudly and said, “That’s okay.” All in a day’s work for my little He-Man. Anthony’s dreams for his future was to be either G.I. Joe or on the team of M.A.S.K.
When Casey was three she collected Barbie. Barbie was a doll who along with her friends, Midge, Skipper and Ken went to the beach and had parties. Barbie married Ken on a regular basis. There were no wars and there were no swords, only fun and lots of changing of outfits and shoes and cutting of hair. Barbie at some point or another also married He-Man and GI Joe which Anthony swore, would never happen in real life.
Casey’s dream was to marry Prince Phillip, from Sleeping Beauty fame, and they were going to live on the Rhein River in a castle. She would tell of tales of riding off on a unicorn to pick wildflowers and fruit in the forest. The danger for her was keeping a diligent eye out for a wicked witch. Prince Phillip would fight the Pirates on the river before dinner and he would always win.
This is an area of my children’s lives where fantasy and imagination ran wild. I would often play along and I know for a fact that Casey would have approached the bullfrog much differently. She would have wanted to catch it and see if he talked and if he turned into a prince when we kissed it. Yes, she would want to kiss it just in case it was her prince. Her life was about love and romance. Anthony’s life was about war and protection. Anthony still carefully watches over his sister and I as the man of the family and Casey is still relational looking for romance in her adventures.
I say all this to say that God didn’t create us male and female to be the same. That is a lie and puts a lot of pressure on each of us to be things we are not. Can women be warriors? Yes, they can in moments of danger and they show extraordinary strength but not in the same way a man can. A woman was not designed for war instead she was designed to nurture. Yes we as women have had to step into places that were never intended for us as a means of survival but it is not our original design. Can men be nurturing? Yes and they are, but the expectations in today’s society is that they act and think like women and they aren’t designed to do that.
When my son was little one of the first things I taught him was to look a person in the eye and give a firm handshake. I taught him to open a door for me, to walk on the outside of the sidewalk when we walked together and to look after those who were considered more fragile than he was. His father taught him the boy things of riding a bike, boxing, sports, etc… At first, I have to say, I balked at buying guns but when he began to use his thumb and forefinger as a weapon, I figured I was fighting a losing battle. So we bought cap guns and plastic swords and along with his army men and Tonkas the boy went out to play at conquering the world. He came home with the usual battle wounds; bruised knees, cuts and scratches and that dirty puppy smell of a sweaty little boy. As he grew he rode dirt bikes, popped wheelies on his ramps, hunted and went fishing and drew on a drafting table out in the garage. In that time there was lessons on money and the use of a pocketknife and how to treat people with respect and laundry, dishes, mowing a lawn, dusting and a strong work ethic. All the things he would need in life.
Today I am not seeing that kind of raising of a man and it’s not like my son is old. He’s 28. So somewhere in the last 28 years we have stopped raising men. We no longer educate them on what it means to be a well-mannered young man. What it is going to take for a man to stand up and take on his responsibilities in life? Today I see boys who think they are men, making babies here, there and everywhere. Sitting in their Mama’s house not working or better yet, working and not saving a dime to leave. They are happy being boys. Several years ago, my son decided to take a break from college. That’s fine it’s his life, but since he was taking a break and working full-time it was time for him to move out on his own. I was really surprised when friends all questioned our decision and said things like, “He’s such a good kid and he’s not bothering anyone by living at home!” Those statements were true but I was raising a MAN not a mama’s boy. There is a difference. I believe wholeheartedly that if you aren’t going to college then you need to go get a full-time job and move out on your own and really I believe that for men or women. It may not be popular belief today but I want to raise independent free people in my house. People who can live their own lives and make intelligent decisions and not depend on us forever. We’d like to have our own life at some point so there is a method to my madness. I do not want to raise my kids forever. I realized a long time ago it was a temporary position.
Gone today are the teachings of a firm handshake and to look someone in the eye. I remember with laughter when Anthony was seven and Casey was three and he decided to teach her the rules of meeting and greeting grownups! He told her very solemnly, “Casey when you meet a grownup you have to shake with your right hand and look them in the eye, look me in the eye and say this, “Hello Mr. Martinez, my name is Mister Sister.” So he would make her practice shaking and saying that. It took all I had to not laugh out loud and I’ll have to ask her if she still runs around introducing herself as Mister Sister.
Today, I go to the youth group and most don’t even talk to me or look at me and if they do, they address me as, “Yo, Fool!” No, I’m not lying. I have to stop dead in my track and teach. Or they say, “Hey, what’s up?” Our young men, give limp wimpy handshakes if they shake my hand at all and don’t seem to know what to do. These things are not learned by osmosis. They are taught. Who is raising our men today?
Where are the men whom we call fathers who were supposed to be there to raise our sons? A woman cannot truly raise a son on her own. She can try and she does the best she can but there are things we can’t convey because we don’t know them. By nature, we as women, are emotional and we teach by emotions. A man however cannot run on emotions. They don’t know what to do with them. So they explode in anger and can’t handle problems properly because they haven’t been equipped. Men run on practicality not emotions. Yet, in a world where men are primarily absent a woman has to do what a woman has to do. The following statistics were taken from a sermon entitled Men Behaving Godly.
Fatherless sons are 35% more likely to experience marital failure
Fatherless sons are 300% more likely to become incarcerated in state juvenile institutions
Fatherless make up 70% of all juveniles in state institutions
Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of high school
Fatherless children have only half the chance of being high achievers (According to the National Association Elementary School Principals, 33% of children from two-parent families become high achievers, while only 17% of children from single-parent homes become high achievers.)
Fatherless children are 50% more likely to have learning disabilities.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, Fatherless children are anywhere from 100 to 200% more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems.
Fatherless young adults are twice as likely to need and receive psychological help.
According to our nation’s hospitals, 80% of adolescents admitted for psychiatric reasons come from fatherless families.
“From relationships, education, to mental instability, to crime, one factor looms as the most significant contributor: A home without a dad.” (5 Lies, David T. Moore, Tyndale House Publishers, p.89-90)1995
So we have generally created a group of young narcissistic mean kids who aren’t designed that way ,they are just lost and haven’t been taught a better way. Bullying is at an all time high in schools. Violent behavior is getting worse. What used to be a fistfight is now escalating because we don’t know how to teach our boys what to do with their emotions. I see boys who don’t believe they have to take care of a woman. They believe she has to take care of them because that is all that has been modeled. I see boys who treat their moms like dirt and don’t even open a door for them. I would stand forever before I would open a door for myself in the presence of my son. I remember when I was teaching him to drive, he ran and got in the drivers side. I stood outside the car and he said,
“Get in mom!”
“I’m not opening this door. Get out of the car and open the door for me. That is what a gentleman does.”
“Mom! C’mon, you’re not my girlfriend and I know I have to open the door.”
“Son, we are not going anywhere if you’ve forgotten your manners.”
“Aye! Okay.”
I’ve never had to remind him since.
What happened to raising men? What can we do to change this statistic? Would some men please stand up and mentor some of these kids? They need you.
Today is Anthony’s birthday! He is going to a concert so we won’t get to see him today. We celebrated last week and my mom and aunt met us in Fresno!
Anthony, I love you. You have blessed my life tremendously. Have a blessed day, have fun at your concert and with your friends. Oh yeah, I forgive you for being the LAST to know! I’m happy for you though! Love you Bubby! When you’re happy that makes me happy!
Anthony! How did you get so old while I stayed young?!
Marina, a young mother had some valid issues to address in her comments and I wanted to bring them forward as we discuss solutions.
Marina:When I was little, I was sucked into feminist deceit thinking that women should be just as successful as men and we need to rise up and prove that women are actually superior in many areas. I now see that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone!! I know who I am and whose I am. My career focus has been dramatically changed. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women shouldn’t work or be successful, God wants to partner with us in our desires so that He can use us wherever we are. The thing is, I have realized the source of many of my desires has come from this prideful, feminist propoganda. This has so touched my heart that I am actually considering what I can do to spend more time at home raising my child and children to come!
According to Tony Robbins, a 40 year study on 1.3 million women show that women are more unhappy today than ever before. So what is the reason for it? I believe we’ve hit on it over the last few days.
You see, when you look at how we were created and when we were created our unhappiness makes sense. In Genesis, the woman, in physical body form, didn’t come on the scene until everything was in place and ordered by God. Her body was formed out of man after he developed a need for her. She was created to be his helpmeet. She was emotion and love and sacrifice and willful and strong and opinionated. She also carries the seed and multiplies into human form, so she is hated by Satan. When you remove her from all that she was created to be, she is lost to her original design.
She finds herself today out of order. She finds herself today, both mother and father, both working and sustaining. Her apron strings long to have children tied to them but her demands are many. She’s painted herself into a corner and yet pride and obligation keep her from her true destiny. Her number one need is security but she finds herself in a world where the only security she has lies in her own abilities.
The biggest thing corporate America will tell her is that she will risk her career by taking a time-out for her family. That statistic is, that in fact, she will make less money and have less ladder climbing ability over her overall career than a women who stuck it out. Hey, facts are facts.
Ask yourself, should you make your lifelong decisions based on financial gain? Are there some things that are more important than money? It would seem that the 1.3 million women who participated in the study that Tony Robbins talks about, will tell you that there’s got to be more to life than what we’ve been given over the last 40 years.
I tell this story all the time but it bears repeating. When my son Anthony was 5 and my daughter Casey was months old, my neighbor came home with a new car. A working mom, her kids in daycare, they were going to Greece that summer for a 10 day vacation. I was beyond jealous. We shared a car and weren’t going on vacation. I determined that day to get a job because I was missing out on the good life. After I put Casey down for a nap and fed Anthony, I was rocking him to sleep. He would nuzzle my neck and play with my hair while he yawned and talked. That day he said, “Mommy, you always smell so comfortable.” It stabbed my heart. Who would rock him to sleep, who would smell comfortable to him? No one but me.
My mom was a working mom. She got to hear about our first word and first step, she regrets she missed her time with us. I was a stay-at-home mom, I could tell you a million stories. The only thing that I regret is that my kids grew up. It was the most fulfilling, happy time of my life. I have a career now and I’m happy with that. Women: you can have it all. I promise you, I am proof of that. I have to now tell you the bad news. You can’t have it all at once! Make wise choices.
In part three of the discussion on lies we women have bought into, Marina, a young mom brings up some interesting points that I thought were provoking enough to discuss.
Marina:Many have abortions because the timing is not right, they can’t afford a baby. This has become not just a mindest, but a cultural mindset affecting an entire nation. The laws in place are not a cure for this mentality, it just masks the symptoms. The real problem has come from a cultural shift on our priorities and what we regard as first importance.
Pastor Susan: What happened was that the moms of the 60’s raised daughters who believed that men were trying to keep us from our goals. We also had very guilty feeling moms who knew the heart-wrenching decisions of picking work over their children. Yet, they were stuck. Women were telling other women that they were somehow less than for feeling guilty or for wanting to stay home. They were asking the women why their husbands weren’t carrying 50% of the workload at home. So women sucked it up and did what they had to do. This created moms who were out of sorts, feeling guilty, tired and resentful of the whole mess. Women began to believe they had options. That their needs were more important than an inconvenient pregnancy. Only statistically we see many more women who live in bondage over the decision of abortion than women who live free. They end having deep regret, they think about it each year saying things like, “My baby would have been 14 had I kept it.” If this was such a flippant decision then the residue of that action would not permeate our thoughts in the now. It’s not as easy as women told us it would be.
Marina:I have been struggling with this issue even before I attended this conference because for the last few weeks, every time I drop my child off at the sitter’s I think to myself “I should be the one that spends time with my child during the day, loving him, playing with him and teaching him.”
Pastor Susan: Now there is this shift happening not just in Marina but in her generation who is waking up to the knowledge that women were sold a bill of goods. The adults who were raised as latchkey kids realize they missed out on something. The women of this generation are realizing that we weren’t given more freedom, we were given more burden. Now we are expected to work, raise children and statistically we are doing a majority of the household chores and running of the kids from event to event. We are tired! Women realized that they spent their childhood raising themselves, divorce rates increased in this society and we were not better for it.
The problem lies in that our society has changed. Men, for the most part, and I am generalizing here, don’t want to marry women who want to stay home and raise children. If truth be told, 40% of white, over 50% of Hispanic and over 70% of African American babies are born out-of-wedlock. 65% of kids in prison don’t know their fathers and if they do, they weren’t raised with them. Men also are in an period of finding themselves so they also think they are entitled to stay home. It’s a mess to say the least.
Tomorrow let’s talk about what this all means and what we have to do to make it work for everyone.
Pastor Susan 