Category: Love

Forgive

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www.flckr.com
http://www.flckr.com

A controversry in our life continues to rear its ugly head. It’s been in a way, transforming. It has challenged and changed us and that was its intention. It has made me examine what I believe and why I believe it. So this is the premise of the blog today. What does it mean to forgive someone and what does that entail from you? First off, we are commanded to forgive if we want to be forgiven.

You see, I have total confidence in my God. I know that we will all face a judgment day and that everything will come out there. Forgiveness is equated as having a heavy burden that we carry around and we choose to release it to God so that we no longer have to be lugging it around. It just damages me to be angry or hurt over things that I can’t go back and fix. We can’t undo what’s already been done.

Forgiveness though, does not mean being reckless with our lives. Sometimes we need to release toxic relationships in our lives and agree to let them go. It would be as if there were a vicious dog in your backyard and each time you went out there he bit your leg and you had to go to the emergency room to have stitches. You’d be crazy to go out there again. Releasing the person from your life and giving them over to God so that He can deal with them as He deals with us is sometimes required.

So forgiveness yes. Forgivneness is for ME! It relieves me from having to carry around unhealthy but do I need to continue the relationship? NOT ALWAYS. They are two separate things and you have to keep them that way. Don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation of a relationship. You have choices to make and there are people who are extremely toxic who will contaminate you with their filth. Some things you have to let go.

Forgiveness is like stitches on a wound. The wound still hurts as the stitches are put into place. You have keep the area clean and use antiseptic on it as it heals. You try not to touch it because it hurts. You look at it all the time and it turns red and swells in the midst of the healing. Sometimes, it bleeds and scabs as it heals. These are all painful things as they are happening. But over time, you go back to the doctor to remove the stitches and although the wound is still red and puffy, it’s closed now and sensitive but not as painful. Pretty soon, the reddness begins to turn pink and the puffiness goes away and it doesn’t hurt anywhere close to before. After awhile you look over and it’s a scar. You see the scar and it has a story but it no longer hurts. Most days you don’t even notice the scar. It’s just there. Sometimes a person comes by and notices the scar and asks about it. You tell the story as an afterthought because it isn’t a part of your life anymore. Just something that was once that isn’t anymore. Forgive, it’s not for them, it’s for you.

He Is A Gentleman

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This is the second installment of How Can A Woman Not Love The Lord? Click here to read the first.

matt mcgraw/north carolina
matt mcgraw/north carolina

Merriam Webster says a gentleman is; a man of noble or gentle birth b : a man belonging to the landed gentry c (1) : a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2) : a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior

God is the King of kings so automatically he’s noble. Is your man a king of the King?

The chivalrous qualities, and the man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior is what I want to focus on. First off, God doesn’t lie. Every word that proceeds from his mouth comes to pass. So your man should do everything possible to make his words come to pass.

Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?

Notice the bible says he doesn’t say things then not do them and he doesn’t promise and not fulfill. Yes, I know that in our human circumstance sometimes we can’t fulfill a promise because something comes up but we must always get back to it. It has to be a way of life. If your man is always saying he’s going to help you clean out the garage but he never has time, then what characteristic is like the Lord there? If he says he is going to take you on date but hasn’t then you need to notice that. Christ died for you.

1Corinthians15:3b that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,

That’s chivalrous. To step out on the scene, see that we are in trouble and lay his life down for us, what more can be said? Your man should, as Dr. Laura says, swim through shark infested waters to get you a glass of lemonade. Yes, you can get your own but for a man to be man he’s got to do it. He needs to have the manners of a gentleman.

I am amazed how often our young men have not been taught to be gentlemen. Does he open the door for you? Does he walk on the outside of the sidewalk, does he treat you as if you were the queen? Does he respect you? God does, so should your earthly man. Some of you are laughing because you’ve never seen this kind of action from a man before. I have. So maybe you’ve been hanging with the wrong man? It’s possible. You’re getting the picture though. God is someone who cares about you. You specifically. He is always looking for ways to make your day brighter. Think about it, he created flowers for your health and well-being but he didn’t have to make them beautiful, he made them beautiful as a bonus for you.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

I like this verse for this verse shows me how to love. To be in the midst means I have to be there for those I love, I have to know what is going on for how could I be in the midst and clueless? I have to take the time to say, “What’s up?”, and HEAR the answer. It means I am protected and should protect. Rejoice means I am glad and have joy and happiness over my loved ones. He will quiet me with His love, which means when I am freaking out as women do, he comes in and makes me feel safe. I need to feel safe, it’s my number one need as a woman. I need to protect those I love too, it’s an innate part of me as well. He takes me in his arms and sings a song to get me back on track and settle me down to be at peace once again. God is gentleman. I love him for not getting involved unless I ask him to. I love him because as soon as I ask him to he begins to move. Single ladies, is your man a gentleman? I pray that he is.

Those Little Blessings

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starbucks

I am so not a morning person. I am not a person who looks at a sunrise in wonder, unless I’ve been up all night and wonder how it happened :), and I wake up and plead with my family not to speak. Please be quiet, please. My husband wakes up and smiles and asks how I am. My normal response usually is, “I don’t know”, while the filter that keeps me from speaking the rest of the statement, “how do you think I am? I’m tired, I’m cranky, leave me alone” kicks in and I leave the room.

So this morning when I woke up for the second day in a row to kids fighting and yelling, I was not a happy camper. I had a full day ahead of me with work and the TLC meeting and I did not need this. I got up, got dressed, took a moment to make my to do list and out the door I went. Once a week I hit Starbucks. I used to go everyday but at 3 bucks a pop, it becomes an expensive habit so I treat myself once a week, with the agreement, in my mind of course, that if someone buys me a Starbucks during the week, I don’t refuse it, but I don’t go back to buy one. Today I decided was the day for this week. I needed a coffee fix.

I wait in a forever drive-thru line, listening to cheery Christian music, but not feeling it. It is so slow that I could have brewed the coffee myself. I get up to the window and a guy with a tongue ring that is annoyingly clicking on his teeth, asks me what I ordered. He explains that he “literally” just got there and is totally confused. I tell him I ordered a black coffee and a scone. I think to myself, a fellow non-morning person! He looks around confused, grabs a cup and my scone and says, “You know what? Forget it! I seriously don’t know what is what yet, so I am not going to ring you up. It’s on us this morning, have a great day!”

Suddenly, I am awake and happy! I give the guy a tip and drive off. I don’t believe in accidents, I don’t believe in coincidence or by chance moments. I believe my day is ordered and designed by God when I allow it to be. Even though I had only had a brief conversation with God that morning, seriously brief and terribly lacking I must confess it was pretty normal and typical for our relationship. In fact, my first words to God was when I was in my car and I noticed my rose bushes were blooming beautifully.  I said, “Thanks God for a beautiful home and a beautiful life. Help me today.” THAT WAS IT! It was a typical Susan speaks to God first thing in the morning conversation. He knows I don’t really speak until after 10 am and it wasn’t even 9 yet. Today He decided that I needed to see the beauty in the world first thing in the morning, and honestly for me to notice anything in the morning is truly THE MIRACLE today.

So he gave me a little blessing here and there. Beautiful blooming roses, red, white and pink and free hot black Starbucks coffee and a scone, which by the way, I rebuked the calories, not sure if that works or not but I do it all the same.

I was smart enough to see his hand in it and I am praying that you see the little blessings he brings your way daily and are wise enough to acknowledge them. Don’t miss the beauty of the Lord. I went straight to the office and turned on the old Desperation Band CD I’ve been listening to and forwarded to Amazed whose lyrics I post here as I sat down and drank my free coffee and scone and quietly woke up to a beautiful day and those little blessings.

You dance over me

While I am unaware

You sing all around

But I never hear the sound

Lord, I’m amazed by You

Lord, I’m amazed by You

Lord, I’m amazed by You

How You love me

How wide, how deep, how great Is your love for me


A Day Off

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Yes, I get ONE! Despite what most people think about those of us who work in ministry,  we don’t just hang out all week and preach for an hour on Sunday, there is lots of church work to do. Plus, I have mom duties and daughter duties and wife duties and church duties and me duties and household duties. All in all, I am a typical American Woman! But this week! Yes! It paid off. I haven’t done this ever, but I woke up and checked the temperature for Monterey Bay. It’s usually cold and foggy there but I was hoping to play hooky there on Friday and go for a few hours and get some (maybe) sun and some quiet time with the Lord. I checked the weather and today it was going to be in the 80’s and sunny but the rest of the week it was going to be in the 50’s and cloudy.

SO! My husband was sleeping and I thought but didn’t say out loud, “Please wake up! PLLLLEEEEEAAASSSE!” and VIOLA! his eyes opened and he smiled, because he is a morning person, not because I was so close to his face he could feel my breath! I said, “Let’s get out of here!” He looked wide eyed, like you do when you first wake up and you don’t know where you are, and I said, “C’mon, take me to the beach.” So off we went. By 11 am we were sitting on the beach, bottled water and book in hand and as promised it was a warm day there. We stayed there until 3 pm then rushed home to get the kids fed and to a recital and then I had some cleaning to do. Yep, even though I played, I still had work to do!

I’m happy today for the blessing of a surprise and a break from the norm. I’m happy to be in love with my life and the Lord whom I joyously serve (most days). Yes, there are problems and yes, there are things that are hard in my life but God knows just what I need, when I need it. I looked out at the water and the waves with tears streaming down my face today for the gratitude of a gift for no reason. Profoundly happy for a true day of rest because you just don’t get enough of these (or at least I don’t). Thankful for a world created today just for me because my God loves beauty and he loves to see me happy. Digging my feet into the grains of sand, knowing that the Lord created each one for this moment in time, knowing I would be there in that moment. I sat still and raising my face to the sun with a cloudless sky and a breeze coming in because He knows I like it warm and breezy but not hot, I sang this song by Desperation Band, which I’ve dusted off the cover of and began to listen to again;

The whole earth is full of your glory

The whole earth is full of your glory

And you reign victorious

You reign victorious over all

For great is the Lord and worthy of praise

Lift up your voice and lift up His name

The heavens declare our God is the King

We join in the song that the angels sing

The nations will praise you forever

The nations will praise you forever

For you reign victorious

You reign victorious over all

You have to recognize those beautiful moments and give thanks. They didn’t get here by accident they got here because there is a God, whether you know it yet or not, who loves you and loves to see you smile!

The Military Channel

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As much as I try to understand the male mind I don’t always get the stuff that comes into their mind. My husband watches The Military Channel all the time while he’s working late nights on his sermons. So the other night I was looking great. I am not one of those wives who wears the old t-shirt to bed and thinks it’s a turn-on. I like the cute stuff. That may be too much information but I think women need to put a little more effort into their sex lives and your husband being visual,  needs to see your interest. So here I am, trying to get his attention and my husband looks lovingly over at me and smiles (I’m thinking, Yeah, this worked!) and says,

“Baby, did you see that?!! That right there, is a fine piece of machinery!”

I was reminded of my friend who went away for a romantic weekend with her husband. She said the day had been perfect and as the sun was setting they were walking along the beach. He pulled her close to him and just stared into her eyes. She said she got goosebumps because the moment could not have been more perfect when out of his mouth comes,

“Wow, in this light, your mustache looks especially dark.”

How Can A Woman Not Love The Lord?

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My friend Cynthia (hi Cynthia!) sent this email to me and it was powerful. I’d like to take each point once a week and expand on it. As I do, first think about how much God loves you. Next, for you who are single, pay attention to God’s attributes. After that, each time you date a guy, put God’s attributes up against the attributes of the man you are dating. If he has them, he’s a keeper.

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* He is a gentleman
* He is a confidant
* He is a provider and protector
* He is rich and powerful
* He owns everything, there is nothing He wouldn’t do for me
* He perfects all things concerning me
* He anticipates my wants and needs
* Every day He tells me and shows me how much He loves me
* I don’t have to perform in order to earn His love
* He keeps all of his promises
* No one can influence His opinion of me
* He is the ultimate intimate partner
* He can’t “disown” me because I am a part of Him
* He prepares a table before ME (Selah)
* He covers me and doesn’t expose me
* He wrote his loving words down so that I’ll never forget how He feels about me!

I Don’t Know

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english-errors
english-errors

“Mommy can I have a cookie?” Casey came running to ask me one day when she was three years old.
My answer: “Not right now, because it’s too close to lunch. After lunch you may have one.”
“Okay”, she answered.

I remember this day clearly; I was busy changing sheets on all the beds at the time. As I was coming down the hall to the laundry room with a basket full of dirty bed sheets, I see Casey with Oreo crumbs all over her face and her shirt.

“Casey, did you get a cookie?”
“No.”
“Then how come you have Oreos all over your face?”
“I don’t know.”

I walked over to the kitchen and there is a chair by the counter that wasn’t there before. So she had asked the question, received the answer and clearly gone ahead and done it anyway. She had to have thought it through, grabbed a chair from the dining room, climbed up on the chair, climbed up on the countertop and opened the cabinet door, grabbed her cookies and ate them. She had decided the cookie was worth the consequences.

It reminds me of what we do so often in that we hear the no and do it anyway. Those who follow Christ say things like; it was the devil who made me do it! Let’s be honest though, most of the time the devil doesn’t even have to work that hard. We can do bad all by ourselves, to coin a phrase by Tyler Perry. So often if we look back on the things that we know we weren’t supposed to do, we did the thing, with full knowledge that it was wrong. The question then becomes, why do we act shocked when we get caught in our situations?

That day, Casey got a time out for her disobedience and she cried and said sorry. More often than not though, what I see in adults is a tendency to look around in shock and wonder how they got into their situation.

I DON’T KNOW!

I think I would fall out my counseling chair if just once I heard, “I know exactly how I got into this situation, I knew better and instead I did …….” Instead I hear, “I don’t know how this happened to me.” As if trouble was a deep pit in the road and as you were walking a giant magnetic force pulled you into the pit and.. okay, that’s crazy enough, let’s just be honest.

Our relationship with each other deserves more than a pat answer of I don’t know. Our relationship with God deserves more than I don’t know. Knowing ourselves deserves more than I don’t know. The only way to have a positive future is to examine ourselves on a regular basis. Don’t procrastinate from these regular assessments. The longer between each one, the more rationalization happens and the less we are aware that we are heading down the wrong path.

Lulu

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I took new pictures of Lu and I love this one!

Lulu the wonder dog
Lulu the wonder dog

I learn a lot from Lulu. She really knows what’s important in her life. She has discovered bottled water. So, each night as she lays at the foot of my bed she eats her treat, then hops down from the bed and pokes me with her paw or nose. When I ask her what she wants she looks at the water bottle on my nightstand, then at her mini-bowl that is by my nightstand. I pour, she drinks. When she has finished her water, she crawls back in bed, cuddles up and goes to sleep. Her needs are very simple. I don’t think she worries about a thing. I need to be more like Lu.

I love how she makes a big deal about little blessings. When she sees the Starbucks sign she begins to howl and drool. You see, she gets a tall cup of whipped cream at each visit. The sign prompts the tail wag, the desperate howl for her treat and instantly she begins to drool. Now, I have to say, I am happy for my Chai tea but she is thrilled for her cup of whipped cream. I need to be more excited about the little things in life.

She loves Jamba Juice too and has learned to sip from a straw. This brings problems as you have to be really careful with your drink. You see, Lu thinks everything should be shared. She sees no problem in taking a sip of your drink. I tried this in reverse as she was chewing on a treat. I asked for a piece and got in her face to get her attention. She stopped chewing and pushing her bone my way and looked me in the eye. I pretended to gnaw on one side and she grabbed the other. No problem to her. She doesn’t seem to care that food will ever run out. She could care less about germs. They aren’t her concern at all. If her treat falls in the dirt, no worries. There are just too many good things to eat in her life and germs are just not a concern. I need to quit worrying about that next meal.

When I lie in bed and it’s hot, Lu doesn’t care. She spreads out on her blanket and puts her hot breath on my shin and goes to sleep. What’s a little shared drool and sweat between friends? She cuddles and loves regardless of the weather. She takes regular naps too. She doesn’t care what is going on in the world. If she is tired, she yawns, stretches, turns three times and lies down. The world can handle an hour or so without her on watch. I need to learn to rest like Lulu.

Lulu can be in the middle of eating a big fat ham bone and she is still excited to see you when you come into view. I really need to learn to go with the flow and not be thrown by an unexpected visit. Lu greets everyone lovingly. Joy, our cat, sometimes plays with Lu, sometimes not. Lu doesn’t care. She approaches her each time she sees her, wagging her tail and sniffing her. If Joy wants to play bonus! If Joy doesn’t want to even look her way, that’s fine too! Lu forgives her mood and always greets her the same way. Lu makes you feel special in her presence as if nothing else matters but you. She wants to hear all about your day and she never gossips or thinks you are just too much work.

They say that humans have an elevated purpose and are more evolved. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s healthy? Lulu seems to be a whole lot less stressed than I am. She seems to be able to go with the flow a lot more than I am. She seems to recognize the blessings in her life more than I do. She is much more forgiving than I am and she seems to be happy just to be. She believes that we have her best interest at heart and she trusts us completely to meet her needs. In return, she gives out love unconditionally! I want to be more like Lu!