During our prayer night, I read Psalm 119. While everyone around me was praying and Jesus Culture was playing on CD softly in the background, I was engrossed in this psalm. I was so impressed in my spirit over this verse:
32 I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart.
In a world where we focused on the prayer of Jabez to enlarge our territory and our prayers lean more towards enlarging our salary and enlarging our shoe collection, here in verse 32 we have a significant request.
What does it mean to enlarge my heart? I would think it would mean my heart would grow in love. That means both good and bad because although love is a good thing, it also means my hearts breaks over the things that break the heart of God. It means I don’t overlook things that are uncomfortable, it means I put my desires aside if there is a greater good to be served. It means I am reaching for people who are negative and frustrating. It means I don’t avoid things I don’t want to deal with but rather I do what is right.
Praying to enlarge my heart is a completely different prayer than enlarging my territory, yet, it encompasses the very same thing. For as I enlarge my heart and begin to reach out I will find myself in places I would never have gone. It’s a pretty powerful prayer. Then there’s the statement just before it that says, I will run the course of your commandments, I wonder if I am ready to pray it with any sincerity at all?
I wonder if I’m ready to love the alcoholic, the AIDS patient, the atheist, the person who hates me, myself, the Lord, you? I wonder if I am willing to put down my agendas and my visions, and this time, not excuse my behavior but really run the course of God’s commandments? Heck, sometimes I don’t want to run on the treadmill and fulfill my promise to myself, can I really run a course of commandments? One sentence can change my whole life. It can turn it upside down. Am I up for it? Are you? Maybe it’s time to try!
John 21:15 After breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Master, you know I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He then asked a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Master, you know I love you.” Jesus said, “Shepherd my sheep.” 17 Then he said it a third time: “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was upset that he asked for the third time, “Do you love me?” so he answered, “Master, you know everything there is to know. You’ve got to know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” -The Message
There is estimated over 6 billion people on the planet. Lately, as I watch the news and read reports I see abuses of many kinds, people being gunned down, bombs going off in war-torn countries, babies that have been abandoned, women working in sweat shops to feed their family, men being captured for ransom. In the latest shooting in Arizona, I rationalized and actually thanked God that only six people were killed when a man with an automatic weapon let loose on a crowd over politics. Then I caught myself. Were they saved? If this happened in my city, more than likely I would know one of the six people killed. Did I speak to them about Jesus? Did I do my part to make sure that they didn’t just die to earth but that lived on in eternity?
How many people can we lose in a crisis before it is too many? How many people lose their lives senselessly? And how many people are not dead physically but dead emotionally? Does the 10 year-old girl sold to slavery feel anything anymore? Does she still long for dolls or friends? Has she shut down or does she dream? What is my role in all of this? Is my demand for a $5.00 t-shirt create this environment?
And then the real questions come to mind. Am I doing all that I can do for these causes? Am I informed, am I unafraid to speak out, am I mindful of the orphan, the widow and the stranger? Do I care or do I just say I do?
As I sit here and write this post today, I am sitting under a blanket, as Clash Of The Titans plays on HBO and my dog is snuggled warming my feet. Do I realize the blessing or do I want and expect more?
This year I want to dedicate a part of this blog to speaking out about things going on in the world and how you can help. Today though I would like for you to stop putting off that conversation with that lost soul that the Lord has put on your heart. We have this thought that it’s just one soul in billions of soul but to God it’s the most important soul. Let it be so for us!
Psalm 16:1 Keep me safe, O God, I’ve run for dear life to you. 2 I say to God, “Be my Lord!” Without you, nothing makes sense. 3 And these God-chosen lives all around – what splendid friends they make! 4 Don’t just go shopping for a god. Gods are not for sale. I swear I’ll never treat god-names like brand-names. 5 My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice!6 You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir! 7 The wise counsel God gives when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. 8 Day and night I’ll stick with God; I’ve got a good thing going and I’m not letting go. 9 I’m happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I’m firmly formed. 10 You canceled my ticket to hell – that’s not my destination! 11 Now you’ve got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way. -“The Message”
It’s been crazy busy around the Young house. Friends, family, church, store there are lots of obligations that came on all at once. We’ve had a wonderful season this year and I have to take a second to encourage all the stepfamilies out there. This year, we finally were able to come together and have a really great season. Statistics tell you that it takes 7 years to blend a family and we were no exception.
This year my resolution is really simple. This year, I will breathe in deeply the presence of God, I will not measure my life’s success as a human doing but rather a human being. I don’t know about you but I am my harshest critic. I will turn 46 this year and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that my plate will always be full but I don’t have to eat everything off of it everyday. I’m sure I will one day die with a do-to list left behind and I’m sure someone will come behind me and finish it. This year I want to be focused solely on being.
I hope these first seven days of the year have been great to you. I am continually thinking of all of you and I there is still much to be said!
As the New Year approaches I am reminded of who I am going forward. There is song by Travis Cottrell that says it so eloquently that I want to remember it’s the banner over my life.
My grandfather was born in February 1900. They didn’t register him right away and then his parents couldn’t remember the exact day he was born but they knew it was in February. Somehow they picked a date to put on his birth certificate and they celebrated his birth on that day. The actual day he was born wasn’t really important, the fact that he was born was the important thing. Frankly, he died in 1981 and I don’t remember his birthday at this moment but I think it was like February 13 or maybe it was the 18th. Whatever day it was, we always made a big deal about his birthday. There was cake, presents, singing, laughter, presents, family, ice cream, love, presents, family, singing, did I mention he had 12 kids and a bunch of grandkids? Yes, it was a big party. Maybe we had the date wrong for his 81 years on earth. Maybe not, who cares? We were celebrating his birth and our blessing.
So we can argue all we want to about how Jesus wasn’t really born on December 25th but a whole bunch of us are getting together and we’re going to celebrate. They’ll be food, love, singing, presents, family, love, presents, family, singing, smiles, love and food!
You can call it a Holiday, you can say it has no significance. You can say it’s all commercial. You can decorate your house with holiday lights and have a holiday tree and exchange holiday presents. For us, we have Christmas lights and a Christmas tree and exchange Christmas presents and we’ll all gather together in houses of worship as we celebrate together a Mass for Christ, a Christmas. It’s a joyful day, a day we’ve chosen corporately to say thanks to the one true living God who came for us, the one who determined life wasn’t worth living apart from us. Today we celebrate Christmas and we say Happy Birthday Jesus. We’re so blessed you came! So sing all you nations. Sing of the wonders of his love and the joy that he brings us! Sing and rejoice because your long awaited King made his way on the scene and he rocked the world, turned it upside down and it’s been a party ever since!
Helping in the RMA store this week an eldery woman came in. She was grumpy. Have you ever noticed that people either grow old gracefully or grouchy? She talked about how the government was to blame for her financial situation. She complained about how they were trying take her social security and how she lived on so little as it was. She complained about not having gifts to give her grandchildren for Christmas. I stayed quiet for as long as I could.
“You know, I was very close to my grandmother. As a child she was everything to me. She passed away in 1999 and I miss her so terribly much most days. Can I tell you that I don’t remember a single Christmas or birthday gift she gave me? Oh, don’t misunderstand, I was grateful and everything she gave me she gave with love, like you, she had modest means and did the best she could.”
“Can I tell you what I do remember? I remember her stopping her housework to sweep me up in her arms and dance with me in her living room. I remember standing on a chair in her kitchen helping make dinner. I remember baking cookies with her. I remember learning to crochet and sew with her. I remember snuggling up in bed with her when I spent the night and how we would talk and giggle long into the night. I remember running errands with her or advice she gave me. I remember working in the garden with her and learning about herbs and their remedies. I remember sitting at her dining room table playing game after game of Crazy Eights. I remember her massaging my back when I couldn’t sleep. I remember her singing to me and her hugs and her love and the fact that she thought everything I did was special.”
The real meaning of Christmas is relationship with one another. I don’t need a day on the calendar to give a gift or to get one. What I treasure, what stays with me in my heart is the time she spent developing her relationship with me. The memories remain long after any gift did. The gift she gave was more precious than any Christmas memory because it was heartfelt. It was born in love and nurture.
Just as Jesus was born to restore us back to our heavenly Father, no earthly gift is more memorable. What better gift could be given than the gift of our love towards one another? This Christmas I pray you get the real gift of Christmas. The gift of some time with loved ones and the gift of serving one another in love. The same gift the Son of the Most High God came to give us!
A woman emailed me, who is shacking up with her boyfriend. She just found out he was dating someone else. She was telling me what a jerk he was and asking what should she do?
It’s complicated isn’t it? Even though she lives with him she isn’t his wife, so he isn’t officially breaking any sacred vows, although his word should be one. He hasn’t promised forever, he has just said for now. His word is his bond but these are their days of trying things out this is dating with benefits. There are no legal or spiritual vows here. In fact, there are explicit non-vows. We promise to be together while it feels good. Apparently this doesn’t feel good to him anymore.
The answer didn’t sit well with me or my email friend. I don’t like it, but dating is a time to see if you are compatible with that person or not. I hate that humans are used in this way. This idea that relationships work this way is wrong thinking. She is dating a man, while trying to play house, and it isn’t working. In fact, she will have more of a chance of divorce because she lived with him first by sheer statistics. Marriage and living together although they look the same, aren’t.
Case in point. When I married Doug we lived hell on earth for the first years of our marriage. We loved each other but we were so opposite, losing my identity in the marketplace was excruciating, his illness played a part, step-parenting was awful, the demands going on in our lives at the time was tearing me up, and him as well. Trust and believe me when I tell you, that had it not been for my vows, I would have left and I believe that he would have too. Thank God for wisdom, counseling, fasting and prayer, and the ability to be two sane people who had a lot of talking out to do, and we did it, and we still do it. We honored our vows to each other and meant it when we said for better or worse. I am thankful every single day that our character was one of sticking it out for it truly is a blessed marriage with a lot of love these days. Not perfect, but wonderful if that makes sense.
Love is never careless with another human being, nor is it enough to sustain a relationship on its own. Character, strong communication skills, the ability to commit fully, and the common ground on which one stands plays a part in a marriage making it. It is hard enough to tough it out when problems come into a marriage, and they always do, without those critical things in place. Without true commitment, it is precarious and leaves wounded souls who will never be the same again. God doesn’t make rules and set up boundaries because he’s judgmental and mean. He sets up boundaries because he wants to guard our heart.
This was the scene at my stylist’s as I was getting my hair done. It went like this:
A girl and her mom walked into the salon. My stylist says to the young girl:
Stylist: Hi! You didn’t go to school today?
Girl: (smiles) Nope! I’m getting my piercing today.
Stylist: So your dad said yes?
Girl: ummmm
Mom: No, she didn’t ask him because she knows that he is going to say no.
Girl: So, yeah we’re not going to tell him.
Mom: (looking nervous) Yeah, when he finds out he is going to be mad. He doesn’t believe in this. There will be hell to pay for this.
Girl: (rolls her eyes) So? I know people who have two piercings.
Mom: (laughs nervously and shrugs)
Clearly we see a mom who is not in control of her daughter and who has serious anger issues towards her husband. Sadly, they acted like two teenagers against the establishment. You have to see what the long term effects of this is. The daughter learns that men’s opinions don’t matter and that you do what you want to do behind your husband’s back. A mother is teaching her daughter how to dishonor her husband and her father.
The wife clearly has no backbone and no idea what it means to help lead a house and family successfully. Fathers matter, they hold their family in safety. Whether society tells us that they matter or they don’t, fathers really matter. I don’t remember a single time when my mom went against my father over his opinion when it came to his children.
This scenario was nothing new. I see it al the time and always with bad results. I have never seen a woman, who keeps secrets from her husband regarding their children, end up in a place of honor with honorable children. The reason is because it’s the abdication of leadership. Where there is no leadership, the chaos runs wild. There should be a healthy respect of parents and a desire to please them. When a woman undermines a father by keeping secrets she most often ends up with results she could not have foreseen especially in her daughter. A daughter looks for significance and value from her father. When she finds out her father is worthless in the home and not worthy of her mother’s honor, then she looks to other men to fulfill that value within her. A mother who keeps secrets from her husband does her daughter a disservice.
Likewise, when the shoe is on the other foot, and a father keeps secrets from a mother, the daughter looks suspiciously at men. Men lie, men don’t tell the truth, men keep secrets, men don’t care what women think, is the message she gets. The abdication of leadership has long-term effects.
When I goofed up as a child my first response was, “My parents are going to be so mad.” I knew I had disappointed them with my actions. This girl at the salon had none of that towards her parents. Her mother clearly wasn’t strong enough to stand up to her daughter and this will have bad consequences to it.
What I see today is the clear abdication of leadership in parenting. I see that no one wants to be the bad guy. Parents just want to be liked. Parents fear rejection and we are definitely afraid of losing our children. We’re afraid they’ll run away. Where are they going to go where there is a warm bed, and three square meals a day and run of the house? I don’t think my grandparents ever feared their kids leaving home before it was time. I hear parents say, “You don’t want to push them away.” Some of those parents have kids who are doing things they shouldn’t be doing. These kids don’t love their parents more, they surely don’t respect their parents more, and these kids are looking for boundaries somewhere.
Our kids depend on us to be leaders, our kids are not equipped for leadership and we certainly aren’t doing them any favors, nor are we teaching them how to lead productive, united lives with the family they will one day form. Although, they don’t act as if they want leadership, they thank parents later for their leadership.
I know a young woman with three kids who each have a different father. She lives at home and was never married. Now that she is older she blames her parents for never saying no to her. Her parents say now, that they didn’t like the guys she dated but when it counted, they didn’t put their foot down. Now it’s too late for the whole family. Is it the parent’s fault ultimately? Not entirely no, but they share responsibility. The things they allowed in their home, is a direct result of the fruit they all now have to bear.
This deal about, well if I as the parent don’t let them, then they’ll sneak and do it anyway doesn’t hold water. It clearly doesn’t allow you to abdicate your responsibility. When the child respects you and understands your rules and the consequences it may not stop the behavior but it helps. And if they go off and do it anyway? Then your account will be clear before God that you did your parenting to the best of your ability and that you were stood your ground morally and ethically. Then who could blame you?
Today my husband turns 47. He’s been really cool to hang out with and he makes me laugh most days.
I enjoy my time with him. I love our talks, our date nights, our ability to sit in a room together and say absolutely nothing and be completely comfortable. I love that he puts up with my dog and loves her because I love her. I love that we love to walk on the beach together. I am happy to work alongside him and that we are each other’s best friend. A better friend I could not have. Oh, and did I tell you that when he calls me darlin’ with his accent, it kills me? I love him more as the years go by.
I have been blessed to be your wife, Douglas Young! You are kind, merciful, loving, easy-going and a great man. Have a great birthday and a wonderful year. I know God has great and exciting things for you this year!
Pastor Susan 