When Is It Adultery?

unbreakup.com

A woman emailed me, who is shacking up with her boyfriend. She just found out he was dating someone else. She was telling me what a jerk he was and asking what should she do?

It’s complicated isn’t it? Even though she lives with him she isn’t his wife, so he isn’t officially breaking any sacred vows, although his word should be one. He hasn’t promised forever, he has just said for now. His word is his bond but these are their days of trying things out this is dating with benefits. There are no legal or spiritual vows here. In fact, there are explicit non-vows. We promise to be together while it feels good. Apparently this doesn’t feel good to him anymore.

The answer didn’t sit well with me or my email friend. I don’t like it, but dating is a time to see if you are compatible with that person or not. I hate that humans are used in this way. This idea that relationships work this way is wrong thinking. She is dating a man, while trying to play house, and it isn’t working. In fact, she will have more of a chance of divorce because she lived with him first by sheer statistics. Marriage and living together although they look the same, aren’t.

Case in point. When I married Doug we lived hell on earth for the first years of our marriage. We loved each other but we were so opposite, losing my identity in the marketplace was excruciating, his illness played a part, step-parenting was awful, the demands going on in our lives at the time was tearing me up, and him as well. Trust and believe me when I tell you, that had it not been for my vows, I would have left and I believe that he would have too. Thank God for wisdom, counseling, fasting and prayer, and the ability to be two sane people who had a lot of talking out to do, and we did it, and we still do it. We honored our vows to each other and meant it when we said for better or worse. I am thankful every single day that our character was one of sticking it out for it truly is a blessed marriage with a lot of love these days. Not perfect, but wonderful if that makes sense.

Love is never careless with another human being, nor is it enough to sustain a relationship on its own. Character, strong communication skills, the ability to commit fully, and the common ground on which one stands plays a part in a marriage making it. It is hard enough to tough it out when problems come into a marriage, and they always do, without those critical things in place. Without true commitment, it is precarious and leaves wounded souls who will never be the same again. God doesn’t make rules and set up boundaries because he’s judgmental and mean. He sets up boundaries because he wants to guard our heart.

Published in: on December 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm  Comments (2)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://pastorsusan.net/2010/12/14/when-is-it-adultery/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. big sigh, this just breaks my heart. my friend from jr high school is still my friend today, and she has been married 16 yrs. her and her husband couldn’t have kids so they adopted 2 little boys about 8 and 11 yrs ago. last week my friend told me her husband just up and left her (for his boss), he finally admitted he had been cheating on her for a year now. šŸ˜¦

    • This is always disheartening. It not only ruins families, shows bad character and erodes the values of our country.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: