Category: Love

How Do We Get Anything Done?

tlc4women3 Comments

Recently a religious woman in our town threw an accusation my way. “You know, she admits to listening to secular music.” Wow! I thought. That’s the worse thing I do? Well then, I must be in pretty good shape!

Where do we as Christians get the idea that everything is evil and nothing is good?

“No pants on women, it makes them look like men.” 

“Don’t say Oh My God! It’s taking the Lord’s Name in Vain.”

“No sleeveless blouses on women, armpits are evil.” 

okay I made up the armpits are evil but really what is the reason a woman can’t show her shoulders in public?

“No crosses whatsoever, they are demonic!”  

Okay but in movies they ward off vampires….just saying…..

“HIDE! On Halloween.”

Uh, because this is the only day the LORD didn’t make right? (Insert sarcastic snicker here)

“Dance at the altar before the Lord or you are not really worshiping.” 

“Don’t dance at the altar before the Lord. This is not a disco!”

“Contemporary music is just a fad, hymns will come back.”

“You can’t watch a rated R movie, but look the other way, and pass the cash over to your kids so they can go see it.”  

“No spaghetti straps on dresses.” 

This is especially true if you even remotely attractive.

“NO Jewelry!”

This is critical if you are someone in danger of making a golden calf.

Can you think of more?

Then let’s go to the other spectrum:

“We live together because if we got married, I’d lose my benefits. God sees my heart.”

“I taught Sunday School before. Let someone else have a turn.”

 This is usually followed by a rant about children today.

“I don’t report my tips to the IRS. They don’t need my money.”

“I work part-time because otherwise my ex would get her back child support.” 

Bible study? Girl, I’ve read the bible several times, what can you teach me?” 

It’s not gossip if it’s true. 

I’m just wondering at what point we stop fighting each other, live out what the word says, quit making excuses and speaking in half truths, which are lies we tell ourselves to make us feel good, and get on with the business at hand? What is the business at hand? To reach out to people who are hurting and show them a Jesus who loves them, not because they look right, act right or are right, but because he just does.

Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ. –Dietrich Bonhoeffer

How do we get anything done when we won’t stop living in religious fear and condemnation of one another. As I told the TLC women recently, “What makes you right?”

Something Beautiful

tlc4women3 Comments

My good friends and mentors in ministry, Bishop Gregory and Dr. Gayla Holley, recently had a horrible loss in their family. They put their precious little dog Missy, a yorkie terrier, outside in their yard and a turkey vulture took her. They were shocked and devastated at what had happened. When Gayla told me about it, I immediately had tears in my eyes and my hand went to my throat, as I could imagine the pain my friends are going through. Being a dog lover and knowing that dogs aren’t pets for long, they become a part of your family, I understood the grief they must be feeling.

They both felt badly about Missy. They shed some tears, they tried to figure out why this would happen. It was really a sad time. You see, Missy first belonged to a family who just didn’t have time for her. Her family knew they needed to find a good home for her and along came the Holleys. With them, Missy traveled the country in their RV, she slept in pajamas and got special treats. She watched the news on their laps. She got table scraps when her mom wasn’t looking. She even liked cuddling up in bed with them. She lived the life of luxury for a dog.

What happened next didn’t surprise me at all. They rescued another dog within a week. A Maltese who was in desperate need of a groomer. He is now living the life! Too soon you might say? Not when your life is about love.

See, there is an important lesson here about love and loss. In our grief we can decide to put up a wall and say to ourselves that we will never love again. We can decide that the loss is just too great and our hearts are much too broken to ever take another chance. We can live in the good ‘ol days when they were with us. In fact, the natural response to death is to nurse grief. To speak statements that shut love out.

It is a very powerful statement to remain open to love and shut out grief. Yes, grief is necessary and needed but love is even more so. In this case they determined that there were a lot of dogs that needed love more than they needed grief. Missy isn’t an afterthought. She is missed, she is loved still, and she isn’t replaced. This new life with a new dog will be a process just as anything in life is. No two dogs are the same. In fact, her memory is such a good one that they opened their lives up to even more love. That is a testimony to Missy’s life if ever there was one.

Sometimes in ministry you learn deep lessons not in what people say to you but in how their life is lived out before you.

Two Horses

tlc4women3 Comments

Two Horses—Author Unknown

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.



From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing….

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.  His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.


This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse’s halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you’ll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn’t too far behind to hear the bell.



Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way….

Good friends are like that…  You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I’ll listen for yours.


And remember…



Be kinder than necessary – – – Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.




What Measure?

tlc4women1 Comment



Matthew 26:6 When Jesus was at Bethany, a guest of Simon the Leper, 7 a woman came up to him as he was eating dinner and anointed him with a bottle of very expensive perfume. 8 When the disciples saw what was happening, they were furious. “That’s criminal! 9 This could have been sold for a lot and the money handed out to the poor.” 10 When Jesus realized what was going on, he intervened. “Why are you giving this woman a hard time? She has just done something wonderfully significant for me. ~”The Message”

If you’re still measuring out your offering then you haven’t discovered His worth yet. ~Klaus

Another Man’s Wife 2

tlc4women1 Comment

I wrote this post on the 18th. As I was writing I knew there had to be a part 2 because there’s always a flip side. The premise of the writing was a fantastic quote by a great man of God, BJ Robison, who pastored in El Sobrante, CA for many years and went on to heaven just a few short months ago, and the quote reads:

Watch the way a man treats another man’s wife and that will define his character.

Here’s the flip side.

  • The man who mows the soldier’s lawn when he’s deployed.
  • The man who doesn’t receive an accusation against another man’s wife.
  • The man who doesn’t overstep his boundaries in advice toward another man’s wife.
  • The man who encourages a husband to go home to his wife.
  • The man who inquires about another man’s wife and her well-being.
  • The man who will not speak against against another man’s wife.
  • The man who advises a young groom on his role as a husband.
  • The man who can advise another man’s wife on her action within boundaries.
  • The man who can send his wife, or trusted female friend, to help and mentor another man’s wife.
  • The man who does not try to fix another man’s wife.
Then there is the bride of Christ.
  • The man who understands his care for the bride while the groom is away.
  • The man who uses his talents to compliment her and not discourage her.
  • The man who sees a need a fills it without regard for credit.
  • The man who recognizes that she comes in all shapes and sizes.
  • The man who works tirelessly to retain her dignity.
  • The man who loves her despite herself.
  • The man who covers her in prayer.
  • The man who recognizes his place with her and knows he is not the groom but simply a friend of the groom.
  • The man who doesn’t exalt himself above her.
  • The man who loves her with the kindness of a friend.
  • The man who does not speak against her, even if…

A Different Kind of Battle

tlc4women1 Comment
http://www.etsy.com/listing/72758807/stepmom-mothers-day-fairy-tale-card

Here is another article on being a step mom from CNN.

Linda Petty writes a great article on the life of a step mom. I loved her job advertisement because it is just that way. She goes back to write some of the comments on the article written by Rachelle Katz that I blogged about on May 6, 2011, and it highlights the differing views on step moms.

Maybe the world is starting to recognize that there are more blended families than biological families and that there is much help needed!

Doing A Great Work

tlc4womenLeave a comment

I read this today and it made me smile. I wish I knew who wrote it but once you read it, it will seem par for the course that I don’t. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. You are doing a great work!

The Invisible Mother

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? ‘Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature – but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building while no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit a cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Thank you to all the Moms who are looking down and smiling at the cathedrals they helped to build. May God bless and keep you.

What A Man Needs

tlc4womenLeave a comment

When is a man ready for a relationship that leads to marriage? I teach this to our girls in youth group. Five things God gave Adam before he gave him a wife. Today I was reminded of the teaching so I thought I’d share it with you. It’s not my original thought. In fact, I got it from Dr. Myles Munroe back in 1992-93-ish but it’s still powerful knowledge today.

Genesis 2:7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

So we begin to see an order in God’s design of man. The first was relationship with God above all. A man whose need for a savior is foremost in his life is on the right path.

Genesis 2:8 Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.

Although the Lord was Adam’s father, Adam had his own place to live.

Genesis 2:15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

Adam had a job. Need I say more?

Genesis 2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”

Adam lived within order and within the parameters of the laws set before him.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

Adam reached a point in his life where he recognized the need for help-meet. He recognized that he had God, but that there was something missing.

God in his infinite wisdom led Adam down a path of order to a point where he realized he wanted to share his life with another living being. So often, we circumvent the process in an attempt to make things happen by our own hand. Perhaps this is why the divorce rate is so high. Perhaps this is why there are so many unwed mothers and absent dads. We didn’t recognize the need for each other. When we don’t know the purpose of something we tend to abuse or misuse what we’ve been given. If we are given things we didn’t yet earn, we don’t value it.

I love that I have women in their 20’s who see me around town and remember the teaching they received in high school. I’ll hear, “Pastora, he has three, as they hold up three fingers, but you know me, I’m waiting for the five!” In their age group one of the things they are missing is the need. Let’s be wise! Let’s wait until he’s ready. We’ve been playing house since we can remember but men have been busy playing war. He needs to conquer some things first, let’s be at peace with that.

My Choice Is You!

tlc4womenLeave a comment
reallifewisdom.com

Psalm 16:1 Keep me safe, O God, I’ve run for dear life to you. 2 I say to God, “Be my Lord!” Without you, nothing makes sense. 3 And these God-chosen lives all around – what splendid friends they make! 4 Don’t just go shopping for a god. Gods are not for sale. I swear I’ll never treat god-names like brand-names. 5 My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice! 6 You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir! 7 The wise counsel God gives when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. 8 Day and night I’ll stick with God; I’ve got a good thing going and I’m not letting go. 9 I’m happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I’m firmly formed. 10 You canceled my ticket to hell – that’s not my destination! 11 Now you’ve got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way. – “The Message”