Christianity Leaves Where Facebook Begins

April 23, 2014April 23, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

It’s not as simple as deleting a post or tweet. – Jake Iversen

I took a break from Social Media at the end of the year. I couldn’t take the whining and complaining and the perfection of selfies anymore. Not just others either, my own. I found myself wanting to respond in a negative way and it was no longer fun, nor good. Social media tends to leave manners at the door, and I was no exception. I have gone back on now and I’ve decided not to engage the meanies nor be one either. Some hot topics I will reserve for dinner conversations, live and in person because I have an opinion but sometimes I need you to hear my tone.

In church for the past month my husband has said every single Sunday, that if we have an issue with a brother, we are to go to that person as directed in the bible, not to Facebook. These are the kinds of things that people see and read and cause them to call us hypocrites.

They’d be right.

We can defend nothing.

We use people like pawns, those people who know nothing about the situation rush to the defense of the person who wrote the “cryptic” message, making the writer feel justified. Those who know what’s going on begin to text and call each other. Sadly it sets up a battle right in the middle of the congregation.

Which is exactly what the person posting wanted to have happen.

They won’t go face to face and confront but

anyone can be an attacker.

And it’s not just the church I attend, or the one you attend, or the one your friend attends, this is acceptable behavior in the Christian community, just as it is in any community these days. Only for us who call ourselves followers of Christ it’s not scriptural nor does it follow the example of Christ. And we think we invoke Jesus justifiably. We’ll preface it by saying, “I’m waiting on God’s will for this situation”, or “Is God trying to tell me something?” “I’m praying about what to do.” Then we proceed with the modern day Holy War.

So when I took my social media break, I thought about not coming back on. I didn’t want to contribute to the negative stereotypes of Christians and because I have a sarcastic sense of humor and very opinionated views, it doesn’t always translate well on paper. Even more than that, I didn’t like how it made me feel and react.

We need to weigh our words. They aren’t anonymous and you can hurt people with them. You become a publisher and it’s more than ink on a page. It’s there for as long as the Internet is around, and right now, it isn’t going anywhere.

Parents Shouldn’t Be A Financial Burden

April 21, 2014April 20, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Proverbs 13:22A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, But the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.

We’re a nation of consumers and that isn’t news nor is it going away. Reverse mortgages, check-cashing loans, credit card debt are rampant means of getting extra cash. Gone are the days in which we live within our means.

Have we stopped to consider our children in these situations?

Your average 21 year old comes out of college with a debt of $32,000 in student loans and $4,000 in credit card debt, according to the Dave Ramsey crew. How is that student going to pay that off when an entry level job isn’t going to pay anywhere near the money it will take to make a dent in that amount? As parents if we are not set up to help take care of these costs, we must rely on loans, grandparents, and family members to foot the bill.

With these statistics it is imperative that we should not take from our children nor be a burden to them. We need to begin wherever we are to save for our child’s education and their future. My godmother and I were talking recently and she said to me that as soon as I find out I am having a grandchild, I am to put $20 per week aside for that child’s future. So that ends up being about $20,000 with just simple interest. if I invested it, it would be more.

Do we even comprehend that $20 is one fast food meal skipped per week?

I don’t profess to be a saver. I love a sale as much as anyone, but we have an emergency fund and funds set aside for our future. I don’t want to be a burden to my kids. The bible says we aren’t supposed to be. Could it be that this is why the Lord makes such archaic statements in the bible?

Save! Don’t consume all that you have.

Proverbs 21:20 There is desirable treasure, And oil in the dwelling of the wise, But a foolish man squanders it.

Give freely but don’t be a borrower.

Psalm 37:21 The wicked borrows and does not repay, But the righteous shows mercy and gives.

We have to set this thing up better for the next generation or they won’t be afforded the life we were. We have to begin to look at the consequences of the whole picture and not look at what feels good right now. We love our children, and I believe that we do love our children, but are we looking out for them or are looking out for ourselves? Are we leaving them with a legacy of slavery to a system and a life of indebtedness or are we teaching practical principles like delayed gratification? We have got to do better for our next generation. Setbacks happen to everyone but there is a difference between a person who can’t recover and one who won’t.

Work and savings aren’t ugly words. My grandfather worked three jobs to give his kids a leg up. My parents both worked to give us an education. We worked to give our kids the things they needed. We didn’t always have new stuff but we had what we needed and we didn’t work a system, we worked to be free to make decisions.

Happy Anniversary!

April 16, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

In just a few days my son, Anthony, and his wife will celebrate their second anniversary. For those of you with young children it’s never too early to begin to pray for your child’s spouse. You know your child’s strengths and weaknesses better than anyone and you also have lived a little and know the characteristics of the person who will compliment them. So today I’m sharing a prayer that I prayed for my son for many years before Frances came true. Click Here.

Happy Anniversary! I love you both!

Joy In Service

April 14, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

My grandparents taught us about service to our community. Not because we ever sat down and discussed it but because we saw it in action. Complete strangers would come to their home, and if my grandparents could help they would. They were people of modest means but that never stopped them from doing for others.

Their children, my aunts and uncles, followed this tradition and throughout the years have been an inspiration to us to help where needed. I’ve watched them help with service to their church and other civic organizations, to sponsoring senior high school students graduation costs. They translate, they visit those in need, they take food to others, and they have a good reputation in their community.

My mom loves to crochet. For years now, all year long, she crochets scarves, blankets, hats, and sweaters. At Christmas time she delivers them to nursing homes to patients who don’t see visitors. She calls them “my seniors”. She has added a new project and has begun to crochet hats for cancer patients. This process is quite different than crocheting for her seniors. She has to use a certain gauge of yarn, she has to wash them in special detergent, and she has to individually bag them and ship them.

She recently told me nonchalantly that she had begun to receive thank you notes from the cancer patients. I could tell by the way she told me the notes were not expected. She received blankets in return from the coordinator at the cancer center for her seniors. You have to know my mom to know what this endeavor entails. She is retired, her hands give her problems due to years of banking and accounting and yet she continues to help because there is joy in service. This is not a job for her, this is what you do to make life better for others. When you see a need you fill it. That’s just that. She said my aunt had given her money for more yarn for this project. How typical it is for my family to gather resources together to make life livable for others.

We often lament about the generation that came before us. We point out that many of our issues are due to them. Some of that may be true. I am a germ freak because my mother is. I don’t share food off of my plate, or drink from anyone’s cup, not even with my husband, because I can hear my mother saying, “I don’t think so! That’s gross. You have no idea what germs they have.” Even as I write about possible germs I know she’ll cringe as she reads this. However, I did learn the joy in serving others. I learned about how we’re all connected and how we need to all do our part for our community. Thanks Mom! I am super proud of you and love you much!

So what can you do to make life better for someone?

Infallible Hero

April 11, 2014April 11, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Recently at a bible study someone dared to say that one of our beloved bible heroes acted like a spoiled brat. The women immediately were up in arms. Bible heroes are heroes and therefore we overlook their flaws and make them somewhat godlike, but come on, truth is truth, and it’s actually beneficial to see the real person in the scheme of the heroic act.

You all know I am a huge Dr. Laura fan. I’ve been listening to her for almost 30 years. So it was no wonder that I imagined Jacob calling into the radio program as I studied the life of Joseph. As he gives Dr. Laura the background we hear, Jacob is in love with Rachel, but marries her sister Leah and has a tribe of kids with her because Rachel can’t get pregnant, even though (Dr. Laura gets impatient with these words) he doesn’t love Leah. Finally Rachel has a son named Joseph and the bible tells us Joseph is Jacob’s favorite kid. Joseph, as a teen, has a dream that one day his older brothers will bow down to him. Joseph, dressed in this flashy coat, goes out to the field to tell his brothers about his dream. Now right about here is where I’m thinking this is one dysfunctional family. So Joseph’s brothers take Joseph out on a walk and lose him and then go back home and tell their dad he was killed.

So I can hear Dr. Laura saying to Jacob, “What the hell were you thinking was going to happen?” At which point I usually think to myself and take a deep breath, “Buddy, do you ever listen to this program?”

You can actually do this with all the bible heroes. Moses’ parents and Dr. Laura, “Don’t have them if you won’t raise them.” Then to Pharoah’s daughter: “Give this child to an intact, two-parent home. Adopt an older child.”

To David’s parents: “I know you’re trying to raise your boy to be a man, but sending him out to places alone where he has to fight a bear? What the hell are you thinking?!”

Parts of these stories look so heroic that it’s easy to overlook the dysfunction they went through as children and only see the good these men did with God at their side. It’s easy to then say we have too much to overcome to get to a spot of actually making a difference but the bible shows us these thoughts are merely excuses. Everyone has stuff to overcome. The difference is in those who will do something despite their circumstances, and those who will wallow.

Which will you be? A Hero or Victim? It’s interesting, every Comic Hero that I can think of had a crazy childhood only to come out victorious. So what’s holding you back? You aren’t any different. Go out and do something heroic with your life. Teach a child to be a person of character, go out and feed some homeless people, go out and teach a class or coach a sport. Make a difference. The world is waiting for your gift.

Adored

April 9, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Last night, Doug and I went to see Rob Thomas. It was a fantastic acoustic set. I mean seriously, in our time, he is a master of his craft and I would have expected no less but it was even more than I thought it would be. Doug, my sheltered pastor husband, who has a limited knowledge of secular music didn’t know who we were going to see. “Rob who?”, he asked. I laughed, “Remember last year on The Voice, he helped Ceelo?” “I can’t remember last week.”

So in the middle of the set Rob Thomas plays and sings, Lonely No More. I don’t even know what happened honestly but I had a flashback that was actually a God moment in which he wanted to reveal something to me. A healing. I rarely have these types of moments, but I was taken back to the moment in which it happened.

I don’t wanna be lonely no more
I don’t wanna have to pay for this
I don’t want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don’t wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don’t want to be lonely anymore

In that moment, I remember being very unsure of my relationship with Doug. There were parts of it that seemed unbelievable. The level of love I felt and I wasn’t sure I could trust it. There were so many complications to our relationship and I wasn’t sure I was up to it. He sensed it, or maybe he knew because after all he studies people for a living. In the middle of the doubt he looked me square in the eye and said so seriously,

“Your problem is that you’ve never been adored before. I am going to spend my life showing you what that feels like.”

That was the flashback moment. I was my dad’s favorite kid. I was loved by my family, but adored? I don’t think I even understood the word.

A-dored

verb – to regard with utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor.

No, I had never been adored. I had never had a relationship in which even in the troubles, there was utmost esteem, love and respect. I had loved and I had been loved, but I had never been able to fully trust, until now. I had never had a man trip over himself to make me his, to work so hard to take every single trouble away and honor me the way he does. I was having a moment, a revelation, holding my husband’s hand at a concert last night. Then it happened:

Rob Thomas’ guitar began the intro to Smooth his collaboration with Santana. Suddenly Doug sits up, “Hey! I know a song.” Then Rob tells a story that brings me back to reality.

He says he had flown to San Francisco to meet with Carlos Santana and possibly work on the song he’d written for him, Smooth. He says Carlos Santana walked into the room and said, “You’re married to a Latina aren’t you?” Rob Thomas said, “Yes, I’m married to a Puerto Rican.” Carlos Santana replied, “I knew it, no man writes a lyric, ‘I would change my life to better suit your mood’, if he wasn’t married to a Latina.” To which my husband snickered and squeezed my knee.

Really? We had to go there?

I Want To Marry You

April 7, 2014April 5, 2014 tlc4women2 Comments

The most precious thing you have in your life is time.

You can’t get moments back. You have to make sure that your life is heading in the direction of forward progress toward your goals.

I recently spoke to a woman who has dated her boyfriend for five years. She wants a ring. Her boyfriend is happy with the way things are. He’s not in a rush and says it will happen ‘one day’. This causes an argument. So I asked her why she was waiting and why she thought he was THE ONE.

She loves him.

She sees herself driving his kids around in a minivan.

He has a good job.

He loves God.

They have a lot in common.

They love jogging together after work.

They attend the same church.

Their families get along.

They believe the same things.

WAIT!!!!! WAIT!!!! WAIT!!!!

I had to stop her right there.

They have a ton of stuff in common. They love to talk to each other. They love to spend time together, and although all that is true, I have no reason to believe she is lying to herself or to me, they aren’t heading to the same place. You see, even though they have lots of things in common, they are not headed in the same direction. Even though they love each other, their destination is different. She wants marriage, he still hasn’t figured out he needs a wife. She can whine, stomp her feet, and give him an ultimatum and he may cave, but they both will know they manipulated a situation and that is no way to live.

Neither of them is a bad person. Neither of them is wrong. The only problem here, and it’s the deal breaker, is they don’t have commonality in the goal. So this relationship needs to end. Why? Because all we have is time and wasting it in the push and pull of trying to get someone to go your way, only delays your destiny to find the person who really is the one for you.

I once heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say about letting go of relationships, “Don’t abort the future on the altar of your past.” This isn’t just good advice in a romantic relationship. This addresses all relationships. Not everyone is going with you and you’re not going with everyone no matter how much we love them and how much it hurts to part. There are people in your life with whom you are at a fork in the road with and some are going your way, and others aren’t, don’t change your destiny in a compromise. The misdirection will waste time and cause resentment over time.

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed. NKJV

No one is evil, it’s just that their destiny is parting from yours. You never know if this is a forever thing, or for a period of time, in either case, choose God’s will rather than yours. In time, you’ll see why it wasn’t meant to be.

The Pastor’s Wife

April 4, 2014March 29, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

October is the month we have Pastor’s Appreciation Month and I know it’s April, but actually, we need to be praying for our pastors all the time because they have a tough job. While not being physically exhausting most days, it’s mentally challenging and emotionally charged. And while you’re there, pray for his wife too. That’d be me.

Today I woke up with the burden of the Pastor’s wife on my heart. She is in a unique position. She watches her husband from a vantage point that no one else really gets to see. She watches as he walks the line that is unpopular in our culture. She watches as people from the outside presume to know what he is about. She watches as his critics swim like sharks who see chum in the water. Most days, she’s able to pray and walk forward with her day. Other days, she is exhausted at the prospect before the day even gets started. She shares her life with a man who has a calling on his life. It’s not like a job where he can go home and let it go. It follows him everywhere. She watches as he paces the floor in prayer and wonders what the stress is doing to his body.

Yet her life is blessed as she stands secure in the fact that her husband follows the One true desire of her heart, Jesus. She has that in common with him as they move the Kingdom forward. She loves her church family with her whole heart. She rests in knowing that they have placed their trust where she has and that is a big obligation he carries. She understands that although her church needs her, her first duty is to her husband. She knows she must keep him healthy, keep him loved, keep him in her prayers and undergird his desires.

Recently someone said to me that I didn’t understand what she and other women had to go through. They have been hurt, they had been stabbed in the back and that they have had words spoken over them that they didn’t feel they deserved. I smiled and offered to pray. Inwardly, I wondered what makes her think I don’t go through this stuff? Some of the things a Pastor’s wife is told would make your hair curl. The criticism thrown at her, her children, and her husband would be laughable it it weren’t so painful. Just because she isn’t publicly bleeding doesn’t mean she isn’t wounded. She chooses to suck it up and move forward because the One she follows had a lot of heartache too, but recognized a short time frame when he saw one. Unfortunately, I’ve seen my share of wives get off the ride and decide to do something else because of the stress and pressure on her marriage and her family.

So today, my hat is off to all of you who are married to a Pastor. It’s a blessing to know you. It’s a blessing to pray for you. More importantly, it’s a blessing to be counted among you. I truly love each and everyone of you. May God continue to fashion you into His leading lady.

Stay In Your Own Movie

April 2, 2014April 1, 2014 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Drama.

Some people are magnets for it. For the rest of us, we have enough drama in our own lives that we don’t need to go looking for more. I mean honestly, if you wanted a Emmy winning Lifetime movie you could look no further than my own life and I’m sure yours too. We’d have these nail-biting scenes where we wonder if I’ll ever get back into those jeans or not, these amazing dramatic love scenes, break-ups and tears, and love and passion, then treacherous relationship that would make most soap operas look like amateur hour, and of course those scenes that look like blooper reels. Our own movies would be blockbuster hits!

So what makes us steer our car over to the drama of others and insert ourselves into their scenes? What makes us think we can do better?

EGO

We think somehow their drama is fixable, not like ours of course, because we are professionals. We think if we just share what we know, we can make it all better. Only let’s be real, what is it that we really know?

I love how Oprah does her famous question dramatically, “What’s the one thing you know for sure?” Then her guest look like they didn’t know the question was coming and they have to think about it. Trust me, if I were interviewed by Oprah, I’d know this question is coming up so I already have an answer. Are you ready?

“The one thing I know for sure, is the longer I live, the more I don’t know anything at all.”

But I guess that’s why I probably won’t be interviewed by Oprah. So her guests answer her question with pretty much a version of, “Well, Oprah the one thing I know for sure is that there is a force within us and we will return to that force one day.” And yeah, well I believe that too. Only I call my force Jesus.

EGO- I learned from a Wayne Dyer book that EGO can be an acronym for Edging God Out. In other words, when we come into the scene in rescue mode, often times we play God and none of us is fit to fill that position. Sorry to break it to you, when we act from a place of the mind, what we know, instead of spirit, what we don’t really know but discern from God, we Edge God Out. I can hear some of you screaming “BUT WHAT IF”. My response is, “Even if”. Stay in your own movie. Don’t go photo bombing someone else’s scene. Smile, close the door and know that if they will access Jesus they will work out a solution. Give advice when asked but please stay in your own movie.

Heaven, Hell and the Suicide Debate

March 26, 2014March 26, 2014 tlc4women1 Comment

This question was raised again in my life this week: “How can someone who commits suicide go to heaven?”

What is the difference between a diabetic saint who through poor diet and a refusal of a lifestyle change, begins to lose limbs and eventually dies, the overweight saint with high cholesterol who eats one more burger to a massive heart attack which kills them, the careless saint who reads the warning not to step on the top of the ladder and does and falls to her death, or the saint who suffers from major depression? Did they not all take their own life?

We tend to have degrees of suicide or rather, forgivable suicides and unforgivable suicides. Does God have mercy on the obese but not the depressed? Or can we determine that his measuring stick is not ours and that he ultimately decides what he forgives and what he doesn’t?