As Americans we are pretty spoiled. Things we see as simple pleasures are great luxuries to many in the world. But what really constitutes a necessity and what is just a thing that for now, we can do without and how do we tell the difference?
Every now and then we have misunderstandings in our benevolence ministry on what is a necessity and what is simply a luxury. One woman asked that we pay her cable bill. When we explain that a cable bill is not a necessity, she begins to get angry. Frustrated she asks us what her kids are supposed to do all day without cable? I’m not faulting her, it’s her perspective for where she is at right now. I wonder what she would tell a Haitian mother whose country has only been able to remove 2% of the rubble from a earthquake long since past?
Still another woman who is getting back on her feet and explains to us that she has nothing but a few items of clothing and list her number one need as a television.
We wade through the requests and almost everyone who fills out a form is helped but it is sometimes sad when I see that these people need much more than a TV. I am praying about how to best help our community. The single mom who needs school clothes for her kids is easy to help. The man who needs a suit to go to a job interview is a simple fix. Only what do we do with those who can’t pinpoint their need or who are misdirected in their need?
I had to laugh when a homeless man came in to get some clothes and water and then asked for a microwave. His reasoning? “Well, one day I’ll get on my feet and I’ll need it.”
Today I am sitting here wondering if the reason we are struggling with our economy is that we didn’t understand necessities? I wonder if we will get back to basics and will that be a good thing for America?
Proverbs 24:1 Don’t envy bad people; don’t even want to be around them. 2 All they think about is causing a disturbance; all they talk about is making trouble. 3 It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; 4 It takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies. 5 It’s better to be wise than strong; intelligence outranks muscle any day. 6 Strategic planning is the key to warfare; to win, you need a lot of good counsel. 7 Wise conversation is way over the head of fools; in a serious discussion they haven’t a clue. 8 The person who’s always cooking up some evil soon gets a reputation as prince of rogues. 9 Fools incubate sin; cynics desecrate beauty. Rescue the Perishing 10 If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn’t much to you in the first place. 11 Rescue the perishing; don’t hesitate to step in and help. 12 If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,” will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know – Someone not impressed with weak excuses. 13 Eat honey, dear child – it’s good for you – and delicacies that melt in your mouth. 14 Likewise knowledge, and wisdom for your soul – Get that and your future’s secured, your hope is on solid rock. 15 Don’t interfere with good people’s lives; don’t try to get the best of them. 16 No matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don’t stay down long; Soon they’re up on their feet, while the wicked end up flat on their faces. 17 Don’t laugh when your enemy falls; don’t crow over his collapse. 18 God might see, and become very provoked, and then take pity on his plight. 19 Don’t bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked. 20 Those people have no future at all; they’re headed down a dead-end street. 21 Fear God, dear child – respect your leaders; don’t be defiant or mutinous. 22 Without warning your life can turn upside-down, and who knows how or when it might happen? 23 It’s wrong, very wrong, to go along with injustice. 24 Whoever whitewashes the wicked gets a black mark in the history books, 25 But whoever exposes the wicked will be thanked and rewarded. 26 An honest answer is like a warm hug. 27 First plant your fields; then build your barn. 28 Don’t talk about your neighbors behind their backs – no slander or gossip, please. 29 Don’t say to anyone, “I’ll get back at you for what you did to me. I’ll make you pay for what you did!” 30 One day I walked by the field of an old lazybones, and then passed the vineyard of a lout; 31 They were overgrown with weeds, thick with thistles, all the fences broken down. 32 I took a long look and pondered what I saw; the fields preached me a sermon and I listened: 33 “A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy – do you know what comes next? 34 Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, with poverty as your permanent houseguest!”
A little different post today instead of reading my opinion, I am asking for yours.
Suppose a friend comes to you and tells you a story that completely contradicts their walk with Christ. They never ask for your advice, they are merely talking.
Since we are called not to judge, is it wrong for you to give your unsolicited opinion?
Does your answer change if you are merely a friend or consider yourself a brother/sister in Christ?
In the name of love we commit atrocities on ourselves and others. Yet,
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Do we know God? Or do we think we know love? They are inseparable. Do we understand what love is and will we adhere to the principles of love as God has directed or will be continue make a mess of our lives in the name of what we think is love?
Technology use can benefit the brain in some ways, researchers say. Imaging studies show the brains of Internet users become more efficient at finding information. And players of some video games develop better visual acuity.
More broadly, cellphones and computers have transformed life. They let people escape their cubicles and work anywhere. They shrink distances and handle countless mundane tasks, freeing up time for more exciting pursuits.
For better or worse, the consumption of media, as varied as e-mail and TV, has exploded. In 2008, people consumed three times as much information each day as they did in 1960. And they are constantly shifting their attention. Computer users at work change windows or check e-mail or other programs nearly 37 times an hour, new research shows.
The nonstop interactivity is one of the most significant shifts ever in the human environment, said Adam Gazzaley, a neuroscientist at the University of California, San Francisco.
“We are exposing our brains to an environment and asking them to do things we weren’t necessarily evolved to do,” he said. “We know already there are consequences.”
I made the mistake once of saying in a group that I get up early to write because it’s the only part of the day that I have all to myself. Sometimes, I have no filter and I say things that should remain private for my sake. Anyway, I said I normally get up around 5:30 to get an hour or so in of writing before I have to start my day.
I don’t know why, but this seemed to give people the nod to call or text my cell at that hour. They forgot the part about how it’s my only time to myself. They also forgot that I am married and that my husband is sleeping at that time and the phone wakes him up in a very grumpy way. Anyway, I’ve straightened it out. Either by politely answering after 8 or saying something directly. The only time my phone should ring at that time is because an employee is calling in sick or someone is in the hospital.
For social calls the phone should ring between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. For business calls the phone can begin to ring at 8 a.m. unless you know a place of business is open before that.
To my youth kids who read the blog, it’s not okay to call each other, even on your cell phones, at 10 p.m. or 2 a.m. I know, I know, that’s ol’ skool but my kids get their phones taken away for infringements of etiquette because I’m trying to teach manners. If you ask any parent, they don’t want you to call late either. Since most parents pay for cell phones then their rules go. If you pay your own cell phone bill then the rule still applies because the only reason you have money for a cell phone is because your parents pay for rent, food and health insurance.
Also, don’t call hang up and call again. If the person was busy two seconds ago, they are probably still busy now. Just leave a message and wait. Right now as I write this, someone has called four times, not left a single message and I’ve been typing for 3 minutes and 28 seconds. There are times when I am typing, working, sleeping, cooking, having dinner and I don’t answer my phone during that time. It’s okay, there was time in the world where we weren’t so accessible and………………….. we lived.
The number one search engine term that people use to get to our blog is ‘I am a mistake’ which prompted me to write the blog You’re Not A Mistake. The second thing that brings people to our site are issues with children and we’ve written quite a bit on that.
The third is ‘why do men cheat’. I hadn’t written on it because I didn’t really think I had answers. I began to make notes as to what some reasons are that we hear in counseling as to why men cheat. Interestingly enough I found some common reasons.
Hungry Men Cheat. No! Not hungry as in physical food but hungry as in something is missing. Whether a valid concern or a fantasy of what they thought a marriage was supposed to be, it doesn’t really matter because it still leads them down a wrong path. So the question is why are they hungry and what are they hungry for?
Respect. So often we marry men and then expect them to change. When they don’t become that fantasy man we thought they had potential to become we get mad. We begin to nitpick at their flaws. Who wants that? So suddenly the girl at the office who thinks he has potential and flatters him begins to look good. Just like you used to look before you decided he wasn’t all that.
Lisa Bevere made a poignant statement in her series Nurture. She said that women train their husbands and serve their children. That statement smacked me in the head. How many times have we determined that our husbands way of doing things are wrong and ours is right? What gives us the right? I think most women would respond negatively if the roles were reversed. Quit nagging about what he isn’t and appreciate what he is. I don’t think I have to go into any more details here. Make your man feel as if what he does for you is important.
Letting ourselves go. What does it cost us to put some makeup on and try to look like we care a little bit? There is this thing, I believe, in marriage where we become too familiar. I don’t give myself a facial in front of my husband. I understand he’s visual and I don’t want to put an image of my face with a mud mask as a visual in his head. I also keep myself in decent shape and I wear pretty things in and out of bed. We need to quit lying to ourselves and making excuses for our lackadaisical behavior. We would have been mortified if, when we were dating, our man had seen us the way we run around now. You put your best foot forward for strangers, why don’t we do that for our husbands?
Putting others above him. There is no one above your husband. Not your mom, not your best friend, not your children. You need to remember that. If you don’t put your husband as number one someone else will.
Be sexy, flirt shamelessly, have lots of sex, be nice to him, cook him dinner.
Finally, sometimes no matter what you do and how good you are at the things I’ve mentioned above, affairs happen. Sometimes, you married a bad man who didn’t appreciate what he had at home. Sometimes he didn’t put the boundaries in place in his life that he needed to keep himself safe. Sometimes he’s so busy looking around for the next best thing that he will never be satisfied with the good thing he’s found. There are men who hang with other men where cheating is expected and they fall to peer pressure. Then there is the power they feel in being able to conquer. These aren’t your normal decent men. Your normal decent man isn’t looking at other women with lust. He’s happy at home.
If you are honest you’ll see places where you can affair-proof your marriage. It won’t guarantee 100%, but it can make a big difference.
Ultimately though, I will say an affair is a decision that was made. Two people did not just get naked without a lot of boundaries being broken. So the responsibility of the action falls on the person having the affair. The actions that lead up to this devastating action is ours to examine and change before it’s too late.
Dina Lohan is in the news for defending her daughter, actress Lindsay Lohan, whom she feels is being judged unfairly for having to serve jail time for drinking and driving. Americans have vilified Dina Lohan as a mother out of control and enabling her daughter. Only ask yourself what’s so different about her and us?
How many parents who know the school has banned the use of cell phones, allow their child to take a cell phone anyway? How many parents have done their kid’s homework? How many parents have let their kids lie without consequence? How many parents have marched their child over to an adult they have disrespected and made them apologize to the person in front of them? How many parents have lied to get what they wanted for their children, as in free lunch or subsidized daycare or welfare, or discounted movie, amusement park tickets? How many parents have paid restitution for their child’s shoplifting or grafitti, rather than let their child pay for it? How many parents have pushed beyond competitiveness for a child who is deemed a winner? How many parents have big time debt buying whatever their children desire? How many parents are still paying their adult children’s bills?
Not the same thing you say? It’s exactly the same thing. The kid wanted it and the mom went to whatever lengths she had to go to get it. Do we think we are above it and would never do it? Think again, we do it all the time. Does the scale matter? No, the slope is the same and we’re all tumbling down it. It’s easy to judge her because she is in the public eye. I wonder if we judge ourselves as harshly?
Saturday I drove to Santa Monica with Ana Valencia, Anthony’s second mom and a blessing to me. We went to see my son’s girlfriend, Frances get baptized. A beautiful sunset service as three women committed their lives to Christ and the great commission was fulfilled.
L2R Me, Ana, Kim, Anthony, Frances, Jennifer, Mike, Craig
The first one to go into the water was a woman named Katie. Her family came in from Vancouver Canada. A beautiful spirit she beamed ear to ear. I love to see how God radiates in the smile of a believer.
Katie gets baptized first.
Frances went second. My picture came out blurry but my mind will never forget this moment.
Next went a beautiful woman named Molly. Molly may never know the impact she had on my life. I wonder if she realized that she quoted Jesus in the midst of her tears? Do you know the feeling when you witness a true God moment that is so extraordinary that it is imprinted on your heart forever? This was this kind of moment.
This next picture is of Kim, Frances’ bestie from Tennessee. I have to tell you that I love Kim. She is just one of those people that you meet and you’ve known forever. She makes me smile and her heart is so expansive. I am blessed to know her!
Kim and Frances
This is a picture of Marie, one of the small group leaders who helped lead Frances to this moment. She opens her home and heart for study.
This is June, she leads the small group in Marie’s home and made sure these women were ready to embark on this new journey with Christ.
I was honored to part of this special occasion. I love that three women submitted their lives to Christ last night. I love that in the water walked the old man and out emerged the new nature. Three women received keys to Kingdom last night. The angels rejoiced, God smiled great big and a new adventure unfolded.
In the Narnia Chronicles, Susan asks if Aslan is safe. No, is the response. He is not safe but he is good. Mighty women of God, your adventure begins and it doesn’t guarantee safety in the way we look at safety. It doesn’t guarantee that each day will be filled with happiness and heartache will never come. It does promise that God is good and that he will see you through it all, that your safety is secure in the end.
May your adventure be one of fulfillment, contentment, risk and the secure knowledge that in the end it all works out for your good and the good of those who you will impact for Jesus!
Pastor Susan 