Category: Daily Living

Words Can Hurt You

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Are there promises that you need to renounce? Are there negative words that you’ve spoken and made agreements with? We call these in church speech or churchese as I call it, Inner Vows.

For example saying, “I’m fine”, when you aren’t, isn’t always positive confession. Sometimes it’s just pride. A refusal to admit to others that you’ve got some fractured parts of your life that need help doesn’t help you. In fact, it often creates barriers.

How about the “I will never……”, vows? I can’t even begin to tell you how many times my nevers turned into reality. I used to say I’d never speak in public and here I am. In fact, gasp, gulp, I have been known to sing in public. So God took me from never speaking in public to speaking and singing. Then when I said okay, I’ll speak at the church I’m a member of, but not anywhere else……. Well you all know what happened.

Okay those are some vows, but about the more serious ones? I will never love anyone too much because I saw how much my mom loved my dad and in the end he left. So instead of guarding your heart and sharing it, you pull it so far back the guy never stands a chance.

Maybe your mother wound is so deep or your ex-wife hurt you so much that you tell yourself if there is even a hint of any of the behavior you recognize you’re out of there. And so you eventually see it, or manifest it by unchanged patterns in your life, and run for the hills when the reality is you’re making the new person pay for the sins of the past.

The cost of these inner vows are fear, anxiety, isolation, rejection, bitterness, resentment, mistrust of others, distance that can’t be brought back together. Count the cost. Sometimes the price is way too expensive for your lifestyle.

How do you know if the inner vow you’ve made is right or wrong? Ask yourself, does it add to my life? By adding I mean does it add love, does it add friends, does it add benefit, or does it just cost me?

Whosoever WILL

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Let’s get one thing straight. I’m a firm believer of when you know better, you do better. Some lessons are harder than others to learn and the one I learned recently was a false perception that I thought that I was capable of mentoring anyone. After banging my head against the wall a few times however, I realized that there is an important clause in this faith I follow and that’s the whosoever will clause.

Not everyone cares or wants to change. While change be inevitable it’s no less hard and some are not willing nor ready. So this year, I determined to stop beating my head against the wall. Oh sure I would pray, I wouldn’t hold offense, but I wouldn’t stop my forward motion or the progress of others to beat a dead horse. It has worked miracles in my life.

There is no scriptural  reference to nagging and pleading. The whosoever will clause takes care of that. I’ve learned that when I speak to you about the things I have gone through, or even better, the things I have learned along the way, or even better still what the bible has to say about a situation, there is zero return for me. I walk in the door of my house and there is still carpet to vacuum, floors to sweep and mop, dinners to be made. There are still personal devotion times to be had, books to be read, health issues to contend to, and my own growth and learning process. I get nothing out of mentoring another other than sheer joy that the person has moved on past the problem, learned a solution, and has stepped up their level.

When my own mentor, sets me straight, or tries to teach me a principle, or comes and sits and prays with me, she gives up her time for me. She doesn’t get anything from it. I submit and retain the advice or I don’t, it will be entirely up to me. Her workload doesn’t change, in fact, it increases because I become one in her scope of leadership. I add work to her life. It’s one she takes on freely without regret or rancor because she loves to see the progress and she is saddened when I get stuck, but, and here’s the key to mentoring, she refuses to come and sit in the stuck with me. She’ll come and extend her hand but if I am continually trying to drag her down, she walks away. She doesn’t have endless hours for me either. Minutes each week and sometimes not even that. When I used to tell her I have no one to talk to and I needed advice, she would say, “You are never alone, sometimes you need to just get on your face and tell your heavenly Father. Sometimes he’s the only one with the answers.” Great advice that has saved me on so many occasions I can’t even begin to count.

So who is mentoring you? Are they frustrated or thrilled with your progress? Are you listening? Or did you listen with one ear already having chosen what you would do? Who are you mentoring? Are there places where you get stuck? It’s really wisdom to assess your effectiveness in both areas of your life. Take a little time to do that today.

How’s Your Self Talk?

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How’s your self talk? Sometimes the devil doesn’t have to do much work in our lives. Our self talk is so hateful towards ourselves that it brings the same effect. What do see when you look in the mirror?

Luke 6:45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

This is not to say that when you speak negatively about yourself that you are evil, only that what you think about yourself is evil. In other words, it doesn’t produce life affirming things, or good things for your life. I don’t go and look in the mirror when I’m talking to myself. No, I talk to myself all day in my mind. So when it says that what I say flows from my heart, I have to remember that it’s subconscious, or embedded belief, and that what I am saying to myself can either be constructive or destructive. What is the price we are paying for what you are promising will come to pass in your own life? Be kind to yourself.

The cost of negative self-talk will be negativity towards myself and others, missed opportunities, loss of potential, doing things to fit in rather than doing things because they add to my life.

Counting the Cost Part 1

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For every promise there is a price to pay. ~ Jim Rohn

The bible has a lot to say about promises. They called them vows back then but the seriousness of it wasn’t diminished. In fact, to have anything come out of your mouth was considered a vow. We aren’t so careful with words these days, we speak a lot of them that we don’t really mean but does it change the fact that what we say has meaning, whether we mean it or not?

We were made in the image of God and everything he says happens and IS. So therefore, the speech we carry IS.

Luke 14:28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it– 29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?

In this passage of scripture it’s talking about a discipleship of ministry but here is where we find ourselves. Have you counted the price you’re going to have to pay to live out the life you’re creating? Many of us bought homes in the last 10 years. We thought we had it all planned out and then the economy tanked. Did we think, “Can we pay this price for the next 30 years? Can we pay more to get out of debt sooner?” No, most of us didn’t count the cost of the economy.

So for today chew on this. Have you counted the price you’ll have to pay to live out the life you are creating?

In For A Penny

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There’s an old saying, In for a penny in for a pound. It means that if you’re going to go for something then go for it all the way.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

The fool shall not discern the value and shall cast aside great treasure. The practiced eye knows the true worth of a gem and shall not let it escape him. Thus shall you be in spiritual matters.

Train your eye to discern that which is of true worth, and let it not escape you. ~Frances J. Roberts

It’s the great Christian cliché to say that we are sold out to Jesus but what does that look like? What’s the worth of service to others? What’s the cost of volunteering in your community? What’s the price of time spent in prayer? What’s the pain of fasting or intercession?

It seems a great sacrifice on the surface of more pressing things in life, but that which is born in spirit and that which is born in flesh is noticeably different. One is sustained while the other burns out.

If The Shoe Fits

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Am I the only woman on the planet that looks at Cinderella and thinks, “WHAT A CROCK!”?

I don’t know the idea of spending a whole night dancing with a guy, staring into each other’s eyes, and then running home so fast to beat curfew that I leave a beautiful shoe behind is bad enough. Compound that with a guy who supposedly is madly in love with me but sends some of his workers out, who have never seen me by the way, to bring me back to his place is insulting. Add to that the fact that there are millions of size 7 1/2 women out there and what are the chances he marries the wrong girl and we both forever live with one beautiful shoe and a heel? C’mon! That’s a nightmare not a fairy tale!

We’re going to talk about that and more at the new season of TLC4Women next Monday night, August 13, at 7 pm. I’ll see you there!

TLC4Women is Progressing

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TLC4Women has made a lot of strides over the years. We’ve worked on our issues, we studied the bible, and through it all we’ve learned, and we’ve learned, and we’ve learned, and we’ve grown some too!

This year we are extending our reach to the youth. Girls from 7th Grade to 12th Grade are going to get their own class. I’m excited about that. The leaders of this class are prepping as I write this! I’m expecting big breakthrough! So keep an eye out for details, they’re coming soon!

By the way, if you look at the top of the home page, you’ll see we’ve listed our 2012-2013 Curriculum for both Spanish and English. Our big kick-off will be August 13, 2012 with If The Shoe Fits! We’re looking forward to a great year!

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

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Navarro Vineyard
Navarro Vineyard

Each night at 10:00 there is an announcement on major television stations which goes something like this:

“It’s 10:00, do you know where your children are?”

It makes you stop to think about it. Do I? On a weekend, if your kids are out, you may text your kids, “Hey where are you?” Today I can hopefully cause you to have one of those moments but on a profoundly higher level than the daily 10 pm alarm.

Sheep are notorious for being slow-going creatures. You can’t drive them like cattle or you’ll kill them, they must be lead with great patience. Not one for having much patience myself, I often admire shepherds because they must learn the art of going easy in their lead and still retaining control, knowing when to push and when to step back is an art.

So when it’s time to move the herd after lambing, the time when the ewes give birth to the lambs, imagine the chaos! Baby lambs playing, easily distracted while mothers are letting their kids be kids. The scene could easily look like a scene from Wal-Mart where mom is shopping and the kid  is running around grabbing everything off the shelves it can and knocking it down. If that drives you crazy now multiply that times 50 and you start to get the picture.

Shepherds have a secret though. They understand that if you need to get mom to follow you, you pick up a couple of lambs and now you have mom’s full attention. She will go where the shepherd goes.

So who’s carrying your kids?

This question is so important because whomever that is, that’s where you’re being led. Are you getting the picture of where I’m going with this? If your kids are being carried by the bumping and grinding world of MTV then you can best believe that your attention is there. If your kids are being carried by Snooki and her bunch, you can bet you’re being led there. If your kids are being led by gangs and the local drug dealers then you’re being led to hospitals and jail.

Now, we as humans are likened to sheep, but hopefully we have a better handle than they do. Hopefully, when the shepherd signals for his flock to follow we are not letting the kids dictate where we are being led. Instead my hope is, that we are following the shepherd and bringing our kids along.

Sometimes I see sold out Jesus freak parents who think their kids will find their own path. Not even a ewe does this. Let’s be smart. Let’s be intentional. Whether you’re a Christian or not, pay attention to who is carrying your kids. That influence has the power to lead you and your family around.

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

The Bloodsucker

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Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m missing the chip that other women have. Yes, I’m going to completely admit up front that it’s totally me. I don’t get into the vampire movies. I could care less about vampire love and vampire friendships. In fact, I had my share of bloodsuckers in my life and I don’t care to watch it on TV. Confused? Me too!

No, I’m not talking about fantasy vampires, I’m talking about the ones you have in real life. Yes, sometimes we encounter and befriend real vampires. Their purpose is to suck the life out of you with their emotional turmoil. In my younger days, when I had more blood to give, I thought they needed me. It fed my ego to think I could offer solutions to their problems, but it never seemed to fail, the more problems we discussed, the more problems there were. Pretty soon, I was anemic as I watched my blood drip from their lips.

I took a step back and realized I had not been helpful at all. In fact, the same problems were the same problems, I had not served them well, nor had I fed them anything nutritious, I was merely junk food. The extreme demands on my time on their part, and the lack of boundaries on my part, were doing us both no good.

In the vampire movies the damsel looks into the eyes of the vampire and sees need. She misinterprets that need and winds up a slave. In real life we need to take better care of the vampires and ourselves by really discerning between true need and emotional neediness because there is a huge difference.

When I read the bible many people came to ask Jesus for help. He helped them, a word of advice, a healing touch, a teaching, a reminder of scripture, but then he was off to help others. His time was limited, his resources were unlimited yes, but they needed to be spread out. I am reminded of the story of the loaves and fish when every single crumb was picked up after the meal (Matthew 14:14-21). We can do the same thing.

There will always be people who need your help. Help them. Then, recognize your ability, your time, your resources and don’t get sucked in. If you’re already there, as I was, you’ll need to disengage. It doesn’t have to be ugly, it just has to be honest. After all you’re friends right? Well, this may end up being the test but whether that friendship endures or fades, you’ll have rid yourself of your vampire obsession!