A Good Life Always Start With A Vision

December 26, 2015 tlc4women1 Comment

The family game we played last night sits left over on my dining room table this morning. Last night we laughed until we cried, we came up with a team name that shall not be repeated out of the circle of those who were there. I sit here and write this post on the day after Christmas as google reminded me with a ding on my calendar this morning. Those of you who know me know I write a vision statement each year. I make a list of things I want to accomplish personally and professionally. Then I write ideas for vacations, home improvements, a budget, a savings plan. Yes, I know it sounds too hard and it doesn’t sound like there is any adventure or spontaneity in it does it? Oh, but there is! Life takes twists and turns that you can never plan for, and some ideas need to be tweaked midway, and some ideas although great in December in June you can see aren’t going to cooperate. The point is to have a plan that can keep you on course even in the midst of chaos. It sounds complicated but it really is the key to freedom! Knowing exactly where you stand and how you can proceed in the current conditions takes a big worry off your mind. You don’t find yourself in a car lot, excited about a new car if the budget isn’t there because you have a plan in mind and on paper. Instead you may find yourself at the mechanic’s shop getting a quote on a transmission fix which is much cheaper in the long run.

So as you can see by the picture, I look back at 2015 and write down what went well and what didn’t work. I make determinations on whether I am going to try again or scrap the idea. I look at what projects aren’t quite finished and if my time was used effectively or is it just taking a little longer. Did I squander too much time or did I have just enough rest? What old habits never died? Where did I need more discipline. Where is this going in the New Year?

I used to brag that I started writing vision statements back in my 20’s and I would always accomplish my goals by October-ish. I used to pat my self on the back and say to myself, “Girl, you are just that good at getting things done.” However one day I heard a still small voice within me say, “You get your goals met each year because you don’t dream big enough. You play it safe.” OUCH! I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to go deeper and to be more daring. You see, I thought I was just that good. Now I am older than my 20’s, much older, and I have learned to set up bigger dreams. I have learned to set dreams that will actually take 2-3 years to complete, like the two week trip we took to Hawaii that required us to save up rather than charge it. Or the one where my husband announced he wanted a Camaro in 2011 but it took us until 2014 to buy it because there were plans in motion that had to be completed first.

So what is your dream for this next year? What are you planning to accomplish and what will take some time to fulfill? I pray you have been thinking about it and I hope you are working towards your destiny!

Take your time. Make it clear in your head and then advise your heart because honestly, if your heart isn’t in it, it won’t get done.

Integrated

November 20, 2015November 19, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Integrated – Adjective – combining or coordinating separate elements so as to provide a harmonious, interrelated whole:
an integrated plot; an integrated course of study.
2.organized or structured so that constituent units function cooperatively:an integrated economy.
3.having, including, or serving members of different racial, religious, and ethnic groups as equals:

I was sitting with my Godmother who is 89 years old. She was born in a time of segregation and being a Latina I am acutely aware of these circumstances on some levels and acutely oblivious on other levels. Meaning my heart hurts at the stories but to say I have experienced this level of treatment in my lifetime would be a lie.

My Godmother told her story with quiet assuredness,

“My mother wanted us to attend Cecil Avenue School. It was the white school and some of us our parents sent us to that school for a better education. Back in those days it was much different than it is today. We were not allowed to eat in the cafeteria because we were Mexican. Instead we had to eat outside. In the rain, in the heat, whatever the weather was, but we were kids and we made the best of it. Huddled under trees we stuck together.”

I sit and listen to her story and wonder if this is the reason she became a school secretary? She certainly never hesitated to give a student a what for. “You’re here to get an education make yourself a better person. You’re here so that if you desire you can go to college. You have been given more opportunities than we ever had. Don’t waste them.”

This is why segregation in any form is abhorrent to me. This ideal that it’s us against them regardless of the excuses for the behavior is ignorant. Studies show integration pulls people up not down. So why do we so quickly abandon the notion of equality? Because it requires we set our mindsets and our idea of who they, whichever they we are prejudice about, are aside for the truth. The truth being that we are all more alike than we care to think. That regardless of where we came from we are now here, wherever here is for you, and therefore should be working together to make here better.

On my way to see my Godmother I listened a podcast on This American Life. I have posted the link at the end of this post and I would ask you to listen to it by clicking on it please. I cried because here we are still squawking about equality by being separatists. It’s no better in the church. We elevate the segregation to doctrinal issues to make it holy.

Yet, I have hope. I see millennials who are crossing lines, untethered by pants, raised hands, and a tone of a voice which makes it male or female, and instead making an effort to make the world a better place in the name of Jesus. While CNN and FOX scream about Jihadists 24/7 there is terrorism of a different kind going on, in our neighborhoods and in the church. Let’s make a difference where we can. I think Jesus would be pleased if we extended our hands regardless of the color of our skin.

Click Here for This American Life Podcast

What’s In A Name?

October 22, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

from: http://www.lynnegolodner.com/author/lynneschreiber/

When my daughter Casey sends a text I know instantly without reading it what my position is. You see when it’s business and information she starts the text out with, “Hi Mom” and proceeds with what is needed. When it’s encouragement or love that is needed she starts out the text with, “Mommy”. This week her note to me was positioned as Mommy and my posture was immediately that of refuge.

A name positions the posture you take in any given situation. You respond to the moment by the name you are called. The Lord has a name by which he responds to and it is in the posture that you have positioned Him in.

Relationship determines what name you use. My immediate family calls me Susie. No one else does and is corrected immediately because no one else has that familiarity with me. It’s a name from my childhood and reserved for those special people who were there in that time. My friends call me Susan, my given name, the one I use daily.

What is your relationship with The Lord and what do you call him? Are you like Casey who calls upon the name that is needed in the circumstance? Do you share that kind of intimacy with Him that he knows by the name you are using how he will respond to your request? My hope is that you do. It takes time to develop the relationship to get to the place where intimacy happens. There are so many characteristics of God and to call upon him in those times of need with that assuredness that he will answer brings a peace to your soul that is unimaginable.

I come running to my daughter when she calls out to her mommy. Yes, she is almost 30 years old but it invokes in me a concern and a privilege that only I hold and that I can’t describe. It invokes in my heart a necessity that can’t be filled by anyone else. How much more does Our Father come running when we call upon him in the familiar? When He is our One and Only in that given moment is when the intimacy happens, when the questions are answered, when the advice is given. Let us draw near to Him. It’s never too late to start.

Pruning

October 19, 2015October 17, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Prune – verb

1. to cut or lop off (twigs, branches, or roots).
2.to cut or lop superfluous or undesired twigs, branches, or roots from; trim.
3.to rid or clear of (anything superfluous or undesirable).
4.to remove (anything considered superfluous or undesirable).

Over the last year I’ve allowed a pruning in my life. My blogs became fewer, my days were no longer intentionally set the way I wanted but instead often changed up in a weird, chaotic seeming to me, but divinely purposed to God way. To tell you that it was easy or that it wasn’t on some days excruciatingly painful would be a lie. I wish we could be pruned like a haircut where you feel excited at the anticipated outcome. For me, a Type A, there have been days when I want scream STOP! ENOUGH! OUCH!, only I grew up in the Central California Valley, where vineyards grow in abundance, and I know pruning is necessary for the next season. Pruning is an ugly necessary part of bearing exceptional fruit. In the Central Valley, the winter is ugly. Everything is pruned, fog sets in, money is tight because few are working, and there is this stillness, this holding pattern as we anticipate the coming of Spring and the new abundant crop and the action that comes along with it. All the while the vineyards are digging deep and baring their souls and most look away because it’s uncomfortable and desolate and a process that is completed deep within.

I remember some years ago, I was walking my father’s vineyard at winter time, and I told my dad that the vines look gloomy without leaves. He answered “They don’t look gloomy… They are showing you their soul. Looking at them you can see their essence, their strength and weakness… You can see their skeleton and help them to become in what you want them to become by encouraging their natural process through the pruning”~By Mariana Onofri The Vines of Mendoza

So quietly I went about my business and agonized over things I thought were important but The Lord said had to go. It would be simple if you got to prune yourself. If the vine could say to the vinedresser,

“Please take a little off the top, but you see that strong sturdy branch there, yes that one, please leave that one alone, I’ve cultivated a following there, and there is much fruit that came from it.”

It doesn’t work that way. Pruning takes away all of the pretty and all that is left is the stump. This is why it’s so crazy hard to do. To be stripped away of things you felt were important and worthwhile but weren’t for you in this next season. To be looked at by your peers as dropping the ball or worse no longer a team player because you weren’t showing up in uniform ready for the action and instead were taking time to sit on the bench and observe the frenzy that you once loved so much.

Baby, sometimes the season is over.

Sometimes you’re the star quarterback who thinks they have a season left. It doesn’t mean life is over. It just means the chapter is finished and it’s time to start a new one.

When your definition is your title, there will be pruning. Truth be told we’ll be in denial over this. We’ll proclaim to anyone who listens that our title isn’t what defines us because we’re richer than that but the fact remains that we cry out: THIS IS MY CAUSE! THIS IS MY PASSION! Yes, that is what the vineyard says to the vinedresser. The vineyard who also professes to be a surrendered soul.

Our cause and our passion belong to the Master

or is that simply a statement made for those who choose to listen to us and the lie we tell our heart as we pilgrim forward on the way to the things that are meaningful to us? Just something to think about.

This Heart Of Mine

October 15, 2015October 15, 2015 tlc4women1 Comment

Free people.

I don’t get to control how free people behave. I don’t get to control how free people respond. I don’t get to judge whether their response is reasonable or not. I don’t live in their head. I live in mine. They get to tell their truth. I get to tell my truth. We don’t always have to agree. We don’t always have to walk together. The response we have to free people shows our heart. It also shows our respect for others and ourselves.

That being said, it doesn’t give someone the right to trample on you. I’ve seen some pretty crazy relationships in the name of respect. Different doesn’t mean it’s good. In fact, it could be bad only you get to line it up with the word of God and decide. Where the line is drawn however is when we march off backbiting because the person didn’t agree with us or didn’t allow us to emotionally hijack them. Taking our ball and going home mad is fine when we’re 12, but it’s immature at 20, and looks ridiculous at 40.

Will we decide to keep score or will we forgive? One looks like flesh and one looks like Jesus. Our choice. Our account.

The Art of Bouncing Back

October 12, 2015October 13, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

As a woman in ministry there is a big target on your back and you can fall prey to the haters if you aren’t careful. I want to speak to the wife of a Pastor today because she is especially vulnerable to the arrows that hit her blindside.

It’s not about going around trying to stir up trouble. As long as you are honest and you articulate what you believe to be true, somebody somewhere will become your enemy whether you like it or not. ~Criss Jami

I am watching two very different women in ministry. A young Pastor’s wife, we’ll name her Jane, with a heart for the Lord who is being torn apart by unrealistic expectations, and a Pastor’s wife, Chris, who is being slaughtered by those who profess to wear the banner of love. It’s painful even from a distance.

In both cases you have women who love the Lord and are actively involved in their church. They are there at every event and they are there to serve. They pray. They seek the Lord. They speak words of revelation and life and yet they are lonely. They want to be a part of something that they have not been invited to.

So what’s the problem? Young Pastor’s wife Jane is an intercessor. She’s friendly but introverted. She will be at the church praying on any given day once her children are off to school, however Jane doesn’t lead a ministry. Jane has prayed over me powerfully but if I ask her to speak at our women’s conference Jane politely declines and says, “but I’ll help you serve food and I’ll help you at the altar”. Her church feels she needs to step it up. Only who decides that? I read the bible and there is this ministry called Helps and it is very necessary in the church.

Then there is Chris she is prophetic and a powerhouse speaker. Her church would like for her to stand down based on a misconception of a biblical view of women that are to be seen and not heard. Man! If only we could switch churches for them maybe their congregations would be happy. Unfortunately, their husbands were called to their place.

The biggest difference between leaders of large organizations and small organizations isn’t their location, the size of their building, the scope of their vision, the number of staff members, or their talent. In fact, some of the best leaders I’ve met have small organizations. But in all of my consulting and conferences, I’ve seen a single factor: leaders of larger organizations have proven they can handle more pain. ~ Sam Chand

So let’s do away with the expectation of a pastor’s wife. She may be called to lead a ministry or support it. She may be called to be a pastor or not. I can promise you one thing is for sure, she will fail someone at some point because no one is perfect. From a biblical view I don’t think the church gets to decide who she is to be. I think God does and I think he’s pretty sure about his expectations, and I would bet money on the fact that we’re supposed to trust Him. Let’s show a little mercy. The art of bouncing back becomes a little more difficult each time.

A Season Ahead

September 30, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

Those of you who follow this blog must have thought I had fallen away during the move to our new home. It is almost complete. July and August just ran together and by September there was a little headway. I’ve missed writing, there are so many things swirling around in my brain that are wanting to come out but I will tackle it, as I have learned to tackle many things these days, in bite sized pieces.

As believers we’re called to mentor. That seems like a daunting task. You may ask yourself what do I know about mentoring or about anything in general? Well, although you might not be an expert on most things, the question to ask is:

Am I a season ahead?

In other words, do I have something to teach the person who is asking me? Am I a little bit ahead on this topic and could my knowledge benefit this person? Am I teachable? Do I have a mentor to go to if I get stuck? No one does mentorship alone. We all have those a season ahead to help us.

Most leaders don’t mind sharing what they know with you as long as you don’t abuse their time. True leaders are happy to meet with you and tell you what they know. What a leader won’t do is waste their time or allow their time to be abused.

If I want to know what a leader knows, I will invite them to lunch or ask for an appointment. I will go to them for advice and counsel on a topic then I’m going to begin to apply the knowledge they gave to my life to get ahead. If they give me a book to read, then I’m going to read it. If they give me counsel on an area of my life that I need to improve to get to that next level then I’m going to do it. Why would I do anything else?

It’s the same when you begin to mentor others. You mentor those who are following you. Many will come to you with pretty or flattering words and thank you but won’t move off of the couch to get ahead. Some will blame you when you didn’t pursue them only that isn’t mentoring, that’s parenting, or something like that. They failed to realize that many are leaning on you and that you don’t have time to chase someone down who says they want to be mentored. Teachers stand before a class of students and teach those who showed up.

Next make sure you study and make sure you are learning. Be patient. Not everyone who comes to you is ready to learn and it’s fine, just pray that they find that person who will be a blessing to them. Don’t beat your head on the wall over someone who isn’t ready.

Teach, with all of your heart. Teach them about love and the pursuit of this destiny that lasts eternally. Teach them practically and teach them well and teach them that we’re all just human and need grace. Mark them with the banner of Jesus and then go home knowing your job is done for the day and get out the bible and read it for yourself.

Plenty are the worries of the day but for you, you are a student and a teacher and you will be comforted. Do your best and then rest well in the knowledge that you helped those who wanted your help with your best effort and you have put your best effort forward to learn as much as you can.

Breathe

June 26, 2015June 25, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

I Heard You

June 25, 2015June 24, 2015 tlc4women1 Comment

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

My husband is a pastor. He has pastored in our city for just over 21 years. It’s a rarity these days as the average pastor stays at a church for 3-4 years and then moves on. One thing you can say about Doug Young is he is loyal and he isn’t a quitter and like most pastors he works a lot more hours than they pay him to.

I married him 13 years ago. Since then when people come to our home they often comment, “You have a beautiful home.” He smiles and says, “Thank you, it was my wife’s home before we got married.” That statement always made me feel a little sad. I wanted him to feel at home. I wanted him to feel as if it was his home. I knew he meant no slight or disrespect in the comment but I also knew he was talking through a megaphone if I would just stop and listen and not take the comment personally but truly hear his heart.

So in March I said, “Why don’t you check to see if you can get pre-approved for a loan and buy a house? Maybe it’s time for us to downsize and look for something that we can retire in.” He looked shocked. He wondered if he could do it.

When it all came together he smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen him have and said, “You make my dreams come true.” Hmmm, while it would be easy to get a big fat head over it, if I listen closely it’s not what he meant. What he meant was, “I’ve always wanted to have a home and you heard me, and you supported me.”

I counsel a lot of couples and often the miscommunication doesn’t lie in what isn’t said. It lies in what isn’t understood as being said. Doug wasn’t saying he was uncomfortable in our home nor was he not taking ownership of our home. He was just stating his desire.

Ladies, what is your husband speaking over and over that you are disregarding? Is it that he is tired of working so much overtime and needs you to get a part-time job while the kids are at school? Is he saying he’d like a little more attention? Is he saying he’d appreciate a break from his mother-in-law and her commentary on what his home should be? Does he have a voice in your home or is he one of your children that you dress down at your whim? Is it that he’d like to get out of debt?

This isn’t a “you’re so great for listening post”, this is a “marriage is a work in trying to communicate and understand each other post”. My prayer is that you’ll go over some conversations that keep occurring in your marriage and that you’ll examine them and ask how you can be a helper in the situation because that is who we are as a wife and a partner and ultimately a friend.

Proverbs 14:1The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

You Can’t Want It More Than They Do

May 14, 2015May 14, 2015 tlc4womenLeave a comment

This is a quote my husband often says when I begin a sentence with, “Well I think they should….” “You can’t want it more than they do.” He’s right. How often do we get entangled in someone else’s problem when they aren’t ready to fix it? I was reminded of this throughout football season as I cheered on my favorite team the San Francisco 49ers and they kept failing to close the deal. I arm-chaired quarterbacked my way through each game mainly frustrated. My opinion and a quarter would get me absolutely nothing but there I was week after week with my opinion. This would be no problem if this was the extent of my meddling in the things that aren’t mine to fix but it isn’t. I have an opinion on virtually anything but I can’t want it more than they do. So this past year I practiced minding my own business. In some ways I was successful and in other ways it was a fail. I continue to work on it. So where do you keep meddling in places that are none of your business? Where do you keep trying to push the vision from behind when the person up front is unwilling to pull? When you realize your opinion isn’t wanted. I had a person in my life who I tried to mentor for years. Each time in meetings they said everything I wanted to hear then they’d leave and do the exact opposite or nothing at all and wind up at square one. Both of us were frustrated. Until I realized the obvious.

I Can’t Want It More Than They Do

I was able to let them move on to their future and I was able to move on to mine. No hard feelings no more frustrations. Just honoring the fact that everyone is allowed to do what is best for them regardless of what others think. That’s living free.

And about the SF 49ers. I don’t think I’m ready to quit advising from my family room quite yet. Like I said, I’m working on it.