Not Bone Of My Bone

I have struggled with step-parenting. That is true and well documented. However, we really need to change our minds about how we speak of our children.

While out with Lauren, my stepdaughter, a man we both know, asked me, “I haven’t seen your kids in awhile. How are they doing?” I smiled, knowing what he meant but not wanting to feed this thinking, I answered, “One is standing right behind me.” I heard Lauren snicker. The man persisted, “No, I mean your real kids.” I answered, “She looks pretty real to me. Are you talking about my two oldest? They are fine. Working and living in Los Angeles.”

People who are reading this today, my request is this: please don’t distinguish between a biological and an adopted child. My step-children may not be bone of my bone but they are certainly children of my heart. Maybe it’s incomprehensible that a stepmother would love her children, since fairy tales tell us otherwise, but I do. So please think before you speak. I know most people do not think about what they are saying and I’m sure it wasn’t meant as a slam but what if you were Lauren hearing this conversation? What if I had responded in a different way? Would that have hurt her heart? Let’s just be a little more careful with our words.

3 thoughts on “Not Bone Of My Bone

  1. Como hermana menor de 2 hermananastras (no me gusta la palabra pero es para explicar) me identifico con esa conversacion, desgraciadamente algunas personas no saben el dolor que causan al hacer preguntas de esa indole, creo que les falta el amor que a nosotros nos sobra para no hacer la diferencia, espero que muchos lean su blog y se den cuenta que hablar asi resulta muy doloroso a toda la familia.

  2. I think that women more than men can get this but either way both should be able to understand that all children his, hers, or theirs, should all be treated the same. You learn to love even adult stepchildren every though sometimes it’s hard to get them to love you.

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