Behind Every Great Man

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is a great woman or so the saying goes. This is a picture of me and my husband Doug goofing off one day. Relationships tend to transform people. We all have that girlfriend who changes her entire world to be the girl her latest boyfriend wants her to be. We also have that girlfriend who sees “potential” in a guy and begins to try to change him into what she wants him to be. Neither produces a long-term transformation. It’s a fake, for the moment, change and eventually who you really are comes out. So why do we do it? What makes some women utter doormats for a man and others bossy and crowding? In a word, it’s fear. Fear that we will never find another person who will love us, fear that someone already put together will see the flaws in us and not want us. Fear that if we speak up we’ll be rejected. We need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves and to recognize that we are enough. Let that thought sink in for a minute. You are enough.

This is where faith helps. My faith has taught me that God designed me for a purpose and a destiny. With 6 billion people on the planet there is not another single person with my exact design. I am worth being treated with love and respect and so is everyone else. So, single women, be careful about who you get behind. You will be transformed to the level of the man you chose. Your life will rise or fall on that level. Choose wisely. Is the man who you have decided to get behind destined for greatness, or will you always be pushing? So many of us think we can change a person but you can’t. So that fantasy has to die. Look at who he is now and where he is going in his life right now. That place is where you will end up with long-term. Don’t miss the destiny you were given. Don’t miss the warning signs either.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat with women in counseling and they’ve said things like:                              

I knew he’d cheated on his last three girlfriends but he said I was different (you’re not)

He’d get angry for no reason but then he’d bring flowers and apologize (run!)

He’d had a run of bad luck with jobs (uh, huh)

His last girlfriend broke his heart and he said he was over it (then she called him)

He has two kids from his last two relationships (get ready for baby mama drama)

He called his mom three or four times a day and I thought it was sweet (mama’s boy)

He had to cancel lots of our dates because of work (he’ll be absent a lot)

The sad part about these comments is that the women knew these facts going in but they went in anyway. Now they are unhappily ever after. Don’t be a divorce statistic. Choose wisely. Be careful who you get behind. Ask lots of questions and LISTEN to the answers and above all, take your time!

Published in: on June 12, 2009 at 3:56 am  Comments (2)  
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  1. Very true. Sadly, many women think they can change the man. Yes, they may be able to achieve that for a while but the person has to truly want the change himself.
    For example one of the things I would love to change about Danny are his shoe style. Yes, shoes. He wears the shoes I like to call “marshmallow shoes” because they are plain fat and ugly, aka skater shoes. Unfortunately, after my attempts to getting him to wear rather more simple shoes he told me “Betty, you can’t change who I am. My shoes are going to stay they make me me”. He is right.
    We can’t change them. If it is something that we absolutely can’t cope with, then maybe we shouldn’t be in that relationship with that man. We are to embrace them, love them, stand by them, support them, and minister to them instead of focusing on the next big flaw.

  2. I think thats a good example Betty, I will give one also, my husband is known for being loud and making everyone laugh etc…everyone loves to be around him ( I even love this about him) at times see that is the key do I love this about him when I feel like laughing? Iwill say when it comes time to be serious he really can be and he is a very good listener even though he can’t hear half the time (by the way he got fitted for hearing aides yesterday very expensive but worth the investment) Okay back to the subject anyway we went to a gathering with the Deans and Vice President’s at the college and I told my husband “Don’t be loud and don’t be a clown like you do all the time” I will admit even as I write this I am ashamed that I said this, if he said this to me I would be hurt. WE are at the gathering mingling talking in various groups, I was having a good time my husband very quiet which I really am not used to, all my friends are asking me what is wrong with him. I kept saying I don’t know then it hits me he is being quiet to make me happy because of what I said to him, he is not being himself, not having a good time to please me. I took him to the side and apoligized for everything for being selfish, not letting him be who he is, (It can be iritating but I am POSITIVE I do things that iritate him) don’t ask them to change, pray to God to change some things but don’t take away who he is. You will then be married to someone who isn’t happy, but working to make you happy is that fair. When I married him he was loud, that is just who he is, I didn’t mind it when we dated so why do I care now?? When we mingle with the people at the college they love his laughter, he is never disrespectful, he knows how to mingle if he gets bored of a subject who moves to the next group and makes them laugh, he is like a magnet people love to around him…and to think I almost took that from him. I fell in love with him for his charisma!!!!!!:)


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