Stepmom’s Bill Of Rights

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There is a Facebook group I belong to called Stepmom Circles. They posted the Stepmom Bill Of Rights and I thought it would be helpful to read this morning. To read Jacquelyn B. Fletcher’s blog (the author of this bill of rights) click here.

A Revised Stepmom’s Bill of Rights

I will create a rock-solid marriage with my husband so we both feel confident in our commitment to each other and the family. I vow to always make fun together a priority.

I have the right to be on the parenting team with my husband but I realize that this takes time to develop.

I understand that stepfamilies are formed out of loss and that the people I’m living with are carrying wounds that will affect them forever.

I will congratulate myself every day on a job well done. Even on days when I’ve done or said things I’m not proud of, I will be gentle and kind with myself because I am a brave, courageous woman.

I will work to feel confident and worthy of love.

I will not look to my stepchildren for validation or self-worth.

I will protect my heart with healthy boundaries that help me to be a more loving and present wife, stepmother, and human being even if that means making difficult choices.

I will forgive my husband, the exes in our lives, my stepchildren, and myself for our human-ness.

I will try to understand what living in our home is like for every member of our family.

I will create a sanctuary for myself and make self-care a priority so I can recharge my batteries.

I will choose my battles.

I understand that control does not equal respect or love.

I realize that I don’t have any control over what the ex or the ex-in-laws or the kids think or do. The only person I have control over is me.

I will ask for what I need instead of making people guess what I need to prove their love for me.

I will find the gifts in being the outsider in a family that formed before I came along.

I will focus on building relationships instead of on who is right and who is wrong.

I will take breaks when I’m angry so I can be calm when I discuss issues that affect me but I have little control over.

I will hold on to the things that remind me of who I am.

I will plan things to look forward to with my husband and with my family.

I will remind myself often of the many reasons I decided to be with my husband.

I will choose hope.

I will choose love.

Wealthy Vs. Rich

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Proverbs 21:20 In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.

While driving with Pastor Doug he was listening to Chris Rock on XM. Chris Rock can be crass, so he isn’t for everyone, but he makes good points, you just have to get through the language. He was talking about how wealthy people are different than rich people and how the difference between being wealthy and being rich is significantly different. One so vast that if you can wrap your head around it you will be changed forever, I believe.

Simply stated wealthy people and rich people live vastly different lives. Rich people spend sometimes lavishly and sometimes foolishly, or both, but spending is the rich person’s drug. Wealthy people amass. To amass means to accumulate. They take money and turn it into more money. They aren’t spenders necessarily. They understand that amassing is more important. There is a difference between amassing and hoarding. To amass means I accumulate by spending on things that will add value and in the end bring me more wealth. Hoarding means I hang on to what I have in my hand never seeing the value in spending to add value. To hoard something means I am content with the amount I hid in my mattress or the amount that is gaining low interest in my savings account.

Chris Rock states as an example, Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) is rich. The man who writes Shaq’s check is wealthy. He is spending on Shaq knowing that his showmanship, sportsmanship and entertainment value will bring him more money in the long run than it costs to pay Shaq. Shaq on the other hand may or may not be amassing. He may have more money than he can spend in a lifetime but that is still not amassing. Unless that money is growing faster than it is being spent eventually he or his children will have out-spent his money.

Now let’s break it down to terms for you and me because for the most part, we are not rich like Shaq or wealthy like Shaq’s boss. When we live paycheck to paycheck spending every dime we make, we are rich but we aren’t wealthy. I hear people brag about the six-figure incomes they earn, but if they aren’t saving and amassing they live like the man who makes 30k.

When we get the concept of wealth it means we live below our means. I know very wealthy people and you’d never know it. They aren’t eating out all the time, they aren’t financing a car for five years and then buying another one in three years and dumping the balance into a new loan, they are frugal. Wealthy people are buying what they need and buying quality. What good does it do for you to have 15 pairs of Payless Shoe Store shoes and 20 t-shirts from Wal-Mart when they aren’t going to last because they aren’t of quality? Maybe one good pair of shoes and two good quality t-shirts will last you longer and therefore be a better value. New cars are nice but they lose value as you drive them off the lot so paying cash for something that will not amass anything for you is better. Maybe your children have a toy chest overflowing with toys but how many of those toys are in good working order and how many are really necessary? Maybe instead of amassing toys you should put money away for college, which will be a better value for them in the long run. The principles you are using to live your life you are also mirroring to your children and in the long run you may be propagating poverty.

Often followers of Christ think poverty is sign of piety. Facts remain they have nothing in common and are not connected at all. Poverty is not a godly design. In fact spending every last dime you make is not a godly design either. Having seed to sow is godly. Having money to invest to reap a harvest is a godly principle. Replenishing is a godly principle. So which one are you trying to become wealthy or rich? There is a difference. One is living for today and one is living for generations to come.

As I Wait

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I think of Sarah, who wanted a baby. She didn’t care that God said he would make her husband a great nation. She simply wanted one baby to kiss and to hold and to call her own. My prayer is not for a baby but it’s a hope nevertheless.

As I Wait

I think of Sarah who for a moment lost her faith in God and sent her handmaiden in to sleep with her husband. The consequence of helping God out was that Ishmael was born and the fight was on. I pray I stay in submission to the plan.

As I Wait

I see Sarah receive her promise in her old age and I wonder, God will that be me? Will my promise come at the end of my life?

As I Wait

I read God’s word and I see where he says, Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. How long is the wait Lord?

As I Wait

I understand that my timing is not God’s timing and that he deals in issues of eternity and I deal in issues of today. They look quite different in perspective don’t they?

As I Wait

Sometimes I have to confess that I am like the father who came to Jesus to ask for help with the healing of his son. Mark 9:23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Help my unbelief Lord.

As I Wait

I find that I have more strength than I thought I have.

As I Wait

I find that I believe more than ever that I have all the power I need.

As I Wait

I grow and I learn and I learn and I grow…

As I Wait

The prayer changes and takes on a different shape and so does my life.

As I Wait

I realize the answer begins to come into focus.

As I Wait

I praise You Lord for I am like Elijah and I see the cloud in the distance. It is only the size of man’s palm but I can close my eyes, I can take a deep breath and I can almost smell the rain coming.

Anthony and Frances

Everyone’s been asking what Anthony’s been up to because he’s never around these days. Well, he got a fabulous job and moved to Los Angeles. He met a beautiful girl named Frances, from our home town, at the May Day Fair. She is smart and funny and the rest is history.

So on a rainy day they went out to look for some fun! Here are some pictures.

Frances meets up with George Clooney
Anthony found out Tiger's been hiding at random putt-putt golf centers!
Frances decided to have breakfast at Tiffany's

Anthony is an closet AI fan

Who knew Frances loved Shrek?

No day is complete without Anthony's idol Spiderman!

So there you go. He has trade shows coming up in February, but maybe we’ll see him around in March!

Haiti Hit Again

Another earthquake has hit Haiti. People are scared, tired and hungry, hurt and in dire need. Moms Against Hunger has moved into action.

You can make a difference in bringing aid  to Haiti!

Project Haiti

Mom’s Against Hunger supplies are being shipped to the crisis happening in Haiti now. Due to conditions beyond anyone’s control in the earthquake, deep human suffering, disease, and death are happening daily. Through our provisions we can ease the pain of Haitian men, women, boys, and girls.

Please join us in this most worthy cause of compassionate care for the earthquake victims of Haiti.

By clicking on the Donate button on the top of this page you can get aid to Haiti. Moms Against Hunger has already moved into action to help. To read more about Moms Against Hunger click here.

Faith

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I’ve been wondering how come it’s so easy to have faith in people but not in God? It’s strange isn’t it? The bible says:

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

So what does that mean? What is faith exactly? Faith is going for a job interview, hoping that you will ace the interview and then getting the job. The boss says, “You are going to start tomorrow, be here at 9 and the pay will be $1500 a week.” The next day you came to work at 8:45 (impression and preparation are everything). You work that day and 9 more days before a check appears in your hand for 1.5k minus taxes. That’s faith. Now faith is the substance (work) of things hoped for (the job), the evidence (a paycheck!) of things not seen(10 days later). You worked in advance, hoping that at the end what they boss told you they were going to pay you, they would.

Most people don’t have great faith. We’ve been disappointed enough to know that not everyone/everything comes through. God does come though. Here is a story from the bible

Matthew17:14 And when they had come to the multitude, a man came to Him, kneeling down to Him and saying, 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and suffers severely; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. 16 So I brought him to Your disciples, but they could not cure him.” 17 Then Jesus answered and said, “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him here to Me.” 18 And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour. 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. 21 However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”

Okay, so here’s the story, the disciples didn’t have the faith even collectively to heal a boy who was an epileptic. Why? Jesus said it was because of their unbelief. He said that if we had faith as a mustard seed we could have things move in our lives. The mustard seed is the smallest seed, it’s tiny, smaller than a peppercorn. So we only need a tiny bit of it to move the mountains in our lives. We only have to believe a little bit.

The problem I am seeing is that we have faith and patience to wait for the paycheck from our job but if God doesn’t snap to it, we give up! Don’t give up on that thing you are believing for. Don’t give up on that job you want or that promotion, don’t give up on that marriage and don’t give up on that baby.

Sometimes the answer is no. The Apostle Paul asked for God to heal him from an affliction. The bible doesn’t say what the affliction was and it doesn’t even matter. God said no. Almighty God answered Mighty Apostle Paul, “My grace is sufficient.” In other words, “I am taking care of you and you’re fine just as you are. These times are disappointing but not fatal.

Sometimes the answer is yes but it takes a long time in coming. We get desperate for an answer but God is coming with one. Sarah and Abraham had to wait years and years to have a baby but God had said yes and so they waited. The wait paid off in their old age when their son Isaac was born. Can you imagine the joy?

Don’t lose hope. Don’t get impatient. God is moving in your life and he will answer you. Have a little faith!

He Wrote His Loving Words Down For Me So That I’ll Never Forget How He Feels About Me

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By now, you’ve figured out that when a daughter of the King, that’s you beloved, is asked, “Who’s Your Daddy?” there is no man on earth who fits those shoes. Only God is the one who is perfect. By now, you’ve figured out that the only one who can meet your needs completely is not a human. The only one who has your back is The King himself. Throughout these last several months of discussion of what you need to be looking for in a man, you have a much clearer understanding of what is acceptable and what is not.

God did write his loving, living and breathing words down for you. You are his daughter and he wanted you to know how much he loves you and cares for you and just in case you doubt that love ever, you need only go back to the bible and check it out.

Love notes are great. We all enjoy them but some people are not writers. Some men will get up at 2 a.m. out of dead sleep to get their pregnant wife a milk shake but will never write poetry. Which shows more love? They both do, they are just different in their approach. Don’t measure your man by what he doesn’t do, measure him by what he does do. Measure him not by what your girlfriend’s boyfriend does but by what your man does. My husband writes music but he’s never written a song for me. He does other thoughtful things like show up at the office and take me to lunch or call me during the day to see how my day is going or better still, sit through a chick flick without complaint and hold my hand.

God wrote his loving words down for you so that you could always go back to read them and know that feeling of security and love and trust in him with all that you have. The man you choose will not have that ability because your ultimate source of love and security can never be of this earth. What does your man do to make you feel secure and loved? If your answer is nothing then you may be in the wrong place. I say “may” be because you might be overlooking the very thing you think you don’t have. It’s time to get honest with yourself and assess what it is you want in a man, what kind of woman you plan to be and what your plan of action is to get there. My prayer is that through these discussions you’ve figured out what is acceptable and what is not.

The Book Of Eli

Go see it! It’s a powerful movie! Wow is all I can say. If we have ever wondered what it was like for Abraham, Issac and Jacob, for Peter and Paul and James, this will give you a glimpse. If we have nothing else but a word from the Lord what grace we’d live in! Praise you Lord for this movie! It was an inspiration! Oh to walk by that kind of faith!

Filming A Movie

The two main characters in the movie.

Today was a first for me. We had agreed to let a film company film a movie in our RMA store. It is California after all! Plus, they offered me a small part! 🙂 It’s a comedy and it looks like it will be really funny. The crew arrived and set up. They were really nice and very professional.

But wait, I get ahead of myself. I was feeling calm and not pressured at all. After all, I had to play myself how hard could that be? I do it everyday. Then my friends starting asking what I was going to wear. Uh, well, normally to work at the store, I’ll wear a nice blouse or sweater and jeans or pants. I didn’t want to dress up too much because I wanted the me on the screen to be the me in the store, if that makes sense. Then my husband asked me what I was going to wear. When I told him I didn’t know he said, “What? You don’t know? Well, just dress like you do when you go out with your friends for dinner.” Okay, really when I go out to dinner with friends, I straighten my hair and put a little more makeup on. My wardrobe really doesn’t change too much. So now I went into a vanity mode. Too late to go shopping so I didn’t know now what I was going to wear.

This morning I called my hair stylist in a panic, “Can you straighten my hair?” She was booked but one of the girls agreed to come in and do it as long as I washed and dried my own hair. Now, I can straighten my own hair, but hey, this was the big screen. Okay, now what to wear. I wore a purple jacket, black blouse, jeans, and purple boots to get my hair done. Actually, this is an outfit I wear often because I love my purple boots. The girls at the salon said, “Wear the jacket, top and boots but lose the jeans and put on black pants.” So I went home and changed. I’ve been losing weight but I didn’t want to chance it, so I squeezed into my Spanx and if you’ve ever worn Spanx you know it’s a half hour process. That didn’t work. When I put on my black pants they were too big. So I then took the Spanx off, yes another process and put the pants back on. Okay they fit fine, (yeaaaah). I was hungry but there was no time to eat. I had to get to “the set”.

They filmed the shot in about an hour and a half. They had me film my scene two ways, one happy and one annoyed. We’ll see when it comes out which one they use or don’t. In any case, I did a new thing today! The movie should be edited and ready by November or December. I’ll keep you updated. Fun stuff! And yes, you can have my autograph. I’m not too big for that….yet.