Category: My Life

It’s The Eve of His Birthday

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It’s the eve of his birthday and he’s fast asleep, but this Pastor’s wife needs the Pastor to wake up and help her get the church decorated today.

“Baby, I need your help today.”

“Oh, but I was sleeping so good. I know, I know, I’m up.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and Child # 3 has her car in the shop.

“Dad can you give me a ride to work. I have to leave in 20 minutes.”

“20 minutes, okay.”

It’s the eve of his birthday, but since he’s going that way…

“Baby can you pick up donuts for the crew and stop at Starbucks for me?”

“Sure, the usual?”

“Yes please.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re decorating the church. I guess everyone had plans. It’s us, then one family comes by to help, then Vikki comes by, and it looks like that’s it, so he’s stuck doing a little more than he counted on this morning. Late morning 5 more show up.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he slips away to get his head together for the morning, since Sunday service is tomorrow.

It’s the eve of his birthday and comes out of his office at almost 1 pm.

“I don’t feel good, my body aches and I feel a little nauseous. I feel like I need to eat something other than coffee and donuts.”

I had planned a dinner for his birthday tonight, and eating at this time will ruin it so let’s just go with it. He needs to eat.

It’s the eve of his birthday and he says, “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“I have to start laundry and change the sheets. What about you?”

“I’d love nothing more than a nap, but I have to get back to the office.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home at 6:45 p.m. child # 3 in tow.

“Dad I need to take a load of stuff to my new place.”

“Oh! Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I really need to rest.”

“It’s the first night in my new place. I can call someone else to help me.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll help.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and he comes home closer to 8 pm.

“I need a shower and a bed.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and a saint from the church calls.

“Pastor, my car broke down. Can you help me? I’m an hour away and can’t get home.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll be right there.”

“Let me drive, you ride and rest”, I say.

He calls child # 3. “The temp is supposed to drop. Come home and pick up more blankets, just in case.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and his cell phone rings on the way to pick the stranded saint. It’s another saint. His dad is heading for heaven and he needs his pastor.

“I’m on my way to pick up a saint broken down out of town. I will get him, turn right around and be to you.”

It’s the eve of his birthday and we’re at the hospital cafeteria, waiting with the family.

“Happy Birthday Pastor”, everyone says to him just after midnight.

It’s his birthday and we roll out of the hospital at 1:15. He sees the car of another saint in the parking lot. “What are they doing here? Should I go back in and make sure everything is okay?”

It’s his birthday and we’re driving home.

“It’s amazing all we’ve been through together with this family. You know, I remember when the twins were born. They were so tiny, preemies. The doctor didn’t give them much hope. We prayed. Now they’re grown and graduating high school. You know, Toby glowed tonight. When I asked him if he was ready to go he said yes. Then we prayed together. I asked him if he had peace and he did. Susan, he looked peaceful. He’s ready.”

It’s his birthday and it’s 2 a.m. I’m baking cookies for the Kingdom Kidz snack tomorrow and he’s getting ready for bed. He’s not perfect, he’s had his fair share of life happenings but he loves what he does and he was called to do it.

So today, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday My Love. Looks like you’re finally getting that nap you’d wanted since yesterday. In just a few hours you’ll be behind the pulpit preaching your heart out with the message God has placed on your heart. You keep telling me that you have to be called to do this job, and you are. You really are.

Creatures of Habits

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My Lulu the wonder dog!

Every night Lulu, the wonder dog, snuggles up for a little while on her blanket at the foot of our bed and then we send her to her kennel. Doug just snaps his fingers and says “kennel” and she jumps off the bed and goes to bed. I do it differently (quit laughing!), I wake her up and say, “C’mon Lu, let’s go nightnight.” She opens one eye, stretches and moves slowly, stops short of her kennel for her kiss on her forehead and the last scratch between her ears and I tell her I love her. Then she goes in her kennel. Last night she and I both fell asleep, and I guess so did Doug, because in the middle of the night she wakes me up. I think she has to go out so I get up and get my robe on. Guess what? She didn’t want to go out at all she wanted to go to bed in her kennel.

We’re all like that. Creatures of habit that enjoy the little things that make us feel comforted like sleeping in our own bed. Rituals that soothe our souls and let us know that no matter how the day went, there will be some semblance of order at some point. Take a little time today to thank God for those things that bring us peace and comfort. It’s the little things in life that sometimes are the most comforting things.

The Blessed Life

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In our kick-off study at TLC4Women we opened up our hearts and minds to the teaching of Pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas and his book The Blessed Life. What a time of generosity unfolded. I watched the class grasp the concept of opening up our heart to the things of God and the beautiful word, tithe. Each Monday night brought fresh revelation of what transpires when we were aware of the principle of giving in our lives. Each Monday night I heard testimony as the women began to give to God with new understanding of what their gifts entailed. I believe many churches in our city will be blessed by our lesson and many, many lives will be changed because of it.

While I’m sworn to secrecy on the conversations that go on in this class, I can tell you that it blessed me. Each Monday night I came home with a smile on my face and a grateful heart, but let me just tell you what blessed me the absolute most! When we talked about extravagant gifts! I was expecting the women to tell me about gifts, actual presents, material things, financial blessings, only they didn’t. They spoke to me about time spent with loved ones, about words spoken in love, about books that changed their lives, about family time, about restored marriages, about the extension of love to our community. So while the book dealt with your finances, the rewards and the promises fulfilled by God were enriched lives in every aspect. Sacrifices were given but the return was more than we could have ever imagined.

The overall consensus was that this book is a must read. I have to say, I thought I’d meet this study with resistance, since we come from different houses across the city, but you have to love the TLC women. They are hungry for knowledge and change and they are women who trust and love God with their whole entire beings! I love them all so much you can’t even begin to know.

Despite the Lie Part 2

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Read Part 1 Here.

 

I know many young women who shack up and have babies outside of the confines of marriage, and since I was once them, I ask why and they say things like:

I’d like to be married but he doesn’t want to.

We’re happy and good just like this.

My parents got married and had kids and they still ended up divorced.

My parents got divorced when I was 11 and so nothing is for sure.

He doesn’t want to get married and I am cool with that.

That’s all great if they would not have kids being dragged through all of this, but it’s generally not the case.

Remember the bible verse from Part 1: The violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’.

So we shack up, we break up, we take those kids made in the first relationship to meet the new love, make some more kids, and everyone is supposed to be alright through all of this despite the lie.  Then I saw it first hand, not from the perspective of the single mom, that I was, but rather the kids.  I saw teenagers who looked normal, who were smiling, laughing, talking, shouting, running, skipping, jumping, and loving each other just moments before, teens who seemed to be carefree, raise their hands as they said the violent dismemberment of their family made them feel as if their lives were over.

It is then no wonder that living together looks so appealing. If all they know is that marriages are meant to be broken and all they cause is heartache then why would you want that? Only facts play out differently. The fact is that with some help, books and counseling, an attitude change, most marriages can be fixed. Of course we’d never advocate staying in an abusive situation, as that’s just crazy, but go back to the scripture that we read in the last post.

Malachi 2:13 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. 14 Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. 15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. ~The Message

It’s talking about adultery here. It’s not saying you broke those marriage vows because you refused to take the trash out, or you and I had a different vision for the future, in fact God is saying, and it’s consistent in the New Testament, that the only thing that breaks the marriage vows is adultery. Even then, when I saw the teens break down at the youth conference I wondered if we adults could look at those broken kids and maybe even fix that? Maybe despite the lie that it’s only sex and it means nothing because ‘baby, you wear my ring’, we couldn’t work harder at keeping it together and keeping our kids whole. Because all I see is a generation that’s about to be violently dismembered before they even had a chance.

Actually if there is anything good about the economy tanking it’s that some people are postponing divorce. Maybe one of those couples will read this and change their mind. One can only pray.

You Are Woman

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daily glow

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Feel your pulse

You are alive, beautifully and wonderfully made.

You were made with a purpose. While the Lord was still forming you before the dawn of creation, He was singing songs of love over your heart. He was instilling your destiny into your innermost being. Can you hear His song in your heart?

I love you.

You are a success.

Meant for greatness.

You are a mighty warrior.

A gentle hand.

A gifted touch.

A compassionate voice.

A desperate intercessor.

A world changer.

A humanitarian.

A beautiful princess.

You are My beloved daughter.

Those words are nestled way down deep in your soul. Those words have only to be redeemed to become life giving once again.

Life giving.

You and God have something in common. He gives life, you bring it forth. Whether by natural birth or by your loving hand you share this characteristic with the One that made you.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

There is one who wishes desperately to steal these affirmations from you. One who is jealous of your life giving ability. You see, he only has one purpose and that is take life. He doesn’t understand your essence and makes a charge against you to God. He cries out in anger the question that God refuses to answer.

“WHY HER?”

He can’t fully understand the love of the Father for you because he knows nothing about love. He can’t comprehend why God would make a human a little lower than angels and then love, so unconditionally, that wonder that is you. God doesn’t feel the need to explain himself. It just is.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Satan would like to destroy you with words about your lack. Your weight, you’re too much, you’re not enough, your hair isn’t the right color, your eyes are just a little too close together, you have freckles, you have wrinkles, you’re barren in body, mind, and spirit.

Only you’re not any of that.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Put your armor on, mighty woman of the Most High King. Your identity doesn’t lie in the culture of the day. Your identity doesn’t lie in the reflection of the mirror, no, my sister, my friend, you are much more than that could ever convey. For you see, your identity lies in the Creator. He is not a man and therefore can not lie. He is the Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End and He says, you are His. And. that. answers. that. question.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

No longer will you be chained to the methods and standards of this world. You are His.
No longer will you be tied to the comments of the ones that can not save you. You are His.
No longer will you be a slave to the mirror or the scale. You are His.
You are wonderfully crafted, perfected by study, and washed clean by the blood that was shed for your salvation.

Inhale deeply

Exhale with purpose

Rejoice today my sister, my friend!

The enemy of your soul has no hold over you. You are a woman. Beautifully crafted and created to nurture the universe, to be a lioness over your dominion, and to subdue the planet. Rejoice today, for in this revelation is strength beyond understanding, encouragement, fire that doesn’t consume you, and life without limits. You are everything.

Insulting

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I was thinking about an incident that happened in my life many, many years ago that tested my integrity and character. I had a friend whom I considered one of my closest friends. She began to entertain the idea of an affair with the husband of another friend of ours. They were clearly flirting and he was definitely hanging around way too much. I was honest and told her what I thought about the whole thing and my disapproval was made clear, fun killer that I am! She thanked me for my opinion but I didn’t change her mind. You can’t really be surprised at all that my friends tend to be strong willed right?

Early one morning she called me and said that she had told her husband she was with me the night before, when she hadn’t been, and if he were to ask me I was to confirm her story. She then proceeded to tell me what we had done the night before and why so our stories would match. I told her that I would not lie for her. She became angry with me and said she thought she could count on me as her friend. She tried the guilt card, “I thought we were friends?” “I’ve loved you like a sister, and if you were doing this, I would lie for you.” Oops, I realized she didn’t know me.

Actually, the truth of the matter was that she insulted me by thinking I was that kind of woman. You know the kind that would lie to a husband, who was also my friend? Yes, not happening. She thought she could make me complicit with her sin. Neither of which was true, thank God.

A friend doesn’t ask you to comply with her sin. If she’s woman enough to take on her sin, let her be woman enough to face the consequence. I’ve heard people tell me that they lied for their friend because they didn’t want to get involved or didn’t want their friend to be mad at them. This argument doesn’t hold water because the moment we lie, we become involved in the very thing we said we didn’t want to get caught up in.

Any time you are asked to lie for someone, don’t be flattered by what is perceived as bringing you into the inner circle. No! Be aware that they think you don’t have character, or at the very least that you and they are of the same character. They have insulted you on the highest level.

Her husband never asked me a thing and our friendship ended shortly after this incident. She ended up divorced and the man she cheated on reconciled with his wife. And that my friends, sadly enough, is also a typical story for another day.

I’m no different than you are. This was a test. I thank God that I passed the test but I know I’ve failed others along the way, that you thought were no brainers. Some things are merely traps for our soul. Be aware, be wise, be loyal to the right things in life and ask yourself how you’d like to be treated.

Words Can Hurt You

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Are there promises that you need to renounce? Are there negative words that you’ve spoken and made agreements with? We call these in church speech or churchese as I call it, Inner Vows.

For example saying, “I’m fine”, when you aren’t, isn’t always positive confession. Sometimes it’s just pride. A refusal to admit to others that you’ve got some fractured parts of your life that need help doesn’t help you. In fact, it often creates barriers.

How about the “I will never……”, vows? I can’t even begin to tell you how many times my nevers turned into reality. I used to say I’d never speak in public and here I am. In fact, gasp, gulp, I have been known to sing in public. So God took me from never speaking in public to speaking and singing. Then when I said okay, I’ll speak at the church I’m a member of, but not anywhere else……. Well you all know what happened.

Okay those are some vows, but about the more serious ones? I will never love anyone too much because I saw how much my mom loved my dad and in the end he left. So instead of guarding your heart and sharing it, you pull it so far back the guy never stands a chance.

Maybe your mother wound is so deep or your ex-wife hurt you so much that you tell yourself if there is even a hint of any of the behavior you recognize you’re out of there. And so you eventually see it, or manifest it by unchanged patterns in your life, and run for the hills when the reality is you’re making the new person pay for the sins of the past.

The cost of these inner vows are fear, anxiety, isolation, rejection, bitterness, resentment, mistrust of others, distance that can’t be brought back together. Count the cost. Sometimes the price is way too expensive for your lifestyle.

How do you know if the inner vow you’ve made is right or wrong? Ask yourself, does it add to my life? By adding I mean does it add love, does it add friends, does it add benefit, or does it just cost me?

Whosoever WILL

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Let’s get one thing straight. I’m a firm believer of when you know better, you do better. Some lessons are harder than others to learn and the one I learned recently was a false perception that I thought that I was capable of mentoring anyone. After banging my head against the wall a few times however, I realized that there is an important clause in this faith I follow and that’s the whosoever will clause.

Not everyone cares or wants to change. While change be inevitable it’s no less hard and some are not willing nor ready. So this year, I determined to stop beating my head against the wall. Oh sure I would pray, I wouldn’t hold offense, but I wouldn’t stop my forward motion or the progress of others to beat a dead horse. It has worked miracles in my life.

There is no scriptural  reference to nagging and pleading. The whosoever will clause takes care of that. I’ve learned that when I speak to you about the things I have gone through, or even better, the things I have learned along the way, or even better still what the bible has to say about a situation, there is zero return for me. I walk in the door of my house and there is still carpet to vacuum, floors to sweep and mop, dinners to be made. There are still personal devotion times to be had, books to be read, health issues to contend to, and my own growth and learning process. I get nothing out of mentoring another other than sheer joy that the person has moved on past the problem, learned a solution, and has stepped up their level.

When my own mentor, sets me straight, or tries to teach me a principle, or comes and sits and prays with me, she gives up her time for me. She doesn’t get anything from it. I submit and retain the advice or I don’t, it will be entirely up to me. Her workload doesn’t change, in fact, it increases because I become one in her scope of leadership. I add work to her life. It’s one she takes on freely without regret or rancor because she loves to see the progress and she is saddened when I get stuck, but, and here’s the key to mentoring, she refuses to come and sit in the stuck with me. She’ll come and extend her hand but if I am continually trying to drag her down, she walks away. She doesn’t have endless hours for me either. Minutes each week and sometimes not even that. When I used to tell her I have no one to talk to and I needed advice, she would say, “You are never alone, sometimes you need to just get on your face and tell your heavenly Father. Sometimes he’s the only one with the answers.” Great advice that has saved me on so many occasions I can’t even begin to count.

So who is mentoring you? Are they frustrated or thrilled with your progress? Are you listening? Or did you listen with one ear already having chosen what you would do? Who are you mentoring? Are there places where you get stuck? It’s really wisdom to assess your effectiveness in both areas of your life. Take a little time to do that today.

If The Shoe Fits

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Am I the only woman on the planet that looks at Cinderella and thinks, “WHAT A CROCK!”?

I don’t know the idea of spending a whole night dancing with a guy, staring into each other’s eyes, and then running home so fast to beat curfew that I leave a beautiful shoe behind is bad enough. Compound that with a guy who supposedly is madly in love with me but sends some of his workers out, who have never seen me by the way, to bring me back to his place is insulting. Add to that the fact that there are millions of size 7 1/2 women out there and what are the chances he marries the wrong girl and we both forever live with one beautiful shoe and a heel? C’mon! That’s a nightmare not a fairy tale!

We’re going to talk about that and more at the new season of TLC4Women next Monday night, August 13, at 7 pm. I’ll see you there!

Sunday

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Luke 6:25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28 So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

I love Sundays. We wake up, get the coffee going, get the shower started and get ready for church. We all head out to church separately because we all have to be there at different times. We worship with fellow believers and before we know it, it’s over and it’s time to figure out lunch. Today it was hot outside so my husband decided to grill some steaks. I got some artichokes steaming on the stove and some red potatoes boiling and pretty soon we had a fantastic “linner”. You know what that is right? The lunch that is so big it takes care of dinner as well.

This Sunday there were no appointments or plans so we took some nice long naps. The great part of living in this little town is that pretty much without fail the evening brings a cool breeze. That makes for some backyard time in the evenings when we’re home.

I made a pot of coffee, and went and sat out on the swing to enjoy the breeze. The palm trees were swaying, Greta, our German Shepherd is now a middle-aged lady at 6 years old, she bounces around for awhile when she first sees you but she prefers to just sit on your feet and enjoy the evening with you. Lulu, the wonder dog, is only four so she is still quite the spas. She never stops coming to you to play keep away.

My husband has this bird feeder on the fence, he likes to help God out. The birds came to the feeder as I drank my coffee. Sometimes there were three at a time, sometimes only one. Pigeons and sparrows mostly. They come and stay a few minutes to eat their seed, then stop at the waterfall and take a quick shower. Then they stop at the top of the fence and sing as they figure out where they are going next.

They don’t store up seed as squirrels do, there are no to-go plates as funky family members make. They simply eat their fill in that moment. They don’t worry about where the next meal will come from, that is simply God’s job. As I sat there in this simple moment of life, I realize I take life way too seriously. I spend too much time on the what-ifs, making to-do lists and thinking these moments of stillness could be better used to scrub the tub. I think I need to take some lessons from the birds. I’ve been told they’re not very smart, in fact, calling someone a bird brain is an insult. Actually, I think they may be wiser than we are.