Category: My Life

Words Have Power

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In the scope of a week in my world:

1. Paula Deen gets fired for saying the N word 27 years ago.

2. I scan over an article, deem it worthy of sharing on FB, then as I am reading it out loud, I realize it is over the top in language and I plunge towards my computer to delete the message. Too late in those few minutes a bunch of people have read it and I am mortified. I apologize for it, but too late I’ve already been judged it for and it’s fair, and I accept the blame.

3. I see a picture of one of the church guys on FB. He’s dressed in a tux and sunglasses and someone has responded about the pimp in the picture. Never mind that he is a husband and a father of daughters. The same daughters that pimps would try to exploit if they had the chance.

We all make stupid mistakes.

In the case of Paula Deen I guess my question is has she changed? Is she sorry she got caught or is she more evolved? I will never know, I don’t run in her circles. I would want my sorry to mean something though.

I have never said the N word. I wasn’t brought up in her neck of the woods. In my vicinity it’s more about the spics, the wetbacks, and the coconuts. I’ve never said those words either but I’ve felt their sting before. More lately the words seem to be sexually powered rather than racially motivated. Pimp, ho, gangsta, biatch (which always catches my attention because of the spelling). I’ve also taken note of the people who say them. They tend to be ignorant.

“So what are ya?”, I was asked while in Texas.  Ok, I tend to be more than a little sarcastic, so I replied, “a woman, what do you mean what am I?” “I know that! I mean where ya from?”  “California, third generation. I’m American. Do you want to know if I’m a Latina? Yes I am.” “I know that! What kind?” As if it would matter, “Mexican.” And there it is, the little sneer that tells me that you think I’m less than you and where I wish Alex Trebek would show up on cue and show you I am not any more or less a person, but I more than likely have you beat in my world. I get the fervor over Paula Deen’s comment. It stings.

I also see life from her perspective. She was brought up in a place and time where there was an us and a them. I’m from the next generation and don’t feel that way.  I was born in a time after desegregation and so my friends were everyone. Our generation, those who weren’t ignorant, didn’t go around calling each other stereotypical names. It was too fresh and too raw. We knew better. That’s where my generation parts ways with the generation that comes after us. To call someone the N word, a pimp, a ho, gangsta, etc… is met with distain and offense on my part because I know what those words mean and I don’t think by making them seem cool changes the meaning of the word.  The generation after me glorifies sexualization and money no matter who you have to enslave to get there.  Suddenly being a pimp and selling women to get money seems like a cool way to make a living. Until it’s your daughter.

Words. They are powerful, they mark territory, people, and more importantly show who we are. Use them carefully. Weigh them out. Would you be okay if someone called you a profiling name and then said, “oh just kidding”? Let’s be smarter. I promise to be.

Balancing the Overachiever 3

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If you missed the last installment click here so it will all make sense.

Let’s get down to brass tacks and let me show you what I did. Hopefully it will give you some ideas to balance out your work and home life.

Here are the guidelines I came up with for balancing my work schedule. I hope they can help you:

1. Figure out what your job description requires of you and then meet the needs based on what you can realistically do as one person. Have an honest discussion with your boss of what you can and cannot do. It may be that another person is needed to help you complete all the tasks before you. Delegate out what you can’t finish and quit saying yes to everything that comes your way. When my boss comes to me and says he needs three extra things done that week, I assess realistically if it can happen or not. Sometimes, I have to say I can’t fit it in. Guess what? He finds someone else who can. It doesn’t fall, we aren’t the only arms, even though we may think it can’t get done without us, it can! Trust your delegates. If they drop the ball, learn the lesson, move on. More often than not they will give you way more than you expected. It won’t be done as you would do it exactly, but it will be done.

Here are my job duties:

administration, counseling, women’s ministry, writing, oversee several departments, bible studies, mentoring.

2. Figure out how to divide your time and while maybe not giving everything it’s proper due, finding a balance and delegating the rest. In other words, for my workplace,  administration is a 40 hour week. I give 24 hours of my time and I delegate 10. It still lacks hours but until we can afford to hire someone full time it is what it is.

Counseling I can give 6 hours to. It limits the number of clients I can take in but I am more effective to it and I determined not to do long term counseling, I refer out anything that requires more than I can give out of fairness to the client.

Women’s ministry, bible study I give 10 hours to. Writing I give 10 hours to. Overseeing and mentoring I give an additional 10 hours to once a month. So one week a month I work 60 hours instead of 50 average.

3. Set clear hours for your work. I work in the office two and a half days per week. I do nothing but administrating church work, whatever that entails, and one full day dedicated to paperwork alone, no interruptions. By focusing and not multi-tasking I am able to get a lot more accomplished. Remember the adage;

Winners focus – Losers spray

Focus on the task for the day. Most things that are urgent really aren’t important. Recognize the difference and work from there. Trust your gut and don’t be afraid.

The shackles of overachievement were never intended for you. You are to enjoy your life. It’s the only one you have. Work with all of your heart while you are at work. Then shut it down, ignore the phone, and play with your family with all of your heart. You’ll live with a lot less regret.

Balancing The Overachiever 2

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If you’re just tuning in please go back and catch the first installment here.

Last year, those who have hung with me that long, saw that I really began to put balance into play. I’d slip up, but then I’d get back on track again and really try to balance it out. It felt foreign. It felt slothful. It didn’t fit. My husband smiled more, but I had an inward battle to fight, just like anyone addicted to anything. I’d wake up in the middle of the night thinking of all the things I had to do. I’d sneak downstairs with my computer and get emails written and things done before I could be discovered. There were nights, or mornings, when my husband would startle me, sneaking downstairs and standing behind me and saying, “What on earth are you doing?” It was work to kick the habit of habitually working.

Then I figured it out and I put a business plan together for balance. Sound crazy? Maybe, but if you’re an overachiever the goal you set is always in your mind and you will not only meet it, you will supersede it, because that is who you are and what you are good at. I have to tell you that at this writing I’ve met my goals! I work so hard at balancing that my husband laughs at me while enjoying me more. It can be done.

I work an average of 50 hours per week 3 out of 4.3 weeks, keep reading before you scoff. The last week I add an additional 8 hours of work. It totally works for me and I have been able to cut about 12-15 hours out of my work week. Next year my goal is cut an additional 5 hours from my week, but for now, I am really happy with the results because I take two additional days off a month now, okay let me tell the truth, I try to take two additional days off per month reducing my work hours for the month by 16 hours total. I go and visit my mother, who lives 2.5 hours away once a month. That never happened before because I was always too busy. My mother would say, “Aye, mija, you’re always working.”  I don’t feel guilty if I get a migraine or the flu and have to come home to take care of my body. I don’t try to muscle through it. I’ve decided I’m not that tough and I’m worth taking care of. I also have one day a month that I call the recharge day. Nothing gets done that day. I stay in pajamas all day. It’s heaven on earth actually. In next post we’ll break it down to brass tacks on how to rework your life plan.

Balancing the Overachiever

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work-life-balance

If you’re like me you have spent far too many years working far too many hours. The accomplishments, the accolades, and the personal satisfaction have been big ego boosters and a driving force to keep you going but at some point, you may have, or will eventually, discover that it came with a big fat price tag.

Time is all that you have.

We become slaves to the things that drive us, and that’s counterintuitive to the very nature of our being- freedom. So how do you balance your work and your life because for some of us, maybe most of us in America, we measure our lives in terms of our work. What we do is who we are and we forget that we are human beings and not human doings. At some point in an overachiever’s life it no longer becomes about the money but the work.

There is a difference between an overachiever and a hoarder. For those whose love of money outweighs their love of anything else, they become slaves to their balance statement. For the overachiever there is a drive within them that says to them every step of the way, “there’s one more step before it’s really finished”. The problem is there is always one more step and one more step and time slips by quickly. We bring death closer to our doorstep by the mere stress it causes to be so driven. So at the end of your life what do you want your life to say about you?

No one is so powerful that they can stop the march of time. ~ St. Marher

A couple of years ago you saw me begin to write about balance, or maybe I’m kidding myself and it’s been way more than a couple of years ago. I began to see the toll on my life and the fact that the fun things I had wanted to do with my life kept getting shelved for the things I felt were more important. Family time was basically when I could fit it into my schedule. My husband kept saying he wanted to spend time with me. People find this crazy because we work together but we don’t really see each other during the course of our day. I ate dinner standing up long after everyone was finished, or worse I’d rush dinner so I could go back to work. It wasn’t working. For now, I’m out of time with you today so let’s pick this back up next time and I’ll show how I worked my plan and how it’s working out. Not perfected yet, but how does cutting 10-15 hours of your work week sound at this point? Impossible? Maybe not. It’s all in what you want your life to say about you.

Being Present

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Genesis 22:1 Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.”

Genesis 22:7 But Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.”

Genesis 22:11 But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” So he said, “Here I am.”

There is so much distraction these days. I find myself reaching for my phone out of boredom. When faced with an uncomfortable silence I will grab the phone. How much I must miss out on!

There is joy in being present in the moment. There are things that could change our lives but I wonder what we miss when we are too distracted? As I was reading this passage of scripture this week I noticed that Abraham was experiencing life altering blessings as he lived in the moment. Abraham was attentive to the voices in his life and he was responding obediently to each of them.

Here I am

What powerful words. In context of which Abraham speaks here, he is present to God. He is present to His son, and he is present to His messenger. Three simple words and yet, in the tyranny of the urgent, we often miss them. We tune out more often than not. There are messages coming across the screen as I write this, that I am trying to ignore in order to get my point across without losing it. How many times have I had what I call lonely lunches when my spouse gets a phone call in the middle of our time together and he says, “Oh, I’ve been waiting for this call all morning.” You might think this is rude but it’s more normal today than ever before and I have to admit there are times when I am guilty. Yet! What do I miss? At the end of the my life what will matter most, the phone call that interrupted my lunch or the conversation with my man?

Here I am. I am going to practice that sentence. For you see, if you read it again:

Here I am 

you begin to catch a glimpse of something even bigger. Here I am. In this present moment I am. In this present moment I am truly in the image of my Father. Not early, not late, just in time. In this sacred space I am truly a representative of what He is to us all. Present. In our time of trouble, in our time of sorrow, in our time of joy, in our time of doubt, in our triumphant time, and our defeat. Here I am. Let’s practice it.

The Comedy of My Panic Attack

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Thursday we flew out to Las Vegas to celebrate our wedding anniversary. My son and beautiful daughter-in-love were flying in to meet us there as well. We boarded the prop plane and sat down. I had my ipad with books loaded and a magazine for the few moments that you can’t have it powered on. I was excited because I was going to see Donny and Marie that evening. I think I’ve confessed several times that I had a major crush on him as a little girl.

Then it happened. The door of the plane closed and I heard the pilot’s voice. “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to have a bumpy flight about 25 minutes into our flight due to the heat and the clouds over the Sierra Nevada. Please make sure  your seatbelt is securely fastened and we’ll try to get above the clouds and make your ride as smooth as possible.” I don’t have a clue as to what happened within me but I had a panic attack. I looked at Doug and said, “Should we get out? We can drive.” He laughed and said, “Noooo, we’ll be fine.”

There were maybe 30 people on the flight. We take off and it’s smooth so I begin to breathe. We have some maybe normal dips but in my head, in that moment they are huge. My heart is beating so hard. So I begin to self talk:

Ok, just breathe, you don’t want to be on the news as the lady who made the flight turn around. Just breathe.

Susan seriously! Your dad piloted a four seater in the desert of Tucson. You’ve sat in the back seat eating snacks when it felt like a roller coaster.

Yes but you were a kid. Children don’t think in terms of death.

What if I never get to see Donny Osmond?

Wait! Pray! You know how to pray! Dear Heavenly Father, please don’t let anyone be on this flight whose time is up. Okay, and if by chance I’m on a plane with someone whose time is up, don’t let me feel the crash. Knock me out or whatever you have to do. Or better yet, send Jesus to catch me, that would be cool, but whatever you do, if it’s my time, let me wake up in your arms secure in knowing you are with me. But yeah, if I get a choice, I want to land in Vegas and go to the show tonight. In Jesus Name!

He’s coming on the clouds, so lift your head up, lift your head up, lift your head up. (This is a Deluge song, don’t ask I have no idea!)

Dr. Myles Munroe says you should take authority. You’re an ambassador, a daughter of the King. Take authority of the birds of the air. Yes, that’s it, it’s a modern day bird. I’ll take authority over it.

Why can’t we just be in the Millennial Reign already? Paul says these are tents we live in, that’s why we need airplanes. Once Jesus died he got his mansion body and he could transport himself. I’d never have to worry about falling out of the sky. Plus, I would KNOW Donny Osmond because he believes in Jesus.

Okay, we are not only bouncing we are fish tailing.

Wait! Who am I kidding? The bible says “Lo, I am with you.” I shouldn’t even be on an airplane. It’s anything but low.

All of this was going on in my head and then right about then, we landed.

Life is a ride my friend, don’t take it so seriously. The flight home was probably more bumpy. I had seen Donny Osmond, spent time with my kids, and Doug was snoring so loud people were turning to look at him. There were other cares to pray about but we won’t go there!

Let Me Talk It Over With My Wife

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Doug and Susan 2 2013

I call him my Boyfriend Forever or BFF all the time but as we get ready to celebrate our 11th anniversary this weekend, make no mistake, the man is my husband.

It hit me this weekend as he was talking to a friend of his and he said, “Yeah, let me talk it over with my wife and I’ll get back to you.”

TWO

WORDS

POPPED

OUT

AT

ME!

My wife. Not my girlfriend, not my significant other, my wife. I am his wife. As Adam said of Eve, she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. In a mundane moment I realized how special that was. I am his woman. We made a covenant together. We share life together and I’m really glad we do. This week we are heading out of town to celebrate with my son and daughter-in-law. It’s going to be great!

I’ve Created My Own Prison

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We learn through pain that some of the things we thought were castles turn out to be prisons, and we desperately want out, but even though we built them, we can’t find the door.

Lamott, Anne (2012-11-13). Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 37). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.

Trapped verb
1. a contrivance used for catching game or other animals, as a mechanical device that springs shut suddenly.
2. any device, stratagem, trick, or the like for catching a person unawares.

That ideal that once seemed so right is now the very thing that holds you hostage to its demands. It’s a scary place to be, sometimes lonely, sometimes heartbreaking, and always a place that you can move from, but always with consequences. Consequences that will be good and bad because there is always pursuit in a prison breakout. Only you can determine when you are willing to face those consequences.

My girlfriend’s husband recently was promoted in his job. The money is fabulous but it doesn’t make up for the fact that he is working 12-14+ hour days, comes home after the children are asleep and leaves before they wake up. “This is too great a price to pay”, she told me, “I never have time with him and if I selfishly envision a date with my husband, I take a father away from the precious few moments he may have with his children.” When I asked her why he didn’t just take a step down in position she said, “We bought a new car, leased a beach house for the month of July, and put the kids in private school, we couldn’t even consider it now.”

Seemingly trapped without a door of escape.

An acquaintance who began dating a man who was still married but separated from his wife. Dating for almost two years now, but he hasn’t filed for divorce. She’s well invested into this relationship now. She loves him and he says he cares for her but he’s in counseling with his wife.

The fairytale that has trapped the princess in the tower.

My stepmom friend who fell in love with him before he met his kids and crazy ex-wife. Then thought somehow love was going to cover it all. Now everyone is miserable.

Locked in a state of despair.

Then there I stand. Trapped in an ideal, up until last year, where I thought any time sitting down relaxing was wasted time. Headaches and heartache and stress and anxiety were so normal to me.

I decided to take a Milwaukee Super Sawzall to that mindset and I cut a hole for a door to walk out of the castle I had built. I can’t tell you it was easy. I can’t tell you that I don’t still have moments of anxiety where I hear myself try to coax my body into one more activity. These days I stop and I take a good look at what the cost will be, and I pray for the wisdom to know what the right thing to do is, even when I am afraid the answer is no and I desperately want a yes.

The Joy Of Service

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Acts of service

I slept and dreamt that life was joy, I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold service was joy. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

There is something really great about service. In the deepest throws of depression it uplifts me. In the mundane day to day life, it brings excitement and purpose. In the busy hectic world in which I live, it slows it down to a pace outside of myself. I watch the expression of gratitude on the face of a recipient and it brings a feeling of gratitude to my heart. There is something wonderful in a life filled with service. What can you do to serve even one person this week? How did it make you feel?

Peace With Ourselves and God

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 2 Peter 1: 12For this reason I will not be negligent to remind you always of these things, though you know and are established in the present truth.

When my daughter was a baby I went to the priest of our church and asked to have her baptized. The priest sat across the desk from me and we had a heart to heart talk. He ended with, “Susan, go home and sprinkle some water on her head. The way you are living it will mean the same thing.” I wasn’t offended by him at all. I knew the rules of my faith and I knew I fell short. He explained how he didn’t believe in limbo and how making a vow is important and what the promise meant. As I think on him today, I pray God blesses him abundantly, he and all the other men and women of God who loved me enough to tell me the truth, and who loved their faith enough to not compromise it for numbers or popularity. I can visually see the scene in my head to this day and I see that woman speaking to that priest and she was dying, and he was offering her a chance a real life!

This past weekend I preached on one of those touchy subjects about knowing each other by the fruit we bear. It was a total God thing and I didn’t even blog this past week because I was studying for this message and trying to put it all together, in less than book form, and something more like what your rear end can handle in a service and still be effectively causing the process of thinking it through.

Can I be honest and say I do think about how people will take it? I have to reconcile the process of having peace without the acceptance of sin. Or rather, loving someone through a process rather than telling them all is well when it isn’t. You see, I appreciate the priest who spoke the truth to me. I count him as one of the seeds that was planted in me that caused me to change and become more aware of what I was doing and why. I believe still today that he cared more about my soul than he did of whether I liked him or not. That’s love.

Today I read the recent Gallup Poll that said 60% of Americans, of which 78% of those profess Christianity, say they do not think having a child out of wedlock is morally wrong. They still think having an extramarital affair is wrong but not having a child out of wedlock. As one who had a child out of wedlock, that would seem like good news but it wasn’t then and it isn’t now. Kids need a mom and a dad and they need those two people to get along and to function as a family.

To speak against this is to be thought of as hateful, judgmental, a hypocrite, and all the other terms thrown at Christians today. So I write today to settle your soul and mine. These ways of life created by God are there to save us from heartache. Whatever the world may say about you, boldness and love shall prevail.