Category: Love

The Christian Dress Code

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The Christian dress code is the controversy that keeps on going. What do you wear to church?

It seems to be one of the controversies where we make judgment calls on others based on their outfits. I have to admit I am conflicted and (maybe?) outdated on my thoughts here. On the one hand, I LOVE the idea of “Sunday Best” and I dress for church. The question becomes what is best for me on Sunday may not be so for you. On the other hand, I hate the fashion police mentality. Jeans on the platform, no jeans on the platform is one question. Most Christians have rules on this.

Do jeans make me sing better or worse?

Do jeans say something about me?

What is it that it says about me?

Does it say I have such a great relationship with Jesus that we no longer pretend that I am not a jean’s kind of girl and wear a pair most days?

What length of skirt pleases God? Does one below the knee make him happy or does he like my bony knees? Boots, do they offend him or is He more concerned with my open toed shoes because they show my red polish?

And if God only judges my heart does he care what is on the outside or is what on the outside determine what is on the inside?

So many questions and I have more! Could it be that God wants me in church regardless of what I wear? Does God really hate for me to show my shoulders or do you hate for me to show them? Is he really offended by flip-flops or are you? Did he create me with a certain style or did I pick one up?  Do I need to change for him or for you? Would it bother you to wear a suit if I didn’t? Would it bother you if I wore a dress and you preferred pants? Why does it bother you?

Why does it bother me that it bothers you?

And while we are here, who appointed either of us spokesperson? I have a confession, I hate when people wear pajama bottoms or slippers to Sunday service. I don’t care if they wear them to bible study.

What would Jesus do? Would he be thrilled that I chose to be with a group of followers who want to access the power of unity in prayer or would he be appalled at my clothing? Would he tell me to get over myself and love people and quit caring what they wear or would he ask me to gently guide them to more holy clothing? Although, admittedly he technically has never asked me not even with the pajama wearer.

What is holy clothing?

This is going to sound so stupid, but it’s my blog so I will take license today, but Nirvana’s song Come As You Are keeps going through my head as I write today.

Come as you are,

As you were,

As I want you to be,

As a friend, As a friend,

As a known enemy,

Take your time, hurry up,

The choice is yours don’t be late, take a rest….

Come doused in mud,

soaked in bleach,

As I want you to be,

As a trend, as a friend….

The song always invokes a “make up your mind” feeling when I hear it. As if nothing the writer did was the right thing to do. As if people tell him to come as you are but really want him to come as they need him to be.

This is what the Dress Code invokes in me. As if no matter what side I pick on this issue it won’t be right. No matter what I do it won’t be right. Help me Jesus to allow me to see in others what You sees in them.

Let me look past the exterior to the beauty that was created in each of you. Let me instead of looking at your outfit; see the fingerprints of your creator.

I think I could find peace in that. Maybe.

Maybe I could get past all of this. I still prefer to dress in ‘Sunday Best’ but whose to say I’m right? Maybe I could past all of this.  Then again, I’d probably still check out your shoes.

Be Still and Know

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Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God;

How often are you just quiet before the Lord? How often do you tune out he static of life to truly listen to what is going on within you?

New age calls it meditation, but followers of Christ call it meditation as well. The process is the similar because the principal of meditation doesn’t change.

Psalm 48:9 Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love.

The temple of God is not a place. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?

So what does it mean to meditate on the word? When I worked in a large city I had a masseuse who taught me to mediate because she said I was too tense. She said I had to get to a quiet place in my mind and the way to do that was to count back from 100 to 1 with each breath until I could do so without any other thoughts of things to do, thoughts of breathing or anything else that came to mind to distract me. Honestly, I was never able to do that. My mind would wander and I’d forget where I left off in the breathing. It’s impossible to not think about anything, so I changed my meditation time in to learning to be still before the Lord. Have you ever tried to still your mind? It’s very difficult. Yet, the bible says that God speaks to us in that still small voice. (1Kings19:12) The only way to hear a still small voice is to be as quiet as possible. When people whisper you have to be quiet and draw near to hear.

The noise of the world often drowns out the possibility of hearing from God. We have noise wherever we go. We have even created noise machines so as not to sleep in silence. The very thing we need to exist in peace, wisdom and love, we drown out in the chaos of life. Jesus often went away from the crowds to be still. You must often get to a quiet place in your life where you are still. In those moments of stillness are where revelation comes, where problems can be resolved, and where wisdom is imparted. In those quiet moments is where God speaks to the scared part of your heart, the wounded part of your heart, the healthy part of your heart, and the inquisitive part of your heart. Is it any wonder that the enemy of your soul surrounds you with noise? Televisions that are on all night, music in elevators, can you ever find a quiet place unless you make room for it? Some people I know actually feel edgy in quiet times. Simply they have not learned to be still. Quiet makes them nervous because they’ve never learned to dwell in the peace of stillness. Quiet can be scary because it forces you to face fears.

Noise is sent to distract us from the union between God and us. I’ve heard people say that they decided to shut the TV off for a set number of days and that boredom caused them to read the bible. Do you have a quiet place? Can you access it regularly? If not, I urge you to find one. Try to find a place where you are still. To find a place where you are able to hear God’s still small voice. It’s the direction and the peace you need. Sometimes my best prayer time with God is when I am quiet and I listen rather than speak.

I Don’t Do THAT!

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I don’t cuss.
I don’t watch television.
I don’t drink alcohol.
I don’t wear tank tops.
I don’t eat pork.
I don’t listen to rock music.
I don’t have tattoos.
I don’t miss church.

I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. The religious have filled themselves with their rules that they want to impose on others. God cares just as much about we do.

I do have a deep relationship with God.
I do have love for others.
I do extend a helping hand.
I do fail from time to time, but I try again.
I do cut people a break.
I do talk to people about God and my faith.
I do try to be patient.

Saying “I do” doesn’t mean that I am in agreement with what is going on your life. “I do” merely means that I am committed to helping you through it. “I do” resolve to not judge your motives but only your actions because I find that my own “don’ts” have me just as bound in my judgment as you are in your sin. If I take a step back they are equally disdainful in the eyes of the Lord we profess to serve. What makes the “I don’t” crowd better than the Pharisees in the days of Jesus if they use that as a measuring stick to righteousness, rather than the love we show one towards another?

Be careful that your measuring stick of holiness is not solely in your “I Don’t” or “I Do” confessions but rather that it’s measured by what the word has to say.

Quotes From Jenesis

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I hadn’t seen my little monkey, except for briefly on Sundays. Every time I saw her she’d say, “Pastor Susan, I miss you, and we need to talk. Can we go to Jamba or Starbucks this week?” So Wednesday, we spent the afternoon together.

I had to go to Costco and the office supply store, so we took a drive. The drive up she napped so there wasn’t much talking but when she woke up she was starving and full of things to talk about. We went to eat and her biggest delight was this milk shake with the cherry on top. “I like this place because the milk shakes come in this glass with a cherry on top. They don’t come in those little cups. This is a fun place. I’ve never been here before but I know I’m going to like it, because of the glass and the milk shake.” Six is still a funny age, and the things she had to say made me smile and laugh out loud.

“We need to bring Pastor Doug here. He would love this.” When I asked her if we should bring the kids with us she said, “No way, just the three of us!”

When shoe shopping: “Flats are baby shoes, I don’t wear flats. I wear heels, I’m six years old, you know.”
When seeing Jessica Simpson platforms, “Oh! Pastor Susan, do these come in size 12? These are beautiful!”

She wanted to tell me about a crush she had on a boy, “My rule is NO SCHOOL BOYS, ONLY CHURCH BOYS. You know that lady that is married to the drummer? They are like Angie’s cousins, or something like that?”
“NO! Not Iris, she’s not even in the band, silly, the woman that’s married to the drummer that’s not David the drummer, the other drummer!”
“Yes! Coco, his wife.”
“Yeah, yeah, Vikki, she told David about my crush on him, she said, ‘You have an admirer!’ How embarrassing she is! You know who Carmen likes? Well, she used to like Robert, but now they are cousins, or something like that, so she likes David too. Plus she likes the son of the lady with the three sons who have their hair kinda spiky, what’s their names?”
“Christopher, yeah him, I think. Angie pretends she doesn’t like anybody but she is just too shy to say who she likes, I know who she likes.”

“Did you know that when I’m 16, my dad is going to make me a car? A hot rod, with flames.”

“Turn the station to 1-1-5, that’s Disney, I’ll tell you if that’s right. Yes, Yes, that’s right, that’s the Jonas Brothers.”

“Wanna know what song I LOVE? OPEN UP THE SKY, POUR DOWN LIKE RAIN, WE DON’T WANT BLESSINGS WE WANT YOU, OPEN UP THE SKIES POUR DOWN LIKE FIRE, WE DON’T WANT ANYTHING BUT YOU.”

“Can you believe the dogs had puppies AGAIN? AGAIN, Pastor Susan, I couldn’t believe it, but they did.”

“Kids in my class kiss at recess. Can you believe it? Kindergarten, Pastor Susan, and they-are-kissing. I was going to tell the teacher that I saw them but…I forgot.”

“Remember when I used to like Corbin Bleu? I was little back then, now I like Justin Bieber. He’s 16. He drives you know, I saw him in a car.” “No! Not in our town! On TV of course!”

I love spending time with this girl. Her conversations surprise me. Sometimes, she is so deep and other times so funny. She was a typical girl though, she had a million things to say and she was never quiet. I don’t remember being this savvy at her age and I don’t think my daughter Casey was either, but it goes to show how kids are growing up these days. I’m over the top with this child and I can’t believe how fast it all goes. I remember holding her as a baby and playing ring-around-the rosies with her when she was two and now she’s six. Time flies. Jenesis is my practice for grandkids. If I love them 1/2 as much as I love her they will be blessed!

Stepping

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Well after 8 years of being a stepparent I think I’ve figured out a thing or two and I also think I should be awarded a GIANT crown for my efforts.

All kidding aside, I have learned some valuable lessons and thought I’d share.

1. It’s not personal. You may have to repeat this to yourself several times a day, but the fact is that nothing that another person does is personal. So in my case, my step kids don’t do things to get back at me, they simply don’t do things for whatever reason they have. Anything from ignoring a chore, to ignoring me. It’s not about me, anyone in my role would be the target.

2. They are a family. I had this idea that I was going to come along and enter in and be loved and love and we would all be one big happy family. When that didn’t happen, I became resentful. Guess what? Just as my kids and I were a family, my husband and his children were a family. They had their own dynamics, in other words, they had a way of doing things that whether or not I agreed with, had already been established. My job wasn’t to change their family, it was to learn to adapt within the system of their family, and come up with a workable solution. That meant that if I didn’t want food in the kids room and dad would allow it, I really had no say. Of course when the smell of rotten eggs that had been hidden and forgotten reached the bottom of the stairs, I had a right to complain and my husband had to go on a scavenger hunt to find them. Well, ’nuff said about that as I’m sure you can imagine. 😀

3. Learn boundaries. Just because it was okay to go through dad’s drawers in his bedroom, doesn’t mean that it’s okay to go through mine. Clear cut boundaries had to be set, no matter how ridiculous the bio-parent may think the boundaries are you have a right to them. We had to learn to respect each other’s bondaries.

4. Take a deep breath! Find some time alone, even bio-kids get on your nerves sometimes. It’s not a crime to decide that you are going to go shopping for the day alone. Learn to have YOU time. It can de-stress a situation and it can give you perspective.

5. It’s not a reflection of you. I think as mothers we see our children as a reflection of us. The problem here is that step kids aren’t always. I see my step kids now after 8 years quoting me or I see mannerisms of myself in them but it wasn’t always the case. If they act up or do things out of the character of your family remember that it’s not on you. You are a mentor. You were called to be a solid godly mentor.

Finally, pray, pray, pray and then pray some more. The fact of the matter is that blending a family is not for wimps. You will have challenges, you all will say things you don’t mean from time to time, and forgiveness will be a daily ordeal, but you can and will get through it.

After 8 years, I love my step kids. They aren’t perfect, neither am I. We have learned to dwell in love and peace. Of course we have our moments, everyone does. When you take the ultimate responsibility off your shoulders, and put them squarely on the shoulders they belong on, the bio parent, you will find you aren’t feeling so trapped and resentful anymore.

Hung Up On The Whys?

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Ever talk to a three year old? They will ask a simple question that then leads to about 50 more questions that start and end with one word – WHY? Gideon was a man in the bible who was called a mighty warrior. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a time in his life where he and his people had nothing. They were bullied, stolen from and living an impoverished life. Here is the story.

Judges 6:1 Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, and for seven years he gave them into the hands of the Midianites. 2 Because the power of Midian was so oppressive, the Israelites prepared shelters for themselves in mountain clefts, caves and strongholds. 3 Whenever the Israelites planted their crops, the Midianites, Amalekites and other eastern peoples invaded the country. 4 They camped on the land and ruined the crops all the way to Gaza and did not spare a living thing for Israel, neither sheep nor cattle nor donkeys. 5 They came up with their livestock and their tents like swarms of locusts. It was impossible to count the men and their camels; they invaded the land to ravage it. 6 Midian so impoverished the Israelites that they cried out to the Lord for help.
7 When the Israelites cried to the Lord because of Midian, 8 he sent them a prophet, who said, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 9 I snatched you from the power of Egypt and from the hand of all your oppressors. I drove them from before you and gave you their land. 10 I said to you, ‘I am the Lord your God; do not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you live.’ But you have not listened to me.”
11 The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” 13 “But sir,” Gideon replied, “if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian.”

I’m fascinated by this story because here is a man who has nothing. He’s trying to mill in a winepress in secret. He’s just trying to get some flour for a meal to feed his family and angel of the Lord appears to him. I don’t know about you, but I would be freaked out! My heart would be racing and I would be listening to hear what the angel was saying. Gideon however is fed up and he wants to know why these things are happening. Why has God been absent? Why hasn’t he done any miracles? Why has he abandoned us? Why has he put Israel into the hand of the Midians?

All of us can relate to Gideon. We get hung up on the whys of life instead of seeing the miracle that the time has finally come for God to send an answer to get us out of our situation. We want to know why we were there in the first place. Does it matter in the scheme of things? Does it matter why we were suffering or is it simply the fact that we get to get some relief? The fact of the matter is that the answer of why Gideon found himself in a mess can be found in the very first sentence of this story. Go back and read it. The reason our own messes have happened can be found in the very first sentence in the chapter of our very own story. Does it even matter now? The fact is there is a way out of the problem a solution has been sent!

Don’t get hung up on the whys! Instead look for solutions that will get you out of your troubles. Cry out to God for the answer. Many times when we say things like, “Why does this always happen to me?” The answer is simple, “Because I haven’t learned the lesson in life that I need to about this situation.” We are not victims. Sometimes we cause things to happen, sometimes others in our lives cause things to happen but we always have a free will choice on what to do next. We can dig our heels in and get hung up on the whys or we can actually be that mighty warrior and get through this situation in our life!

A Spiritual Mentor

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Titus2:3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I am blessed to have an amazing mother-in-law, Doris, that has been my spiritual mentor. She loves the Lord and she is a big time intercessor (that means she prays for me)! I love her and what she has to teach me. Do you have a spiritual mentor? If not, pray and ask the Lord to send her.

How will know when she arrives? Is she already in your life? Here are the signs that follow a mentor. She is the one who encourages your spiritual walk. She walks with the authority of a woman who knows her Lord and she teaches you what she knows as you are ready to learn. She is the one who loves you through the rough times in your life and leads you straight to the feet of Jesus. She is the one whom you see really walk out her faith. Is she perfect? No, not at all but she’s working on herself and it shows. She sees your progress and tells you about it. She never loses patience with you (for very long). She has a divine word for your life and she prays for you. She corrects you with love and guides you with wisdom. She rejoices with you in all of your successes and comforts you in your sorrow. She imparts her wisdom into your life. She is one with whom you can share your secrets with and she will hold them, not casting judgment but giving wisdom. She teaches you to walk in the way of a true woman of Christ.

Here is how you know she is not a spiritual mentor. She will not ever give you advice that goes against the word of the Lord. She will never manipulate you into doing what she thinks you ought to do. She will never try to control your actions. She will always have your best interest at heart. She does not counsel with you over her stuff but she is authentic and may share life lessons learned. She does not intimidate you ever. She knows intimidation never works long-term. She understands you will either follow her advice or not but she loves you anyway.

My prayer for you today is that you find her. That if you don’t have her in your life already that God will send her to you. Your life will be better for it and you will have someone with whom you can rely on to be with you!

It’s Easter!

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Luke 24:1. At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. 2. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, 3. so they walked in. But once inside, they couldn’t find the body of the Master Jesus. 4. They were puzzled, wondering what to make of this. Then, out of nowhere it seemed, two men, light cascading over them, stood there. 5. The women were awestruck and bowed down in worship. The men said, “Why are you looking for the Living One in a cemetery? 6. He is not here, but raised up. Remember how he told you when you were still back in Galilee 7. that he had to be handed over to sinners, be killed on a cross, and in three days rise up?” 8. Then they remembered Jesus’ words. 9. They left the tomb and broke the news of all this to the Eleven and the rest. 10. Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the other women with them kept telling these things to the apostles, 11. but the apostles didn’t believe a word of it, thought they were making it all up. 12. But Peter jumped to his feet and ran to the tomb. He stooped to look in and saw a few grave clothes, that’s all. He walked away puzzled, shaking his head. -“The Message”

Aren’t you glad we are not puzzled anymore? Praise you lord for the freedom you restored us to. May we never take your sacrifice for granted.

A Dinner Invitation

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Psalms 15
1. God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
2. “Walk straight, act right, tell the truth.
3. “Don’t hurt your friend, don’t blame your neighbor;
4. despise the despicable. “Keep your word even when it costs you,
5. make an honest living, never take a bribe. “You’ll never get blacklisted if you live like this.”