Category: Jesus

The Spirit Of The Wannabe

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In the bible there was a man named Adonijah who thought he was leadership material and announced it by taking over a kingdom. He had a few followers but the true leadership of the time wasn’t behind him. He took over without the blessing of King David who had promised the throne to Solomon.

1 Kings 1:5 Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. 6 (His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.) 7 Adonijah conferred with Joab son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest, and they gave him their support. 8 But Zadok the priest, Benaiah son of Jehoiada, Nathan the prophet, Shimei and Rei and David’s special guard did not join Adonijah.

Because he never qualified for leadership, he was unseated rather quickly. Rather than take it like a man, he went to the King’s mother to complain that he had been unseated unfairly. In Adonijah’s own eyes he was owed something. So we find Adonijah complaining with the victim mentality of how he is now owed something and trying to make a deal he has no right even asking for.

1 Kings 2:13 Now Adonijah, the son of Haggith, went to Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother. Bathsheba asked him, “Do you come peacefully?” He answered, “Yes, peacefully.” 14 Then he added, “I have something to say to you.” “You may say it,” she replied. 15 “As you know,” he said, “the kingdom was mine. All Israel looked to me as their king. But things changed, and the kingdom has gone to my brother; for it has come to him from the Lord.

So there is nothing new here. It is the Spirit of the Wannabe and it struck a chord with me. Leadership always makes a place for itself. It can’t be faked. I have been a leader my whole life. Part of it is that I was a first born and so naturally bossy and a take-charge personality. A bigger part is a God-ordained gift. Pastor Doug laughs when I bring up the Spirit of the Wannabe and has added to the phrase, “Those that don’t wannabe leaders often are.” It’s true. Leaders naturally lead and others always see their ability.

The Wannabe tries to overtake a position without qualification. The Wannabe is the one crying loudly about how victimized they are and yet how much of a leader they are and how they would do things differently. They create chaos and in that chaos they try to overtake a position. True leadership makes a place for itself through natural talent, appropriately directed. Satan was an angel who had a gift of praise and worship and a position in a kingdom but like Adonijah he tried to forcibly take a position that wasn’t his. Satan was the first one with the Spirit of the Wannabe. He got a few followers but was not able to sustain it and he was unseated in quick order.

You see a true leader really doesn’t fail. The idea may not work but it doesn’t keep the leader stuck in a losing proposition for any length of time. The true leader gets up and tries again even when they don’t want to because their gift directs their path. They never need smoke and mirrors they just are. Leadership is natural but it still has to be developed to its full potential. This is where the Wannabe and the Leader part ways. The leader takes the time to develop skills, the wannabe fakes it saying phrases like “fake it till you make it”. Only the problem with that is authentic leadership doesn’t have to fake it, and wannabes never make it.

The Lost Sheep

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Every year I take the boxes of Christmas decorations out of the garage and begin to take the decorations out of their packaging and arrange the house. I bought this shepherd, star and sheep at a craft fair several years ago in honor of my husband being a Pastor.

Every year at the beginning of the Christmas season I pull the star and the shepherd out of one box and then can’t find the sheep. Each year I vow to pack them together so that they don’t get lost and each year at the end of the season for some strange reason they don’t get put back together. I have a lot of ornaments and it takes time to find the sheep. One year, I found it on top of the guest room closet after going back out to the garage sure that I had missed a box. Go figure that one out. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened as well.

Everything stops as I go looking for this lost sheep. I don’t move forward with the decorating because it bugs me that I’ve lost it again this year. It reminded me of a story in the bible as I was looking all over this sheep.

Luke 15:3. Then Jesus told them this parable:
4. “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?
5. And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders
6. and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’
7. I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

I have 100’s of ornaments but I look for this one each year. I stop everything I am doing to find it. What is it about sheep that get lost? The feeling of finally finding it gives me great joy as I call out “Found it!”

This Christmas when I found the sheep I put it in its place next to the Shepherd and I thanked the Lord. The not-so-simple little feat of leaving the other sheep behind to go off and find me when I was lost is not wasted on me. The fact that the angels rejoice when one is found takes my breath away. Think about it, what is one in 6 billion people? Yet, everything stops as the God of the Universe sends his only begotten son to earth to search and to find that one that was lost? Then he carefully restored that sheep to stand next to the shepherd where he was called to be all along.

Perspective

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So in my line of work these questions come up all the time. The judgments we are called to make or not make are sometimes very tough on these hearts of ours. Sometimes they speak more about us then they do about the people we serve. I’ll let you read what I am talking about for yourself on Stuff Christians Like. Click here.

Submission Continued

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I love military life. I love the protocol and I love the well-executed plan. It fits my personality to have order. In the military and in boardrooms across the world there is a meeting where everyone is given a task and expected to fulfill it. There is a meeting of the mind where everyone and everything is clear. A general never goes to battle with soldiers who don’t know what they are going to do because he expects to win. To do so would be foolish. It makes it easy when the couple is on the same page. Often though we hear a couple say, “He/She should know what we are working towards.” Without a meeting of the minds in which both people come together to set the mission, there is no mission, only chaos. We can’t assume anything. A mission must be clearly defined.

Just tell a woman that you want to go to Fiji next summer and that it’s going to take $10k to go. I guarantee you she will clip coupons and wear ‘that ‘ol thing’ in the closet to get the money to go. Tell her you want to save an extra couple of grand for her new wardrobe and she’ll make it happen. Most women are not evil or scattered. They are willing and able to help a mission to get on its way. If she didn’t love the man or didn’t care about their family, she’d go shopping but most often she want to please him and he clearly set the mission and she is going to follow it.

What if I don’t agree with the mission? I mean, this one is an easy one to submit to because I get something right? That happens sometimes when we don’t agree we don’t want to submit to the plan. The time to speak is in the initial meeting. I would voice my opinion and why I don’t think it’s going to work. You can’t whine, you don’t get emotional, you just practically stated your views and back them up with fact. Sometimes your appeal works and sometimes it doesn’t but let’s face it, this is when the rubber meets the road. Submission isn’t submission until you disagree.

So you have to ask yourself two important questions. Does my agreeing to submit to this plan violate my relationship with God? Does my agreeing to submit violate my belief system? If the answer is yes, then you can’t submit period. You can’t override your convictions without losing a part of yourself. BUT HERE IS THE GREAT PART! Your man, the one who vowed to love you forever, would never ask you violate these areas of your heart because the bible is very clear that we submit one to another. God really had the idea that we’d work together for the good of the whole and not for the good of the one. That means that I don’t pull the conviction card out for just anything. I really have to be honest and search my heart. Let me just say here that if you are really honest most things don’t fall into this category. Just because you don’t want to do it, does not excuse you.

There is nothing sadder, and I mean this nothing sadder, than a woman without a mission. She will use her energy for what she thinks needs to be done and we don’t need to ask Eve the outcome of that story. There is nothing more dangerous than a marriage without a mission. It may limp along but it will never be what God designed it to be. A marriage without a mission doesn’t have unity, peace and ultimately the blessing of God. If you find yourself in a marriage without a mission it’s time for a meeting. It’s time for a God-seeking moment. Simply ask the question, what are we working for and how are we going to get there? God will bring the answer. Then work the plan.

Submission

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Submission seems to be an ugly word for women. The bible says if we are married we are supposed to be in submission to our husbands. I think the word gets a bad wrap because we don’t know or understand what it means and because sometimes men throw it up to us in an ugly way. Today I want to break down the word and make sense of it and show you that it doesn’t have to be bad when all the pieces of the puzzle are in place when it comes to this word.

First off, we have to break the word apart.

Sub- is being used as a prefix for under, below or beneath. Let me just say here that is does NOT mean less than. We need to open up our hearts to read this carefully without shutting down.

Mission- is a task that clearly spells out what we are doing; how we are doing it and the reason we are doing it.

The bible says that a woman was designed as a help-meet. This is not a bad thing and it’s in our nature to be helpful and we are great at making things happen. I think of it, as we are the supports to a bridge. The supports are what hold everything up. It in no way lessens the importance in fact, in increases it. Without the support the whole thing falls flat. A bridge without a support is useless. Again, not saying men are useless just that when we are joined as one in marriage the pieces have to fit together in order to function.

Ever see a woman missing from the scene? I remember when I married Pastor Doug, he lived on skittles and slim-fast and his kids would stay up till 2 or 3 am bleary-eyed watching TV then have stomach aches and were missing tons of school. They were missing a support system. Ever see a man taking care of the kids after his wife has been at a conference? The kids are asking every half hour, “When’s mom coming home?” and dad is wishing mom would hurry up. It’s not a bad thing to be a support. It’s necessary.

The problem is that most men do not have clearly defined missions. So the problem lies not in the fact that women don’t know how to submit. We submit very well thank you very much. We submit when we know the mission. We submit when we know our role. Submission is not an ugly word. It’s a beneficial word. What is the mission of your home? Men, if you don’t know then you can expect for your woman to do something that may not be the plan. A support, supports something even if it’s the wrong thing. There is the problem in a nutshell. Just as Adam assumed Eve knew the mission most men today also assume women know the mission. But Adam was so wrong.

Sadness Is Part Of Life

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I heard Dr. Laura say on her radio program that sadness was not a disease. I answered back, out loud in my car, with a big AMEN! I so agree with this statement. Why is it that we mask uncomfortable emotion and don’t want to feel it?

I remember when my husband died and the very first thing my doctor wanted to do, and I am mean within a few days of his death, was put me on anti-depressants and give me sleeping pills. Do you know that 25 sleeping pills have lasted me 6 years? I only took them when I absolutely could not sleep a bit. The anti-depressants I didn’t agree to and so I have never been prescribed them. I don’t believe it’s bad to take them, and I think some people have serious issues with depression and need them, but I don’t believe that everyone needs them. The death of a loved one is hard time in your life. I don’t think anyone has a question about it but whether you drug yourself to numb the pain, or work like a madwoman (as I did) to numb the pain or drink or sleep or over-eat, whatever it is that you do in times of deep sadness, you will eventually have to work through that sadness if you are going to move forward.

I guess don’t understand the avoidance of sadness. Actually, I know we’d all like to never feel sad but sadness is a part of life. It means we are human, it means we care, it means we are really living out our lives. It tells a story that not everything is happily ever after. There are great moments of joy in our lives and deep moments of sadness and to not have those is to not have lived well. It all ends well though, that’s a God promise! Ask yourself a question though, how would I know great joy if I never experienced deep sadness?

Sadness seems to be one emotion we want to avoid. I know that, and I understand that, but it’s not reality. See, everything I know about anti-depressants is that unless you on them forever, eventually you have to still go through the pain. You still have to work through your feelings and you still will need to come out on the other side. You have the right and the obligation to live a life fulfilled. A fulfilled life doesn’t mean it’s all happy, it means it’s all ended well.

Oh, I guess you could wallow in your misery forever. Some people do, they become a victim to their circumstances and they allow it to consume their lives. For some life is never going to be right again. They wear their injury as a badge and you can’t get through a 20 minute conversation with them before their tragedy spills out. You are left trying to run from the conversation because it’s so depressing and you realize this person can’t quit living in the past. But you have to understand that it does not have to be your reality ever. Yes, events happen and are going to happen. Yes, there are going to be sad times and we need to acknowledge them but don’t build your home on events. Build your home on the solid ground of life well-lived, knowing that He who gave life will sustain it through it all. Let each room in your home tell a story that is as diverse and interesting as God designed you to be.

The Democracy Of A Family Part 2

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Yesterday we began talking about the biblical model of a family.

In a nutshell, the mandate on parenting is pretty simple. You, who are parents, were given a mission by God. That mission was to raise up a child from birth to 18 or so. When I say or so I don’t mean 30. In those 18 years you are to teach them to one day inherit their own throne, in other words, their own home, job and material possessions and family. They are to rule in the image of God and take dominion and subdue the earth (Genesis 1:27-28). In Jewish tradition the age is lowered to 13. At 13 a boy becomes a man and by then he is expected to know and have acquired the education of what is expected of him in honoring his faith and the commandments of the Lord as a man. The last five years are spent discovering his character as a man. With two children up and out I can tell you that time flies and that you must start early.

The problem is that we are waiting much too long to teach or we are not teaching at all the virtue that is going to be required of a king or a queen of their own domain. So our kids go off to college and they don’t know what to do. Many can’t do laundry, balance a checkbook, budget, cook, keep a job or study on their own. They don’t know basic things about modesty, things like their bodies being precious gifts and that a reputation is to be guarded. In listening recently to a former college dean he says that parents would send their children off to college with a set amount of money for the semester. That child would spend the money within weeks and then come to see him when book fees or lab fees were overdue looking for a bail out. Instead of taking their children back home for more training the parents would send more money. The only thing is, money doesn’t fix a lack of preparation and pretty soon the reckless behavior shows up in other places like drugs and alcohol and other bad behavior. The child was not prepared and the fault lies squarely, in most cases, but not all, on the parents lack of training in these areas. Let’s face it, you know your child and you know if they can handle adult life on their own or not. It doesn’t really seem fair to throw a kid, regardless of age, into a situation they have not been prepared to handle.

So instead of teaching your children to rule their own life, parents instead are teaching their children to be a prince or princess for the rest of their life. In other words, the parents will always be responsible for the children. Some parents have 30 year old children at home without steady jobs just living off of their parents. Some parents have children who are married with children and have never left home.

Parents were never given the task to control their children’s lives forever. Eventually they are to set up their own homes independent of you and live their own lives. I have friends whose children are grown with children of their own. These friends have bought every car their children have driven, their homes, pay their cable and cell phone bills and insurance, babysit on a regular basis and well you get the picture. They have raised their children to be a prince with no idea how to be a king. I don’t even know if they realize the fact that their need to control their children is so great that they have made them servants or slaves instead of royalty.

The reason why this is a disservice is that these parents will more than likely not out-live their children. At one point in that child’s life the responsibility will shift and they won’t know what to do with it. They are setting up their children for failure and are completely unaware. At some point we have to launch the arrow into its target destiny.

No One Can Influence His Opinion Of Me

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God knows me. The bible says God knows my innermost being. Think about that for a moment and let it sink in. There is nothing that is hidden from him. I am a clear picture to him.

Since that is a fact, when prayers go up to him about me from others, he knows how to discern the truth from the lie. Remember this; a lie can never stand against the truth. Because he knows me, his opinion of me doesn’t sway by words, they sway by action.

When looking for that man who is going to share your life make sure he knows who you are. This means that you can’t pretend you are someone you aren’t. This means you have to be authentic and not a woman who flips from opinion to opinion for the only way your man truly knows you is if you are balanced and authentic. Not synthetic in your attitude and appearance. This takes time. The two of you must get to know each other well! You can’t have a solid opinion about what you think you know. You gotta know you know. This means his friends can’t tell him who you are, it means his mom can’t tell him who you are, it means he has to find out for himself who you are. He has to know you so well that he knows your motivation for why you do what you do.

Take your time and build a relationship. Don’t rush, just take is slow and steady. I can pretend to be anyone for a season. But eventually the real me pops out. It’s in that moment of seeing the real you that the opinion is formed. No one can influence God’s opinion of me because he knows why I do what I do. The man in your life should also know, without doubt, who you are.

Synthetic

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Synthetic: not natural or genuine; artificial or contrived:

We’ve all seen the American Idol try-outs and all of the other reality shows like America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance etc… We’ve seen some great talent and we’ve some people that leave you wondering, “What were they thinking?”

The ones that crack me up are the ones where their parents yell at the judges for being idiots because they didn’t acknowledge their child’s talent. I know we all think our kids are wonderful. We all think our kids are the best looking and best at everything but it simply isn’t reality is it? There are talents your child has that mine never will. That has to be okay with me. My children can’t be great at everything. Giving them a false sense of who they are doesn’t help them either. We set them up to fail. We over-inflate their egos and then when real life hits they can’t cope.

A couple of years ago I watched a season of American Idol like someone who watches a train wreck. My heart went out to one contestant, Sanjaya, because he seemed like a nice kid but he didn’t sing anywhere on the same level as the others. He became a joke to the world that was very cruel to him berating his singing. Then there was the Internet site that was dedicated to voting for the worst singer and he kept winning. But it was synthetic because it could not be sustained. When he finally lost, it broke his heart. You could see it and your heart really went out to him. His 15 minutes of fame were over but it came with a cost to him personally.

It’s the same thing that we are seeing with young Hollywood today. Most of them have been pumped up synthetically that they can’t handle life. So they are drinking and driving and going to rehab and flipping out and it’s all because they see themselves in a pseudo reality. They think they can walk on water without help. It’s not just Hollywood it seems to be pervasive throughout society. Around the Sanjaya time frame there were the Barbie Bandits who robbed a bank and went on a shopping trip is a great example of a synthetic self image. One of their mothers said that they didn’t deserve to go to jail because they were good girls. Do good girls rob banks to have shopping money? What if the teller had been ill with a weak heart? What if there had been a shoot-out? There are so many scenarios that they didn’t care about or didn’t weigh, in either case it’s still deserves jail time.

Synthetic is not real. It has no substance that you can build on. So instead we pump up the plastic. But what happens to plastic when you turn up the heat? It melts and as it does it molds into different shapes getting smaller and smaller. It ends up nothing but a small piece of nothing it resembled in the first place.

In life you win some and you lose some and you get up either way and keep moving forward. There is nothing sadder than a person who lives out the rest of his life in his past glory trying to recapture that win again. Instead, God says we move from glory to glory. Sadder still is the person who is stuck in his loss and refuses to try again.

There is a real life with real pitfalls and real successes. We need to remember that even our kids have to follow rules because that is authentic. He understands that true winners are hard workers who have learned strategy and who play within the guidelines set before them. Synthetic winners are only winners when the environment is manipulated falsely and you are able to keep the temperature ambient. Eventually things in your arena heat up and the meltdown begins. Learn to be authentic. That is something that stands no matter the circumstance.

Thanks Living

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I want to wish every a Happy Thanksgiving! Today I am grateful for the these people:

Jesus- The God man made flesh who walked the earth setting the example. Go back and read about his compassion and his tireless work, it will really touch your heart. Jesus was a teacher who loved the synagogue and loved people. What an example for me to follow. He never saw appearance he only saw condition. I aspire to be that for my generation.

My Mom- If anyone ever believed in her children she does. My mom tends to be negative about most things and pretty opinionated, but one thing is for sure, she believes we are the greatest gift to this generation. Even when she’s disappointed in us, she will find something worth hanging onto. She thinks this blog is the smartest thing on the Internet, she thinks I am her best gift ever and she is my biggest cheerleader. Even when we are on total opposite sides of a issue she puts up with me. She is someone I can count on and I more often than not, take her SO for granted.

Anthony- My kids are my blessing from God. Anthony is pure love. He is such a good man. I see him now with his girlfriend and he speaks so well of her and how he looks after his sister and how he checks in with me, his mom! What a gift God gave me when he allowed me to be Ant’s mom.

Cassandra Allyse- Sassy, smart and outgoing she is so independent. I love who she is becoming. She is her mother’s daughter in a lot of ways. She works too much, she loves deep, she has her own opinions. We are at a place where there are things I can say and things that she doesn’t want to hear from me but nevertheless, we love each other, we frustrate each other, we misunderstand each other and then we need each other. She is a great daughter and she has been fun to raise.

Doug – When he smiles at me it’s all over. Doug is kind beyond anyone I’ve ever known. Doug sees everything that is right with people, an ability I will never have, ever no matter how long I live. Doug has the ability to forgive and forget and leave the past behind him on most things. He’s not perfect by any means but he’s pretty darn close.

Lauren- Technically Lauren  is my stepdaughter but I don’t see her that way. She’s my kid. We didn’t always see eye to eye and sometimes we still don’t but I have great hope for her. With a year and a half of high school to go, she is having to step things up. I know she will do great things with her life. Behind the tough sarcastic exterior that she pretends to show, she’s pretty caring. Just don’t tell anyone.

Charles Anthony- the cactus of the bunch, he is my stepson. He is the one whom the Lord uses to refine me. ‘Nuff said.

Lulu- the wonder dog. Lu has a story that touches my heart. She came to me at a time when I really needed someone to take care of and love. She sleeps right next to me as I type this. She is with me when I speak to God, so she knows all of my cares and secrets and she doesn’t judge me for it. She just sighs, puts her chin on my knee and looks into my eyes. She is my lovey honey precious girl.

Oasis- my church. Not the building the people in it. We are a family and I’m so glad!

My friends- Some are old, some are new and all are loved. I especially love the ones with whom I can trust to tell me the truth. Everyone needs those people in their life and I am grateful for them.

My Country-I’m really glad to be American. If you’ve ever traveled, even a bit, you will find that you were born hitting a home run to be born and raised in this country.

Most days I feel like God’s favorite kid. I love how he loves me and blesses me daily. I am grateful for health, for love, for family. Life is good and I am thankful. Let’s live Thanks Living lives! Happy Thanksgiving!