Submission Continued

I love military life. I love the protocol and I love the well-executed plan. It fits my personality to have order. In the military and in boardrooms across the world there is a meeting where everyone is given a task and expected to fulfill it. There is a meeting of the mind where everyone and everything is clear. A general never goes to battle with soldiers who don’t know what they are going to do because he expects to win. To do so would be foolish. It makes it easy when the couple is on the same page. Often though we hear a couple say, “He/She should know what we are working towards.” Without a meeting of the minds in which both people come together to set the mission, there is no mission, only chaos. We can’t assume anything. A mission must be clearly defined.

Just tell a woman that you want to go to Fiji next summer and that it’s going to take $10k to go. I guarantee you she will clip coupons and wear ‘that ‘ol thing’ in the closet to get the money to go. Tell her you want to save an extra couple of grand for her new wardrobe and she’ll make it happen. Most women are not evil or scattered. They are willing and able to help a mission to get on its way. If she didn’t love the man or didn’t care about their family, she’d go shopping but most often she want to please him and he clearly set the mission and she is going to follow it.

What if I don’t agree with the mission? I mean, this one is an easy one to submit to because I get something right? That happens sometimes when we don’t agree we don’t want to submit to the plan. The time to speak is in the initial meeting. I would voice my opinion and why I don’t think it’s going to work. You can’t whine, you don’t get emotional, you just practically stated your views and back them up with fact. Sometimes your appeal works and sometimes it doesn’t but let’s face it, this is when the rubber meets the road. Submission isn’t submission until you disagree.

So you have to ask yourself two important questions. Does my agreeing to submit to this plan violate my relationship with God? Does my agreeing to submit violate my belief system? If the answer is yes, then you can’t submit period. You can’t override your convictions without losing a part of yourself. BUT HERE IS THE GREAT PART! Your man, the one who vowed to love you forever, would never ask you violate these areas of your heart because the bible is very clear that we submit one to another. God really had the idea that we’d work together for the good of the whole and not for the good of the one. That means that I don’t pull the conviction card out for just anything. I really have to be honest and search my heart. Let me just say here that if you are really honest most things don’t fall into this category. Just because you don’t want to do it, does not excuse you.

There is nothing sadder, and I mean this nothing sadder, than a woman without a mission. She will use her energy for what she thinks needs to be done and we don’t need to ask Eve the outcome of that story. There is nothing more dangerous than a marriage without a mission. It may limp along but it will never be what God designed it to be. A marriage without a mission doesn’t have unity, peace and ultimately the blessing of God. If you find yourself in a marriage without a mission it’s time for a meeting. It’s time for a God-seeking moment. Simply ask the question, what are we working for and how are we going to get there? God will bring the answer. Then work the plan.

3 thoughts on “Submission Continued

  1. There is another weak link in this “mission” talk: A woman who gripes about the lack of mission constantly but when given a goal to work towards, refuses to step up and go to bat for it.

    When I first got married, my wife hated our apartment but at the time it was all I could afford. She wanted to move—badly—and I heard about it everyday sometimes it was our only conversation. One day I after a few months of listening or fights about the issue, I told her to help me make a plan to move.

    Anyone who’s ever rented knows it takes a double payment to get into most apartments, so I asked her to help us save money for that downpayment. She told me it was up to me and that I should have the job to just do it. There was a flat refusal on her part to participate or help in anyway. I also made it clear that I couldn’t come up with all the money on my own so she would have to take an extra day at the dance school teaching to bring in enough for us to have to money.

    She refused it all.

    Then left me and used my inability to move as part of the reason. Now in her new marriage she has stepped up to the plate and provides her share of the income needed to keep the family afloat. In other words she grew up and took her place in the plan.

    There is a reason married people are called “partners” they work together to make things happen. A plan will fail either because someone fails to plan well or because those involved refuse to put their shoulder to the wheel.

    1. Absolutely! This is why I spend so much time talking to young women about being mature enough to handle what they are vowing to do. Love to some is a feeling, it comes and goes and while this is true to an extent, they fail to recognize or don’t understand the commitment of the deal they make when they have the big party and the “I do”. So as soon as that love feeling wanes they point fingers.

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