Category: Friendship

Have you ever wondered how people arrive at their memories? I mean, it would seem quite simple that an event took place and if you were there, your brain stored the events away in a file. That file can be accessed, opened and looked at and therefore, we have a memory of an event.

Only what happens when we are at the same event and I remember it one way and you remember it completely differently? Who is right and how did that memory get so skewed in our minds? This is the detective mode I find myself in when I am counseling someone.

To understand how this is completely normal and how neither party is lying necessarily, we have to understand the brain and how it works. Simply put there are synapses, think of messengers that send information. If we’re to look at it in simple terms, there are all these little messengers that are sending and receiving messages. As with a game of telephone, the story can be altered as it goes from messenger to messenger. Our own past and present experiences can sometimes change actual events to meet our experiences. In other words, if I invited you to coffee and you hate coffee, you may be offended by my offer. You assumed I knew you’d decline the offer because you assumed I knew you hated coffee. Therefore, you see the invitation as half-hearted or insincere because you see it through your perception. So you take an attitude with me and begin to see me as a foe rather than a friend because after all, had I been your friend, I would have never invited you for coffee. Thus, your memory of me is that I am not to be trusted, I am selfish and I am mean. This is how you have processed it. In my mind however, I invited you for coffee and you declined. I have no idea there is an offense and I have no idea that you view me as insensitive. Can you see how problems start?

So while both of our minds think our facts are true, neither is correct. I didn’t pay attention to your distress over the invitation to coffee and you didn’t pay attention to my sincerity in the invitation. This is why when we come to Christ and we decide to live differently than we have in the past, a healing of old wounds must take place.

John 8:32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

In order to be truly free we must be free of our preconceived notions. We must allow the restoration of all things to our whole being, body, mind and spirit. When we come to the kingdom old ways of thinking must be laid aside for the higher purpose. We must reconfigure those synapses to relay information without bringing along with it the old thoughts and patterns of the life we used to live.

Hard? You bet! Healing of memories is not an easy task. Those old things are so ingrained in who we are that we actually carry them around like a security blanket. Only just like a toddler, we must wash that blanket, fold it and put it away because it will not serve us well where we are destined to go. You see, you are called to a higher purpose and that purpose actually can’t be completed walking with the pacifier and the security blanket. It requires adult mindset and adult decisions and two free hands to grasp new truth wholeheartedly.

This isn’t a quick fix and doesn’t happen suddenly. We must first look at the possibility that we could be wrong. We need to be honest and decipher our feelings trying to figure out where they came from and why we feel them. We must also learn to not be ruled by our feelings. They aren’t necessarily the truth of what is going on. So, take a look at some of your most recent hurts. What about them look like some of the old hurts you have? What about them seem comfortingly familiar and feel like the security blanket? Now look at some new truths. Those aren’t so comfortable. They are like new shoes, they have to be broken in but they fit you and they look good! You know they are right for you. It’s like taking the training wheels off of a bike. It will require more balance but in the end you’ll be free to ride further and faster than you ever have before.