Category: Friendship

Love Is In The Air

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February brings Valentine’s Day. For many people it’s a day created by commercialism. A day for the purchase of roses, cards, dinners, candy, and stuffed animals. For others it’s a depressing day of one too many rejections, subpar relationships and and unrealistic expectations. Still for others, it’s a way of life, not a day lived out once a year but a love banner to be played out over their lives.

The bible reminds us that we need to practice Agape love. Love without expectation or condition. Love that merely loves for the sake of love. For humans it seems so unattainable. In a world that does for others according to what they themselves are getting, it seems counter-intuitive to do any more than what is being done for us. Yet, if we would put forth the effort of extravagant love, God love, we’d obtain exactly what we thought we’d been missing. Agape love is above feelings. Agape love even loves the unlovable. As followers of Christ it is our duty to love one another even when it looks seemingly impossible.

Can you find it in your heart to love without reason? To simply love another human being because that is the expectation and the law that God has placed before those of us who follow Christ? Can we love because God loves us and put aside the warmies we expect to get when love happens? Can we find a place where we have no expectation of getting anything other than the satisfaction of knowing we loved when we didn’t have to?

Who Is This?

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Whenever my mom calls and she gets my voicemail, her message usually goes something like this; “Susie, this is your mother. I’m just calling to check on you. Call me when you get a chance.” This always makes me laugh because her voice is the first voice I ever recognized in my life, how could I think it was someone else? I know her voice. I never ask another person who calls, “Mom? Is that you?” Never. I know her voice.

So how do we know when we hear the voice of God? The answer is simply found in:

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow Me.

Just as I know my mother’s voice those who are part of the flock of the Lord know His voice and another they will not follow. It requires intimacy. It requires relationship. It requires lots of conversations over time. You can be so entwined with the Lord that you begin to see His cue without His ever having to utter a sound. Relationship is what we were created for.

So give Him a call today, just to see how things are going. You’ll find that the more time you spend with him, the more you’ll recognize his voice and you won’t have to wonder, “God is that you?”

The Art of Conversation

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Ephesians 4:29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. ~ The Message

I am a people watcher. One particular day Doug and I had decided to get Indian Food at a line-out-the-door-hole-in-the-wall, that has some good grub. We had a good 20 minute or more wait, so I watched the couple in front of us. She kept trying to talk to him, he kept reading his phone and answering in one or two words. Technology etiquette blog on the way. There were two girls from work discussing work it seemed, there were people quietly walking through the line. As we moved closer to the front, I began to look for a table. There were three women and two men, laughing hysterically and enjoying their lunch. What fun to have lunch with friends, I thought! One woman was a loud-mouth and chewed with her mouth open. Another etiquette blog. I watched her in what seemed like slow motion poking her fork into her curry chicken and then chewing with her mouth open as she talked to everyone. I wondered how much food was being sprayed into the others plates. She chews like a cow, I thought to myself.

We ordered and found a table to sit down at. As we waited patiently for our food to arrive, I noticed that many of the couples there were reading their phones and not interacting. Ourselves included. Okay, I thought, we really have to get back to the basics. Where’s the conversation here? I mean this has the potential of being a really good date for the two of us.

Ohoh! Landmine at the table with the three women and two men. Loudmouth girl says loudly, “That stupid f*^@&*# b%#@%. I asked her if something was up between us and she said no.” So the women begin to dish on whoever they were talking about. I quit looking at them because they were quite engrossed in their conversation. One of the men sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. The other man put his hand to his mouth. They looked uncomfortable. They looked away. They looked down at their food. Then the one man, with his hand to his mouth, engaged the other man in a conversation of some sort, and they both even positioned themselves and moved their seats slightly apart from the women. Now instead of five people talking at a table, there were two sets of conversations going. Displeasing conversation had broken up the camaraderie.

I looked around the room and realized we were unaware of each other, even when we’d opted to dine together. People were busy on their cell phones, others were merely eating, still others were having separate conversations unaware that others were uncomfortable. I looked over at the couple who had been in front of us in the line. She was sitting quietly annoyed and he was still on his phone. We were still on our phones, as Doug began to tell me about what he’d learned about beer on the History Channel. I crinkled my nose and said, “Beer is gross.”

It begs the question are we engaging each other in real conversations? Conversations that matter? The gossip at table of five separated out lunch buddies, the cell phones separated out many. Wait! I look over in the corner of the room. There are three old guys with long hair. Hippee-types from another time. They were eating Tandoori salads, leaning back in their chairs, in friendly discussion. No phones, no women! I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Maybe their free love talks of days gone by, have given way to political discussions about Wall Street? I don’t know, but it made me wonder if we’ve lost the art of conversation?

The Goatherd and the Wild Goats

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An Aesop fable

A goatherd driving his flock from their pasture at eventide, found some Wild Goats mingled among them, and shut them up together with his own for the night. The next day it snowed very hard, so that he could not take the herd to its usual feeding places, but was obliged to keep them in the fold. He fed his goats just sufficient food to keep them alive but fed the strangers more abundantly in the hope of enticing them to stay with him and of making them his own. When the thaw set in he led them all out to feed, and the Wild Goats scampered away as fast as they could to the mountains. The Goatherd scolded them for their ingratitude in leaving him, when during the storm he taken more care of him then his own herd. One of them, turning about said to him: “That is the very reason why we’re so cautious; for if you yesterday treated us better than you have the Goats you have had so long, it is plain also that if others came after us, you would in the same manner prefer them to ourselves.”

Old friends cannot with impunity be sacrificed for new ones.

Blessing Bags

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There is a really great woman in our city who is so community minded. Her name is Rhonda and she’s one involved chick! I saw her post this on her facebook page and wanted to share it with all of you. If we all pass this idea on in our own communities we could really make a big difference!

Have you ever come across a homeless individual and felt totally uncomfortable?

You see them and you know they are in need, but you are not sure what to do. You know that handing them money is not the best thing. But, you also see that they clearly have some needs. Their lips are chapped. They are hungry. They are thirsty. They are asking for help.

How can you help?

Here is a simple idea – blessing bags.

This was such an easy project. We are now going to keep a few “Blessing Bags” in our car so that when we do happen to see someone on the streets who is homeless, we can hand them a Blessing Bag. I first learned of these bags from my friend, Julie. I am using the picture of her bags (see above) because the ones we took were taken in horrible lighting and turned out really grainy and hard to see what is inside of them.

If you’d like to make your own Blessing Bags, this is what you would need:

Gallon size Ziplock bags
items to go in the bags, such as:
chap stick
packages of tissues
toothbrush and toothpaste
comb
soap
trail mix
granola bars
crackers
pack of gum
band aids
mouthwash
coins (could be used to make a phone call, or purchase a food item)
hand wipes
you could also put in a warm pair of socks, and maybe a Starbucks gift card

Assemble all the items in the bags, and maybe throw in a note of encouragement. Seal the bags and stow in your car for a moment of providence.

This would be a great activity to do with some other families. Each family could bring one of the items going into the bags (ex: toothbrushes). Set up all the items around a table and walk around it with the ziplocks and fill the bags.

If You’re Poor You Can’t Be Choosy

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We run a thrift store. Out of that thrift store, we are able to help people in our community with essential items. Some of our customers come in to shop for bargains. Others come in to shop for free due to a hardship. Thank God our community has responded so well to this. They donate items all the time and they keep us running. They are truly the blessing in this story.

As with anything else, there are a few bad apples to spoil any bunch. We have people who come by to donate a couch, let’s say. The couch has been out on the back porch for a while. The dogs have laid and peed on it, it’s been rained on, it’s got huge gashes of fabric missing and the cushions are pretty much flat as a pancake. Like the picture above it is passed it’s expiration date. The conversation goes something like this:

US: “We’re sorry we won’t be able to take your couch as a donation. It has to be a usable item. It has to be ready for someone to use. Unfortunately we don’t have people who can repair it.”

THEM: “Well, isn’t it going to poor people?”

US: “Yes it is, however this couch isn’t usable in its condition.”

THEM: “I just think if you’re poor, and you need something, you take what you can get.”

US: “Yeah, sorry, no, we can’t take it. It isn’t usable. If you’d like us to dump it for you the dump fee is $20 since they charge us to dispose of it. If you want to pay the $20 we’ll dump it for you.”

This is when the conversation either gets weird or good. Sometimes it’s met with relief. They understand the problem, they just don’t know what to do with the item. They gladly pay the fee and leave it with us. Other times, they become angry. They say things like, “I’ll just go dump it by the homeless people stay.” Or they wait until we’re closed and leave it for us anyway, thus sticking us with the dump fee and therefore taking away $20 from the community help coffer.

Just because a person is having a difficult time, don’t they still deserve dignity? If you were the person struggling to make ends meet, would you want something that is not usable? How would that help you? How would that add quality to your life? We need to think beyond ourselves.

My prayer for the New Year is that we see that poverty in America is not always a sign of laziness. I know families who were on top of the world. Cars, kids in private school, living large and now, due to a reduction in the availability of work, they are having to ask for assistance. Yes, I see abuses of a system. We will always see that. Unfortunately just like the person wanting to save $20 from their pocket and stick it to the church, there are those who want to scam the church out of $20 too. Humanity dictates to us that we treat each other with dignity. Let’s try it. This year, let’s realize that everyone deserves a measure of respect. You never know when you’ll need that kindness reciprocated.

Late Again?

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Time management is a great skill to have. Notice I said it’s a skill. A person who cannot self manage themselves limits their leadership ability. People who are consistently late are saying loud and clear that they have poor planning skills. Psychology tells us that people who are consistently late are rebellious and care little about other’s time. They want to inform you that they don’t care about what the expectation is. In their own fantasy of life, they are the king or queen of the universe and you are the servant who will wait to be honored by their presence. Naturally, this is very strong language to be used so usually they deny it, but that realization will only do one of two things: reinforce the boorish behavior or modify it. It is simply a way for the person who is late to show people disrespect without having the confrontation of words. Leaving you waiting is of no concern to them. Actions speak louder than words so the message is perfectly clear.

If you have someone in your life who is chronically late, reassess your friendship. You are not valued by that person and they are not honoring you or holding you in any sort of regard. If you have a person who is chronically late in your workplace, they are quite simply stealing from the company. Time is important, too important to waste on those who think nothing of you.

If you are chronically late, quit making excuses. Everyone’s time is important. Yours is no more so than the people you keep waiting on you.

Running occasionally late happens. Running chronically late there simply is no excuse for.

Small Church Big Problem

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A question posed by a reader goes like this:

Message: A female friend of mine had a brief affair with another member of the church. My friend sang in the choir with the man and his wife. The couple were longtime members with extended family members. My friend is single. The affair was exposed and everyone in the church was aware. My friend was asked to find another church by the pastor. She was upset that she was asked to leave, but I couldn’t understand why she wanted to continue attending services there. Was the pastor wrong? Just wondering. Addition: her sister recently moved in with her and plans on attending the same church and sing in the choir. This is a small community church just several blocks from their residence. This all seems pretty bizarre to me and asking for friction.

This breaks my heart for the congregation that is dealing with the fallout of this. It just goes to show that although sin is personal, it’s never private as it affects many and in this case it affects an entire church. It’s impossible for me, and maybe for you, to know what the details of this case are within the church.

Biblically we are supposed to try and restore a brother/sister caught in a fall. Then there’s the Corinthian church in the New Testament, where the son was having an affair with his stepmother and when he was asked to stop he refused, so they put him out of the church until he repented. I guess the question would be then, was there repentance? If there was repentance was there an attempt to restoration?

So let’s say the Pastor is really trying to do his job biblically. Did perhaps your friend not fully understand the ramifications of her action and therefore was put out of the church because there was no repentance? Obviously she’d have to step down from her ministry of worship and submit to the restoration process. Was this done willingly by your friend? If the husband wasn’t asked to leave was it because he showed true repentance and has submitted to the restoration process? The pastor and the church must consider that people who looked up to your friend as a member of her church family and even those in the community as the talk spreads but the details don’t, are affected by the hearts and actions of those involved.

One thing is for sure, the sister who has moved to town and wants to attend the church shouldn’t be penalized for her sister’s actions. I think in a small community church this actually could be hard on her since some may judge her by her sister’s action. Hopefully this group is more matured than that. I agree with you that it seems easier to find another church and avoid the mess altogether. Could it be that the sisters are a certain denomination and this church may be their only option to practice their faith?

Sorry I can’t be more helpful. I sincerely hope that everyone stay focused on Jesus right now and that you all continue to pray for your friend as well as the couple who all have repairs to make, not only internally, to each other, to the congregation and to their faith and God ultimately.

Thank you for reading and if you have further questions I will do my best to answer.