I had the distinct privilege of being raised by a feminist mother who applauded women’s equality and also an intact family.
My father spent lots of time outside of the home. While my father was gone our house almost held their collective breath. My mother made it clear we were not complete without my father. Once my dad arrived it was as if we all breathed a sigh of relief, as if we were finally a family, as if we were a part of a home.
Oh, we got along fine when he was away but when he came home there was rejoicing. Daddy’s home now we are safe, now we are together was the message we received throughout our childhood. It was in those moments that I saw the struggles each family member made to make a house a home. We were never threatened by my father coming home. My mother handled her business. It was not a home in which the ‘wait until your father gets home’ mantra was ever a thing. It was never a home in which my mother made my father feel useless or as if he contributed nothing. We were always keenly aware that mom could hold down the fort with one hand tied behind her back but we knew that she didn’t want to. She had a career, sent cookies to the school for party days, showed up for parent teacher conference and came home and cooked dinner.
Perhaps it is that mindset that was instilled in me that has me thinking of how important a father is to a home. It is with that mindset that I know I can’t be a father, only a mother. I understood early on that we fall short when we try to be both roles instead of being the best in our shoes and not trying fit in another’s.
My mother’s example taught me that being able to financially sustain and run a home was a necessary task and a worthwhile endeavor. She could do that and I can do that. She also taught me the importance of team work and that it doesn’t have to fall completely on my shoulders and that my ability isn’t minimized but rather enhanced in the role of marriage.
Daddy’s home. Men, you often get a bad rap for not pulling your supposed weight or not doing things the way a woman would do it. We minimize your worth and needs but true feminism acknowledges the strengths you have without diminishing ours. You are necessary and you are wanted and needed. You too help make a house a home. You are half of what creates a solid foundation for a family. Feminism was never meant to wipe you out of the picture. We got it twisted. It was always about equality in opportunity not equality in outcome. We will never win as a nation when we fight one another in our home.
Today I thank my father for believing I could be whatever I set my mind to. I thank him for pushing me to learn to think, for allowing me an opinion and for telling me I deserved a seat in the boardroom.
Today I thank my mother who showed me that glass ceilings were meant to be broken. I thank her for showing me how to deal in heels, for showing me that chores around the house were not gender specific, for showing me that a woman only puts up with what she chooses to put up with.
Today I thank my husband because although he didn’t grow up with a working mom he has applauded my endeavors. He has kicked in support at home which allows me to take classes, to teach classes, and to fulfill callings. He has a busy schedule with many demands but when he steps through the door of our house and we are together at the end of the day I can say with a grateful heart and a sigh of relief, we are part of family and we are finally a home.