Help Unwanted


In the final lesson of Beth Moore’s Mercy Triumphs bible study, she made a powerful point about boundaries. She said we needed to be careful not to put the word boundaries in places where we don’t want to be bothered. We are to care for each other. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of it. She then came up with four boundaries that she felt were biblical and this one hit me:

“When your help isn’t helping.” 

It’s always so interesting how we sometimes think we are the saviors of the world, or at least our loved ones. We don’t necessarily hold that place in their life though do we? And we shouldn’t really but so often we end up feeling that they aren’t listening or that we are banging our heads against the wall but what if……..

What if………

What if your help is unwanted? I almost want to whisper this.

What if your help is unwanted?

What if the person prefers to be in the position you’d prefer her not to be? What if she just comes to vent but won’t change. What then?

Could we be alright with that? Could we just back off and move on? Could we quit being the place where the dumping takes place? Could we consider it not as rejection of our ever-so-wise advice but as a decision one chooses to make and then let that be just fine with us? No, not in a sarcastic, “Well that just fine with me”, attitude, but an “It’s really alright to not want my help”, attitude.

First there is an agreement here that needs to be taken. While it’s fine not to take the advice, it’s also fine to stop listening to the complaint. That’s the boundary.

When your help isn’t helping.

When your advice isn’t being taken.

When the situation doesn’t change.

When the words you say are twisted to create a drama.

When the person turns their anger towards you.

Can we be at peace to walk away and leave it alone?


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