Do Stay-At-Home Mom’s Risk Their Careers? working-parents tips-to-l...rking-mom working-parents tips-to-l...rking-mom

This is part four of a discussion we started on Lies Women Believe.

Marina, a young mother had some valid issues to address in her comments and I wanted to bring them forward as we discuss solutions.

Marina: When I was little, I was sucked into feminist deceit thinking that women should be just as successful as men and we need to rise up and prove that women are actually superior in many areas. I now see that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone!! I know who I am and whose I am. My career focus has been dramatically changed. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women shouldn’t work or be successful, God wants to partner with us in our desires so that He can use us wherever we are. The thing is, I have realized the source of many of my desires has come from this prideful, feminist propoganda. This has so touched my heart that I am actually considering what I can do to spend more time at home raising my child and children to come!

According to Tony Robbins, a 40 year study on 1.3 million women show that women are more unhappy today than ever before. So what is the reason for it? I believe we’ve hit on it over the last few days.

You see, when you look at how we were created and when we were created our unhappiness makes sense. In Genesis, the woman, in physical body form, didn’t come on the scene until everything was in place and ordered by God. Her body was formed out of man after he developed a need for her. She was created to be his helpmeet. She was emotion and love and sacrifice and willful and strong and opinionated. She also carries the seed and multiplies into human form, so she is hated by Satan. When you remove her from all that she was created to be, she is lost to her original design.

She finds herself today out of order. She finds herself today, both mother and father, both working and sustaining. Her apron strings long to have children tied to them but her demands are many. She’s painted herself into a corner and yet pride and obligation keep her from her true destiny. Her number one need is security but she finds herself in a world where the only security she has lies in her own abilities.

The biggest thing corporate America will tell her is that she will risk her career by taking a time-out for her family. That statistic is, that in fact, she will make less money and have less ladder climbing ability over her overall career than a women who stuck it out. Hey, facts are facts.

Ask yourself, should you make your lifelong decisions based on financial gain? Are there some things that are more important than money? It would seem that the 1.3 million women who participated in the study that Tony Robbins talks about, will tell you that there’s got to be more to life than what we’ve been given over the last 40 years.

I tell this story all the time but it bears repeating. When my son Anthony was 5 and my daughter Casey was months old, my neighbor came home with a new car. A working mom, her kids in daycare, they were going to Greece that summer for a 10 day vacation. I was beyond jealous. We shared a car and weren’t going on vacation. I determined that day to get a job because I was missing out on the good life. After I put Casey down for a nap and fed Anthony, I was rocking him to sleep. He would nuzzle my neck and play with my hair while he yawned and talked. That day he said, “Mommy, you always smell so comfortable.” It stabbed my heart. Who would rock him to sleep, who would smell comfortable to him? No one but me.

My mom was a working mom. She got to hear about our first word and first step, she regrets she missed her time with us. I was a stay-at-home mom, I could tell you a million stories. The only thing that I regret is that my kids grew up. It was the most fulfilling, happy time of my life. I have a career now and I’m happy with that. Women: you can have it all. I promise you, I am proof of that. I have to now tell you the bad news. You can’t have it all at once! Make wise choices.

Whose Raising The Kids? 200803/13/ we-be-hav...ral-world 200803/13/ we-be-hav...ral-world

This is part 3 of Lies Women Believe.

In part three of the discussion on lies we women have bought into, Marina, a young mom brings up some interesting points that I thought were provoking enough to discuss.

Marina:Many have abortions because the timing is not right, they can’t afford a baby. This has become not just a mindest, but a cultural mindset affecting an entire nation. The laws in place are not a cure for this mentality, it just masks the symptoms. The real problem has come from a cultural shift on our priorities and what we regard as first importance.

Pastor Susan: What happened was that the moms of the 60’s raised daughters who believed that men were trying to keep us from our goals. We also had very guilty feeling moms who knew the heart-wrenching decisions of picking work over their children. Yet, they were stuck. Women were telling other women that they were somehow less than for feeling guilty or for wanting to stay home. They were asking the women why their husbands weren’t carrying 50% of the workload at home. So women sucked it up and did what they had to do. This created moms who were out of sorts, feeling guilty, tired and resentful of the whole mess. Women began to believe they had options. That their needs were more important than an inconvenient pregnancy. Only statistically we see many more women who live in bondage over the decision of abortion than women who live free. They end having deep regret, they think about it each year saying things like, “My baby would have been 14 had I kept it.” If this was such a flippant decision then the residue of that action would not permeate our thoughts in the now. It’s not as easy as women told us it would be.

Marina: I have been struggling with this issue even before I attended this conference because for the last few weeks, every time I drop my child off at the sitter’s I think to myself “I should be the one that spends time with my child during the day, loving him, playing with him and teaching him.”

Pastor Susan: Now there is this shift happening not just in Marina but in her generation who is waking up to the knowledge that women were sold a bill of goods. The adults who were raised as latchkey kids realize they missed out on something. The women of this generation are realizing that we weren’t given more freedom, we were given more burden. Now we are expected to work, raise children and statistically we are doing a majority of the household chores and running of the kids from event to event. We are tired! Women realized that they spent their childhood raising themselves, divorce rates increased in this society and we were not better for it.

The problem lies in that our society has changed. Men, for the most part, and I am generalizing here, don’t want to marry women who want to stay home and raise children. If truth be told, 40% of white, over 50% of Hispanic and over 70% of African American babies are born out-of-wedlock. 65% of kids in prison don’t know their fathers and if they do, they weren’t raised with them. Men also are in an period of finding themselves so they also think they are entitled to stay home. It’s a mess to say the least.

Tomorrow let’s talk about what this all means and what we have to do to make it work for everyone.

Marina photos/ lizaedithphotography/ 2423267040/ photos/ lizaedithphotography/ 2423267040/

Yesterday I repeated a blog on Lies Women Believe. Marina commented on this from her perspective as a young mother. I didn’t want her comments to get lost and I want to discuss it further.

Marina:Wow….this article was sent to me by my mother…it is soo true. I myself have been evaluating this issue for the last four days, and here’s why. I was at a conference this last weekend and one of the speakers was Kris Vallaton of Bethel Church in Redding, CA. He gave us a little spill that has had me thinking. He brought up the issue of abortion and how this issue has arised in our culture and how our society’s value of children has been demeaned. America went through the agricultural age with a high value for children. The children helped with the farm and helped to bring income in their family. They were important to the family. They could do more. Somewhere along the line (after the war sometime) the feminist era creeped in and women had an itch to be comparable, to be valued as much as men.

Pastor Susan: During WWII women went to work, while the men went to war. It’s what was needed to keep our country going but what happened is, we really liked working. We liked the independence and we were appreciated in a new sense. This group of women, raised women of my mother’s era. My mother graduated high school in 1959 and for the first time, women of her generation were given options. No longer did they HAVE to get married and have children to be considered decent women. Suddenly they were going to college to get a masters and not a Mrs.

Marina:In the industrial age many women entered the workplace and suddenly the children became a burden for the family. Now we need somebody else to watch our children because he have the responsibility to provide just as the man because now we’re equal! Our mindests become as such: The more children we have the more expenses we have and the children are no longer valuable for helping us, but burdensome for taking from us.

Pastor Susan: This were the dilemma came in. As women, we were supposed to work and bring home the money but society still expected every woman to have a child. If you were a woman who didn’t want a child you were considered selfish or something was wrong with you. We still carry that stigma. If you wanted to stay home and raise your child, you were a stone-aged babe who needed to get with it. The pressure was coming from all angles and we, as women, were just as caught up in the pressure of this new generation as the men were.

Men became accessories in this era. Women determined that men weren’t necessary. We needed their sperm but not their input. We began to teach our sons that they needed to find a woman who would work and help him financially keep the family together. It was a pretty sad state of affairs but you would have never convinced us of this at this time. This is, coincidentally or not, if you see the writing (spirituality) on the wall, where the shift in families attending church services began to decline. I mean, think about it, with all we had going on at the time, we couldn’t fit another thing in. We were tired women and something had to give!

Good points. We’ll continue this tomorrow!

Lies Women Believe

Something has been on my heart recently. It’s about those missed windows of opportunity that occur in a woman’s life. I grew up in a feminist household so until maybe the last 10 years or so, I believed a lot of the propaganda. Now, I believe some of it and some I dismiss as damaging. Let me explain.

I believe that women should earn as much as a man for equal work, no question about that. I believe that women should get an education and should pursue their passions, buying property and handling money. I am in no way a woman who believes a woman should be at home or a subservient.

That being said, I know so many women who have pursued their dream career only to find themselves in their mid to late thirties and just meeting that man of her dreams. Marrying him, she is approaching 40 when her baby hunger arrives. Frustrated, heart-broken and thousands of dollars later, she is desperate to have a child. Only what has happened is, that she has traded her child bearing days for the corporate ladder and now time has run out. Medicine has tried to keep up but it’s not as successful as we’d like to believe.

There are windows of opportunity in a woman’s life. There is time in a young woman’s life where she is finishing college and heading into her career. She is becoming who is supposed to be and hopefully finding her lifelong spouse. This is a window of opportunity.

There is time in her late-20’s and her 30’s to grab hold of that baby hunger and raise her children. There is nothing wrong or sad about a woman who takes a time-out to do this for herself and her family. I think we demean a woman who chooses to do this and I believe that it is her right to choose for herself what she’d like to do in this season of her life.

Then there is the time in her early 40’s where she once again pursues her passions for herself. This is where the burden comes in for me. I’ve met many women who are in this season of their life and they are only getting started on marriage and family. Unfortunately, for many, their window of opportunity for a child or four has come and gone. We can’t fight nature. I’ve hugged them as they cried because tests have shown that they no longer are in the stage of their life where a baby is possible naturally. I’ve seen their eyes as they explain that they were always told that they could get fertility treatments and have a child. Only fertility treatments are expensive and not always as successful as we’d like to think. There are seasons in a woman’ life and sometimes opportunities are missed.

I think we’ve been told that a woman can do anything a man can do. Sometimes that’s true and sometimes it’s not. A man can have children in old age, a woman can’t. Instead of thinking that her body has betrayed her, we must teach our daughters that we have moments that must be grabbed in life. We must teach that career is not the only enrichment in life and that one day, we’ll look up from our work, to discover that we’ve missed out on some things that we’d like to have. Let’s begin to talk about this.

A Good Reputation Is Better Than A Fat Bank Account

Ecclesiastes 7:1 A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date. 2 You learn more at a funeral than at a feast – After all, that’s where we’ll end up. We might discover something from it. 3 Crying is better than laughing. It blotches the face but it scours the heart. 4 Sages invest themselves in hurt and grieving. Fools waste their lives in fun and games. 5 You’ll get more from the rebuke of a sage Than from the song and dance of fools. 6 The giggles of fools are like the crackling of twigs Under the cooking pot. And like smoke.
7 Brutality stupefies even the wise And destroys the strongest heart. 8 Endings are better than beginnings. Sticking to it is better than standing out. 9 Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head. 10 Don’t always be asking, “Where are the good old days?” Wise folks don’t ask questions like that.
11 Wisdom is better when it’s paired with money, Especially if you get both while you’re still living. 12 Double protection: wisdom and wealth! Plus this bonus: Wisdom energizes its owner. 13 Take a good look at God’s work. Who could simplify and reduce Creation’s curves and angles To a plain straight line? 14 On a good day, enjoy yourself; On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days So that we won’t take anything for granted. Stay in Touch with Both Sides 15 I’ve seen it all in my brief and pointless life – here a good person cut down in the middle of doing good, there a bad person living a long life of sheer evil. 16 So don’t knock yourself out being good, and don’t go overboard being wise. Believe me, you won’t get anything out of it. 17 But don’t press your luck by being bad, either. And don’t be reckless. Why die needlessly? 18 It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it. 19 Wisdom puts more strength in one wise person Than ten strong men give to a city. 20 There’s not one totally good person on earth, Not one who is truly pure and sinless. 21 Don’t eavesdrop on the conversation of others. What if the gossip’s about you and you’d rather not hear it? 22 You’ve done that a few times, haven’t you – said things Behind someone’s back you wouldn’t say to his face?
23 I tested everything in my search for wisdom. I set out to be wise, but it was beyond me, 24 far beyond me, and deep – oh so deep! Does anyone ever find it? 25 I concentrated with all my might, studying and exploring and seeking wisdom – the meaning of life. I also wanted to identify evil and stupidity, foolishness and craziness. 26 One discovery: A woman can be a bitter pill to swallow, full of seductive scheming and grasping. The lucky escape her; the undiscerning get caught. 27 At least this is my experience – what I, the Quester, have pieced together as I’ve tried to make sense of life. 28 But the wisdom I’ve looked for I haven’t found. I didn’t find one man or woman in a thousand worth my while. 29 Yet I did spot one ray of light in this murk: God made men and women true and upright; we’re the ones who’ve made a mess of things.

He Perfects All Things Concerning Me photos/ 28154301@N04/ 3268706918/ photos/ 28154301@N04/ 3268706918/

God purposes every single thing in our life for good. It’s hard to believe that those horrible things in our lives were for our good but I believe they were. They stretch us and move us out of our comfort zone and our lives aren’t the same yet in some ways better if we allow them to be.

God comes to our aid, and kisses our cuts and bruises, he just doesn’t just pick us up, he walks us through. There is an obvious love that the Lord has for us that shows in the way he handles things for us.

The man that you choose to marry should want to help you right the wrongs in your life. He should want even the heavy and hard stuff to work out in your favor. He should begin with the end in mind. Life isn’t just some roll of the dice thing. Yes there are spontaneous things but for the most part it should be planned. He should not however be willing to do the work for you. The man that is looking to do the work for you is looking for the ego gratification of rescuing a damsel in distress. The minute the damsel is no longer in distress he gets stressed because he’s out of a job. So he goes looking for another damsel.

Expect a man who has planning and that vision. If it’s not there, your life will be a rollercoaster of good and bad with no way to gauge what will happen next. A woman needs to feel secure in her life. We look for that as our number one need. It’s easy to fall into a trap of a man who fixes it all but remember, the bible doesn’t say God fixes it all, it says he perfects it all. We fix our own messes, he helps heal and get us to learn our lesson. He turns the negative into a positive. He never berates us in the process. He never says ‘I told you so’.

Fashionista photos/ 81441889@N00/ 296506567/ photos/ 81441889@N00/ 296506567/

I love clothes and fashion and everything about being a woman. I love shoes the absolute most and I like a good purse. I refuse to be a slave though. I wear what I want and what makes me feel good. I used to follow the no white after Labor Day rule but don’t anymore and haven’t for some time. I didn’t do it as some sort of rebellion but in California it’s still hot in September and white is cool and summery. I do have to say that as the summer days grow to fall and winter, my white generally goes away but I do have a suit with a white skirt that I wear in winter at least once.

Where did the rule come from anyway? So here’s a article of explanation. Enjoy it and remember, if it was good enough for Coco Chanel it’s good enough for us!

Leadership Advance

We went off for a two day break. We call these Leadership Advances because we get refreshed and renewed. We get away from the noise and the tyranny of the urgent and get to what’s important, listening to that still small voice and taking an assessment of where we’ve been and where we’re going. So as we drove through the mountains, our destination was on the horizon.


We arrived, and immediately did a drive-by of our favorite spot. We were happy to be free for a couple of days. Thank you God for a some rest. The next morning we got up bright and early, had a good breakfast and went to set up camp!


We settled in for the day. Neither of us really saying a word. We really needed to be quiet. Let the Advance begin!


We stayed until the sun began to set and it started to get a little cold. As leaders though we are never quite alone. There are always those who need ministry and today was no exception. They came to sit at our feet.


My husband, the pastor, never misses an opportunity to preach the word. So he gathered them around and began.


The looks on their faces were priceless!


We went home that evening happy and refreshed and ready to do it again the next day.

As Brooke Fraser ministered to me through my Ipod with her song, Indelible, the view was incredible, the sun was shining and God was whispering. I had been sensing a connection that was unlike one I had experienced before and I was glad that I was not disappointed. How magnificent You created the earth to look, Lord. Who could not have faith in You when they see Your wonders?


Our friends were back and we relaxed in the beauty of the wonders He has created.


We stayed until the sun began to go down once again. We are headed home now as you read this. Refreshed, renewed, anointed and invigorated. Praise God for His blessings!


Moms Against Hunger

Today I want to direct you to a really good friend of mine and fellow Pastor’s wife blog. Her name is Dr. Gayla Holley and she is the President of Moms Against Hunger. As you will read her prayer list she has some exciting things that we can get involved in. There are people that can use our help and if we all just pitch in a little, it will go along way. To the right of my home page you’ll see a donate button. Please donate to this worthy cause. There are people who are quietly working for the betterment of others and Dr. Gayla is one of them. Click here to view her blog.

Sound Advice For Parents

I received some sound advice from Crystal that I wanted to share with you. I LOVED this idea. I WISH I was that planned out with my children but I love the fact that now that I have this information, I can share it with you and one day, I can share it with my kids for my future grandkids.

Crystal said that in her family there are chores to do. She pays for chores done around the house. There is a list posted on the fridge of these chores.

Okay, not so different than our home but very different in thought-process here’s why: In our home we have a chore list on the fridge as well. I never paid my children for chores. I didn’t want my kids to grow up thinking that someone was going to pay them for throwing out their trash. I wanted them to learn that as a family things had to be done for the good of the family. Doug pays his children for chores.

Crystal pays for chores each week.

I never paid for chores. Doug pays like Crystal weekly.

Crystal sits down once a month for bill paying. Not her own but get this; her children’s.

I never did this. Doug never does this.

Crystal has her children give a minimum of 10% to charity and 10% to savings of total earnings. Then she charges them 20% for room and board. This is where it gets good! Her reasoning is she is setting them up for life. This is how a paycheck goes. You don’t get a paycheck then just blow it on anything! You have a responsibility to give back to your community. You have a responsibility to save for your future, and you will have housing and living expenses. Your work goes towards living your life responsibly!

Haha! I love it! It gets better!

Crystal says her children are allowed to do with the 60% of their leftover income what they will. Her son#1 is materialistic so he buys with gusto and is in debt up to his eyeballs. DEBT??? How does a 12 year-old get in debt? She acts as a bank. If they want to buy something and don’t have the money for it, they can borrow from her, up to a pre-approved limit, with interest! Then each month, during bill paying day, they must pay the minimum monthly payment and the interest that accrues or the balance avoiding the interest. I LOVED that!

Son#2 is frugal. He will ask for everything in the store but when she says, “Did you bring your money?”, suddenly the item isn’t important. He will figure out the cost of something but she says he hates interest so he only borrows, if anything, what he can pay off the balance for the following bill paying day.

I asked her about when they get older and want cell phones and cars how will she handle that? She says cell phones will cost a certain dollar amount based on a percentage of what it cost her and any overages will be their responsibility. Cars will be bought with matching funds. Gas and insurance will be paid with a job they secure on their own.

Gosh, I have to tell you, I really like this. I think it works. I think it really works!