Category: My Life

With Every Head Bowed

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In churches across this nation there will be a time in the service on Sunday morning when the Pastor will say something like this:

“With every head bowed and every eye closed, if you came here today and you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and Savior and you would like to, would you slip up your hand? I’d like to pray with you.”

Before I continue on my thought process let me say that I’m not indicting the church. I love the church and I believe in her ability. This post is about my working out how this all works and bringing you into my own conversation.

Luke 9:26 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels.

We bow our heads and close our eyes to give someone the privacy to confess Christ. We don’t want to embarrass anyone or intimidate anyone into not making a decision for Christ. I get the sentiment but how does that fly with the scripture of public confession? If we had to confess in secret when do we proclaim in public? We then hear this:

“Let’s all join our voices with those who are confessing Christ for the first time and repeat this prayer.” What follows is what we church folk call the sinner’s prayer. It’s a good prayer, nothing wrong with the prayer, but we all confess so as not to call out the person receiving Christ for the first time as if it’s a bad thing. Did we tell them this is an every day confession? Did we tell them this was step one? Or did we let them walk away thinking they were good?

Matthew 10:32 “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.

We all repeat the sinner’s prayer together. It doesn’t hurt anyone to say the prayer but it does hinder the congregation to know who is receiving Christ for the first time. Which leads me to my main point:

Matthew 28:18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Who came to Christ for the first time? My head was bowed and my eyes were closed. How do I disciple someone when I don’t know they raised their hand? Then there’s the question; what about conversion? How does conversion happen if I said a prayer in a group and no one told me that there was more to the kingdom and this new lifestyle called Christianity?

I hear so often about those who profess Christ on Sunday but cuss like sailors and live like hell the rest of the week and post all of their nonsense on Social Media and how bad a witness they are. Is that their fault? I don’t always think so. I think they may not know better. I think they may not be in the process of discipleship. I think we may have to cut them some slack until we begin to teach them to observe the things the Word demands of us.

Charles Turns 19

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My son Charles turned 19 on Saturday. He came into my life when he was 7. We spent the day going to a musical and out to eat.

Here’s what I love about Charles:

He’s a great looking kid. He has a genuine smile and is funny and smart.

He’s a great musician and it comes naturally to him.

He is the drama King of our family, but he wants to be an actor so I guess that works!

He is generous.

He’s a hugger.

He knows the word of God and has deep thoughtful conversations about the bible.

As a youngest child he always falls for anything his sister tells him, then resents the fact that she manipulates him. No matter how many times I tried to tell him, he gives her another chance.

He likes my cooking, that is, when I cook.

He knows I am proud of him and accept him as he is.

He is brave and trying life out on his own.

I love you Charles!

The Cat From Out of The Blue

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I thought about an old friend today.

I arrived in Germany the day before Thanksgiving. I was 21 years old and my little family was setting forth on a new adventure. It was cold and snowing but I was excited to be there. My little family was safe in a teeny tiny apartment while awaiting housing on a military base. I was enchanted with the quaint little village we lived in, where the church bells rang each evening and people walked out of their homes and over to the local Catholic Church. That is until a few days into our new place when I saw a mouse run across the floor. I yelled, jumped up on the couch and cried my eyes out to return to the States.

That night I dreamt of my grandfather who had died 6 years before. He trudged through the snow of my new little village street, marched up the few stairs to my new little apartment door and put a cat at the doorstep, “Aquí esta tu fregado gato”, he muttered. Translated that means, “Here’s your darn cat.”  I smiled in this dream and thanked him and he turned and walked away. I woke up suddenly and went to the front door. There on the landing was a tiny black kitten shivering from the cold. I took him right in as my lifeline. That same day, we trekked out to buy cat food, litter box and the works. We named him T.C. after the Top Cat cartoon.

Funny thing was, T.C. was just as afraid of mice as I was and now we’d both jump on the couch, which I’m sure annoyed my grandfather to no end. Try as he might, that man tried reasoning with me as a child that a mouse was smaller than I was an no threat at all. It never worked.

T.C. was a great cat. Within a few months we moved to base housing, where people spoke English, and I had the modern amenities of a new apartment rather than one of a village. There were no mice here so T.C. and I both breathed a sigh of relief and my little family got into the business of loving life in Europe.

The week we were moving back to the States after being in Germany for three years, T.C. disappeared. Never one to leave the house he suddenly was nowhere to be found. We looked everywhere, the basement, all around the house to no avail. He had never been outside. We looked everyday until the day we left. He left our life as mysteriously as he entered it.

An Uncomfortable Thought

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I first visited my current church in 1999. After coming from a big church with great programs we had moved to a smaller town and therefore a smaller church. Was the word sound? Yes. There wasn’t a band just background music and singers. You had to work to be a part of the congregation. On our third visit there were chastised for sitting in certain seats and told to move and take it up with the pastor if we didn’t like it. We got called into a meeting to ask why we didn’t laugh at jokes.

I asked my husband to please move churches. He said no. He explained that the word was sound and scripture was accurate. Instead, he asked me to look to God and see where I could help and what I could pray for. He assured me that if the Lord prompted us to move we would. I wish I could tell you that I received this well, but I can’t tell you that truthfully. I am eternally grateful for the lesson though.

Now 14 years later here I am. Same place. I love our church. It’s not perfect because we’re human. We have a band now. I wish we had some gospel, but I no longer worry about the music. I just sing. I see people who are trying to love Jesus. I see people who help each other.  They have their pluses and minuses of me as well and it’s more than likely fair. I don’t worry about it. We’re a family. They got me through the death of my husband and loved and judged me through my new marriage. I have done the same with them. Don’t worry, we all repent and get back up and love again. It’s just our flesh. Today, as before, I just see where I can help and see what I can pray for. I look towards the Lord for direction.

Today an uncomfortable thought came as I studied the word.

What if I had my way all those years ago and I had left the church?

That question led to more uncomfortable thoughts:

  • What would I have learned about Spirit guiding spirit? I wouldn’t have. I would have fed myself.
  • What if I decided the Pepto Bismol walls and wallpaper border were just over the top? Well, actually, I did decide they were over the top but what if that had been my measurement of whether to stay or go? By the way, the color was that of the one above.
  • What if I wanted a band like the one I was used to? I would have missed the process of the forming of the band we have now.
  • Would I have learned to love God and love his people? No, I would have learned that this Christianity is about me and what is good for me.
  • What if I had changed churches like I’ve changed diets? Church would have become a fad of what the masses are doing and not what I’m called to do.
  • What would my spirit look like if I only had it my way? I’d be fat, dumb and happy in the flesh, but I would not have learned obedience and comfort are two distinct things and not everything is about me.

I met a friend for lunch. “How’s your church?”, I asked. “It’s not what I’m used to, but until God says move, I’ll stay.” I smiled and reached for her hand, “I understand!”

I have learned through all of this that God is in control. He puts us where he needs us and he doesn’t ask opinions. He expects that when we get to a certain point in our walk with him, that we walk in obedience not always in comfort. So what will you do? Will you stay where you’re at until you’re called to move? Or you will wander, until you get what you want? Will you murmur and complain or will you work to love? I’m praying that you hear him clearly lead you in the direction you are destined to follow.

Baby, We Can Talk About Anything

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1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

This scripture was part of our marriage class homework. I read it thoughtfully. Are there any areas of my marriage in which I don’t feel safe bringing up a topic?

You see, the word perfect here doesn’t mean perfect, it actually means mature. Mature love casts out fear. Since we’re works in progress there may be areas of our marriage in which we are not yet perfected. In my marriage I discovered that there isn’t a topic I’m afraid to bring up. BUT there are topics I know will bring about a discussion and raise the heat level.

I love how these truths are revealed with a minuscule of honest thought process. So what about you? Are there areas in your life where there is fear? If so, don’t wait for someone else to deal with it. You need to do the work to deal with it. Perfect the love in your life!

September

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Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changing the mind of pretenders
While chasing the clouds aways

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing
As we danced in the night
Remember, how the stars stole the night away ~ Earth Wind and Fire September

September. The ninth month. A month of birthing dreams and prophetic destinies. What a month. The song rolling through our minds was September because it spoke of the last day of summer and my due date to birth my son. Only my son marches to the beat of his own drummer and so he decided to arrive on the first day of fall instead. Not one to go out on the last season, he began his life by marking a new season. How could I have known that this wonderful joy would so enthrall my life?

Yet, here he is on the eve of his 32nd birthday and he is just as wonderful to me as the day he was born. As I write this, he on vacation with his wife in Washington D.C.. This makes me smile as I know he is a happy traveler and especially happy to share his life with Frances. He loves history and I know he is a walking encyclopedia of every historical event marker there. This kind of vacation makes him happy!

In the middle of September we’d still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could’ve been
It was worth it in the end ~ Daughtry

So the timing was off in his conception and birth. And everything was completely backward in the scheme of what we know to do. The fact still remains it was worth it in the end. To know love at this level and experience a tiny little hand in yours who trusts you for everything life giving. It’s the responsibility that none should take casually.

September 22: “Autumn is the perfect time to take account of what we’ve done, what we didn’t do, and what we’d like to do next year.” ~ Author Unknown

So here is my assessment of September 22:

What we’ve done – created and birthed a simply outstanding human being. Words can not express how I feel about this love of mine. He is kind, and he shows such a strength about him. He is funny in a sarcastic way and I love to be with him and listen to his jokes, his politics, his thoughts on his life with Jesus.

What we didn’t do – We didn’t slow down enough. I was always in a hurry, always running to the next thing, I so want a do over on those things.

What we’d like to do next year – Haha! Is it too too much to hope that next year we are holding a little mini me combo of Anthony and Frances? Is it okay to dream aloud? I know that I will be a solidly great and fantastic Nana!

Happy Birthday Anthony!! You are forever loved and will always be My Sunshine!

$2 A day

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Over three billion people — more than half the world population as of 2010 — live on less than $2.50 US Dollars (USD) a day. More than 80% of the population lives on less than $10 USD per day. To put that in perspective, the average American spends about $7 USD a day on entertainment alone, and more than twice that on transportation.~visualeconomics.com

I’ve had workmen in my home for two weeks now. My kitchen is completely torn down. Did you ever realize how much gunk goes down the side of your stove? Okay, it’s not really the topic today but I’ll post about that later.

Back to the thought process. Each morning on my way to work I walk downstairs and say good morning to the workers. This particular morning Doug had left earlier than I had and he asked how he could bless me. I replied that he could get back before I left for work and bring me a Starbucks. Actually what I said was, “I’ll love you forever if you bring me a tea from Starbucks before I leave.” Well he did. I kiss him goodbye and I walk downstairs that morning with a purse, a computer, and a Starbucks in my hand.

“Good Morning!”, I call out. One of the workmen said, “You’re always so happy Pastora. Every time I see you, you’re always in a good mood.” I really was in a great mood, because how could I not be, and I said, “What’s not to be happy about? We are blessed.” We said our goodbyes and I left.

I put my computer bag in the back seat of my car, put my purse in the passenger seat and was about to put my Starbucks in the cup holder and I paused.

“What’s not to be happy about? We are blessed.”

My tea costs $4.10.

I spent more on tea in one morning before 9 am than half the world makes in a day and a half. What do I have to complain about?

Do you ever just put your life in perspective? It’s hard to be depressed when you view your life through the lens of the average world citizen. Watching Storage Wars on television I saw where we have enough storage units in the USA to house every single person on the planet. Do you realize our storage units house our leftovers? Yes, we’re in a recession and things are looking bleak but when we look at it from a lens of gratitude we are abundantly blessed.

No matter your circumstances today, take a little time to count your blessings. You’re probably reading this blog post on a Internet connection that is costing about $1.00 a day. Would you have Internet if it costs half a day’s wage? Face it, we have it pretty sweet.

Lulu The Wonder Dog

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This is Lulu the Wonder Dog! What makes her so wonderful? Let me count the ways!

She is thrilled to see me every time I walk through the door.

She sticks by my side whether I have something to offer or not.

She loves to go to the office and sleep under my desk.

She loves to snuggle and watch a movie.

She really is the most verbal dog I have ever had.

She is trained and more obedient than any of my children.

She sighs as I do my chores and jumps on the couch and naps and waits patiently for me to finish.

She demands attention when I get distracted. She is known for taking my hands off of the computer with the prodding of her head. She also puts a paw on the computer and gets in my face when she needs attention.

She loves Starbucks as much as I do!

Lulu came to me at a transitional time in my life. She was at a critical time in her life. Near death, I bottled fed her, gave her IV’s, and nursed her back to health. She nursed my soul as I came back to life. She asked no tough questions, she simply gazed into my eyes with understanding. I named her after my daughter Casey who when she was little decided she wanted to be called Lulu. Casey was transitioning into adult life after college and I was having a rough time of it. I needed a reminder of a time.

She was the bridge with our family and reconnected us through her love and her persistence. She was the steady constant one, reminding me that she needed me to look outside of myself to her service. She wasn’t perfect. She ate my favorite pair of heels as a puppy. Had no shame either. She sat on my bed with said shoe in her mouth and chowed down. That’s when I learned to close my closet door.

Now she’s all grown up and still the most active dog I’ve ever had. She never stops. She also is the biggest tattletale I’ve ever seen. She’ll wake me up at 2 am just to get me to come and see that my husband is downstairs making queso dip and watching the military channel and he isn’t sharing. She was great at pointing out the kids weren’t following the no food in their rooms rule because she would discover the stashes of empty cereal bowls.

In this picture we’re driving to deliver a meal to a friend. You can see her smiling. She loves people. In our human understanding we say she is a rescue dog. A puppy from the pound. In her heart she doesn’t see it that way. She rescued us and keeps us all together and happy. That’s what makes her a wonder dog!

Giving in the Smallest Way

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Hosea 10:12 Sow righteousness, reap love. It’s time to till the ready earth, it’s time to dig in with God, Until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest.

My husband is a pastor. His role is to attend to the things God has given him. In our yard there is a bird feeder that Doug put up  years ago. I tease him each time he fills it. “Helping God out huh?” He smiles and season after season he puts the bird seed in the feeder. The birds are amazing and you can learn a lot from them. They take only their daily bread. They don’t store for the future, they don’t fight over food. They somehow know they’ll each have enough. I watch them as they eat their meal then fly off and another group stops to grab a bite. It’s entertaining and makes me smile. Our dogs surprisingly ignore their chatter, our cat swishes her tale back and forth menacingly from inside the family room window.

Then one day a corn stalk sprouted. Just like that.  A harvest for faithfulness. Because even when giving in the smallest way, there is the law of sowing and reaping. It’s a principle sent from heaven to rest on earth. There is no getting around it. Whatever word or action you speak will return multiplied.

Sow righteousness and love and may your day reap a plentiful harvest of every good and perfect gift from our Lord today!

Creating Sacred Space

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Hebrews 13:4 Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband.

I am a firm believer in a marriage bed. I believe it is sacred space. I am not a big fan of a family bed because I believe that it erodes a small piece of intimacy between a husband and a wife. That being said, I let a little something come between my husband and I. I began to let Lulu the wonder dog, snuggle in our bed before she had to go to her crate. My husband quickly referred to her as “the space between”. I had violated my own rule!

In most homes there is a living space, a dining space, a kitchen, a bathroom, and then there are bedrooms. Can there be one space where a man and a woman find a place of romance, beauty, intimacy and oneness? You share you life with so many in those places that creating a sacred space for just two people seems like a small thing to ask.

With that said, over the next little while in my life, I’m going to spend some time redoing our sacred space. I love our bedding, but I had put our “good stuff” away because I didn’t want Lulu to mess it up. We’re taking back our sacred space! I simply allowed her to jump on the bed and lie at our feet, but she’ll adapt, and we’ll go back to that space being for the two of us.