This time of year everyone who is getting a tax refund is wondering what to do with it. Here is a great article on what that refund can do for you!
Make good choices!
This Year’s Tax Refund
Category: Daily Living
Mancession
There is even a word for it. Entrepreneur Magazine in it’s March issue claims that this recession has hit men the hardest and for the first time in history unemployment rates are higher for men 10.2% than for women 8.2%. For the complete story click here.
I’m still processing what this means overall. I’m grateful that people are working and that the article itself was positive, stating women have made big strides in the marketplace, are creating jobs as they begin companies, and are contributing powerfully to the economy and the world. Still, I can’t help but wonder why more women are going to college than men these days, why there are so many absent fathers, and what the men are doing, what are their roles in society these days? What does this say overall about our culture, and where is our country heading over the next several years? As a woman there is so much pressure between her desires for family and her career that I can’t help but wonder if there is a breaking point where the pressure just becomes too much?
Stepping
Well after 8 years of being a stepparent I think I’ve figured out a thing or two and I also think I should be awarded a GIANT crown for my efforts.
All kidding aside, I have learned some valuable lessons and thought I’d share.
1. It’s not personal. You may have to repeat this to yourself several times a day, but the fact is that nothing that another person does is personal. So in my case, my step kids don’t do things to get back at me, they simply don’t do things for whatever reason they have. Anything from ignoring a chore, to ignoring me. It’s not about me, anyone in my role would be the target.
2. They are a family. I had this idea that I was going to come along and enter in and be loved and love and we would all be one big happy family. When that didn’t happen, I became resentful. Guess what? Just as my kids and I were a family, my husband and his children were a family. They had their own dynamics, in other words, they had a way of doing things that whether or not I agreed with, had already been established. My job wasn’t to change their family, it was to learn to adapt within the system of their family, and come up with a workable solution. That meant that if I didn’t want food in the kids room and dad would allow it, I really had no say. Of course when the smell of rotten eggs that had been hidden and forgotten reached the bottom of the stairs, I had a right to complain and my husband had to go on a scavenger hunt to find them. Well, ’nuff said about that as I’m sure you can imagine. 😀
3. Learn boundaries. Just because it was okay to go through dad’s drawers in his bedroom, doesn’t mean that it’s okay to go through mine. Clear cut boundaries had to be set, no matter how ridiculous the bio-parent may think the boundaries are you have a right to them. We had to learn to respect each other’s bondaries.
4. Take a deep breath! Find some time alone, even bio-kids get on your nerves sometimes. It’s not a crime to decide that you are going to go shopping for the day alone. Learn to have YOU time. It can de-stress a situation and it can give you perspective.
5. It’s not a reflection of you. I think as mothers we see our children as a reflection of us. The problem here is that step kids aren’t always. I see my step kids now after 8 years quoting me or I see mannerisms of myself in them but it wasn’t always the case. If they act up or do things out of the character of your family remember that it’s not on you. You are a mentor. You were called to be a solid godly mentor.
Finally, pray, pray, pray and then pray some more. The fact of the matter is that blending a family is not for wimps. You will have challenges, you all will say things you don’t mean from time to time, and forgiveness will be a daily ordeal, but you can and will get through it.
After 8 years, I love my step kids. They aren’t perfect, neither am I. We have learned to dwell in love and peace. Of course we have our moments, everyone does. When you take the ultimate responsibility off your shoulders, and put them squarely on the shoulders they belong on, the bio parent, you will find you aren’t feeling so trapped and resentful anymore.
Hung Up On The Whys?
Ever talk to a three year old? They will ask a simple question that then leads to about 50 more questions that start and end with one word – WHY? Gideon was a man in the bible who was called a mighty warrior. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a time in his life where he and his people had nothing. They were bullied, stolen from and living an impoverished life. Here is the story.
Judges 6:1 Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, and for seven years he gave them into the hands of the Midianites. 2 Because the power of Midian was so oppressive, the Israelites prepared shelters for themselves in mountain clefts, caves and strongholds. 3 Whenever the Israelites planted their crops, the Midianites, Amalekites and other eastern peoples invaded the country. 4 They camped on the land and ruined the crops all the way to Gaza and did not spare a living thing for Israel, neither sheep nor cattle nor donkeys. 5 They came up with their livestock and their tents like swarms of locusts. It was impossible to count the men and their camels; they invaded the land to ravage it. 6 Midian so impoverished the Israelites that they cried out to the Lord for help.
7 When the Israelites cried to the Lord because of Midian, 8 he sent them a prophet, who said, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 9 I snatched you from the power of Egypt and from the hand of all your oppressors. I drove them from before you and gave you their land. 10 I said to you, ‘I am the Lord your God; do not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you live.’ But you have not listened to me.”
11 The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” 13 “But sir,” Gideon replied, “if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian.”
I’m fascinated by this story because here is a man who has nothing. He’s trying to mill in a winepress in secret. He’s just trying to get some flour for a meal to feed his family and angel of the Lord appears to him. I don’t know about you, but I would be freaked out! My heart would be racing and I would be listening to hear what the angel was saying. Gideon however is fed up and he wants to know why these things are happening. Why has God been absent? Why hasn’t he done any miracles? Why has he abandoned us? Why has he put Israel into the hand of the Midians?
All of us can relate to Gideon. We get hung up on the whys of life instead of seeing the miracle that the time has finally come for God to send an answer to get us out of our situation. We want to know why we were there in the first place. Does it matter in the scheme of things? Does it matter why we were suffering or is it simply the fact that we get to get some relief? The fact of the matter is that the answer of why Gideon found himself in a mess can be found in the very first sentence of this story. Go back and read it. The reason our own messes have happened can be found in the very first sentence in the chapter of our very own story. Does it even matter now? The fact is there is a way out of the problem a solution has been sent!
Don’t get hung up on the whys! Instead look for solutions that will get you out of your troubles. Cry out to God for the answer. Many times when we say things like, “Why does this always happen to me?” The answer is simple, “Because I haven’t learned the lesson in life that I need to about this situation.” We are not victims. Sometimes we cause things to happen, sometimes others in our lives cause things to happen but we always have a free will choice on what to do next. We can dig our heels in and get hung up on the whys or we can actually be that mighty warrior and get through this situation in our life!
It’s Easter!
Luke 24:1. At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. 2. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, 3. so they walked in. But once inside, they couldn’t find the body of the Master Jesus. 4. They were puzzled, wondering what to make of this. Then, out of nowhere it seemed, two men, light cascading over them, stood there. 5. The women were awestruck and bowed down in worship. The men said, “Why are you looking for the Living One in a cemetery? 6. He is not here, but raised up. Remember how he told you when you were still back in Galilee 7. that he had to be handed over to sinners, be killed on a cross, and in three days rise up?” 8. Then they remembered Jesus’ words. 9. They left the tomb and broke the news of all this to the Eleven and the rest. 10. Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the other women with them kept telling these things to the apostles, 11. but the apostles didn’t believe a word of it, thought they were making it all up. 12. But Peter jumped to his feet and ran to the tomb. He stooped to look in and saw a few grave clothes, that’s all. He walked away puzzled, shaking his head. -“The Message”
Aren’t you glad we are not puzzled anymore? Praise you lord for the freedom you restored us to. May we never take your sacrifice for granted.
A Dinner Invitation
Psalms 15
1. God, who gets invited to dinner at your place? How do we get on your guest list?
2. “Walk straight, act right, tell the truth.
3. “Don’t hurt your friend, don’t blame your neighbor;
4. despise the despicable. “Keep your word even when it costs you,
5. make an honest living, never take a bribe. “You’ll never get blacklisted if you live like this.”
Specific Adaptation To Imposed Demands (SAID)
When I first heard this term it was reference to my workouts. SAID works in that let’s say I am beginning a workout and I run a mile each day netting seven miles a week. My body will begin to change as I implement the workout but that change will stop as my body hits a plateau or rather, adapts to the imposed demand of the seven miles. In order to get my body back to changing I will have to do something different like run 1.5 miles a day and therefore increasing my weekly mileage.
How do we apply this to all aspects of our lives and not just our exercise routine? Our life for the most part, is continually adapting to the imposed demands we place on it. If you want a different career, then you must impose demands on your life that are different than those you currently have. You will have to impose the demands of learning new skills, revamping your resumé, networking and you get the picture it’s all about change. To get a different result you have to impose new changes.
Could it be that our lives are stuck in situations that we say are out of our control because our specificity has not been demanding enough for change to actually occur? While we are great at pointing the finger at situations, people and circumstances the choices are ultimately ours to make and the demands we place on our lives whether too many or not enough are of our own doing.
I found myself a month or so ago looking at a sore spot in my life. They happen to everyone but I had asked someone who I consider to have a better perspective on this thing I was going through to hold me accountable for my part in this deal. I wrote down every single feeling, appropriate or not and every action and reaction again appropriate or not and let it all be bare before the person I had chosen to be accountable to. There wasn’t much feedback in the way of words but prayer I know was happening. Something happened in the writing of it all I realized that the problem wasn’t going away; I had to change my mind about things. I had to impose demands on myself rather than adapt. I had to determine that my problem was mine to fix. I could not change the adaptation on the part of others and their imposed demands on their life but I could change mine. That is, after all, the only thing required of me.
Transformation in its truest form is about changing the demands placed on the situation. It seems quite simple but actually it’s a daily commitment to change. Just like my workout had gotten stale so had my perspective on this area of my life. Anything and I do mean anything that requires a different result in your life must be met with new imposed demands. Those demands will need to be changed again and again as muscles in that area of your life are torn down and rebuilt bigger and better.
The average person has 60,000 thoughts per day. This is an incredible number of thoughts yet the facts are that normally we have the same perspective day after day. To change our lives we must change the thoughts. Impose those thoughts that will propel you forward instead of those which cause you to adapt. Making small changes in your thoughts daily will eventually create specificity to the new shape of things in your life.
My Beside Table
Besides the bible there is a book that is a constant on my bedside table. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I was reminded of the book today by a friend who posted the four agreements on Facebook. If you are a reader I recommend this book. It has practical wisdom for living your life at peace in today’s world. The agreements are these:
1. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-doubt, and regret.
The Secret To Ending Poverty
Nicholas D. Kristof wrote this excellent article in the New York Times that we can’t ignore. We’ve always known it, we speak about it but now what are we going to do about it?
Bottom line, get an education, get a better job. It’s that simple and yet the process seems so complicated. I wish my Latino culture would get this on a bigger scale. I wish they’d learn English and break poverty barriers that have hindered us for far too long. I’m praying, I’m speaking out, the church is starting a story hour for children weekly and handing out vouchers to choose a book in the thrift store, and there is so much more that needs to be done!
Author Unknown
Got this email that is truly worth sharing. Take it from someone who knows this first hand!
One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom,
the wife was struck with the pain of learning
That sometimes there isn’t “anymore.”
No more hugs,
no more special moments to celebrate together,
no more phone calls just to chat,
no more “just one minute.”
Sometimes, what we care about the most
gets all used up and goes away,
never to return before we can say good-bye,
say “I love you.”
So while we have it,
it’s best we love it,
care for it,
fix it when it’s broken and
heal it when it’s sick.
This is true for marriage …
and old cars,
and children with bad report cards,
and dogs with bad hips,
family and aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it …..
because we are worth it.
Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce….
There are just some things that make us happy,
no matter what.
Life is important.
We only have one.
We only have one mom, one dad,
one unique brother or sister or friend.
I received this from someone who thought I was a ‘keeper’! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way.
Now it’s your turn to send this to all those people who are “keepers” in your life, including the person who sent it,
if you feel that way.
Suppose one morning you never wake up.
Do all your friends know you love them?
I was thinking……..I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling
or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends and family know you love them.. Even if you think they don’t love you back,
you would be amazed at what those three little words
and a smile can do.
And just in case GOD calls me home …. . .
I LOVE YA ! 🙂
Live today to the fullest
Pastor Susan 