The Can’t Get It Together Dads

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Scare a woman and she will attack. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Listening to an interview with Cindy Crawford she talked about life after her parent’s divorce and how it shaped her adult life. She said her father would come by their home once a week to drop off his child support except when he was mad at her mother. Then he would punish his family by not providing support for that week which created a scenario where they were short on groceries. She said that the effect on her as a child created an inner vow in which she said she would never depend on a man for finances. That vow created a problem in her marriage where her husband wanted to take care of her but she could not allow it. She had to reconcile this vow within her to reasonable conclusion.

Scare a woman and she will attack. 

My cousin recently posted on Facebook that her husband took their daughter’s high school graduation program to the court the following week to cut his child support, even though their daughter received great grades and was going to college. Basically he let his daughter know he was not going to be responsible for her education and that he had been biding his time. The immediate ramifications are rejection, hurt, and disappointment to a young adult whom this man has donated sperm to, but not fathered. Abuse in any form is intolerable.

Scare a woman and she will attack. 

I know a man, who refused to pay his full child support. He would tell his ex wife, “you’ll get what you get”. Their custody arrangement was one in which he was to pay for half of the medical but he would call her cussing and yelling at her every time she took their children to the doctor and would tell her he would  not F&**%$#  pay for it. What was she doing wrong that made them sick. When his daughter needed braces his reply was, his teeth were straight so it obviously was the mother’s DNA that created the problem so she could pay for it. College? Forget it. He paid partial payments of his inadequate support to coincide with their 18th birthday. Visitation was random to say the least. Yet to hear it be told he was misunderstood. Fortunately for this little family of three, another man came in and picked up the tab and they were saved from the statistic that besets women of falling into poverty.

Scare a woman and she will attack. 

In all of these cases the children were abused. I call it abuse because not caring whether your children have enough food, clothing, shelter, medical attention, education, and above all love is abuse. I could quote scripture but a get it together dad is unbeliever because love would have led them to a different conclusion.

The results of this type of behavior have long lasting effects. Children live their lives always looking over their shoulders not sure if they will be taken care of or not because security is what both their parents should have given. They can’t fully trust in a relationship because at any moment that person may walk and they will be left holding the bag of responsibility. I’m sorry doesn’t make up for the years of abuse poured on by the can’t get it together dad.

Scare a woman and she will attack. 

Sadly though she attacks the wrong man.

Published in: on June 26, 2013 at 8:01 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. While I completely agree there are lots of men who just toss away a chance at their childrens lives, unfortunately there are women out there who are just as bad. Women who for some reason just loose that maternal instinct, a drive to relive or recapture the life of a yound single women. These women put their lives and needs before the childrens, and wave the mother badge in court making it hard for a real man who wants to provide for their children. The level of abuse is not physical, it is emotional, where the scars wont go away for years if ever.

    We hear lots about the deadbeat dads…but I think this is very one sided ( mainly because I am on the other side of this fighting for my children ). When we hear about this happening, unfortunately the woman seems to get compassion and a willingness to understand. I guess where I am going is that there are deadbeats out there..but in todays age there are just as many deadbeat moms, we just dont get to hear about it as much.

    I love my children. I am one of those men who pick up the pieces and fill the mother void for my children. Take a moment and look around…each and every reader knows at least one woman who has lost their way..all I ask is that we expand on this subject as well..

    • Ahh! You haven’t spent enough time on this blog. We address it all!

  2. This was a good one!! Very true comment at the end:-)

  3. I agree with this. I’m In a boat simular to the stories above. Except my child’s father refuses to pay child support. He says he doesn’t have the money but all the while his first wife gets a check every week only because they were married and she had it come out of his check. I didn’t want the fighting that they had. I see it every day with my friends. Men and women on both sides so it’s not always gender that is the problem. And using your child against the other parent makes me sick. Mine is 2 and I didn’t want to use lawyers at first because I thought we were mature enough to handle it outside the court system but unfortunately I was wrong. I tried avoiding the situation at hand because I want to be civil. I just see too many parents fighting and it breaks my heart but after 2 years of being the nice guy and working with him I have had enough. I’ve finally filed for child support through the state because I can’t afford a lawyer to do it on my own. I have yet to receive any form of child support and it hurts the child more than anything because mommy works a barely over minimum wage job and does what I can to afford food on the table. But I do put all their needs first. So now we shall see how this all pans out and I didn’t do it to punish him as he thinks I did it because it’s the law and his right as his father to help provide not only at his house but ag the house where the child lives full time. He doesn’t understand how this works I guess and thinks he is in the right. Just one of those guys who is always right I guess… I don’t keep our son from him even though I hate to say it but I kind of want to at times when we’re fighting but I know that doesn’t hurt anyone but the child. After all that’s still his father and keeping them from each other can harm their relationship not mine. I do my best to understand where he is coming from but at the same time I just can’t let him keep walking over me. I just want him to understand how difficult this is for me as well as him. I work hard long hours to make more money to buy my children all the necessary things they need or even want. I’m not perfect hy no means. I want to punch the guy in the throat sometimes but what will that solve? So this hits home for me when reading it and I hope all parents men and women get there shit together and help one another raise their children as a team and stop fighting over the simple things. I know my battle is only the beginning but I’m hoping something helps him see I only want the best for our son and that I’ll do what it takes to make that happen.


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