Month: April 2012

Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up Part 3

tlc4women1 Comment

myhealthla.org

Read Part 2 Here

What is it going to take for parents to take a stand and raise our children? Are we afraid of our children, or do we not care? Pastor Doug says parents are too busy to stop and deal with the issues. Is that true, and if it is, what else do parents have going on that is more important than your own child?

In today’s American culture, we are so self-focused that when a woman finds herself pregnant, she plans the date of the birth of her child. We can go to our doctor and request a date to be induced so that the birth falls in line with the plan. We have six weeks of family leave and so therefore, it has be really calculated to all work out. I’m 47 and I remember women being 3 weeks late to give birth or three weeks early. Not so much anymore. If we go a few days past our due date, we asked to be induced. The clock is ticking. We need to speed the process of growing up because in our fast-paced lifestyle it has to fit in.

Then the guilt sets in for all sorts of reason. Maybe you had a terrible childhood where you had to get a job at 16, so you vow never to do that your child. Maybe you grew up without all the latest gadgets so you have to make that up to your child. Maybe your parents told you no about some activities that you wanted to do so you have to live vicariously through your child. So we make little idols of our children. How often have we heard these words, maybe from our own mouth when things aren’t going well?

My child is so smart that he fails all of his classes out of sheer boredom because the teachers don’t motivate him.

My child is so misunderstood and they pick on him because of_________ (you fill in the blank).

My child is strong willed and I don’t want to change that because he’ll need it in life. So rather than fight with him, we come to agreements.

Most people are jealous of my child because they are so (beautiful, talented, smart) that they mistreat them.

My child has been through so much in his life that he is entitled to act out.

Please realize that these are all excuses that we use to excuse not the child but us as parents from doing our job. We blame the school, we blame the church, we blame the friends, but the responsibility is ours and solely ours. In our effort to insulate our children from any bad things that may happen in life, we don’t prepare them for life. Basic life skills are not taught. Being truthful, honest, honorable, or moral may hurt our child’s feelings, so therefore we abdicate our responsibility and go on the attack of anyone who calls them on any of their behavior. So why do you think we are neglecting those obligations or why are we trying so hard to pass the buck? I’ll talk about my thoughts on this next time.

Will The Real Parents Please Stand Up Part 2

tlc4women4 Comments

dropoutnation.com

Read Part 1 here

When our son Anthony got D’s on his report card, he hid the report card. The school mailed home a copy and we saw the D problem. We went to the school to speak to the teachers to find out what the issue was. See, Anthony’s story changed depending on whom he talked to. To his teacher he said, he didn’t see what the deal was if he didn’t do the homework because he was getting A’s on the test. To his father he cried and said he didn’t get how to do the work and his teacher wouldn’t help him. To me he said, he would just shove the homework to the bottom of the backpack and not do it. So we went in to talk to the three teachers involved. While we were waiting for our meeting we could hear a parent yelling at the principal about how her child was being picked on and how it was the teacher’s fault. The parent honestly did not care that others could hear her tirade. Seriously, I can’t even imagine yelling at the teacher or the principal. He or she has so much work on their plate. They not only have to deal with 30 students, they have to prepare their lessons, grade papers, deal with parents, deal with the politics of their job and take the abuse that is coming their way when Johnny can’t or won’t do what he is being asked to do. And Johnny knows full well that the teacher is powerless to stop him from doing what he wills.

We went into the meeting with the teachers humbly. Now let’s face it, we could have asked why they waited until the report card was out to notify us. We could have yelled about our child saying he didn’t get the work but we weren’t there to point fingers. We were there to learn what the problem was and how to correct it. That is when we figured out that our child had been lying to everyone and that deficiencies were sent home. So you see, our problem was not the school, our problem was at home. We took responsibility for our child. The fact is we didn’t check to see if homework was being done.

Isn’t that really how it is? For the most part, your parenting issues lie squarely in your lap. I know there are those rare exceptions and I know that we don’t always have the best of teachers but c’mon, that’s not normal. The reality is, change the teacher, change the environment and still what’s in our child is what is going to come out and what is in our child is what we determined to put in.

More on this topic later.

Easter and A Wedding

tlc4women1 Comment

In two weeks my son gets married. Emotions flood over me today as I realize, it’s not just abstract planning but a marriage.

I said today that this man is getting married but all I see is my son. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is prepared for this marriage. He’s grown up, he’s in love with the woman of his dreams and most importantly he loves God and has a plan for his life in Him. All great things. He is ready, he is in love and he is purposed. I’m proud of him and extremely happy for him. This is a great time for a family.

Yet, all I see is my son. The quiet spirit I held in my body, then my arms. The arrow of my quiver whom I launched into the universe to succeed. And he has. He has put his hand in the Master of the Universe and followed The Way.

But that’s two weeks away, tomorrow we celebrate Easter. The time we choose to celebrate that Jesus was resurrected. He defeated, death, hell, and the grave. What a week! One day they’re crying Hosanna and laying their clothing down for him to walk on and the next they’re slapping his face and if that wasn’t bad enough they crucify him. Up on the cross, with his friends scattered in hiding, his mother watching the scene along with John and Mary.

Today my heart goes out to Mary. I recognize her mother’s heart. How hard it must have been to see. She had no earthy understanding of what was to be, she had to reference. She knew her son was destined for greatness, but what was this that he had to endure? What torture her heart must have been in. A woman who had said yes to God and had given birth to her savior, with full expectation of blessing, but all she saw now was her son in torture. A woman who had trusted a word long ago, but all she saw now was body that now needed to be buried, and gone were her hopes and dreams of a wedding, grandchildren and the simple hug that only her son can give.

Yet almost two months later, we see her waiting patiently in an upper room for the One whom her son promised to send. Her deliverer, her promise, her first born, the one who others called Master and Rabbi and traitor and worse. Yet all she saw was her son.

I am rejoicing that in a couple of weeks my son enters a new level of his life, a new chapter. He will be married among his friends and take a beautiful wife on a beautiful honeymoon. They will arrive home and begin to live together as one. It’s exciting, and I feel beyond blessed. I am one of the blessed moms. Yet, Mary, my heart turns to you and my eyes fill with tears because I don’t know that I would ever have had the fortitude to endure what you had to endure.