Can I have a post to rant about something that really bothers me? Manners. Where did they go?
Today, I want to talk about the things we seem not to be teaching children anymore. This week I saw:
A child come into the office at the church and begin to go through the drawers of the Pastor’s desk while my husband talked to their parent about a very serious issue. I asked the child politely to please close the drawers and to come over to where I was. He asked, “Why?” He continued to not listen to me, or to the Pastor when he asked him to stop and all the while his mother did and said absolutely nothing. He then went to the fridge to check what was in there. Do you think this was a toddler? No! A third grader? No! Older than that. Learning disability? No! The child was 11. Simply no manners. This kid comes from a stay-at-home mom family. It makes me wonder what she does all day?
I then watched a five year old eat with his mouth open, talk with his mouth full, spewing food as he talked, grab food with his fingers from other’s plates. All the while the mom giggled. Funny? No, not at all. Another stay-at-home mom.
Can I just ask you moms who stay home with your kids, what exactly are you are doing all day because I don’t think that you that you are doing a great deal of teaching? Perhaps if Disney could come up with a video or television show of manners our children would learn because they know everything there is about Sponge Bob, Hannah Montana, Harry Potter and the like. Maybe if they put on itunes or better yet, DS.
I guess my question isn’t where are the manners, I guess my question is where are the parents?
Is it wrong to drink alcohol if you are a Christian?
Ahhhh! I knew I’d get in trouble with these questions. Let me say that this is only my personal opinion based on scripture.
There are two camps. One that says, alcohol is not for those of us who follow Christ. Some in this camp say, wine was different in Jesus time, and the wine he made for the wedding wasn’t real wine. That is false, it was the best wine at the wedding according to scripture. I’ve heard that it was Palastine wine and had little or no alcohol. I guess my question with this train of thought is, if it wasn’t alcohol as we know it, then why was Jesus called a wine bibber? In today’s terms it means a person who drinks too much wine.
Camp Two says the bible doesn’t say don’t drink. The bible says don’t get drunk. This is the camp I’m in. Getting drunk impairs your judgment so I believe this is what God was cautioning us about. Free will is something that is important to God and therefore to us. I don’t think we should drink while we work. In fact, the bible says a judge shouldn’t drink while he’s judging. A king shouldn’t drink while he’s leading. It impairs judgement.
So this means that you have to search your own heart to see where you stand. You can’t make doctrine for it so it becomes a matter of opinion. I had a woman tell me once that no one drinks because they like the taste of alcohol, they drink because they want to get drunk. This is not true. I happen to know someone personally who although doesn’t drink but a glass of wine maybe two or three times a year, knows the difference between good wine and not.
Then there are the health studies. Red wine is supposed to be good for your heart if you drink one glass 2 to 3 times a week. Other studies say red wine opens the door to cancer in women. You have to be wise enough to think all these things through for yourself.
I heard a Pastor preach once that if Jesus were alive today, he would walk into a bar, order a beer and try to teach the people in that bar about the kingdom. I have to be honest and say I don’t doubt that and I don’t get hung up on it. He would be reaching for the lost. Does that mean I will be hanging out in bars? Nah, it’s not my thing and I believe in the scripture that says give no appearance of evil. Too many people would judge you without knowledge. Bottom line in this line of thinking is; can you represent Christ and would you take him with you to the places that you go.
Now, just because you become a believer doesn’t mean that if you were an alcoholic you can go back to drinking. You can’t take your liberties at the expense of your health. You also can’t go offending people who do not drink by drinking in front of them. Also, if the religious group you happen to be a part of has a rule of no alcohol, then you agree to their terms and must honor them. Let me know if that really answers your question.
My life ain’t that bad. I’m in Texas as I write, so I thought I’d use their vernacular. I am here on unpleasant business. My brother-in-law, my husband’s only sibling has passed away at the age of 39. We are here to attend the services and to attend to my in-laws.
It is in moments like these when you realize how fragile life is. You are handed a measure of days long before you ever existed. The key is to make the most of those days. Rodney Young was a man that when we thought about it, we couldn’t think of a single person who disliked him. Everyone thought he was a good guy. He left behind my nephew Nathaniel who is 12. Nathaniel looks exactly like his father. Rodney was separated from his wife, Tawana, for a couple of years now, yet interestingly enough, they had been talking recently and he died in her mother’s home on a visit to see Tawana and Nathaniel. Life has a way doesn’t it, of teaching us about wasted time?
Rodney had called my husband, the day before he died. Doug had missed the call as we had taken the kids to Six Flags Great America and we didn’t hear it ring. The message was simple, “Hey bro, just calling to check on you and tell you I love you.” Doug called him back later that evening but Rodney didn’t answer. The last message Doug left was, “Tag you’re it. This is my second call to you. Love you.” He never got the chance to answer.
My in-laws are devastated. I have never lost a child but it’s so unnatural to do so, that it is must be a shock to the heart. We all think our child will bury us so it seems out of order. When it happens out of the blue, the reaction is even worse I presume, as there is no time for the brain to prepare.
My brother-in-law was a super nice guy. My husband and he were really close. Doug being the older brother by six years, always looked after his brother. Rodney would call Doug for advice and when they lived in the same town as we did, Rodney would be over our home often.
Today, I am grateful for my life for I don’t know when it will be my final day. I presume to think that I will be an old woman one day, but that may not be the will of God. So we need to live each day to fullest. We need to touch the lives of others. We need to talk to them about Jesus and we need to recognize that when the bible says our lives are but a vapor, it really means just that.
Today I am grateful for my family. I have a good man who calls me his wife and who would swim through shark infested waters to bring me a lemonade. I have my kids , two of whom live on their own, aren’t on the streets and love the Lord. I have a great job that I enjoy and good friends and family. What are you grateful for? Take a good assessment of that. You’ll be glad you did.
As the TLC summer series comes to a close it’s time once again to set the vision for the new year and to remind the women who are a part of TLC about what our goals were from the start.
Transforming Life Center was started with the premise that once we were born again, we had to learn to live a new life in Christ. This meant we had to leave a lot of the things we knew before behind so that we could learn new things that would take us to the purpose and plan of who we are.
Romans 12:2-And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 is the verse that carries our ministry forward. Our goal in everything we do is to move forward and forget those things that are behind us. In dealing with our pasts once and for all, we then put it behind us as it no longer defines us. Then, applying those things we have learned, we move forward, becoming more aware of who God is and what he is doing in our lives. We aren’t about becoming the Church Ladies, there are enough of those already, we are about becoming disciples of Christ.
So what does TLC have in store for this next year of study?
We have four bible studies coming up. We are continual learners and we have a desire to know God more intimately day by day.
We have a conference to plan that is just around the corner. This is a lot of work for us but the end result is that the word goes forth and women’s lives are transformed by the messages that the speakers have for us!
We have a scholarship that we are going to give to a deserving senior this next year. We have got to begin to put our words into action. If in fact, we are students for life then we place a high value on education and we will put our efforts where our mouth is.
We are mentoring the youth and college-aged women who are coming up behind us. We have a class set up for them that is being put together as we speak. We are taking the charge in Titus of the older women teaching the younger and applying it where it is most needed our youth girls.
We are going to work closely with Moms Against Hunger to help feed the world.
We have a “detergent ministry” where we go to the laundromats around town and distribute detergent.
Finally, this year, we are adopting a child from Compassion Ministries whom we will support with gifts and letters.
Our mandate is big this year but our hearts are strengthened by the word that has already gone forth and been implanted into our ministry. We are pregnant with vision, power, prophesy and courage as we move forward in the new endeavors of this year!
I am proud of these women and look forward to a destiny and purpose that we may think we know but watch God blow our minds!
Hi, how are you?
Me? I’m GREAT! My whole world is fantastic. I am blessed and highly favored. Blah, blah, blah.
Do you ever just wish you could talk to someone honestly about real life things going on in your life? Those of us who profess to follow Christ are supposed to be doing well all the time. Only, HELLO?!!, life happens and even the bible says trials come, so no one promised you perfection.
I believe there is a blessing in honesty that you can’t get behind your feathery, sequined masquerade mask. There is perspective and sometimes there is healing, in opening up to your true self. What scares us about being honest with each other? Well first, there is the judgment. “She’s supposed to be saved and she can’t even get her kids to do their chores.” Uh, yeah, I can’t always. Guess what? God can’t get his kids to do their chores either, so I think I am in good company. When women come to me with their problems often they say something self-effacing, which really saddens me. It’s really sad that we can’t be human with each other. When someone reaches out for help, rather than help, we rejoice that we are not having that same issue in our life therefore, we must be better. We aren’t. We are different but equal.
Second, there is the trustworthy issue. We can’t confide because then, WOOHOOO! LET THE GOSSIPING BEGIN. Because we are so content to be busybodies, we love to have someone to talk about. We judge and gossip, so then we wouldn’t dare tell anyone our problems because we know exactly what they are going to do with information. Exactly what we do. Tell everyone. This has to stop. We have to learn to be confidants to those in our lives. And don’t hide your gossipy self with cryptic gossip either. I remember once this person came to me and said, “Pastor Susan, don’t worry about me. You can feel free to tell me anything. I know lots of stuff about the women here and I haven’t said anything.” When someone says something like this to you RUN! These people love the power of knowing something. While we are here on this subject, Holy Gossip is still gossip. “I want us to pray for Sister Agnes. Her husband is having an affair and we just need to lift her up in prayer.” I hate holy gossip. We have to be trustworthy. Period.
We can’t take our own mask off because then the bloodbath begins. The minute some smell trouble, they run to get a piece of that person. You know, sometimes I wonder if human beings are really as elevated as they proclaim to be? Can we show a little compassion and maybe some love?
Taking off your mask is a big risk but being authentic is what we are called to be. Yet, we all need a place to be authentic and be able to have a soft place to fall. Many people don’t have that. I love that I have friends with whom I can just be honest. I love the fact that I also work hard to be that friend. We need to love one another enough to be honest and then be woman enough to take that honesty without offense and keep that confidence between us.
Decide today that you are going to be a person of value and worth. That means that when someone comes to you they are able to take their mask off for a while and be themselves. In a world that demands you to have it all together be a place of soft landing. Find that person with whom you can take your mask off. Trust me when I tell you that your life will be richer and you will feel better about yourself. I can’t imagine feeling good about faking it. I can’t imagine wearing the mask all the time. I don’t know about you, but I desire a deeper relationship with my friends and loved ones, rather than one in which it’s all a masquerade.
Jealously makes us do crazy things doesn’t it? The bible says God is jealous and since we are made in his image, then the crazy things we do are justified right? Wrong. Jealously has two distinct aspects to it. One is godly and one is evil. Today I am going to attempt to teach you the difference.
God is jealous for you, not of you. He is never jealous of your accomplishments and successes. He is happy for you. God wants you to be happy and well and wants to look after you. He would never interfere in your life without your permission but he wants the best for you. He guards you and expects you to guard him.
The opposite of God’s jealousy is the evil jealously that permeates our culture, with the need to have what we see others have. It is one where we get hurt and mad and dejected if our girlfriends go out to the movies or to dinner without us. Or our boyfriends and husbands dare to do a guy thing without us. How dare they? Evil jealousy where we don’t have joy over another’s success.
The beautiful jealously, that is worthy and right, is being vigilant of a confidence well guarded with a cherished friend. Godly jealousy is the lunch date you would not cancel with a friend whom you rarely get to see. The time you give to the Lord that is just yours and His alone and that you relish and keep no matter what. It’s the kind of jealousy that you see your best friend’s perfect haircut and you rejoice with her and tell her you are jealous that she has found the right cut for her face but you’d expect and want nothing more for her! It is the joy in finding out your best friend is pregnant when you have been trying for years, your jealousy over your friendship supersedes any malice for what you lack, that she has been blessed with. All of these show that you are jealous for the person and all that they have to offer and not of what they are getting that you are not.
Your God is a jealous God and you are made in his image. That doesn’t excuse the poor behavior that we justify by saying it’s in our nature. There is a difference.
A controversry in our life continues to rear its ugly head. It’s been in a way, transforming. It has challenged and changed us and that was its intention. It has made me examine what I believe and why I believe it. So this is the premise of the blog today. What does it mean to forgive someone and what does that entail from you? First off, we are commanded to forgive if we want to be forgiven.
You see, I have total confidence in my God. I know that we will all face a judgment day and that everything will come out there. Forgiveness is equated as having a heavy burden that we carry around and we choose to release it to God so that we no longer have to be lugging it around. It just damages me to be angry or hurt over things that I can’t go back and fix. We can’t undo what’s already been done.
Forgiveness though, does not mean being reckless with our lives. Sometimes we need to release toxic relationships in our lives and agree to let them go. It would be as if there were a vicious dog in your backyard and each time you went out there he bit your leg and you had to go to the emergency room to have stitches. You’d be crazy to go out there again. Releasing the person from your life and giving them over to God so that He can deal with them as He deals with us is sometimes required.
So forgiveness yes. Forgivneness is for ME! It relieves me from having to carry around unhealthy but do I need to continue the relationship? NOT ALWAYS. They are two separate things and you have to keep them that way. Don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation of a relationship. You have choices to make and there are people who are extremely toxic who will contaminate you with their filth. Some things you have to let go.
Forgiveness is like stitches on a wound. The wound still hurts as the stitches are put into place. You have keep the area clean and use antiseptic on it as it heals. You try not to touch it because it hurts. You look at it all the time and it turns red and swells in the midst of the healing. Sometimes, it bleeds and scabs as it heals. These are all painful things as they are happening. But over time, you go back to the doctor to remove the stitches and although the wound is still red and puffy, it’s closed now and sensitive but not as painful. Pretty soon, the reddness begins to turn pink and the puffiness goes away and it doesn’t hurt anywhere close to before. After awhile you look over and it’s a scar. You see the scar and it has a story but it no longer hurts. Most days you don’t even notice the scar. It’s just there. Sometimes a person comes by and notices the scar and asks about it. You tell the story as an afterthought because it isn’t a part of your life anymore. Just something that was once that isn’t anymore. Forgive, it’s not for them, it’s for you.
I read recently, that in order to rejoice, we would have to first ‘joice. It made total sense to me and a lightbulb went off in my head, as I understood what the writer was trying to say. Is this why people don’t rejoice? If to recreate something is to create it again, then rejoice is to have ‘joice again. Now, ‘joice isn’t really a word all by itself but are you hanging with me on my thinking? I hope you are because we’ll make sense of it in a minute.
To rejoice means to feel great delight, to feel joy, to be glad.
So often I see people for whom this is a foreign concept. They don’t have great delight over anything or feel joy about anything and they certainly aren’t glad about things. So we look at them thinking; what is wrong with them that they can’t rejoice in their good times or the good times of others but the fact is, if they don’t know what that feels like, then how can we expect it?
I have a daughter, whom we call Eyeore. She is negative about everything. She can be laughing and talking and having a great time but if you ask how she is, suddenly, she stops laughing and says, “fine”, just like Eyeore! For some, they see life through dark glasses. They see as if at any moment, a demoliton crew is coming to take it all away.
Part of it, is that they see life through themselves and what is in it for them. Part of it, is that they do not feel glad or happy or pure joy over things. Whether that is nature or nurture is dependent on who you talk to. The fact still remains, for some people there is no joy or peace.
Today, begin to see things through clear eyes. See things for what they are. I know you will find some good things to ‘joice about. Take a look at your kitchen pantry, yes, it’s a total mess but there is food in it right? YES! That’s a plus! Look in your fridge, don’t open the tupperware because that will gross you out, but there is something in it, even if can’t be eaten, so have some joy! Go out to your car, it may not be your dream car but there are people around the world who would be thrilled to have a car in half the shape yours is in. There is so much to be thankful for and we are such a take-for-granted people. Today, just maybe we need to begin to have ‘joice over things so that in a little while we can Rejoice with a true sense of what the word is supposed to mean!
Merriam Webster says a gentleman is; a man of noble or gentle birth b : a man belonging to the landed gentry c (1) : a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2) : a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior
God is the King of kings so automatically he’s noble. Is your man a king of the King?
The chivalrous qualities, and the man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior is what I want to focus on. First off, God doesn’t lie. Every word that proceeds from his mouth comes to pass. So your man should do everything possible to make his words come to pass.
Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
Notice the bible says he doesn’t say things then not do them and he doesn’t promise and not fulfill. Yes, I know that in our human circumstance sometimes we can’t fulfill a promise because something comes up but we must always get back to it. It has to be a way of life. If your man is always saying he’s going to help you clean out the garage but he never has time, then what characteristic is like the Lord there? If he says he is going to take you on date but hasn’t then you need to notice that. Christ died for you.
1Corinthians15:3b that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,
That’s chivalrous. To step out on the scene, see that we are in trouble and lay his life down for us, what more can be said? Your man should, as Dr. Laura says, swim through shark infested waters to get you a glass of lemonade. Yes, you can get your own but for a man to be man he’s got to do it. He needs to have the manners of a gentleman.
I am amazed how often our young men have not been taught to be gentlemen. Does he open the door for you? Does he walk on the outside of the sidewalk, does he treat you as if you were the queen? Does he respect you? God does, so should your earthly man. Some of you are laughing because you’ve never seen this kind of action from a man before. I have. So maybe you’ve been hanging with the wrong man? It’s possible. You’re getting the picture though. God is someone who cares about you. You specifically. He is always looking for ways to make your day brighter. Think about it, he created flowers for your health and well-being but he didn’t have to make them beautiful, he made them beautiful as a bonus for you.
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
I like this verse for this verse shows me how to love. To be in the midst means I have to be there for those I love, I have to know what is going on for how could I be in the midst and clueless? I have to take the time to say, “What’s up?”, and HEAR the answer. It means I am protected and should protect. Rejoice means I am glad and have joy and happiness over my loved ones. He will quiet me with His love, which means when I am freaking out as women do, he comes in and makes me feel safe. I need to feel safe, it’s my number one need as a woman. I need to protect those I love too, it’s an innate part of me as well. He takes me in his arms and sings a song to get me back on track and settle me down to be at peace once again. God is gentleman. I love him for not getting involved unless I ask him to. I love him because as soon as I ask him to he begins to move. Single ladies, is your man a gentleman? I pray that he is.
Pastor Susan 