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This is a part of a series on stepfamiles. To read the previous post click here.

From Cinderella’s perspective, she has three problems in life. A stepmother, named Lady Tremaine and two step-sisters, Anastasia and Drizella. Never mind that Cinderella’s biological parents are not on the scene, we assume they died because real parents don’t abandon their children, at least that is our concept, only where was the extended family that would have swept in to care for their granddaughter, niece or cousin? Our questions remain unanswered. The only thing we know for sure is that somehow the universe has been very cruel to Cinderella.

That is probably the only truth for which we can be sure of. Cinderella has been given a raw deal. For whatever reason her mom was gone first. If you haven’t been a product of a divorced family then your perspective is limited but you can be sure that losing a mother or father in death or divorce is traumatic for a child. Compound that with a remarriage and the child gets the idea that people can be replaced. That isn’t such an easy concept to swallow when you’re a child because while the adults are thinking in terms of adults and romantic love, of failure and loss, a child is thinking that they themselves can be replaced, that maybe love isn’t forever, foundations are not really set and maybe down the road they will be put away for another.

You see, as adults we have a bit more understanding about love, but children are limited in their understanding. All they know is they have a mom and dad and they don’t want or need another. Only they’re children and they don’t get a choice. The choice is made for them and they are told they have to like it and get along. Well, let’s be real, that’s not so easy.

So the kids come with baggage of resentment and loss, of misunderstandings and misgivings and it’s all perfectly normal, only it certainly puts a wedge in adult plans doesn’t it? Walls quickly go up, feelings get hurt and trampled on all the way around, and well, we won’t even discuss the guilt the biological parent feels as they get caught in a trap of being in the middle of a war they call home. Reality sets in and it’s not pretty.

All camps begin to pull in opposite directions and territorial lines begin to be drawn. Any upset in a plan or ideal becomes a major deal and the fight is on. Parents pull for their own child and loyalties rise. Fights ensue among the newlyweds as both feel torn between their love for their child and the love for their new spouse. The children complain as they are shuffled from house to house and suddenly houses are fighting because they hear, as we did, only Cinderella’s side of the tale and it looks dark and dismal. No one considers that every party to this war has a point.

For a stepmom her challenge is difficult, and I dare say, even more than a stepdad’s challenge because a mother is called to calm and influence her home. She is the peace in a normal house and suddenly all fingers are pointed in her direction, not only from the camps within her home but society at large who faults her because people are not happy under her care. What she does next will be critical for the survival of her marriage and her family.

Took a step back to assess the blog today and decided it needed a face lift, some new color and design!

Proverbs 21:20 In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.

While driving with Pastor Doug he was listening to Chris Rock on XM. Chris Rock can be crass, so he isn’t for everyone, but he makes good points, you just have to get through the language. He was talking about how wealthy people are different than rich people and how the difference between being wealthy and being rich is significantly different. One so vast that if you can wrap your head around it you will be changed forever, I believe.

Simply stated wealthy people and rich people live vastly different lives. Rich people spend sometimes lavishly and sometimes foolishly, or both, but spending is the rich person’s drug. Wealthy people amass. To amass means to accumulate. They take money and turn it into more money. They aren’t spenders necessarily. They understand that amassing is more important. There is a difference between amassing and hoarding. To amass means I accumulate by spending on things that will add value and in the end bring me more wealth. Hoarding means I hang on to what I have in my hand never seeing the value in spending to add value. To hoard something means I am content with the amount I hid in my mattress or the amount that is gaining low interest in my savings account.

Chris Rock states as an example, Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) is rich. The man who writes Shaq’s check is wealthy. He is spending on Shaq knowing that his showmanship, sportsmanship and entertainment value will bring him more money in the long run than it costs to pay Shaq. Shaq on the other hand may or may not be amassing. He may have more money than he can spend in a lifetime but that is still not amassing. Unless that money is growing faster than it is being spent eventually he or his children will have out-spent his money.

Now let’s break it down to terms for you and me because for the most part, we are not rich like Shaq or wealthy like Shaq’s boss. When we live paycheck to paycheck spending every dime we make, we are rich but we aren’t wealthy. I hear people brag about the six-figure incomes they earn, but if they aren’t saving and amassing they live like the man who makes 30k.

When we get the concept of wealth it means we live below our means. I know very wealthy people and you’d never know it. They aren’t eating out all the time, they aren’t financing a car for five years and then buying another one in three years and dumping the balance into a new loan, they are frugal. Wealthy people are buying what they need and buying quality. What good does it do for you to have 15 pairs of Payless Shoe Store shoes and 20 t-shirts from Wal-Mart when they aren’t going to last because they aren’t of quality? Maybe one good pair of shoes and two good quality t-shirts will last you longer and therefore be a better value. New cars are nice but they lose value as you drive them off the lot so paying cash for something that will not amass anything for you is better. Maybe your children have a toy chest overflowing with toys but how many of those toys are in good working order and how many are really necessary? Maybe instead of amassing toys you should put money away for college, which will be a better value for them in the long run. The principles you are using to live your life you are also mirroring to your children and in the long run you may be propagating poverty.

Often followers of Christ think poverty is sign of piety. Facts remain they have nothing in common and are not connected at all. Poverty is not a godly design. In fact spending every last dime you make is not a godly design either. Having seed to sow is godly. Having money to invest to reap a harvest is a godly principle. Replenishing is a godly principle. So which one are you trying to become wealthy or rich? There is a difference. One is living for today and one is living for generations to come.

Compromise: A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.
The result of such a settlement.

Compromises. We make them every single day as we work together to make life easier on everyone. Today, I want to blog about compromises that we should never make because they erode our belief system.

Compromise when talking about your belief system becomes a contagious disease that will ultimately destroy who you are or who you believe yourself to be. One compromise will lead to another and another and pretty soon you will look nothing like you used to. I know most people think it won’t happen to them but it always does when we decide to take this road.

So why do we do it? Why do we compromise our belief system? There are two reasons. One, is that we never really believed that our belief system was valid in the first place. We talked the talk but could not ultimately walk the walk. We thought we believed it but when it came right down to it, the act was more important than the substance of the presupposition.

The second is that we want the person with whom we are compromising, in an unhealthy obsessive way that ends up throwing our own self to the wolves to be devoured. It isn’t a healthy love that causes us to compromise our beliefs, it’s based on a low opinion of ourselves and a desperation and manipulation. Healthy love would never ask you to compromise your belief nor would you want to.

Don’t compromise your belief system. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. And while we are here, let’s talk about what I mean when I blog statements like don’t compromise. First off, I don’t mean compromising on the color of the couch we are going to buy together once we are married. I am not talking about simple everyday things like learning to live with the fact that your husband likes to sleep with the light on and you like it off. I mean things like followers of Christ who marry unbelievers with the hope that they will attend church one day. I mean allowing someone to mistreat you because you love them, or they love you. I mean dating a married man who says he is miserable and getting a divorce.

Notice that I am writing about things that will alter who you are forever and cause you to sneak around and live in shame and not openly live your life out loud. If you have to keep a part of your life a secret then you are compromising your beliefs. The reason that this is so important is that while the compromise is happening, we lie to ourselves and say, “Okay, I’ll compromise on this one thing but I won’t go any further.” The fact is that we will go further and we do because compromise is a slippery slope. Once we swallow down the bitter pill of the first compromise, the other pills go down a little easier and don’t taste as bad. Pretty soon our compromises have taken us to places we would never have gone and we look nothing like what we and God intended.

Ask yourself a very important question at this point in your reading. Have you compromised your belief system? If so, let me ask you another question. Did the person you compromised for, also compromise their belief system? I would venture to bet dollars to donuts that they did NOT. Remember a compromise is a settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions. I would bet that you compromised on the HOPE that they would hold their end of the bargain but believe me, I’ve lived long enough to know I am making a safe bet. They didn’t hold their end of the bargain and never intended to. You were played. Oh, that is so harsh to say but I say it because only truth will set you free.

So that being said, what will you do now? Will go back and get your beliefs back? Or will you stubbornly allow the initial compromise to take you out? You are so worthy of going back and taking inventory and getting your life back! It’s okay to take a positive step forward to look in the mirror and say, “I need a do-over. This isn’t working for me. This has cost me too much.” Compromise, it’s an insidious contagious fungus that will eat up everything in its path. Don’t allow it to devour you.