I Changed My Mind


My husband and I took a drive to the beach to sit on the sand, enjoy the sun and read a book on our day off. It was a hot day and there were children playing in the waves of all ages. As I glanced at them I noticed something. Each child had a personal lifeguard. There were blankets on the beach and coolers and bags but they were empty because all of the caretakers were on duty. I saw mostly mommies but there were dads and grandparents as well.

Such a strange dichotomy between that scene and a 20/20 episode I watched recently about moms moving out and choosing to be non-custodial parents click here. One mother said she didn’t want to to do the bath and bedtime routine. One mother moved states away and Skyped in to speak to her children. Her middle child, a daughter, took care of feeding and getting her little down syndrome brother ready for school. Dad was there and the family was coping. At first I went into judgment mode, “What?!! Who does this?!!” Then I stopped and thought, she is doing what fathers have been doing for decades. I am outraged either way, maybe I understand it less because I am a mother or a woman I don’t know but I do know that it seems incomprehensible for a parent to leave their child.

The mothers were in new relationships, didn’t know if they had ever really wanted children, but knew they didn’t want the daily interaction of it. I get that actually. I remember once in a particularly frustrating day I announced, “That’s it, I’m running away from home.” Casey who was 4 at the time said, “Wait, mommy! Let me get my shoes on, I’ll run away with you.” I laughed and went on with my day. But what if I had been serious as apparently these mothers were?

The women made the argument that men had been doing it forever and they wouldn’t be judged as harshly as the women were. I just can’t go there. Children need their parents mother and father. They don’t get to change their mind.

One mother when asked if she loved her children more than herself answered, “Should a mother love her children more than herself?” I guess I think we should.

4 thoughts on “I Changed My Mind

  1. God loved us, and it was with a perfected love. We can’t love the way he can but I always thought the closest thing to it is the love you feel from your mother. I was adopted and to this day I’ve never felt love from biological mother but my adopted mother gave me the love I needed and wanted. So, I’ll say this if you can leave your children then maybe it is for your best 🙂

    1. Thanks for reading! You are beyond blessed to have received love from your mom. I totally agree with you. In the case of these moms, at least one dropped her kids off at school and left. That’s got to be painful. I can’t tell you I understand! I’m so thankful to the Lord that your case is a blessing.

      1. I’m glad you don’t understand, it’s sad to just leave a gift (the child) unwrapped. My adopted mom said the same thing you said…I asked where are you going and can I come with. Hahaha. Take care 🙂

  2. Hi,As a mother of 8, to which, four I gave birth to. The last four were adopted. Clearly, the birth mom of these 4 (to which she gave birth to 6) gave up on them long before their birth. She chose to do drugs and to drink. (According to studies, while consuming drugs and/or alcohol they are rejected in the womb).They were removed from her just after birth.. They all had to go through a withdrawals to which, she NEVER saw. So, ANY parent walking out on their children are a failure, no matter what, in MY opinion…YES, most children will/would do better without the commitment of a true parents love. Because they would/will probably just have to raise themselves .Thank God for children who can rise above that pain. Counseling is so important so they never blame themselves. Life has enough ups and downs much less having to go through the emotions of NOT being wanted. ANY parent walking out doesn’t make any sense. THEY JUST ARE NOT A COMMITTED PERSON. But, that will show up in many areas of their lives.. Parenting HAS got to be the hardest thing to do. Very little pat on the backs, very little time to your self, over worked, exhausted and many times just over looked. I can get on a pity party, but, what good would that do? I have no time…ha ha ha..wait, PARTY???? Any way, Hats off to those who have over come the feeling of that rejection!!!! Clearly, the parent didn’t think that out all the way…Praise God for Him being our daddy and husband, so many of us need to embrace that within…

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