There is an addiction going on in the church. It’s not talked about much because up until now we were trying to keep it on the down low. We didn’t want people to know about this dirty little secret. Yet, Christians are being lured into it at alarming rates. It spreads quickly and before you know it, you’ve caught this insidious addiction. It’s called spiritual pornography or SP.
If you answer yes to two or more of these questions then you may have SP.
I attend church pretty much every Sunday.
The church is well staffed and so I don’t participate in any ministry per se.
I don’t belong to any of the small group studies.
I don’t attend special services.
I don’t know the names of at least 10 people at my church.
I believe volunteers at church are just trying to kiss up to the Pastor.
I don’t have any more time to offer other than attending Sunday service.
I attend to see what everyone is wearing.
The symptoms of SP mimic that of its worldly counterpart, Internet Pornography or more widely known as IP. Like IP just watching other people stimulates those with SP. Like IP people with SP have a problem with intimacy and it’s just easier to watch others participate rather than do the work to develop intimacy. SP makes you become apathetic to the body of Christ and you prefer to sit in the pew. People with SP never speak about their faith and are closet churchgoers. SP causes insomnia as the only place people with SP can sleep is at church while the Pastor is preaching.
Now researchers have developed a cure. It’s called Get Off Derriere. In proven studies GOD has been shown to stop all symptoms of SP making you once again experience the full life you were called to lead. In a recent clinical study, when taken daily, GOD was able to remove all symptoms of SP leaving people in a more peaceful state.
Side effects may vary; check with your Pastor if you should experience any of the following symptoms as a change in dosage may be required:
Butt is permanently glued to the pew
Your apathy causes you to forget to take your daily dose of God daily
Laziness makes movement impossible
Don’t suffer any longer with SP. There is a cure!
*Brought to you by the Trinity Lab Corporation. TLC – it’s not just for Sunday’s anymore.