Don’t Awaken Love Before It So Desires

Song 2:7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song 3:5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Whenever God tells us anything and feels that it bears repeating I think we should listen up. It’s important. We see where Jesus speaks and says, “Verily, verily” in that time it meant it was important. It was like saying, “Hey listen up!”

So we see here that God is saying to women, Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. He doesn’t just say it twice, he says it three times which makes me stand up and pay attention because if two times means it’s important, then three times means it’s super important! So let’s spend some time today and break this down. It’s important that we get this train of thought in our heart and that we teach our young girls this principal.

First off, what is God talking about when he says do not arouse or awaken love? How does this happen? I mean seriously we’ve all been told that we “fall” in love. But the only way to fall off a cliff is to walk along the edges. So to fall in love means we are walking along the edges of it. When the Lord tells us not to awaken love until it so desires, it means we aren’t supposed to walk along the cliff until the time is right. When is that time and how we do we know that it’s that time?

That’s the million dollar question because it’s different for everyone but there are some solid guidelines that we can be sure of. First off, there isn’t a magic age at which you can point to and say it’s time. So it isn’t about numbers. There are some things that can’t be denied though. Getting married by age has these statistics according to the National Center for Health Statistics;

the age of 20 puts your divorce rate at 27.6% on average

So we see that before the age of 25 it’s a risky proposition to get married. The reason is you haven’t yet come into your own yet. There are still changes to your personality going on. Think about it, at the age of 18 you became what society thinks is an adult. You finally reach an age where you are responsible for yourself but what does that mean? At the age of 18 most people still aren’t able to financially support themselves without some help from their parents so they aren’t truly their own person. This is the time to discover who you are as a stand alone person. At the age of 21 you no longer have the same perspective as you did at 18 and you by now are on your own and determining your course in life. There are still lots more questions than answers but at least goals are becoming more cemented in your life. At 25 you are a quarter of century. You’ve seen a few things, experienced a few things and know yourself a little better than you did before. You know what personalities work with yours and you are beginning to think about buying a home and settling into a career and making goals that are longer than just a few months.

For some people this process gets speeded up or slowed down by circumstances, God understands this. Love comes when it so desires. We need to walk in wisdom waiting for that time, but not manipulating it, to make it happen. As women we want so desperately to be in love but are we ready for it?

How do we awaken love before it’s so desires? We don’t practice modesty and we sexualize ourselves confusing love and sex is the main issue. I often see the girls in our youth group trying so desperately to be part of the crowd, wearing provocative clothing and too much makeup as they try to conform into what the world is telling them is sexy. Only to sexualize yourself is to sell yourself short. We attract the wrong person and in the wrong timing and order. We don’t wait for the man God chooses, but instead we pick the one who is good enough and we pray for the best. We don’t take the time to grow up.

If any of these shortcuts are taken, then what happens is, we awaken love before it’s time. When we do that love awakens as immature and ill-prepared to handle the ups and downs of life. Love can’t sustain itself. Think of an orchid, there is a way to flick the petals where they open pre-maturely, it’s beautiful but it also withers sooner than it would have if it had opened during a natural progression of time. Just as that orchid can’t be closed again, love can’t be put back to sleep once it’s aroused. God is crying out to his daughters in these passages that we need to wait for correct timing. Everything done in order and timing thrives. Love birthed in correct timing is lasting. God isn’t being a party pooper, instead he is saving you a hurt, pain and a broken heart. Take heed to what he is saying and let him guide you through the process of love.

57 thoughts on “Don’t Awaken Love Before It So Desires

    1. I wish we had more women in the church to speak it out loud! It’s the topic of a blog coming up! Now, I pray that you are that woman to the next generation. Check back again and thanks for reading!

    2. I wish for the exact same thing-however, I have come to learn that we go through some things to serve as a testimony to others; thus serving as a tool of the Lord and being blessed by blessing others

  1. It was the last day of school, and when I pulled out my Bible it opened up to the Song of Songs. So does this mean I am supposed to wait till I’m older for love? Because I kind of already have fallen in love wit this guy friend of mine, he just doesn’t know it. So what I’ve been pondering is could God be trying to tell me that there is someone else I’m meant to be wit? Or could the guy I’ve already fallen in love wit be the right one and I need to wait till I’m older?

    1. Either way it’s patience that makes it insanely hard to follow huh? Why not just stay submitted to God’s will and let Him know that you’ll go where He leads you and see what happens? Keep me in the loop because I love a great story with a happy ending as yours will be when you let play out naturally!

  2. Oh and by the I really enjoyed reading your blog! It was helpful and thankyou. I’ll be praying that I’ll be open to follow the path that God wants me to. Who knows it could turn out the way I’m hoping.

  3. Mom used tell my brother and I constantly, “True love can wait.” I think patience is a virtue of true love.

  4. Awesome, awesome, awesome! Thank you for this timely word for the young women in the Body. It is SO needed! I am going to send the link to our Youth Minister’s wife.

    1. Thanks Kathy! I’m not the only woman talking about these verses. There seems to be a move throughout churches everywhere to bring us back to a place of modesty and patience. I first began telling the youth girls and our 20 Something small groups about these scriptures almost 10 years ago, but now there are many voices telling the young girls everywhere that there is timing and order to all of the things God purposes.

  5. What do you do if you’ve already awaken love but you NOW have decided to live for Christ YET the fleshy desires keep coming back even tho your spirit is seeking after God??

    1. Wow! I don’t even know if your question could have come at a better time. We are having a youth conference this weekend and it will be based on Lisa Bevere’s book Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry. Well, today I spent a couple of hours in Chapter 7 which addresses this very question! In it, she says once you’ve awakened an appetite the only way to suppress it is by starving it out. Fasting, prayer, standing strong against the urges. Nothing in my life has ever been resolved better than when I get on my knees to my Father. Keep in touch, I’d like to keep you encouraged if I may!

  6. This is such a great and Godly reminder! I’m only 18, so I’m so encouraged to know it’s ok to not freak out just because I don’t have a “boyfriend”. Thank you thank you!

  7. In our society where sexual immorality is celebrated and welcomed,this message will go a long way in changing the mentality of many towards love:for true love waits.keep it up.

  8. Wow! This is really good! I knew this scripture. God actually saying it 3 times wow! Ya some girls in our young adult group should read this. This generation really needs to hear this.

  9. couldn’t agree more!!!so glad that someone is willing to speak out for us young women on the importance of waiting. can’t wait to see how God will surprise me in this area. God bless.

  10. I recognize this verse, repeated for us two more times, is directed toward women. But honestly, I feel this verse and all we learn from it should apply equally to men as well.

    1. Thanks Bill, I agree and believe so as well. I think it should apply to anyone who believes Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life!

  11. I dated a girl.
    I thought I really liked her.
    We kissed but did not have sex.
    Then I heard a sermon upon a similar topic-
    how recreational dating is desecrating God’s will in marriage.
    From that point, I did not know whether it was love or lust that I was dating her
    so I broke up with the girl
    and have been confused ever since…
    I am looking for advice and help
    1. Does my sin curse me to living alone for the rest of my life?
    2. Should I go back to her; is my mistake not being with a girl that really liked me?
    3. I see many pastors giving sermons on the proper courting in God’s plan(pray that He will provide me with the best wife for me in His eyes) but where does a person with a mistake like mine fit in to His plan? Do I pray and wait for the future?
    I sound unorganized even to myself but i really feel swirling confusion inside.

    1. I am glad you are introspective of yourself enough to want to consider where you stand before the Lord in all of this. As to whether this will curse you to living alone for the rest of your life, I cannot imagine that to be the case. God is for us, and not against us. He takes joy in our joy, when our joy is right before Him. Should you go back to her? I see no reason why not. Just make certain you and her know of your concerns and how important your relationship with God and your honesty with Him as well as your honesty with her is to you. Proper courting is like beauty in the eyes of the beholder. Different pastors can be advisors. They are people. Some have a genuine gift to be able to see you where you are and offer good counsel. But God Himself is your best advisor and counsellor. Talk with Him. I get my best results through what I call conversational prayer. I go for a walk or something, and talk- out loud- to him I pour out all my feelings, doubts, questions, everything. There is no faking anything with God. Just be honest with Him. Like you should be with any other friend.

    2. Hi Joshua,

      So what was the sin exactly, because I don’t see one in the scenario you presented? My point of view of is that you date to see if you are compatible for marriage. You don’t state your age but I’m assuming you’re of a age that is ready to date. If that’s the case, then courting a girl is reasonable. Take your time, talk to her, go out together, introduce her to your friends and your family and see how she interacts. Have her do the same for you. Do you share similar interests, have common goals and visions for your life? Are you of the same faith, which is critical. You’ll never know if she is the one without taking the time to know her. Intimacy takes on all types of forms. Some are good and healthy as the ones mentioned above and some are not as in leaping into sex way too soon. So no! You aren’t condemned to living alone!

      Should you go back to her? Ask yourself, was it recreational or was it to see if she is compatible and suitable for marriage? Again, you don’t state how old you are so it’s hard to know if you are ready for marriage or not. When we read Genesis, the word tells us that God gave Adam 5 things before he gave him a wife.

      He breathed life into his nostrils. This indicates a strong and powerful relationship between God and Adam. Adam understood who God was in his life.

      He put Adam in the garden giving him a place to live that was his own. Adam was ready to be out on his own, apart but not separated from his father.

      He gave Adam work to do. Adam had a job and was able to support himself and keep his home.

      He gave Adam rules to live by. God told Adam that he could eat from any tree of the garden except one and Adam understood authority.

      Finally, God had Adam name the animals and within his own heart determine that things were paired up but he wasn’t. Adam developed a need and desire for a wife.

      Until these things are in place for you, then it may be dating for recreational purposes rather than marriage purpose. Only you know the answers to these questions.

      Third, you ask if God will bring you a wife or will you have to look for one? Honestly, I’ve seen it both ways. I’ve seen God place a woman in a church in a season where a man discovered his need for wife. Other times I’ve seen a couple meet, and after a time of courting find that they are compatible. You didn’t cross yourself off the list of marriage because you were casual about dating once. God is way more forgiving that that!

      Also, that word lust gets a bad rap. The word lust means to look upon a woman with intent to take as one’s own. During the courting process you will eventually lust. The care you’ll have to take is to make sure she is a long-term fit for your life. See, love will enter into your lives about 30% of the time. The other 70% of the time, there will be bills, career, common vision, household chores, family, friends and everything else life has to hand you. Make sure you choose someone who is going to walk these things out with you because love won’t be enough in these times. We love God with our whole heart but when temptation comes. it’s not the love that keeps us straight it’s the commitment.

      Where Jesus said the sin of lust was in that scripture, that is so misquoted so often, is that if you read it in the original text it says, “If you look upon a married woman with lust(intent to take as your own) you have already committed adultery in your heart.” Well of course you have sinned since that woman is not for you, as she is taken already.

      So break free from the condemnation you feel. If you liked the girl, and she liked you, and the parameters of faith and family match and your season to awaken love is there, meaning God has prepared you for marriage, then go and reintroduce yourself with a right heart and see where God leads. If not, then wait for that season and don’t awaken what you won’t be able to put back to sleep and miss the will of God.

    3. Please forgive if I seem to forward, but I was married to A Christian woman for 21 years and had that same thought. Can God redeem this ir am I supposed to walk alone in Christ the rest of my years. It took a while for me to realize God wants us to have life to the full. For me, this means a person who walk the journey along side me and I her, with full intent upon helping each other to see His working and be faithful. He is a God of second, third chances.

  12. Hi there

    Wow, thank you for the share. Reading previous comments, It’s funny how much you can learn from someone else; indeed all our struggles are common. I’d like some advice on something that’s been a little heavy on heart for a little while now.

    I’ve been a baptised disciple for abot 10 years, since the end of high school and one of my resolutions then was not to date anyone I didn’t have pure intentions for as new, baby Christian. Coupled with that, I was a very ambitious young lady and had my sights on various career goals and all sorts of things; Love, though very romaticized in many of my favourite films, was very last on my list. Until I started working.

    I met various individuals and not all of them God-minded unfortunately, who would seek to sweep me off my feet. However for fear of choosing the wrong one or even worse, yoking myself with someone who wasn’t a Christian, I fought my own worldly desires to keep them at bay. But now, some years later, my heart has discovered this thing called “love” and I don’t have enough distractions to disregard it and ignore it anymore. It’s like I went from a 0% romantic disposition to about 90% love crazy! I’m so aware of my being as a female, I’m aware of my charm, I’m discovering my beauty and I’m aware of how men react to everything and I feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle because I keep trying to hold out, but for what? I think I believe in God’s promises and even the promise in this verse, but being of so little faith, sometimes it feels like it’s not gonna happen. Met a beautiful prince but he was set apart for someone else – got married, met another nice God-fearing guy who was on a kind of mission trip, but he didn’t yet have all the things in place that Adam had as you mentioned- he then went back to the country of his origin. Then I grew to like another Christian brother but we are from very different cultural backgrounds and I suspect he fears that it’s not even worth a try, even if he might truly like me.

    Wow, I think I sound very ungrateful and not very faithful which would somewhat true as my faith needs some strengthening at the moment. I guess I don’t know how to “starve” my love that’s already been aroused; for me, that could mean another 5 years of singlehood…! Sex is not the end all or be all of everything but love, finding another soul with which you can share life with, just the passion of love, almost comparable to God’s deep love for us, wow, that is something absolutely worth seeking I think:)

  13. Thank you for this post! In my own blog, I’ve written about productive waiting ( addressed especially to my students. Here’s an excerpt:

    “Until it is God’s appointed time, we are not to force the issue or attempt to speed up the process. In my own walk with the Lord, I have come to learn that there are FOUR MAIN REASONS WHY GOD DOES NOT GIVE US WHAT WE WANT WHEN WE WANT IT:

    An area of sin. It’s either there is an area of sin in our lives that He wants us to address first or what we are asking for AT THIS TIME may cause us to stumble in our own walk with God. This leads us to the issue of

    Unpreparedness. Sometimes, we are asking for something we’re not yet ready for. For instance, some of us single women in the church may be praying for a husband when our actions show we’re not really ready to be a wife.

    God is using the waiting season to mold our character. One of my favorite Scriptures tells me that “the testing of your faith develops perseverance (James 1:3).” In the same way, as we wait for God’s Best, we gain wisdom and patience along the way, and these are essential for playing the role of a godly wife or husband.

    It’s not His will for us. This is the part where you leave my blog. LOL. Kidding aside, it may not be what you want to hear, er, read about, but too often, we want to be with someone who is not even God’s Second Best.”

    I hope sharing this here would bless another single woman. Glory to God! 🙂

    1. Thanks for posting! I will definitely check out your blog. I agree with what you have written and urge to keep speaking! We need to educate! Thanks again!

  14. Just stumbled on your blog while googling “Dont awaken love until it so desires”….your comment on the 5 things God gave Adam before marriage…so insightful. I took notes so I don’t forget. Thank you so much for this. I am subscribing to your rss feed.

    I sometimes wish I came across this scripture earlier. I “fell” in love with this guy at the age of 17. We were very good friends and before I knew it, I was in love. We started dating but it was a (very) long distance relationship and we weren’t sure of the next time we would see each other so we broke up. It’s a little over 4 yrs now and I still love him, I believe I always will but he is still half way across the world. This scares me because I don’t if I’d be able to let someone else in. I think this is the area I talk to God about mostly. I know God is in control but…

    1. Thanks for reading. You know, I know this woman in her early 30’s. She loved a guy since she was 18. He moved away, then came back while she was away at school, then she came back and he was gone again, and they somehow missed each other through the years. Yet she saved herself for him always waiting for the right time. She missed a couple of very real possibilities in the meantime. Now, he’s suddenly up and married someone else and she’s left wondering if she missed her moment? I don’t know what God has planned for her, but what if, while waiting for the potential, she missed the actual?

      1. Hmm…that’s what scares me the most.
        Thanks, being praying for the right path to take and strength to take it. I sometimes wish God could just take the feelings away.

      2. DON’T be scared!! Just surrender your life to Christ and watch HIM move things into the right direction at the right time. What a joy it really, truly is when we can stop trying to make things happen in our own flesh and just know that God is the one who knows what is best for us. TRUST Him! Not just with words but with your whole heart. You won’t go wrong!

  15. What if you have found the right person and both of you know that you are meant to be together, although you are both still young at age and living apart from each other and finding it very hard to cop with. Do you think that this scripture may also come into it, although you know he is the one?

    1. Yes, I believe that timing is what this scripture is referring to. So take your time. If you’re meant to be together, it will happen in its season. I think we get in trouble only when we try to make things happen.

  16. so im 18 and im already in a relationship nd now im seeing this!!! should i get out? should i stay? or should i just first wait on God then act…how will i know wat he wants me to do?

    1. Cotee! Without knowing the details of the relationship I can’t speak to whether you should stay or leave. So let’s just look at generalities. Generally speaking at your age you’re dating to find a potential mate. You may be in college or finding your way through a job so marriage at this point isn’t really advised because you grow into new ideas and thought processes. So enjoy the friendship of a relationship and leave the serious stuff for a few years from now!

  17. WOW… I do not know what to say… I am currently in a relationship where God has showed me my husband. I guess I can say that I am blessed in that aspect but the complications (whether real or perceived) lies in the fact that we are from different countries. I am currently living in his country because I came here to further my education but my time is up now and I leave soon to go back to my country where I have to work for four years. He will be continuing his education starting in August and that lasts for three years. Sigh… I guess patience and timing (which has been iterated here over and over) is key, but I must admit that patience is not my strongest suit. I want to believe God’s word and trust that He would see us through, but the mountain seems so immovable – so unclimbable (I know it’s not a word lol). Plus I am guilty of having awakened love before it’s time and God has been convicting me. He actually brought the scripture to me and by searching for it, I arrived at your blog. Hence, I accept my chastening and I am going to use your words of wisdom (and those expressed via the others’ comments) to aid my turn around. In fact, I just spoke to my boyfriend and we agreed to starve ourselves because in all truth, we really love God and we really want to serve Him. We have strayed but we have returned knowing that God forgives easily and we are determined to avoid situations which will facilitate the awakening of our desires. Hmmm, we overcome by the word of the testimony and the Blood of the Lamb. So I guess that what started out as my confession turned into my testimony; and I seal it with the Blood of the Lamb! God’s blessings on you ‘tlc4women”:- even three years later, your blog is still being used by God!

  18. This was much needed for me this morning. The Holy Spirit laid this scripture on my heart when I was talking about a “crush” I had on someone this morning and I was explaining to him that it was harmless and “no big deal”. He responded with this scripture and I was prompted to google it and I came across your blog. This reaffirms what GOd has been speaking with me about for the past year or so, that I am hidden right now and for lack of better words, I need to stop prematurely trying to “unhide” myself (i.e. going out , or slowly creeping back to dressing the way I used to when I was in the world, etc., ) . I can’t give the enemy such easy access to my life after all that God has delivered me from. Its a non negotiable because God has been entirely too good to me and I refuse to settle for anything less than his best. This blog reminded to patiently wait on the lord and his perfect timing and to walk in containment with my portion. Thank you so much for sharing this, it has blessed me immensely.

    1. Hi Naomi. the blog blessed me too. am so glad i am not alone in this. am 30yrs, never dated or been involved in a relationship and when i look back…it finally comes back to me,at 16yrs i prayed to God to help me remain pure and only give my heart and love to my future husband as i did not want to go about referring to people as x-boyfriend, or x-whatever….did not have a backup bible verse for this decision.its just something i really desired for my life.God has been faithful through the years…..
      explaining this stance now, to family, friends and acquaintances is quite a mountain but i believe its God’s word for me to obey. its so so encouraging,edifying and uplifting to know i ain’t alone….Much love.

  19. Hi

    Thanks for sharing

    Indeed waiting upon the Lord patiently is important if we want to receive His best for our future where r/s with true, genuine love matters much!

    This new generation has to be drawn back to God since the world is promoting, deceiving and enticing them non-stop!

  20. So. What if you are modest and wasn’t looking for love and stumbled across the man of your dreams (of course there is no such thing as prince charming besides Jesus) and y’all look into each others eyes and it jus seems right. I’m 20.. Is this terrible. I’m confused and I need prayer. Have never met anything like this guy. Last year I wrote a list of everything I wanted in my husband and guess what.. He is eberything all the way down to preacher. Ugh but then at the same time it seems to good to be true.. We have been around each other and have talked. Im very smart when it comes to reading ppl. Its so obvious we like each other. But I’m in deep poo if I awakened love and God didn’t put this man in my path. I so hope he did.. Prayers please

    1. So how is this working out six months later? Were you able to wait on God’s timing? I pray that you are moving successfully through your life!

  21. thanks for this advice and light in m uthful life….I make a u-turn and bear new flowers of patience til the time….
    God bless you

  22. I love this message. Im waiting on God and I am 23 year old female. I meet this Christian guy recently and he was singing a verse out of Psalms. When he was singing I inwardly thought (without thinking, it was wired) “I can love him”. He has the same interest in me but After two weeks , I asked God is he for me. Two days after that I felt the verse come to me peacefully but in these words “Beloved don’t awaken love before it’s time”. The day after I seen some things the fella has to work on that can be damaging to a relationship. Thing’s from childhood That he has not gave to the Lord. Hurt, distrust, and unforgiveness . My concern is that I feel like I have already awaken live because we had a lot in commpn and both are young and truly love God. He had all the qualities I wanted in a husband. I searched the internet and found this page. If you can give me a little insight I would appreciate it much. Untill than I will seek Gods face about how I feel and what he want me to do.

    1. Just because he doesn’t have it all together doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen it just means be still and wait. Don’t give your heart away foolishly just set a time frame and pray! If he loves the Lord he will take his time and honor you. You and I both know the Lord is at work with him. Let’s hope he answers the call! If he doesn’t then we know the Lord has set someone aside for you. Thanks for reading and I will keep you in my prayers!

  23. Hi there ,I’m 18 years old writing my final exams almost finished… anyway I’m so confused about going into this relationship with a guy who was in the same class as I was whom i have promised to go out wiv a year ago if finish school.Now that i have come across this scripture that says dont wake love until da time is right it made me to doubt going out with this guy becos i got that scripture like 3 times and its scaring me… what should i do? perhaps wait until prince charming…

    1. Thanks for listening to The Lord and trying to find an answer before making a decision! It shows your maturity! Dating is a trial to see if this is a person who is a match for marriage. So I think the question to ask is: Am I ready for marriage? That will tell you everything you need to know! Remember confusion isn’t of God so stand until you have peace.

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